CHAPTER 28
Reflections of Life

Tony's sleep that night defined the word restless, he shifted, tossed, turned. It wasn't the bed, which was the softest thing he'd ever slept on. No, it was the thought of what both he and Ironhide had talked about that night. He'd always thought he'd had it bad, but Ironhide had been dealt so much crap in his life. His Father had abused him to the point he'd had to kill him, he'd seen his Mother 'raped' and murdered, he'd lost his only child before him, and he'd lost his sparkmate. Tony turned his head towards the sleeping mech slowly, he quietly wondered how he'd done it.

He could hardly handle one extremely abusive psycho of a Father. Let alone handle thinking about the only other family member he had had: his Mother. His mother, Tony closed his eyes. His Father hadn't been the only thing that had gotten him to this point. As wrong as it was to blame her after all the abuse she suffered as well, Tony was uncertain of how he couldn't blame her. It'd still been his Father's fault, he had left them and his Mother had turned to drugs for comfort, the same drugs he left behind.

The same drugs that she overdosed on when he was four years old. He'd always said he'd been taken away from the home, and in fact, he had. But had it been because of his Mother's problem? Of course not. It had been because she'd had to overdose, she'd had to kill herself. By the time it had happened, she didn't even remember Tony's name. Yet Ironhide had had it so much worse, he couldn't even begin to imagine his past being worse, not even. Closing his eyes a bit, Tony attempted a long, deep breath.

"Tony?" Tony turned his head as Ironhide spoke up "Is everything okay? You're awake and your stress levels are high."

"I'm fine." Tony replied, shaking his head "I was just thinking is all, it's really no big deal." He stated, downplaying it as best he could "What are you doing up?" He asked.

Ironhide shifted a bit, he'd told Tony of their bond before, so there was little use hiding it. Ironhide had felt the rise in stress and became worried, but figured it was nothing but a nightmare. "The stress moved through the bond." Ironhide replied "Are you feeling alright? Should I be worried?" He asked, Tony simply shook his head "It's your Mother, isn't it?" He asked.

"How did you-?"

"I looked through your file, Tony. I am after all a walking supercomputer." Ironhide noted, Tony smirked a bit, but it was only half-hearted at best "I never brought it up until now on account of you already going through so much. I figured it was bad enough-" He began.

"She took her own life." Tony hugged his stuffed bear close "There was nothing I could do."

Tony turned over onto his side away from Ironhide's view. Clearly, he was hiding the pain of it all, and he had a lot of it. After all, before what had happened, his Mother had genuinely loved him. She'd taken care of him, nurtured him, taught him many things. It had been the drugs that had taken that away at age three, nothing else. And it had been the drugs that had taken her life when he was four, not herself. "It's okay to cry sometimes, you know that." Ironhide told him quietly.

"Do you cry for them?" Tony asked.

Ironhide was dead silent for a moment, he sighed slightly. "Often, I do, in private." Tony turned over, surprised by the answer "You cannot go through life, dealing with loss, or dealing with abuse. And not need to cry it out sometimes." Tony was silent as Ironhide told him this "I spent four weeks, locked up in the barn the night that Chromia was taken from me alone." He added.

"I wouldn't come out of my bedroom closet for hours when I found Mom." Tony admitted quietly.

Ironhide was silent again, he was clearly unsure what to say, for a moment. "I understand how you feel, youngling. If you EVER need anyone, you know I'm here." Ironhide told him "A very important part of my job is to listen to you. To hear you when you just need a friend." He was quiet for a moment again "Just because I'm your Father now does not mean you cannot talk to me just as you did before." He told him.

Tony closed his eyes, knowing Ironhide was trying to be there for him. But this was one thing he just couldn't talk about, he didn't think he ever would be able to talk about it either. It was just too hard and painful to even think about. "Dad, I love you... But I try my best to forget it for a reason." He explained, his voice quiet "I'm not ready to talk about it to anyone. Not you, not the police... Not even Marie." He shook his head "All I ever told the police was that "Mommy wanted to be with the Angels"." He added.

