In all honesty, Levi was seriously considering knocking Jaque unconscious. The man was just as bad as Hanji when it came to conversations. Levi had to listen to the different descriptions of birds and how to capture their unique appearance with paper and paint. All Levi never wanted to know about birds was filled in during the small trip to the inn.

If Levi had wanted to become a painter, he wouldn't have joined the Scouts. Sadly, that was not something Jaque seemed to understand.

It only got worse when they arrived at the inn and were locked up in their rooms. The small space seemed to make Jaque's voice increase in volume. Even Hanji seemed agitated with Jaque's constant chatter. With one glance at the man who had plopped himself right on the bed, Hanji strode over to Levi, placing a hand on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry," she said.

Levi frowned at her, confused. "For what?"

"For subjecting you to my endless prattles," she said. She scowled at Jaque who seemed oblivious to the fact that he was annoying his own rescuers. "I now know what you have had to endure, and the sacrifice you have made at my expense."

Levi scoffed as he opened his bag, ruffling through it. "Birds are officially on the menu from now on," Levi grumbled. "First off: jackdaws."

Hanji frowned, peering over his shoulders. "What are you looking for?"

"For a blunt object," he replied.

Hanji raised an eyebrow, curious. "Okay," she said slowly. "And why would you need a blunt object?"

"So I can knock Jaque out and finally get some silence," he said. "I need my daily dosage of peace and quiet." He glanced at her, noting her bemused expression. "Hey, I know how to effectively knock someone out without killing them." He paused. "I just never saw the use in that before."

Hanji hummed. "As amusing as that would be," she started. "I think I have something else that could work." Levi watched as she pulled a small vile out of her pockets. Hanji strode over, picking up a glass of water. With her back turned to Jaque so that the artist could not see what she was doing, she emptied the contents into the water. Swirling it around, she approached Jaque with an unusually bright smile. "You must be thirsty!" she chirped brightly. "Here, have a glass of water."

Jaque eyed the glass of water she was offering to him, frowning. With an apologetic shrug, he shook his head. "Thanks, but I don't drink water."

Now Hanji's smile was strained. "Oh ho, you will drink this one." She all but shoved the glass in his face as she offered it to him.

"You better do it," Levi spoke up, causing Jaque to face him with wide eyes. "Four-Eyes over there is a firm believer in staying hydrated. She'll give you a thorough lecture about the benefits of pure, clean water and all that useless junk."

Jaque grimaced before turning back to look at Hanji. With a hesitant frown, he accepted the water from her. He nodded his thanks, sitting back casually. Hanji leaned forward, eyeing him eagerly. "Go on," she coaxed. "Drink it."

He blinked, startled. "Oh, you mean now?"

"Stay hydrated," Levi stated.

Jaque looked increasingly uncomfortable as he stared at the glass of water he had been offered. With a grimace, he sipped at the water. When Hanji continued staring at him, he downed the entire glass. With a gasp, he handed the cup back. "There," he said with a strained smile. "Hydrated."

Hanji beamed, accepting the glass. "Thank you!" she chirped, bouncing away. With a careless toss, she got rid of the glass.

"How long until that potion takes effect?" Levi asked as Hanji joined him on the other side of the room. He leaned up against the wall, folding his arms as he casually watched the other man in the room. He rubbed at his knee, taking pressure off of his damaged limb as he rested his cane against the desk.

Hanji shrugged. "Beats me. I've never used this kind of stuff before. The lady who gave it to me wanted me to use it on you. Something about you being a better husband."

Levi stared at her. "She wanted you to...drug me?" he demanded.

Hanji huffed. "I guess, but I knew that you would never drink something like that. Plus, you'd be no fun in a comatose state."

Levi rolled his eyes. "How comforting to know."

It did not take long, as Levi found out, for the drink to kick in. Jaque had fallen silent, aside from the light humming and tapping on the floor. He wore a goofy smile that served to unnerve Levi. But if the man was staying quiet, then Levi had no qualms about the odd, glassy eyed stares he was receiving.

Hanji huffed as she went through her bags. Standing up with her hands on her hips, she strode to Levi. "Darling," she announced. "I need to go to the bathroom."

