Chapter Three: Violation

*Warning, this chapter contains graphic scenes of violence. I didn't really polish this up much from the original but wanted to get it back up.

Lou sat at the corral fence, fuming as she thought of the scene in the bunkhouse. Her cheeks grew warm and she shook her head. She was so angry. Angry at them, angry at herself, angry at Wicks, angry at the world. She felt like something had to give soon, or she would explode. She wished she could hit something.

Despite herself, a slight smile pulled at her lips as she looked at her sore knuckles. She'd done that already, she supposed.

The longer she sat there, the more guilt riddled her. She knew she'd hurt Kid. Especially the part about wishing she'd never trusted him in the first place. That wasn't true. She'd been so glad to take some of the strain of holding her secret in for so long off of herself. Of course, that was when she had thought Wicks was dead.

"And I wish he was," She growled suddenly, her hand closing on a rock which she pitched toward the side of the barn, "I really do."

But not by the hand of one of the men she loved. They were above him. And not at the risk of the violence she knew Wicks to be capable of.

"Hey Lou," came Jesse's voice as he poked his head outside of the barn.

"Hey Jesse," Lou smiled.

Jesse came to sit beside her on the rail. "How come you're out here?"

"Needed a few minutes to think," Lou said softly.

"Want me to go away?" Jesse wondered.

Lou considered it, then shook her head, "No. You want to just sit with me awhile and talk?"

"About wh-what happened to you?" Jesse stammered, looking as if he wanted to bolt, knowing that was one subject that was over his head.

"Just about anything but that."

Jesse nodded, understanding Lou's desire to forget her trouble with the clarity of someone much older, "Actually, we are still talking about that book in school, and I have some questions for you."

"Ask away," Lou smiled, and gladly lost herself in the discussion of The Three Musketeers.

Later that night, Lou wandered out on the bunkhouse porch after Kid, who'd been there for awhile. She sat down on the step next to him. He glanced warily at her, saw she was there in peace, and went back to watching the activity on the edge of town.

"I didn't mean what I said to you about wishing I had never trusted you Kid. I don't regret telling you about my past."

Kid's smile was as gentle as always as he nodded. "I know you didn't mean it. I just," he sighed and paused, looking for words, "I just know what a hard time you are having right now, and I don't know how to make it better for you. I don't know how to help you."

Lou blinked back sudden tears that leapt to her eyes and nearly whispered, "I don't know how to help me either Kid. I don't feel like me. I'm so mad at everyone and everything. I hate feeling this way."

Cautiously Kid reached his arm around her shoulders and pulled her close to him, wrapping her safely in his arms, "We'll get you through it, all right? I know you are awful used to carrying this alone, but I can shoulder some of this weight for you. I can get you through this if you will just let me."

Lou sighed, "You sound so sure, but Kid, this has made everything so...so raw. Everything I thought I'd moved past, turns out I hadn't. I think I just buried it...but now, I...I feel just like I did when it happened, but more angry at myself for still feeling this way. I know I ain't a helpless little girl no more, but damned if he doesn't make me forget it."

"I won't let you forget it." He sighed. "We'll get past it. I know you, and I know me. You are gonna be fine, Lou. Just be patient with yourself and trust me."

Lou gazed up into his eyes for long moments. Kid saw the doubt in her and gave her a reassuring smile, planting a careful kiss on her forehead.

"I do trust you," She said so softly that he had to strain his ears to hear her.

"That's what matters, Lou," Kid told her, and held her more tightly. But, he added to himself, it also matters to me that this man pays with blood for hurting you.

In the next few days, Lou found herself smiling more and breathing more easily.

The awkwardness she had felt around the boys and Rachel had gradually lessened, and things felt a little more normal. Only a small voice in the back of her mind spoke uneasy thoughts, warning her that something just wasn't right in her world and that a storm was coming.

Wicks wouldn't forget his money and he wouldn't forget her. She didn't know what to do about that.

"You sure you are ready to take this run Lou?" Teaspoon asked quietly as she stood by Lightning, tightening the girth of his saddle. He'd grounded her from taking her last ride, just to make sure Wicks wasn't waiting on her, and she'd been furious but Jimmy had been on his horse and gone before she could argue. She'd given Jimmy a scolding fit for a school marm when he'd returned the next day. She was restless and she needed to ride, to sort through her dark thoughts and think of a plan that protected the boys.