"What does that even mean?" Ironhide asked.

"She committed suicide." Was all Tony brought himself to say.

Ironhide was silent, he never said a word, all Tony knew was that a moment later, he was there. His holoform beside him on the bed, stroking his hair, and pulling him into his arms. Ironhide didn't need to say anything, he simply kissed his head gently, sending a lot of love through their bond. All he needed was to know Ironhide was there, that he wasn't alone anymore. Even if his Mother had taken his life, he had found a good home, not one so broken that someone had been brought to that point.

Ironhide took several minutes to finally speak. "It's alright Tony." He stroked the boy's hair "I'd never do that to you, and I hope you know that." He added.

Tony leaned into the holoform's gentle embrace, allowing his eyes to slowly close. Somehow, the comfort got him through what he considered to be the darkest night he'd spent at the Lennox home, or at the very least one of them. All he could do was thank God that he'd found this home. Because one could only guess what place Tony would be in had he not found it.

...

Ironhide was awake before Tony the next morning, the boy still sleeping soundly against him. He smiled quietly, though the smile had a tinge of sadness to it. He almost wished Tony had kept the truth to himself, just a bit. The more he heard of the boy, the more he truly wondered how the boy lived today. With two unstable parents, it could not have been easy. Even Ironhide's Mother had never gone down that path, even if she had been murdered, she'd never turned to offlining herself, never even considered it.

Ironhide transformed slowly, exiting the barn and leaving his holoform with the sleeping boy calmly. He needed time to clear his head, to think. All he knew at this point was that he was dealing with much more than he'd expected, and that was saying something. He noted Prowl nearby, leaning against a tree, and made his way over. "Any sign of him?" He asked, the mech turned his head toward him "The more I hear about his life there, the more I want to blow him up so badly." He muttered.

"What did Tony tell you now?" Prowl asked.

"It's private. I was told it in confidence." Ironhide replied, he placed his hands upon his hips "Just know that this man should not be breathing right now." He added.

Prowl already had a few ideas, but decided not to say anything. Prowl simply shook his head a bit in response to the question. It was belated, however, and therefore, he turned his head towards him. "We have seen nothing of him. I have seen a car pass by three times, but he never got close enough for a scan." Prowl shook his head a bit "He's like a shark circling his prey." He noted.

"He only does it when I recharge?" Ironhide asked.

"No he isn't that smart, but we don't even know it's him. It could be anyone." Prowl shook his head a bit, Ironhide only nodded slowly "Thinking of bringing him out somewhere today?" Ironhide nodded again "I wouldn't go further than the lake. If it is him, he's watching the home like a hawk. He'll be waiting for the opportunity." He explained.

"Kid just wants to get out for a few hours." Ironhide replied "I planned to take him to a movie." He added.

Prowl stared at Ironhide, and nodded slowly. "And we'd be able to go as well?" Ironhide nodded his head "Good, I'd much prefer to get out of here for a few hours myself, I'm certain Michael would too." Ironhide sighed "We can't abandon Tony, Ironhide. Michael has direct orders to protect him and he could very easily be fired." Ironhide only nodded slowly "So, what movie?" He asked.

"Anything really, he likes movies." Ironhide replied.

Ironhide stared out, hoping to catch sight of the car, to just blow it up. Of course, he saw nothing, but he could only hope that would change someday. Now that he knew the full story, he wasn't sure he could deal with the thought anymore. That this man had done all of this to a child, put him through so much. He took a deep breath. "I'll let you know when he chooses one. I need to wake him up." He noted "Comm me if anything changes." He added.

With one scan of the horizon, he headed towards the barn. More than convinced of one thing: If it was the last thing he did. If it took him the rest of Tony's lifetime. He would see to it that Tony, and the Mother that had been destroyed by Jason, saw some form of justice.

...

A/N: I thought it was about time I cleared up what happened to Tony's Mom. I'd been debating on rehab or suicide ever since I revealed she turned to drugs too a while back. Ultimately, I chose this as it explained a lot of Tony's personality to me. Hopefully this satisfies anyone that may have been wondering about the subject.