title: a tangent of a malfunctioning cycle
genre: friendship/drama/romance/angst/hurt/comfort
prompt: He wants to belong
word count: 3,070
dedication: to Tobi's GG-chan, because I've been as busy as heck and she deserves this 'cuz it's long overdue. sowwie :( hope you like!
disclaimer: fuck you
notes: i'm tired. sorry if i screwed up the last bits. i'm PMS-ing. humidity is a bitch. so is the cold :/
notes2: tobi's gg-chan, sorry if it's disappointing. i tried a canon-thing blah. so tired. aaaaahhhhhh.
belong: verb. to be part of, to be in proper place.
He wants to belong.
When Sasuke Uchiha first comes into contact with other children, he knows he is different.
He can throw or kick a ball harder than most. He can easily outrun the fastest, even those children older than him. His sight and hearing is excellent, he can hear a ball flying through the air from a mile away.
But that isn't all.
He has perfect features. Even as a cherub-cheeked five year old, he has a pale, chiselled face, thick, black hair that stubbornly stands up in spikes (resembling "the butt of a chicken", a child once remarked innocently, infuriating the offended party) and dark, ebony eyes that are wide and seemingly bottomless. Not only his female playmates, but the entire female population in Konoha squeal at the very mention of his name.
Mikoto adores her son, puffing up proudly whenever somebody compliments her little boy. Of course, Itachi she is immensley proud of, but he has outgrown his baby fat as well as his innocence long ago, and she has missed the squeals that come from seeing an Uchiha baby (well, her baby more than an Uchiha one). As Sasuke is still young and innocent, she can relax a bit more and sit back to see him enjoy the thrills of childhood.
Sasuke himself, however, never notices the attention he unknowingly garners for his looks or his blood. The way other children watch him warily when he arrives make him wonder if he is really similar to any of them at all. So, one day, he timidly approaches his father and asks him why all his friends act so strange around him, head bowed, shuffling his feet and peering at his father through his bangs.
Fugaku Uchiha is a formidable man. A skilled shinobi, leader of his clan, and someone to be greatly feared, he is also a stern father. As soon as Itachi could walk, Fugaku sent him to the Academy, where his son exceeded his expectations. When he did, Fugaku began to be very hard on his firstborn, stressing the importance of Itachi succeeding him in time. And when Sasuke was born, the expectations his father held for him were far greater.
As Sasuke asks his question, Fugaku is finishing up some paperwork. Slightly startled by the intrusion, he looks up to see his son quietly waiting for an answer. Fugaku stares gravely at him. It is time the boy learned who he is supposed to become.
"It means," Fugaku begins, "that you are different. Special. Born to be a shinobi, like your brother, like me and like the Uchiha who came before you."
At this moment, Sasuke looks up, his bangs swinging a little, eyes enormous. "Does this mean I can become like aniki?"
Fugaku gives a small, extremely rare smile. "Yes. Not can, however. Will. You will become like your aniki."
And with that, Sasuke's ninja training begins, satisfied with the knowledge that he is different. (but still, still the same. Always the same, as his beloved aniki.)
As the young Uchiha enters the Academy, his eye is caught by two people: one with blond, spiky hair, blue eyes, tanned skin, whisker-like marks on his cheeks, and a broad, mischevious grin, and another, who stands out with bright pink hair, large green eyes, a slightly large forehead (which he thinks is cute) and a timid smile, both of whom he thinks are quite colorful people. The blond one he knows, is the one his father warns not to interact with. Sasuke feels sorry for the boy when he sees him swinging in the park all by himself, but he doesn't dare disobey his father.
The pink-haired girl interests him. He sits next to her in class, partly because he wants to analyze this strange-colored hair up close.
He asks her about it one day, causing her to seemingly choke and turn red. He wonders if she has a fever, and places a hand on her forehead just to check. Sure enough, it's warm. The girl, however, turns even redder at the action and jumps, causing her to slide off her seat and land on the wooden floor with a thud.
"Owwww…." She mumbles, tears forming in her eyes.
"Gomenasai!" Sasuke wails, bowing quickly multiple times and then helping her up.