"Teaspoon, it's my turn. Of course I'm ready."

Teaspoon nodded, double-checked the girth. "What would you say if I sent someone with you?"

"Teaspoon!" Lou almost shouted, outraged.

He quickly held up his hands in a gesture of surrender, "That's what I thought. You win. Ride safe. Women!" He muttered at her, drawing a smile from her. He hesitated, then fixed her with a hard stare. "Lou, you keep your gun at the ready, understand?"

A few minutes later she was standing on the porch looking for signs of Noah. Kid paced nervously, afraid to say anything, but more afraid to let her go.

"Lou, don't you think you ought to wait a few more days before you go out? Give Wicks some time to really put some distance between you?"

Lou glared at him. "Wicks is in St. Joe. I'm heading toward Willow Springs. Now, I guess the trail could have changed, but last time I checked those two places were in opposite directions!"

"Leave her alone, Kid," Jimmy advised, "You ain't gonna be able to talk any sense into her thick skull."

Lou glared at Jimmy hotly, but he just grinned and winked. Despite herself, Lou had to smile back and shake her head. Out of all of them, Jimmy at least was confident in her ability to take care of herself.

"Rider Comin'!" Buck called, from the corner of the porch, "Get goin' Lou, before Kid ties you down!"

Lou jammed her hat down hard on her head and leapt on Lightning, while Kid shook his head and glared at Buck before turning an anxious look towards her. She looked away deliberately.

"See you boys in a few days!"

"Watch yourself Lou," Cody advised.

"Lou, I really don't think--" Kid began.

"Ha!" Lou cried to Lightning before he finished his predictable bit and grabbed the pouch from a dust covered Noah, disappearing from sight.

"Way to put your foot down there Kid," Buck commented slyly, prompting Jimmy and Cody to burst into laughter.

The next morning Lou climbed off Lightning stiffly. The station master surprised her by coming out to meet her.

"Hey Lou, I have a letter for you here."

She felt surprise, then worry for her brother and sister, wondering if the letter had been posted by one of them or by the orphanage. She masked her anxiousness as well as she could, pulled her hat lower and deepened her voice, "Thanks Horace."

"Want me to take your horse for you? There's a bath and a meal inside."

"Nah, I think I'll be heading out," Lou said, having long ago given up staying in other bunkhouses overnight. It had been a hell of a fight, but Teaspoon had demanded that she do so when he'd found out she was a girl. When she was on an overnight run, she stayed in town in a hotel. Teaspoon gave her the extra wage to do so, and none of the boys had ever protested the special treatment at all, though it chafed at her from time to time. She'd acknowledged it was probably wise if she wanted to maintain her disguise.

She took the letter he retrieved from the bunkhouse and glanced at it. Lou was written across the front in forceful script, but the letter hadn't been posted. There was no address and no name but her own marked the front.

"Where'd it come from?" she asked Horace.

"Just some man riding by. Said he was a family friend of yours with news from home."

Ice formed in her gut. She turned and began walking away from the station house, a bad feeling gnawing at her. When she was far enough away from the curious eyes of Horace, she allowed her trembling fingers to open the letter. She felt the blood draining from her head as she read through vision that was beginning to spot with blackness.

Interesting how life works. You have something I want. I need not go into detail, I'm sure. I have something you want. Two things actually. I guess I probably am the one who should go into detail now. Two small children by the name McCloud have come into my care. Strange, but the girl favors you as I remember you.Such a pretty little girl, just like you were. The point is, Louise, that I'll make a trade. My money for your brother and sister. A fair trade, I'm sure you'll agree. Meet me in Sand Creek by Friday, or I can't guarantee these kids' safety. Come alone or I'll not only kill them, but any one you bring with you. No games or tricks Louise, or they die.

There was no signature to the letter, Wicks had no doubt she would know who he was. He was right. Her knees nearly buckled. Dear God, she thought, not my sister! She would have let Wicks kill her before she'd have him lay hands on her sister. How had he known about her sister and brother? Had she ever mentioned them in his hearing? Maybe in the early days before she knew him for what he was?

