CHAPTER 27
Pain and Loss

It was about the third day after the attack that Tony started to really hate house arrest. It wasn't like he didn't have freedom, no he had freedom to be either in the Lennox House or the Barn, but was that actual freedom? No, it really wasn't, not to him anyway. He felt more like a pet than a family member at this point, and quite frankly, he didn't like that kind of feeling. He didn't leave anywhere without an escort, Ironhide had to be told where he was going, and when he planned to be back. Needless to say, he had about as much freedom as a pet dog.

He'd recovered by then, with only a limp remaining from the damage. Which only served to make the whole house arrest situation a bit worse. That being said, he was thankful that he wasn't alone. Between Ironhide, Will, and Sarah, he had a lot of people looking after him and it was more than a little helpful. They'd moved his entire bed into the barn, which wasn't half bad as it meant it would be easier to move it into the addition when that happened. They were half done with the addition now, and that had made Tony at least somewhat happy, as it meant he got out of the house for one thing.

Unfortunately, it had to be shopping. And shopping with Ironhide? Well, it was less than fun, to just put it simply. It had started with the bed sets, which of course he had to give back to Will and Sarah, so they had to get that too. Mostly because Will and Sarah did plan to have another Foster Kid, eventually. Ironhide had said no to half of the things Tony had wanted, mostly because it really wasn't that mature. But he'd finally given into a simple blue sheets and pillow case combo, with a sleek black and silver comforter.

Tony had to hold back pointing out the fact Ironhide had essentially said yes to a set that had his armor color over his optic color. The rest of the time, Tony was happy Will had tagged along, as Ironhide had wanted mostly the metal, expensive furniture. He'd talked him into some nice wood that would actually fit the look of the home, rather than looking out of place. Not that it had been a quick trip. it had taken nearly four hours to get something that both Tony and Ironhide liked and even then, Ironhide wasn't entirely happy with the wood.

Who knew Dad was so picky? Tony thought with a sigh.

His new bed was not as big as his old one, but it was newer, more comfortable. Mostly because the mattress was new, rather than the older one of the Lennox's home, not that he'd ever complained. "Just so you know." Tony stated, as he laid his head against his new pillows "I am so not taking you back-to-school shopping for clothing." He added.

Ironhide snorted a bit at the boy's gentle mockery. Finishing pushing the boxes of the remainder of their purchases into a corner of the barn. "Please, don't. Today was torture enough, I think I trust Will and Sarah for THAT one." Tony laughed a little bit at the mech "That's it, laugh all you want, but I just spent the last four hours going SHOPPING for YOU. So I'd be more grateful if I were you, runt." He noted.

"You know I appreciate it, Dad." Tony replied as he shifted a bit "Just be happy Will and Sarah have those spare appliances. If you thought this was bad, that would have been so worse." Ironhide rolled his optics slightly "How much longer is it going to be until I can get out of the house? For MORE than just special occasions or whatever?" He asked.

"You know you're under twenty-four hour protection until Jason is either dead or behind bars." Ironhide replied, turning his head in his direction "I'm aware of how much you hate this son, but in the end, you'll thank me." He took a deep breath "Are you going up to the Lennox home for dinner, or would you rather order something in?" He asked.

Tony was thoughtful for a moment, he hadn't actually been at 'home' for dinner yet. He couldn't call it home quite yet as it was still, after all, the barn, not yet made up like the home they were going to make it up to be. "I can go for some pizza or something. I mean, might be nice to spend a meal at home." Tony smiled a bit, Ironhide smiled back with a nod "Weird, isn't it? I mean this place is starting to look like a home." He added.

And it was too, the inside had been painted up already and cleaned out. Windows had been added to the barn door, and the hay had been moved into the second barn on the farm, which was just a few feet away from the one they had. They'd added light and lamps to the barn too, bringing more real light to it. "I don't think I'll be used to it for a long time, but yes." Ironhide shifted a bit, using his comm to call in the order "Cheese, correct? I believe that is your topping of choice." Tony nodded "Alright then, hopefully they hurry up, it is getting late." He noted.

"I don't need a bedtime." Tony replied, noting that the new wall clock read seven o'clock "I'm not a little kid." He added.

