Chapter 5: Colors

It's hard to feel safe when you don't have four of your own walls surrounding you.

"Esca please," Marcus pleaded again. "Please talk to me. What's wrong?"

Esca just sat silently shivering, despite the blanket Marcus had wrapped around him. Marcus sat down next to him, but Esca shied away from the contact. Marcus had entertained the idea of wrapping his own arms around Esca, but if Esca reacted that way simply to him sitting next to him, holding him was a bad idea.

After an hour of this Marcus just couldn't take it any more. Grabbing his cellphone he walked into the kitchen for a measure of privacy. "Cottia," he said when she picked up. "I really need you right now."

"Is everything okay?"

"Can you come over?"

"Yeah Marcus, I'll be there in a sec." She sounded really worried, Marcus didn't blame her. He'd likely woken her up and that would have been a strange call to get first thing in the morning.

When she knocked on the door Esca flinched and shivered more. He shook his head violently as if pleading for Marcus not to answer the door.

"Just a minute!" Marcus said. He eased Esca off the couch and led him into the bedroom, shutting the door so the living room was empty and Esca was separated from the front door.

Marcus opened the door to find Cottia, dressed and looking anything but just awoken.

"Hi," he frowned.

"What's wrong?" She said barging into the apartment.

"I have to tell you something…" Marcus began. "I…" he sighed wondering where to start. So he'd start from the beginning. Luckily Cottia already knew he was gay, that little speed bump would have been a hard one to get over so early in the morning.

Marcus explained meeting Esca, told her of his little trick, and mentioned the night before. He mentioned the nightmare, holding Esca, and the frightened Esca that had barged in only an hour after having left this morning.

"So he's still here?" She asked. She'd kept a blank expression throughout Marcus's entire tale.

"Yeah," he sighed. "In my bedroom."

Marcus tentatively knocked on the bedroom door. "Esca?" He called out. He wasn't surprised that he didn't get a response. He slowly opened the door to find Esca sitting on the bed, in the same position with the blanket wrapped around him.

Esca didn't look up, though by the way he tensed Marcus figured he noticed that there was someone other than Marcus entering as well.

"Esca?" Cottia said with her therapist voice. "Esca is everything okay?"

Esca stayed staring at the floor. Cottia kneeled and put herself within his path of sight. "Can you leave us alone for a second?" Cottia asked Marcus.

Marcus looked at Esca for confirmation. Esca returned his look. It seemed he was okay with being alone with her. Marcus's heart fell a bit. He'd hoped to stay, he didn't like leaving Esca.

"I'm not going to treat you like a kid," the kind lady said after having not succeeded in getting Esca to talk. She was about the same age as Marcus and she really was nice. Esca just had no intention of speaking. He hadn't even spoken to Marcus.

"So here's the deal," she began. Her voice no longer had that nice, sweet tone, but it wasn't angry either. "I think you're fine, but just so you know. If you hurt Marcus in any way, for fucks sake I will rip you limb from limb." Her tone had shifted entirely, the threat entirely too real.

Esca stared in horror, "I would never…"

"Good," she smiled, returning to the borderline overly sweet style. "Despite my last threat, I really am a nice person. And you can always talk to me if you need to. Here's my card." She flipped him a cream colored card. "Anytime, day or night. Marcus really cares about you and so do I."

Esca nodded. "Thanks."

"What part of England are you from?"

"Durham County," Esca replied.

"Nice. I have no idea where that is," she laughed. Esca smiled a bit too. "I'm going to go talk to Marcus for a bit."

Esca nodded. She sounded like his therapist from a few years ago. She used to say things like "I'm going to go talk to your dad for a bit." Esca didn't hate this one so much. She was nice, despite that earlier threat.

"Can we talk?" Cottia she motioned out the front door. Marcus and her headed up the stairs to the next floor. That way Marcus could still see the door and yet they'd be out of earshot.

"Marcus…" Cottia sighed. "Esca is… he's got some issues."

"No, he's just shy," Marcus denied.

"Marcus…"

"No, you don't understand. That's just how he is at first."

"Marcus, you have to trust me," Cottia started. "Esca…"

"You think I don't know he's not normal?" Marcus looked away from Cottia. "You think I need you to tell me he's not normal?"

