Part 7
Quirrell: Master, Master! The shipments for the first task of the Tournament have justarrived!
Voldemort: Yes, I know, Quirrell. I hear everything that you hear.
People laughed and Ginny was grateful they had moved on from her humiliation and embarrassment.
Quirrell: Isn't it wonderful Master? We made sure that Harry Potter's name was drawnfrom the Cup and soon he will be ours.
Voldemort: Yes. It's really happening, isn't it Quirrell? You know, with the plan going sowell, I feel like maybe we should celebrate. What do you say Quirrell? How's about wego out? I hear it's karaoke night down at the Hogs Head.
Those of them who knew what karaoke is laughed. Others chuckled at how ridiculous the idea of Voldemort and Quirrell going out together was.
"Karaoke?" Malfoy asked. "What's that?"
"It's something Muggles do," Harry said.
"Drunk people who can't sing get up in front of everybody and sing songs to which they only barely know half the lyrics," Lily elaborated.
"Sounds like fun," Malfoy said sarcastically.
Quirrell: I don't know, I have all these papers to grade and I've been giving so muchattention to this revenge plan that I'm really behind.
Voldemort: Ah, come on Quirrell. You've been working so hard all year. You deserve anight off.
"This is so surreal…" Remus said under his breath.
Quirrell: But the papers?
Voldemort: Oh, just give them all B minuses and be done with it.
Hermione gasped. "He wouldn't!"
"It's not real, Hermione," Harry reminded her.
"B minus?" James asked looking over at his wife.
"Muggle grades," she explained, shrugging.
Quirrell: Now that's evil.
Voldemort: Huh, yeah, thanks, I am the Dark Lord.
Laughter filled the room again.
Come on, just a few drinks. Hey, we'lltry to pick up some chicks!
"Could you imagine being hit on by You-Know-Who?" Ginny asked with a grin.
"That's a terrifying thought," Hermione shuddered.
Quirrell: I wouldn't know what to say. I'm no good at that.
Voldemort: Come on, it'll be fun. You just move your lips and I'll do the talking.
"That would never work," Lily rolled her eyes amused.
Quirrell,man, listen!
Laughing. Again. This line is hilarious!
I may just be a parasite on the back of your head who's literally devouring yoursoul every time you take a breath, but I can see that you're too good a guy not to have a bitfun once on a while. You deserve this.
"It's weird seeing him being so nice," Ron said.
Quirrell: Well, if you put it that way then, yeah, let's just go wild tonight!
Voldemort: Ah! That's the spirit Quirrell! Put on a fresh pair of wizards shorts and grabyour tunic. Quirrell, we are gonna get you laid! Seriously man, back when I had a body,whoo, I had mad game with the bitches.
More laughter.
Snape muttered: "This is certainly on the list of things I never thought I'd hear the Dark Lord say."
Just ask Bellatrix Lestrange.
Utterings of 'oh no's, 'ew's, 'I did not want to know that's went through the room.
(Quirrell and Voldemort out. Ron, Hermione and Harry enter under the cloak)
Ron: Well, this cloak isn't as big as it used to be.
Hermione: Shh! Someone's coming!
Draco: Did you just hear something?
"You'd think we'd know not to talk while under the invisibility cloak, wouldn't you?" Hermione said dryly.
Goyle: No, only quiet, maybe one raindrop.
Draco: No matter. Tell me, Goyle, who do you think is the ugliest girl in school?
"I think I can see where this is going…" Malfoy muttered.
Goyle: Um… Oh, Buckbeak, for sure.
"Buckbeak isn't even a girl," said Sirius.
Draco: Crabbe?
Crabbe: Uh, Winky the House-elf.
"How does Crabbe know about Winky?" Ron asked.
"He wouldn't," Hermione answered, though a bit distracted. She knew what would come, just like Malfoy.
Draco: Good one. Obscure! You know who I think is the ugliest girl in school?
"I can take a guess," Hermione whispered to herself as she glared at Malfoy, who tried to make himself as small as possible in his chair.
ThatHermione Granger.
"Why am I not surprised?" Hermione said in a low exasperated tone.
You know what I'd give her on a scale of one to ten with one– onewould be the ugliest and then ten the most pretty? I would give her… an eight.
There was a moment of puzzled silence.
"… What?" Ginny looked around utterly perplexed. No one looked wiser. None of them had expected that high of a number.
"Are you entirely sure you understood your own rating system?" Sirius asked Malfoy who just looked dumbfounded on the screen.
An eight pointfive, or a nine. Not– not over a nine point eight.
"Thank you, Draco," Hermione marvelled. "I didn't expect this of you."
"You do realise I never actually said this, right?" Malfoy inquired.
"Yes, but I will continue to pretend that you did," Hermione gave him a friendly smile and he rolled his eyes at her, not wanting to argue.