Although she was trembling violently, Lou wound her fingers in her horse's mane and forced herself to think. She had the money with her, in her bedroll. Going to Sand Creek would be dangerous, and she knew going alone was foolish. But in agony, she imagined the time lost riding back to Rock Creek to get help before turning for Sand Creek. What could happen to her brother, and especially her sister, in the interval? Wicks would hurt Theresa because that was the kind of man he was, but he'd enjoy it more because it would punish Lou.

She had been running from this man her entire adult life.

Now, she vaulted onto her horse and ran to him.

Lou pushed her horse hard all day, and finally at sunset pulled him up. Sand Creek was stretched out below her. It was a newer settlement, nestled up against the base of a mountain.

Windows from the town's buildings glowed cheerfully, but Lou didn't appreciate the peaceful sight. Her stomach churned violently, and for the umpteenth time that day, she thought she might be sick. Placing a hand to her damp forehead, clammy even in the cool night air, she forced herself to take deep breaths. It wouldn't do to lose her wits now. Wicks had her brother and sister. She wondered if there was any scenario where Wicks didn't kill all three of them. It seemed unlikely.

She allowed Lightning to walk down the hill toward the valley the town lay in. Her eyes scanned every passing figure on the street, looking for Wicks, trying desperately to remember what his men had looked like. There had been one hired gun that he'd been especially fond of. Lou's mind struggled for the man's name.

In the livery stable, Lou took the time to care for Lightning. He'd had a hard ride, and she'd not considered his weariness. Rubbing his ears softly after she'd cooled him down and brushed him, she whispered, "I'm sorry boy, but you just may have to run again soon. At least I hope we will get the chance to."

Sighing, Lou realized that she wasn't going to get her brother and sister back by petting her horse. Carefully, she tucked the stolen money in behind a board in Lightning's stall. She'd make sure her brother and sister were safe before Wicks got his money back. She knew better than to trust the man.

It sickened her to think of giving the money back to him, the money that had cost Charlotte her life, but it meant nothing to her in comparison to her siblings' safety. She'd known it was wrong to steal it, even knowing who Wicks was. She had just been trying to take something back from the man who had taken so much from her. She'd been prepared to pay the price herself of trying it. It had never, ever occurred to her someone she loved would be punished.

Wicks would expect her to come as Lou, not Louise. Well, she wasn't going to give him either of the two. She quickly grabbed a bill from the money roll hidden in the stall, and then pulled her hat low. Staying in the shadows the entire time, she made her way towards the long row of shops. There was only one dress shop open, but that was all she needed. With the help of a kinder older woman who owned the shop, a while later a very properly attired young woman stood reflected in the mirror. Not a young man nor an orphan, nor a laundress, but rather a well put-together young lady.

Only someone looking very closely would have noticed the terror in her eyes or the paleness of her skin.

Lou felt coldness close around her and steel resolve worked its way into her heart as she sought the hotel. Whatever he would do to her she would bear, but he would not hurt her sister. Not while she was still alive.

She let herself into the hotel carrying only the small velvet handbag that contained her gun and a bit of money. The man behind the desk was instantly interested, and eager to help her.

"May I send someone out to get your bags, Miss?" He wondered.

"No sir, that's not necessary. My things will be arriving on the stage in a few days," She said in her softest voice, "All I will be requiring is a room for now, if you please.

The man's eyes lit up and he nearly broke his arm in his hurry to open the book for her to sign in, "I'm sure you'll find our accommodations to be satisfactory.

"Ah, yes" Lou said distractedly, for in the mirror that hung over the desk she'd watched a man walk in that looked vaguely familiar. She struggled with her cloudy memories of Wick's brothel; they were the same memories she had put so much effort into forgetting.

"Miss?"

Lou jumped and gave her attention to the clerk, having the feeling it wasn't the first time he'd called her.

"Just sign here, and I'll show you to your room," He smiled.

Lou picked up the pen, and tried not to hesitate as she signed the book Rachel Hunter. If something should happen, maybe the boys would see the name and know she'd been here.

"Miss Hunter, this way, please," said the young man, "And if you require anything at all, my name is Roger Miller."

