A/N: Sorry I haven't updated in a while. I've been moving and school started and I have a ton of homework, so what better thing to spend my time doing than writing fanfiction? So anyway... here's the next chapter.

Part 5

The next day, after everybody had woken up and eaten breakfast, they were yet again sat in front of the TV together. The video starts. On the screen they see Quirrell enter the stage.

Quirrell: Fools! They're all fools! They think they're safe, they think they're back foranother fun year of learning shenanigans at Hogwarts. Little did they know the dangerthat's lurking right under their noses, or should I say, at the back of their heads? (Pulls off turban)

Voldemort: Aaah!

They were startled at first, but quickly recovered and began to laugh.

(Cough) I can't breath in that damn turban.

Quirrell: I'm sorry, my Lord, it's a necessary precaution. For if they knew that you lived,that when Harry Potter destroyed you your soul lived on.

Voldemort: Yes, that when my body was destroyed I was forced to live in the ForbiddenForest,

"It wasn't the Forbidden forest," Hermione informed. "That would've been extremely foolish of him and not to talk about–"

"Hermione," Ron stopped her. "You're right. He would never have hidden there. Lets move on, shall we?"

Hermione nodded.

eating bugs and mushrooms and, ugh, unicorn blood.

"That's horrible!" Lily said.

"Those poor unicorns," Hermione agreed sadly.

Quirrell: Until I found you and let you attach yourself to my soul.

Voldemort: Yes, nobody must know any of that.

"How lucky they just happened to explained the whole situation out loud then," Sirius said sarcastically, a grin on his face.

James laughed. "Of course, that's the best way to keep things secret."

Now, Quirrell, get me some water! Quirrell,pour it in my mouth! (Quirrell pours water in Voldemort's mouth)

Everyone laughed.

"This looks ridicules," Lily shook her head.

Quirrell: Your plan to infiltrate Hogwarts on the back of my head is going swimmingly, myLiege.

Voldemort: Yes, yes, yes, I'm done with the water! We must not have any more foul-ups liketonight in the Great Hall.

"It was his fault," Draco protested.

Quirrell: I'm sorry, my Lord, you sneezed.

Voldemort: I know that! Get me some Nasonex, you swine! Wash that turban; it tickles mynose.

"What nose?" Sirius whispered under his breath. Remus heard and snorted making everyone turned to him. He just shook his head.

Quirrell: Yes, my Dark King.

Voldemort: Okay. Just relax with the "Dark King", okay? I watch you wipe your butt daily.You can call me Voldemort, we're there. We've reached that point.

By this time the whole room was doubled over with laughter.

Quirrell: Yes, yes my– Voldemort.

Voldemort: Now Quirrell, get us ready for bed. We must be well rested if we wish to killPotter. Tonight in the Great Hall, he was so close. I could have touched him.

"He doesn't have arms," Harry stated, still with laughter in his voice from earlier.

Revenge is atmy fingertips, Quirrell. I can taste it. It tastes like cool mint.

Quirrell: That's our Listerine, Voldemort.

Voldemort: Yes, excellent. Well, uh, goodnight, Quirrell.

Quirrell: Goodnight. (They lay down on the bed)

Again the room is filled with hysteric laughter.

Voldemort: Okay, okay, I can't do this! You gotta roll over, I can't sleep on my tummy.

"Never thought I'd hear the Dark Lord say the word 'Tummy'," said Snape. He didn't sound annoyed at all.

They all looked at him in surprise, but no one said anything.

Quirrell: I always sleep on my back. I have back troubles. It's the only way I'm comfortable.

"So this is their first night together?" Ginny asked.

"Seems so," answered Hermione.

Voldemort: You roll over right now or I'll… I'll EAT YOU PILLOW! You'll be having a dreamthat you're eating a giant marshmallow, but really you'll wake up and your favourite goosefeather pillow will be missing.

"A truly evil man," James laughed, wiping a tear from his eye.