Marcus turned away and pushed the door open before landing three hard punches on the bulletproof glass reading EXIT.

"Marcus," Cottia weakly called after him. She wasn't experienced enough for this. They'd talked about it in the classroom, but she'd never really talked to somebody who loves someone so much they refuse to listen. She was crying but she understood. The thing that brought her the most sadness was that she now realized Marcus really loved Esca… and he didn't love her.

It had been a quiet day. Esca had stopped shivering. He didn't seem scared by his own shadow any more. Marcus took that as a victory. At four thirty Marcus had a great idea.

"Hey, let's do something," Marcus flashed a smile.

"Do what?"

"It's a surprise. Do you trust me?" Marcus extended a hand.

Esca nodded and grabbed the hand without much thought. Marcus guided him out of the apartment, with a slight whimper of protest, but not too much.

Marcus walked fast because of his large legs, Esca found he had to really walk with purpose to keep up. Maybe if they walked together more Esca would tell the Giant to slow the fuck down.

Marcus hadn't said where they were going, but the subway had taken them into the ritzy part of the city. Esca was excited, this trip was going to be classy. Esca looked up at the huge building Marcus had brought them to. Metal letters spelling MoMA stuck out sideways.

"Moma?" Esca raised an eyebrow.

"Museum of Modern Art," Marcus smiled.

Esca felt his breath stop. Like he'd been punched in the stomach, but in a good way… if that was possible. Marcus was so excited, so sweet and shining with pride that he'd thought of it.

"Sorry sir, we're closing in fifteen minutes," the security guard said as Marcus and Esca tried to enter.

"What?" Marcus was getting angry and Esca was getting nervous.

"I can't let you in."

"Come on man, you gotta let us in. Just for a minute."

"Sorry sir, museum policy."

Esca frowned, he didn't want to make Marcus feel bad, but it was a disappointment to not be able to get in.

"Aw what the hell, just make it quick," the security guard said smiling as he saw Esca's disappointment.

Marcus grabbed Esca and they bolted into the museum. Running at full speed, even with Marcus's limp, the two of them laughed as they charged through the museum. Esca had never seen anything like it. The paintings were huge and colorful and wonderful.

"Oh man," Marcus said staring at the drawing that had made Esca stop in his tracks. It was beautiful. Esca almost felt like the picture was asking him to cry. Like pictures could make you do something, Esca shrugged. They're just fucking pictures.

"It says it's called The Start of the Rain," Marcus said reading the placard. "It's by Hernan Bas."

Esca nodded, not really hearing what Marcus was saying.

"The museum is closing in five minutes. Please make your way to the front exit."

The two of them raced through as much as they could. They were both winded by the time they reached the gift shop.

"Calm yourselves," the security guard laughed. "You made it."

"Esca, wait here," Marcus said. He ran into the gift shop, which was smartly open fifteen minutes later than the museum itself.

Esca was a little nervous being left on his own, but the security guard was close by. And he seemed nice.

Marcus came out about five minutes later with a large roll for a poster and a large museum gift bag. Esca tried to look at what Marcus had purchased, but Marcus pulled them out of his reach, "Later."

Esca looked even more nervous than when he was simply walking in public. For some reason sitting in a nice restaurant made him jumpy. Marcus had asked twice if he wanted to leave, but he insisted they stay.

When the waiter came to take their drinks Esca ordered a coke. Marcus could tell he liked it ever since he drank most of the two-liter bottle on his birthday. Marcus got water, he needed to watch the sugar.

"Can I take your order?" The waiter said after bringing their drinks.

Esca motioned for Marcus to go first. "I'll take the steak, medium. With a baked potato."

"And for you sir?" The waiter turned his attention to Esca.

Esca looked panicked. He stared at Marcus, at a loss for what to order. Marcus chuckled, "He'll take the same, except steak fries instead of the potato." He raised an eyebrow to Esca as if to ask is that all right?

Esca nodded and the waiter was off. Esca flushed with embarrassment at his stage fright. "I don't make decisions like that very well."

"I get that," Marcus shrugged.

"This food seems really expensive. Is it okay that we're eating here?"

"It's fine, Esca."

"I mean I know you just got five-tho…"

"It's fine, Esca," Marcus interrupted more sternly, mostly because he didn't want to hear Esca mention the fight.