"I won't be needing anything, but thank you sir," She breathed tensely as they passed the man Lou thought she might recognize. His eyes fell on her briefly, then looked away without any sign of recognition.

The clerk left her in her room.

"Now what?" She said out loud. She'd frantically scanned the book for Wick's name and room number, but hadn't seen it. She was sure he would use a different name, just as she had.

It wasn't much later she did the only thing she could do. She made her way back down the stairs and went to the saloon, searching for Wicks. The sooner she found him, the sooner she got to her sister and brother.

Wicks wasn't there. She closed her eyes and breathed deeply, fighting panic. It was almost full dark. She needed to know if her siblings were safe. If they were even still alive.

Knowing she needed to formulate some kind of plan and that waiting until morning was not an option, she headed back to her room. It was pitch black inside, and she thought the lamp must have burned out. She groped around the unfamiliar room until she found it, and fumbled with it for a few moments before she was able to light it.

When light finally flared, she realized something was terribly wrong. The hair at the back of her neck stood up and chills raced down her spine. She swung around just in time to see a fist swinging at her head. She yelped softly and tried to raise her arms against it, but was too late. The contact of the fist with her face was swift, and she folded to the ground.

"I thought you'd see it my way," Wicks growled from above her. Lou blinked hard against the blackness that was swimming at the corners of her eyes, fighting it.

She leapt to her feet and backed away from him, trying to appear fierce though the panic had taken hold of her.

"Where are my brother and sister?" She demanded, "If you've touched them, you bastard--"

Wicks surprised her by breaking into a laugh.

"Where are they?" Lou asked frantically, unnerved by his laughter.

"I never had them, Louise. I thought you would be smarter than that honestly, but I went along with Harley's idea to say we had them."

"Then how did you know about them?"

"Oh, my dear, I looked for you after you left me. I remembered that you'd come from an orphanage in St. Joe, so I made some inquiries the week after you ran away from me. They said you used to live there with your brother and sister. I have an excellent memory, you see."

"Why did you come looking for me back then?" Lou asked, "What more could you have wanted?"

"Because I had big plans for you, Louise. Big plans," He laughed coarsely, "I thought you had rare fight in you. Men like that. And some men, well, they like the young ones especially."

"Real men don't get pleasure out of hurting children!" Lou hissed.

"But they pay well," he waved a hand dismissively. "Mmm, no matter, I've got you now. And I'll get my money back. And after that, who knows? You aren't so young anymore, but you're pretty, and I bet you still fight like a wildcat."

"You aren't getting your money back. I don't have it. I came to rescue my brother and sister. Of course you wouldn't have them," Lou said out loud, feeling nothing so much as relief to have been tricked. "You never could have gotten from Rock Creek to St. Joe, to Sand Creek this soon. I'm so stupid for not realizing that."

"Yes, stupid, Louise, and unlucky, unless you get me the money right now."

"I told you, I don't have it. I never had it. Charlotte gave it to the man that shot you."

"You're lying," Wicks said after studying her for a minute. Without warning he crossed the space between them, and struck her again across the cheek.

Again Lou fell to the floor. Wicks laughed, "No matter, the money isn't important. I'll see ten times that amount next week alone. I can just take the price out of your hide, Louise."

A knock at the door sounded, and Roger Miller's voice drifted to her, "Miss Hunter? I heard a commotion and I just wanted to make sure you are all right. Did you fall, Miss?"

Lou was about to scream for help when Wicks was suddenly on her, winding his fingers painfully through her hair and jerking her neck back.

"Tell him you are fine!" Wicks ordered her. Lou swallowed hard and closed her swelling eye, seeing her only chance of escape disappearing.

"Miss Hunter?" Came the concerned man's voice again.

Wicks wrapped his fingers around her neck, shaking her hard once. Finally Lou gasped out, "I'm fine, I just dropped the water basin. I've already cleaned it up."

"Goodnight then miss," Roger said after a brief hesitation where Lou held her breath and silently screamed for his help. Lou closed her eyes tightly as she heard his footsteps retreating, every nerve in her body telling her to scream bloody murder.

"Quite the actress," Wicks commented and threw her back on the floor.