Quirrell: Fine, we'll compromise. We'll sleep on our side.

Voldemort: Okay, I guess I can do this.

Quirrell: Well, goodnight.

Voldemort: Goodnight, Quirrell. Hey Quirrell, how long have those robes been on thatchair?

"Really?" Lily sighed in disbelief.

Quirrell: I think they're from last night. I just put them there for now.

Voldemort: Well, are you planning on putting them in a hamper? What's your plan withthese?

Quirrell: I figured I'd just leave them there for now and maybe put them away in themorning, okay?

"It's like they're married," Ron said.

Voldemort: Ah, no! No, no that's not okay. I can't go to sleep knowing there are dirtyclothes on that chair. The chair is going to start smelling like dirty clothes.

"This is a side of Voldemort I really wish was true," Sirius said hopefully. He glanced at Snape who shrugged.

"I couldn't tell you if I wanted to."

"You're useless."

"What?" James exclaimed. "Are you telling me the Death Eaters never had any sleepovers?" He sighed heavily. "What's the point of an evil organisation then?"

Malfoy turned his head to hide his grin, however he could not hide the snort that escaped him.

Quirrell: Look, I promise I'll put them away in the morning.

Voldemort: You put them away RIGHT NOW! I command you to get up and fold them atleast! Make it into a neat pile!

Quirrell: Look, if we're going to be in this situation for a while we're going to have to learnhow to live with each other. Now, I've been single for all my life and I have some habits, andsometimes I leave laundry around.

Voldemort: Well, I believe that everything has its place. Muggles have their place,Mudbloods have their place,

Hermione and Lily frowned especially deeply at the use of the M word.

and so. Do. Your. Clothes! Namely a dresser!

Quirrell: Well, aren't we an odd couple?

"I can feel a song coming," Ginny said cheerfully.

(Singing) You won't sleep on your tummy.

Voldemort: You won't sleep on your back.

Both: We're quite the kooky couple, you'll agree.

Quirrell: We share some hands and fingers.

Voldemort: And yet the feeling lingers.

Both: We're just about as different as anyone can be.

"What?" Harry laughed.

"I really love this," Ron said, also laughing. (In fact, there's quite a lot of laughter coming from everyone throughout this song. Hm, can't imagine why…)

Voldemort: You like plotting a garden and I like plotting to kill.

Quirrell: You think that you should rule the world. I think books are a thrill! Sipping tea bythe fire is swell.

Voldemort: Pushing people in is fun as well. I like folding all of my ties.

Quirrell: And you have no friends, hey, that's a surprise.

Both: I guess it's plain to see, when you look at you and me, we're different, different as canbe.

"I really really love this," Ron said, a huge grin on his face.

Voldemort: You're a sissy, a twat, a girl! I'm the darkest of lords.

Quirrell: I'm the brightest professor here. I've won several awards.

Voldemort: My new world is about to unfold.

Quirrell: You got beat by a two-year-old.

"I wasn't even turned two," Harry said.

"Even better," said James. They looked at each other and smiled.

Voldemort: I'll kill him this time through and through!

"No you won't," Ginny murmured.

Quirrell: Or you might just give him another tattoo.

Harry's hand instinctively shot up to his scar.

Both: You really must agree, when you look at you and me, we're different, different ascan–

Voldemort: –I'll rise again and I'll rule the world, but you must help me renew. For whenour plan succeeds–

Quirrell: Prevails!

Voldemort: –part of that world goes to you.

Quirrell: When I rule the world I'll plant flowers.

"I'm pretty sure he could do that anyway," Ginny commentated.

Voldemort: When I rule the world I'll have snakes.

"He already has one," said Harry.

Quirrell: And Jane Austen novels!

Voldemort: And goblins and werewolves, a fleet of Dementors and giants and thestralsand all my Death Eaters!

Both: When I rule the world! (Evil laughter)

"What the bloody hell did we just watch?" Sirius asked.

"I really don't know," James answered, "but it was brilliant."