Levi did not even bother to look up from his own packing. "Okay."

Hanji growled. "I need to go to the bathroom," she repeated. "But I can't go when I am wearing the corset."

Levi finally looked up, eyeing her with a frown. "Oh? And why is that?"

"Because it's squeezing my insides!" she exclaimed. "I can't relax!"

He huffed. "Alright, don't give me the details about what you do on the toilet." He twirled his finger at her. "Turn around."

Hanji smiled triumphantly as she twirled around. Levi loosened the corset before unbuttoning the back of her dress. With a relieved sigh, Hanji gathered a bundle of clothes in her hands and dashed to the bathroom.

Levi went back to placing their belongings back in the trunk. Hopefully, after getting Jaque out of the town, they could find Emilie and be done with this entire ordeal. Then they won't have to come back to the inn and experience anymore of their disgusting coffee.

"Whatcha doin'?" Jaque asked, kicking his feet absentmindedly.

"Packing," Levi said.

"Why?"

"None of your business," Levi snapped. He glared at the man. "And get off of the bed. I just made it. You're getting dirt all over it!" His eye twitched at the very thought of his neatly made bed suddenly becoming a ruined mess.

Jaque giggled, causing Levi to raise an eyebrow at the odd antics. "But I think I like it here. It's so comfy!" Oblivious to Levi's dark glare, he flopped onto the bed. "The yellow sunshine is so pretty," he cooed. "It reminds me of…" here, he began to sniff. "Of Emilie."

"I thought you dumped Emilie," Levi commented. His hands twitched as he took in the rumpled sheets and the once neat fabrics in a disarray. Only a few more hours, he told himself. Only a few more hours of enduring this man's presence.

Here, Jaque sighed. "Yeah, but she wasn't so bad. I mean, man, she was hot. But she was so demanding and wanted to tie me down, prevent me from experiencing my freedom." He let out another mournful sigh. "Have you ever fallen in love? I thought I did...once...long ago. It was great."

Levi was starting to seriously consider killing this man. He could find Emilie himself without the constant jabbering.

"I mean, maybe not fall in love, but love someone. But a guy like you could probably find a decent woman," Jaque continued.

"There have been plenty of decent women in my life," Levi grunted. Plenty, strong, decent women. All had evicted different feelings from him. All had touched his life in a unique way. All had faced the same fate. It had seemed as if death wanted to steal everything that he touched.

He shook his head. Now was not the time to get sentimental. He had a job to do.

"Gah!" Hanji exclaimed, bursting out of the bathroom suddenly and jostling him from his thoughts. "I feel so much better!"

Levi turned and nearly choked at the sight before him. There, Hanji stood, wearing a white shirt and pants that seemed a bit too short on her. "Is that...my shirt?" He demanded. "And my pants?"

Hanji shrugged as she walked by, adjusting the white shirt she was wearing. "Yeah, my own shirt and pants are still missing, so I decided to borrow yours." She sauntered over to the small desk, sitting down casually. The shirt slipped over her shoulder just slightly, exposing her skin. "I have to say, this is much more comfortable. I can breath!"

"Take that off!" Levi ordered.

Hanji stared at him, blinking. "What? No! What would I wear? My underwear?"

"You're not wearing that," Levi stated. "My clothing does not look good on you, and I do not like the idea of anyone other than me wearing my stuff!" That had only happened once, but Isabel had looked adorable in his clothes.

Hanji was...well, she was Hanji. She managed to pull off the look somewhat. But it was still his pants and shirt she was wearing. Yes, married couples, or couples in general, sometimes wore each others clothes, but Hanji was being a bit distracting.

He sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "I'll fetch you your missing trousers if that'll make you happy. But I expect my clothes to be neatly folded." He nodded to her. "Now, strip."

Silence hung in the room. Levi blinked, now aware of what he had just said. Hanji's face turned a slight shade of red.

"In the bathroom," Levi finished as an afterthought.

Hanji scowled at him. "Real smooth, Levi," she said.

Jaque laughed jovally. "Hey, she's got a great figure. If you don't want her, I'll take her!"

"She's my wife," Levi commented absent mindedly, a bit irked.