She hestitatingly takes the offered limb and sits back down after dusting herself off. "N-no, I'm sorry….it was my fault for being so clumsy..."
She timidly looks up to find him beaming at her. "That's okay. I shouldn't have scared you like that! Oh, by the way, I'm Uchiha Sasuke! I've never really introduced myself, have I?"
She smiles shyly back at him. "I'm…I'm Haruno Sakura."
The two are instantly friends, and the blond boy is watching them this entire time.
Later on, during break time, Sasuke and Sakura share their snacks with each other: cookies and tomatoes. Happily chatting and laughing, they do not notice the blond boy sitting quietly on the swing, still watching them.
As they are about to go home, the children come across some older kids kicking something on the ground. Curious, they come closer, and the other children, seeing Sasuke approaching, immediately scatter, for they fear the consequences of offending the Uchiha somehow.
On the ground lies the blond boy, dusty and bruised. Sakura immediately flies to him, gently helping him up and seating him on the swing, her hands flitting across his small form in worry. Sasuke also helps, and takes out a napkin from his bag and hands it to the boy, who slowly reaches out and takes it, big blue eyes wary.
"Why are you helping me?" he mutters, shoulders slumping forward and his hands clenching the ropes holding the swing, after Sakura is satisfied that he has not sustained any serious injuries and that he is fine.
Sakura turns to Sasuke, folding her arms and expecting him to answer for the both of them. Seeing her like this makes him fear for his life, she looks so much like his mother at this point, he doesn't want to be the victim of her wrath. Sasuke clears his throat. "We don't know why those older kids were beating you up," he begins, slightly embarassed, "but for whatever reason they did, I think they're wrong." He glances at Sakura, who nods slightly in approval and turns back to the boy, smiling. "I've noticed you've been sitting all alone on this swing for a long time now. Want to be friends?" she asks, sticking her hand out.
The blond boy, who has been staring down, expecting a harsh answer, immediately looks up. "But…" he begins, "haven't your mommies told you that I'm a monster?"
Sasuke and Sakura are taken aback. Just what kind of treatment has this boy been enduring? They wonder; the boy looks harmless.
Sasuke speaks up. "You don't look like a monster."
The boy shrugs. "That's what everyone calls me."
Sakura, who has been quiet all this time, grasps the boys hands. "You're not a monster, Naruto," she says, smiling sweetly. The boy, named Naruto, gasps. "You know my name?" he asks incredulously.
"Of course," she says, beaming. "You helped my friend Hinata-chan when she was being bullied. Monsters don't help people, but you did, so you're definitely not a monster!"
Sasuke tosses a tomato at Naruto, who catches it with ease. "I had extra," he mumbles, embarassed.
"So," Sakura begins, her green eyes twinkling and looking at him hopefully. "Friends?"
"We're already friends with him, Sakura," Sasuke says stubbornly. The two begin to bicker playfully.
Tears fill in the sky blue eyes, and Naruto looks up at his new friends (he relishes the sound of it when he says it, thinks it, feels it) his face breaking out into a big, ecstatic grin. "Thank you," he whispers to them. They smile and take his hands and begin leading him to the Academy, Sakura giggling and Sasuke whispering back, "Always."
The Uchiha Massacre happens in the blink of an eye, and little Sasuke forgets who he was, forgets his friends, forgets his brother's love. He has now fallen in the clutches of hate and anger; now a boy who has become old before his time.
"Katon: Gokakyuu no Jutsu!"
A large, orange fireball emerges from Sasuke's mouth, making its way towards the bandit yelling a battle cry and targeting Naruto. It burns him, and the man screams and writhes on the floor of the cave. But Sasuke doesn't notice: he is too busy throwing kunai and spewing more fireballs to care, even the slightest bit.
Sasuke is a shinobi now. "Just like your aniki," his father's voice echoes, and the last Uchiha grits his teeth and fights with a fury that continues to grow. He imagines each bandit to be that man, the one who played the good and patient older brother, the dutiful and obeying-without-question son, the one who suddenly transmuted into an amalgamation of cruel, cold, indifference, and seethes, hate and killing intent oozing out of his body. His newly acquired Sharingan spins wildly, the two black tomoes whirling in a dizzying dance in a sea of red.