Esca returned to his normal silence and the two sat quietly. Marcus stared at Esca a lot. He wondered if Esca minded. He couldn't really help it. When he looked at him, he got a broad smile on his face and just lit of with joy. Esca had some sort of magical power over him.

"What?" Esca shied from Marcus's gaze.

"Nothing," Marcus smiled again.

"So what's in the bag?"

"Not yet," Marcus wagged a finger. "For when we get home."

When we get home. Interesting choice of words. Marcus made it sound like his apartment was THEIR home, when in fact Esca did not technically live with him. Not that he'd fight it if Esca wanted to.

Esca began wolfing down his food. His usual lack of manners rather boldly against the grain in the nicer restaurant. Marcus laughed and gave Esca a signal to slow down, hoping the other patrons didn't grow weary or angry from their obvious less cultured presence.

Once they'd made it home, Esca seemed determined to find out what was in the bag. He wasn't acting conventionally excited, instead he seemed more annoyed that Marcus still wouldn't tell him.

Marcus pulled up the poster tube first. "Open this," he handed it to Esca.

Esca carefully popped the tube and slid out the two prints inside. The first was a print of the drawing that had caused Esca to stop so suddenly. The Start of the Rain it was called. The second made Esca laugh. They'd past two drawings of the character Tin Tin. Though Esca had never heard of him, Marcus had commented that it made him think of Esca for some weird reason. So he'd purchased the first of the two Tin Tin drawings.

"I'm going to put the Tin Tin one up in my apartment. You can have the rain one, or we can put it up here, which ever you prefer," Marcus was pretty proud of this. It was a litmus test. If Esca said to put it up here, it could be a sign that he was planning on staying around more often.

"Here," Esca smiled. Marcus wondered if perhaps he saw through that particular plan.

Esca was so happy and he hadn't even opened the bag yet. This may have been the best gift he'd ever received. Marcus handed him the bag.

"Hope you like it," he smiled. "They're your birthday present."

Esca opened up the bag. First he pulled out a large pad of sketch paper, then a professional level collection of colored pencils. He breathed a sigh of awe as he opened them and saw the incredible array of colors. Colors Esca couldn't even imagine. It was the palate for his imagination to come to life.

"Thank you," Esca said with sincerity, though he was afraid he sounded bored. He didn't know how else to convey his gratitude. He leapt up and grasped Marcus in a tight hug. Sure it showed how thankful he was, but it also allowed him to hold him tight and breath in his smell. Marcus smelled so good, so natural and neutral. He didn't smell like a concoction of cologne or perfume, and he didn't smell like body odor. He just smelled like a man. He smelled like Marcus.

Then Esca realized that maybe it was creepy that he smelled him and he turned bright red hoping that Marcus hadn't noticed.

"Your welcome, Esca," Marcus turned a little bashful, obviously relieved that Esca liked the gifts.

They were both pretty tired from the adventure. Esca was a little worried about falling into a routine. It was not like him to sleep regularly. He yawned anyways and soon Marcus was ushering him into the bedroom. They both brushed their teeth (Marcus had an extra toothbrush), and stripped for bed, neither looking at each other for fear of showing their mutual desires.

Esca climbed into bed first and watched as Marcus followed suit. "Hey Esca," Marcus said turning over on his front and perching himself on his elbows.

Esca turned his head and stared at Marcus.

"Thanks for going out with me tonight," Marcus flashed a smile that nearly made Esca melt.

"Thanks for taking me out," Esca said. Or thought he said. He wasn't quite sure when the kiss happened, but it was either during Esca's answer or just after.

Marcus placed a soft, caring kiss on Esca's lips. Nothing more. Nothing too hot and bothering, to Esca's chagrin. Marcus looked into Esca's eyes, prying for validation that he hadn't crossed any lines. Esca smiled and turned bright red. He wanted more, so much more.

Instead Marcus just said "Would you wanna, maybe do this again tomorrow night?"

Esca smirked and nodded slowly.

"Great because I sure do," Marcus flashed one more smile and landed one more small kiss on Esca's lips before cuddling up behind him and wrapping his arm around his torso. Esca could handle the contact. He could handle the feelings. He could handle it all for now.