"You're still very young, and I do not believe ten o'clock is unreasonable." Ironhide sighed a bit, he looked around the barn for a moment "I think we're lucky that this barn is so huge, I've only just now realized. If it weren't the moment I'd stand up half of the lights would be gone." Tony grinned and chuckled lightly at the mech "Then again, the barn wasn't built for a giant robot to live in." He muttered.

"Of course it wasn't. But luckily it's big enough for one." Tony stared out the window calmly "Do you think we should invite Michael in for dinner? I know he isn't here every day, but I bet he'd enjoy some-" He began.

"He's already eaten, I talked to him earlier." Ironhide replied.

Tony nodded of course he had, he should have thought about that. Tony stood up slowly, stretching a bit, he yawned quietly. "I really should not lay down for that long." Tony shook his head "Look, can we at least go out and do something tomorrow? I'm so tired of just hanging out all the time." Ironhide stared at him, nodding his head a bit "I mean, I'm okay now Dad. Ratchet even gave the OK." He added.

"I know, I suppose my paranoia has just gotten in the way." Ironhide replied.

"It really scared you, didn't it?" Tony asked, curiously.

Ironhide was silent for a moment he closed his optics quietly. He wasn't sure how to put his thoughts into words, as he'd never had to feel that way before. "It scared me nearly into a spark attack, son." He told him, looking down upon him "Before, it was my duty to protect you because you were my charge. But now, it's my duty to look after you, to love you, to keep you safe. And Primus almighty, I failed at all three." He shook his head "I let my anger cloud me from the fact that you were off on your own and were a walking target." He added.

"That happens, Dad. You're new to the parenting thing-"

"No I'm not. I took care of Bumblebee. You're simply the first child I've had... Will have. Whatever." Ironhide groaned quietly, he shook his head "I should have known better, I really should have. Even if I had Chromia's help before, I should not be using that as an excuse." His optics moved down to the floor, Tony stared at him for a moment, and noticed something.

"I'm not your first child, am I?" Tony asked.

Ironhide's optics moved toward Tony quietly, yet again, the boy had been too smart for his own good. "Centuries before we took in Bumblebee... Chromia and I did have one child... We never spoke of her as she... Well... It was very hard for us to." He looked out into the deep night, Tony stared at him slowly "Her name was Strikefast, I still remembered the day she was sparked-born. Like it was yesterday. She was so full of life, beautiful as could be, so innocent." He shook his head "But when she was four vorns, it happened." He explained.

"Dad, you don't-"

"No, you have a right to know, Anthony. Your family will soon be mine. I don't like secrets among them." Ironhide told him, he turned towards Tony "When she was four vorns, we lived in a rather harsh part of Iacon. We didn't have many credits- our money- to our name, and we could afford little else." He closed his optics slowly "I left her for two minutes, that's all it was. When we were attacked, a Seeker grabbed her, he took her away from me." He took a deep breath "I found her body, in pieces, spread across the yard... Just..." He was silent.

"I'm so sorry, Dad... I had no idea." Tony told him quietly.

"You could not have, I never told anyone of it. It was not long after I joined the Autobots, and shed my neutrality." Ironhide was quiet for a moment, he looked at Tony "I buried myself in Chromia, and my cannons, and I never looked back upon it. I couldn't. It was just too painful." He tried his best to keep his calm "But you must understand why I'm protective of you Tony. Why I was so scared..." He stared at Tony slowly "You and Bee are all I have left, and I cannot loose another child in such a horrific manner." He explained "Especially, Primus forbid, you." He noted.

"What happened to the Seeker?" Tony asked.

"I found him, and I ripped him in half, slowly. Then crushed his spark in my bare hands." Ironhide stated, outside an engine rumbled "There's the pizza, stay put." He replied, thankful for the chance to get off the subject.

For the first time, quite possibly ever, Tony had no words of reaction to what he'd just been told.

...

A/N: Figured it was around the time we found out all of Ironhide's backstory/what got him to this point. I figured it would explain a lot of Ironhide's protectiveness towards kids, and I hope I properly explained it enough. :)