There is always room for improvement. Noteveryone's perfect, like me. That's why I am holding out for a ten, because I'm worth it!
"You wish," Ron whispered under his breath.
Come on, let's go!
They laugh as Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle conveniently misses the trio hiding under the cloak.
Harry: Wow, what a bunch of jerks.
Hermione: Alright, forget them. Now, where did you say you saw those crates beingdelivered?
Ron: Well, I think they were being delivered to the auditorium, so they should be at the endof this hallway and to the left. Look!
Hermione: A goat?
Harry: A goat? Oh my God, I have to fight a goat? I don't know if I can do that morally.
"I would gladly fight a goat if it meant I didn't have to face a dragon," Harry remarked.
Snape: And the goats have all been sent for feeding time, Headmaster.
Snape sighed audibly as his character walked on stage.
Dumbledore: Feeding time? Dragons don't wanna be fed, they wanna hunt!
Harry: Did he just say dragons?
Snape: Did you just say 'did he just say dragons'?
Sirius and James lost it at this comment.
Dumbledore: I must have because anybody else hiding in this room would have know tohave shut up, Potter.
The others now lost it as well.
"How nice of him to not give you detention," James said between laughs. "You are walking round after hours after all."
"Oh, I had forgotten that," Harry said grinning at his father.
Snape: Headmaster, do you really think it's wise to have children fight dragons?
"Wait," Harry said. "They keep saying 'fight'. Do I actually have to fight the dragon? Not just get an egg?" He looked at Hermione for an answer, almost as a reflex.
She shrugged. "It's possible. Quite honestly, I don't think anything they choose to do in this musical would surprise me any more."
Harry agreed. The makers of the musical had certainly taken some artistic liberties when it came to his life. And everybody else's for that matter.
Dumbledore: No, Snape, I don't think it's wise to do anything anymore. Like, here I amalive and well today, when I could very well be killed by you tomorrow.
"Foreshadowing?" Lily asked uncertainly, glancing in Snape's direction. His face was neutral.
"Probably," Hermione nodded.
"Snape did kill Dumbledore," Ron said.
"But Dumbledore planned that, didn't he?" Malfoy asked.
Harry could see what Malfoy meant. "It certainly doesn't seem like Dumbledore's musical persona is expecting Snape to kill him…"
More eyes moved to Snape who was now frowning.
Malfoy looked at Harry. "They're not gonna make him the bad guy in this, are they?"
Harry met Malfoy's eyes and shrugged. "I don't know."
Snape: Why that's absurd.
Dumbledore: Severus, let's go to bed. Have you ever seen my room? I have some reallykicking posters on my wall.
"It's so odd imagining Dumbledore talk like that," Remus shook his head, though he was smiling.
"I wish he'd talked like that!" Sirius chuckled.
Snape: Well, I am rather tired. (They stretch and conveniently miss the trio)
They laugh.
Harry: Aw man, I have to fight a dragon? This is bogus! How can I fight a dragon, I'm just alittle kid?
Ron: Alright, well, maybe it won't be that bad, Harry. Maybe- maybe you'll just have tofight, like, Mushu from Mulan or something.
"Who, or what, is Mushu?" James asked.
"I'm not sure, but I think it's a tiny red dragon in a kids movie. He's harmless, I think," Hermione said uncertainly. People where still looking at her with puzzled looks so she sighed. "A muggle thing, for sure."
I don't know, maybe like Puff the MagicDragon or something…
"Another muggle dragon," Hermione said before anyone could ask. "Very friendly."
Hermione: Ron, this is serious, okay? Harry could die! Now, look, there's still time, alright?We just need to figure out a plan.
Harry: Okay, well, we should probably do that back in the Common Room. Where is – wait,where's the Invisibility Cloak?
Ron: Well, I threw it over that magical walking chair over there – oh… crap.
Harry: Oh, that's… that's gonna be an issue.
Ron: Yeah.
"Yeah, James," Lily said in a fake cold tone. "That would be an issue."
James shifted awkwardly in his chair, looking anywhere but at Lily. "I'm sure it would be."
"What did he do?" Sirius begged eagerly.
"Nothing," James grinned.
"He almost lost Harry," Lily said over him.
"What?" Harry laughed.
"That is a lie!" James insisted. "I knew he was on the sofa… somewhere. I only looked away for like two seconds."
"Why would you wrap him in the invisibility cloak in the first place?" Remus asked, laughing.
"That's what I said!" Lily laughed with him.
"I thought it would be funny," James said loudly, trying to be heard over his friends' laughter. "And it was! Until I couldn't find him," he finished in a mumble.
"Should we just continue with the musical," Snape asked, seemingly unaffected by the story.
"Yes, of course," Lily agreed, gathering herself and turning towards the TV again.
A/N: Review and all that, please and thank you with sugar on top!