"Leave me alone," Lou growled, "You think Marshal Hunter was joking around with you? Do you really think you'll live if you lay your hands on me?"

"That washed up old man can't touch me, and neither can any of those two-bit gunslingers you know."

"You're wrong." Lou warned him.

"I'll take my chances, Louise," Wicks growled. "We're gonna talk about my money."

It seemed much later when Lou stirred and opened her eyes, but she couldn't be sure of the time that had passed. Searing pain went through her skull, and she realized she was still laying on the floor where she had fallen.

Wicks had demanded she give him his money, and Lou had denied having it. He'd beaten her badly, trying to extract the information, and finally in one last uncontrollable flash of rage had taken his gun and struck her on the temple.

Dread washed over her. She'd been unconscious. Surely Wicks had not violated her while she lay there...helpless and unaware.

Gasping for air, she took stock of her physical situation and when an inhuman sound of despair filled the room, she knew it was her own. Her clothes were torn, her skirts pushed around her waist, and her body sore from rough entry. She'd been raped, again, but she did not remember any of it. The realization of the violation when she'd been unable to defend herself broke something inside her. She didn't know where Wicks was, when he was coming back, and she knew she needed to prepare herself for the next fight, but all she could do was curl on her side, wrap her arms around herself and fall completely to pieces. She cried great, gulping sobs, pushing her face hard into the floor and gave herself over to despair.

She wasn't sure why it was worse this time, this time when there had been no pain, no watching his face above her as he took what was not his from her. But it was worse, she thought. Maybe a hundred times worse. He'd taken her blind, taken her completely helpless, and she didn't know how to fight back against what she didn't remember. He'd dehumanized her, used her like a beast with no soul, no heart, no spirit. She had been a vessel for him to fill. No more.

She sobbed until she was spent. Afterwards, she drifted for a bit, in and out of consciousness, or awareness, or sanity, she wasn't sure which. As the darkness overtook the room completely, she slowly sat up. There was blood matted in her hair from the pistol blow. When she stood, she felt his wet stickiness on her thigh, thought she would be sick, and then was, violently, right on the floor.

After swaying unsteadily on her feet for a moment and tugging her clothing right, she walked to the window. The man who she'd thought worked for Wicks and noticed her yesterday was leaning against the sill from the outside of the balcony. He turned around and sneered at her when she pulled the curtain aside, so Lou instantly withdrew. She had to get out before Wicks came back.

She listened at the door for a long moment, hands trembling against it. All was quiet. Wicks couldn't have posted a guard at her door, that would have looked too suspicious. Wicks had clearly thought she would remain unconscious longer. She moved into the hall. No one blocked her escape. With as much speed as she could muster without passing out cold, Lou gathered her skirts and made her way towards the stairs, knees weak and shaking.

Roger Miller was behind the desk, and turned to her with a smile that instantly disappeared at seeing her bruised and bleeding face. Lou pressed her finger to her mouth to stop his cry of astonishment.

"Please Mr. Miller, I need your help!" She whispered, "Is there somewhere to hide?"

Instantly he was taking her arm and leading her into a small office."Miss Hunter, what in the world?"

"I don't have enough time to explain everything," Lou said quietly, "But I am in serious trouble with a man who will kill me if I don't get away. I need your help getting out of town. It's dangerous, but I don't know who to ask for help.

"Of course I'll help you miss, but what about the law? The marshal could help you."

"I don't think he can," Lou said softly, believing it.

"No one can help you now, Louise. Don't you know that?" said a voice from the door, and both of them swung around. Lou cried out in despair.

Wicks focused his attention on Roger Miller, who had bristled and was ready to defend Lou. Wicks closed the door behind him. Lou's eyes quickly scanned the desk for some sort of weapon. Her eyes fell on a sharp looking letter opener. When Miller suddenly rushed Wicks, Lou's hand darted for it, and she slipped it into the bodice of her gown, praying she wouldn't have to use it.

Everything happened fast after that, and yet for a moment time hung suspended. Wicks whipped out a knife and brought it up fast into the hotel man's chest.

Lou shrieked in horror and bolted toward the door. Wicks caught her by the wrists and slung her against the wall. Lou closed her eyes as she felt the sharp edge of the letter opened pressing against her skin. She prayed Wicks wouldn't discover it. It was her only hope.