Sakura throws a kunai in his direction, and Sasuke barely manages to turn slightly as it whizzes past him, millimeters from his pale, still untarnished face. Sending an irritated glare in her direction, his former best friend winces and whispers, "Gomen, Sasuke-kun," and points behind him. He whips around to see a body on the ground, the kunai embedded in its arm. Sasuke is about to hurl a Katon jutsu its way when-
"Multi-Shadow Clone Jutsu!"
-his vision is suddenly blocked by an overwhelming amount of orange and blond. Sasuke scowls, as the "dobe" now bursts into the spotlight. Tens of Narutos cheer as they eliminate a large number of bandits with kicks and punches, yelling enthusiastically with glee.
All three are doing quite well until a gigantic blade is hurled their way. Sakura and Naruto are a good distance away, but Sasuke has too little time to react, if he doesn't move in nanoseconds it will hit him, and then a flash of silver, and the black-haired boy finds himself staring at the back of a Jonin vest. A kunai intercepts the weapon and it falls to the ground. Sasuke looks up to find Kakashi peering down at him, his visible eye crinkling. "Yo," he waves, and his arm moves to block another flying object.
Sasuke grunts his thanks, although quite unhappily; he still isn't stong enough, it seems. He moves off to retrieve the scroll stolen by the thugs, Sakura following close behind him.
As Naruto's battle cries and the sound of metal clashing echo off the walls of the cave and Sakura's footsteps timidly mimic his, Sasuke sighs. It is just another day for Team 7.
Sasuke wakes, shivering as the power of the curse mark begins to spread all around his body. He emerges from the hollow base of the tree only to find a brusied and bloodied Sakura, hair roughly cut short (he remembers how she adored her long, silky hair), one green eye half-closed and swollen. Something in him stirs, and the old, protective instinct he held for her (and though he doesn't know it, still holds) when they were children explodes in his stomach, rage and adrenaline coursing through his veins. The black flames of the curse mark spread like poison ivy across his skin, as he loses his control and spits out, "Sakura…who did this to you?" in an ominous voice that sounds like him and yet, does not at the same time. When those responsible mockingly claim so, a crazed, purely horrific, insane grin spreads across his face as he embraces the power gifted to him by the traitor Sannin, and he takes pleasure in breaking their arms and legs and I'll kill you fucking bastard, until-
"STOP!"
-warm, soft arms envelop him from behind, and Sakura whispers brokenly, "Stop. Please, Sasuke-kun…stop."
Mikoto Uchiha flashes through Sasuke's mind. Soft, gentle, warm, motherokaa-sanmommy fills his thoughts and then pink and green and pleading and pleasepleasesstop and the mild scent of Sakura, and all he can see and feel and smell and think of is her.
His one crimson eye stares down at Sakura's anguished face, cold and calculating, and then, slowly, the marks recede as she buries her face in his shirt and dampens it with her tears, his arms limply hanging at his sides.
And Sasuke sinks to the ground.
The terrified Sound Trio hastily take their leave, carrying their injured and fleeing before the Uchiha attempts to kill them again. They need not worry, though: Sasuke is filled with thoughts of-mint and blood and tears and pink and emerald eyes so sad and stop!-Sakura.
Sasuke snarls at Gaara, hatred swimming in his eyes, the Sharingan a whirl of fury. No way, no way in hell, he thinks, is he similar to that eyebrow-less freak. No, he is stronger and faster and better and above him.
Gaara says Sasuke is the same as him.
Dream on, he wants to scoff. At least I am respected in my village. At least I belong.
But then, but then, there is confusion and clash! and Sakura pinned to a tree by a monster of sand and then Naruto-Naruto of all people-summons a king toad, and Sasuke clenches his teeth: Naruto is stronger than him. Little does he know that in the years that follow, Naruto will be stronger than Sasuke'll ever be.
And Sasuke grits his teeth in rage as the curse mark's black flames slither around his body, as he rushes towards the horrible creature-the Shukaku-adrenaline pumping through his veins and thoughts of defeating this monster and growing strong course through mind.