"Running away, again, Louise? I leave you alone for an hour and you're ready to skip town? Only this time, Charlotte's not here to help you and now neither is this kind man."

With tears streaming from her blackened eyes Lou suddenly screamed and struck out at him, fighting him because what he'd said was a truth that she didn't want to hear. Miller's blood was on her hands. She should not have involved him, should have run for the stables.

"Shut up!" Wicks roared at her, and slapped his hand hard over her mouth. Lou still kicked wildly at his legs. In one movement he grabbed her hair and snapped her head back against the wall, effectively stunning her. Effortlessly he scooped her up, cradling her head against his chest in what would appear to be a loving embrace. As he walked from the office, two startled hotel guests stared.

"The man in there tried to attack my wife, and then tried to kill me when I came to her aid. As you can see, she's been beaten quite badly, and I'm going to take care of her."

His eyes searched for, and found the sly face of Thomas Harley, "You there, sir, you go for the marshal!"

Lou was in and out of full awareness as he carried her up the stairs, back to her prison, and lay her on the bed, almost gently. The room was dark again, with very little light stealing in around the curtains. Lou's head throbbed and her eyes wouldn't focus. She found it hard to move, and her mouth tasted like cotton and metal.

The sound of Wicks closing the door was just like the one in the nightmare she'd been having about the night he had raped her, but the pain in her head suddenly reminded her that her present situation was real, and quite ominous. Remembering the letter opener, she quickly withdrew it and slid it under her pillow, just as he turned toward her.

Lou squinted; the dim, but still painful, light that filtered in the room outlined the looming figure of the man she so hated. She attempted to stir, but couldn't find the strength in her trembling limbs.

Every bone in her body told her to run, but she knew she couldn't. Not only was she physically unable to do so, but there was nowhere for her to go and no one left to help her.

So she was frozen as he approached her, a dark shadow of a nightmare that had chased her into waking. He stopped at her bedside. She could feel tears tickling paths down her cheeks and pooling in her ears.

"Frank Wicks, I'm telling you now that if you touch me, you'll die," She said calmly, her voice string enough to surprise them both.

"Louise, don't you realize I already have? Touched you? You didn't participate much, but I enjoyed it immensely. Now I'm very much looking forward to having you contribute."

He was quickly over her. Lou cried out in pain and struggled against him, her arms pinned down by his weight. She flailed at him as hard as her sore limbs would allow, but her blows were weak and he paid her no mind.

"No!" Lou screamed when he tore at the front of her dress and she heard the material give under his strong hand. She brought her knee up hard, missing his groin but hitting him hard in the thigh. He gasped in pain, but did not lose his hold on her.

Laughing breathlessly, he began to fumble with his clothing, and Lou fought the blackness that was swimming behind her eyes again. If she were to pass out now, Wicks would win. He'd have her, and kill her. This was her last chance at the life she'd built for herself with nothing but determination and her own two hands. And she wasn't going to let it go so easily.

Suddenly with renewed strength she tore her arm from under Wicks' weight, and reached under her pillow. Wicks was ever closer to taking her again when her hand closed hard around the handle of the letter opener.

With a scream and every ounce of strength she had left in her, Lou plunged the sharp end of the letter opener deep into his back.

The sound that tore from his mouth and the wild flash of his eyes in the low light was that of an animal or a monster, not a human. The look that he cast on her burned forever into her memory. His hand came raking across her bare chest with incredible force, and Lou screamed as his nails dug up flesh. Withdrawing the opener, she rammed it home again, and this time he went still and collapsed on top of her.

Lou lay there for a moment, chest heaving with exertion and panic. She realized that her hand was still clamped on the letter opener. She suddenly pulled back as if it had burned her, feeling the warm sticky blood that carried the life out of Wicks covering her hand.

A rushing sound began in Lou's head, almost like that of a howling wind. She'd just murdered a man, she realized. Lou struggled vainly against the considerable weight of Wicks, his sightless eyes boring into hers.

A panic began to seize her despite her best efforts to remain calm, as she lay pinned and trembling under the dead body.

And in that moment, she didn't think she cared whether she lived or died...