He catches Sakura when she is released, when she falls (just like he always had) and Pakkun notices how gently and tenderly the Uchiha boy places her head on the ground, although Sasuke himself doesn't seem to notice. He leaves with a sharp command-protect her until it's over-is what Pakkun hears, and is what he obeys, because the sheer emotion billowing from Sasuke's words makes him wonder.
When it is all done, Sasuke reluctantly tells Sakura that Naruto saved her, and watches the two with burning jealousy as Sakura smiles shyly at Naruto, who beams. Then, he reminds himself that she deserves someone better, someone like Naruto, who can give her all the love and affection Sasuke cannot. Or so he thinks, for now.
Sasuke doesn't know how it happens. Maybe it is the fact that Sakura pays more attention to Naruto, her savior-he scoffs-and he doesn't want to acknowledge the jealous hatred boiling inside of him, as Naruto is also stronger then before (stronger than him, even?), maybe it is the fact that Konoha is giving him nothing, absolutely nothing to make him stronger and faster and better to kill him! and maybe it is the fact that the poison Orochimaru has given him is awakening a selfish, hateful rage-and is driving him crazy, that he angrily swipes the plate full of apples off its tray and uncaringly walks through the broken glass as Sakura stares nervously at him, that he explodes and charges at Naruto, Chidori blazing, that he snaps and snarls and bites back at everyone all the time.
Maybe that's why he decides to leave the village.
He packs his things in a backpack in an almost mechanical sort of way, the thoughts of deserting his home not so stark as the thoughts of leaving Naruto and Sakura and Kakashi behind. Sasuke stops and stares at the photo of Team 7, and grapples with himself as he debates on whether or not leaving is the right choice. He can still stay and train here…surrounded by his friends.
He stares at Kakashi. An exceptional teacher, he could probably help him reach his goal..and maybe fill in for the loving father he never had.
Onyx eyes shift to Naruto. To train with him, bicker with him, eat ramen with him…if he stays, they could maybe grow strong together. As brothers. True brothers, unlike his own, who betrayed him so long ago.
His gaze lingers on Sakura. If he stays, maybe, just maybe, he would be deserving of her, at least a little. They could maybe blossom into something more.
As "coulds" and "maybes" and "probablys" and "what ifs" swirl around his brain, Itachi's face flashes in front of Sasuke's eyes. The silent Uchiha compund, his parents' bodies, Itachi's cold, cruel words on that fateful night make him clench his teeth and gently pull down the picture until it rests, face down, as his eyes watch in sadness. Sasuke leaves, the wind swirling leaves through the open window.
Leaving wasn't supposed to feel this hard, he thinks as Sakura pleads with him not to go.
"You're annoying," he says with a smirk as her greengreen eyes widen in shock and tears.
He turns, but what happens next is so surprising, he nearly stays.
"I love you more than anything!"
Sasuke's eyes glimmer in sadness and pain and the bitter irony of it all, as Sakura cries and bares her heart to him. He swiftly appears behind and says the only words he can, the only words he truly means.
"Sakura," he sighs, relishing the last taste of familiar rolling off his tongue. "Thank you."
And then he knocks her out, and gently catches her, picks her up, and leaves her lying on the bench.
It is by far the hardest thing he's done.
As Sasuke charges towards Naruto at the Valley of the End, he mentally adds this to the list of hardest things he's had to do so far. Chidori crackling, the form the curse seal gives him takes away the last of his sanity.
Sasuke almost gives in when Naruto pleads with him to come back, despite Orochimaru's influence battling with his wills inside of hime, despite him screaming at Naruto that he would never understand, despite charging and striking and bending and staring at Naruto's unconcious face, his hitai-ate undoing and falling next to the unconscious blond boy as the rain begins to fall.
Itachi's face flashes in his mind again, and Sasuke's resolve is hardened. He leaves with the Sound Four for Orochimaru and allows apathy to become his permanent acquaintance.
notes3: blaaaaaaahhhhh. that sucked. so tired. must sleep. fuck this. i'm going to bed.
notes4: i'll edit this when i'm sober.
notes5: naruchan is the best snuggler. goodnight. it's snuggle time for me, fuck whatever time it is bleh.