Jacque's eyes widened. "Woah man! She's your wife!" He whistled. "You sure hit the jackpot, let me tell you. She's hot!"

Hanji hummed appreciatively, her blush fading. "Well, thank you."

Jacque sat up a bit, sluggish in his movements. "You got any kids? 'Cause any kids from you, baby, have got to be gorgeous."

"Alright, that's enough," Levi stated, striding over and whacking Jaque upside the head. To Hanji's mild surprise, Jaque crumbled to the ground, snoring as he lost consciousness.

"How much of that vial did you give him?" Levi demanded, looking at her.

Hanji withdrew the now empty bottle. "The whole thing," she said. "I honestly didn't think it would make him act this way!" She frowned thoughtfully. "It was supposed to make you romantic though. And what he was saying did make my heart flutter." Here, she smirked at Levi. "I think the lady who gave this to me wanted me to seduce you."

Levi merely yanked on her ponytail, causing her to yelp. "None of that," Levi said. "Let's finish this up and find Emilie." He scoffed. "Please, you couldn't seduce me if your life depended on it."

Hanji grabbed his shoulder, forcing him to face her. Her face was mere inches from his, her smirk devious. "Wanna bet?" she asked.

Levi smirked. "I never make bets I know I can't win."

"This'll be the first," she said.

"I doubt it," Levi said. "Plus, we wouldn't want word getting back to the commander."

She huffed, rolling her eyes. "True, true. Besides, I know that the idea of you kissing me already disgusts you."

Levi frowned. "It does not. I just don't like kissing other men's women."

Hanji sputtered, her face slightly red as Levi grinned at her. He leaned in closer, nearly whispering in her ear. "But, I just might do it to rile him up."

Hanji tilted her head, eyes glinting. "Oh, you reckless, little devil," she said.

Jaque's snoring pulled them both away from their standoff. Both pulled back, Hanji smirking and Levi merely glaring at her with well hidden amusement.

It didn't take long for them to finish packing. It barely took five minutes. They had not even brought much with them to begin with. Around that time, much to Levi's utter dismay, Jaque began to awaken.

"Oh, my head man," Jaque grumbled.

"Yeah, yeah," Levi grumbled, grabbing the man's shoulder roughly and dragging him out. "Tell us on the way."

The first two minutes down the stairs was filled with Jaque's grumbling and Levi's sudden dark aura. Hanji may only have been married to Levi for less then three days, but she already knew when and how to detect his foul mood. Years of friendship will do that.

Levi shoved Jaque into a chair, ignoring the artist's protest. "Sit," Levi ordered, pointing firmly. He fixed the man with a glare that none dared to disobey before turning on his heel and stalking over to the front desk.

"We'd like to check out of our rooms," Levi started, sliding his room key over the small, rough desk.

Ivan looked startled for a moment before quickly nodding. "Did you enjoy your stay?" he asked.

Levi shrugged. "Eh, I did what I came to do."

Ivan nodded absentmindedly. "Good, good to know. I bet your wife was...happy."

"Um, sir," Jaque said worriedly.

"I told you to sit," Levi snapped, not looking back at the nervous painter.

"B-but there's an...um...there's a...duck!"

"I don't want to hear anymore about your stupid birds-" Levi's comment was cut off when someone slammed into him, knocking him to the ground right when the sounds of gunshots rang out.

Oh. That kind of duck.

Levi grunted as Hanji pinned him to the ground under the sudden heavy fire. The patrons screams echoed around them as everyone ran for cover. Hanji pressed up against him as he wrapped his arms around her waist before rolling beneath the desk. Still holding Hanji, he crouched down, trying to make out their adversaries.

"Jaque Bosh!" an enraged scream declared. "You owe us money!"

Well, there was his answer.

"These guys again?" Levi muttered. He released Hanji who was crouching at his side. "Where's the stupid artist?" he demanded, looking around.

Hanji nodded in the direction of the far corner of the inn. "Cowering in a corner. He's safe for now."

Levi grunted as he felt his knee flare up in pain. Right. Damaged knee. He had to move from this position, regardless of the heavy fire.

"There might be a gun beneath the bar," Hanji shouted.

Levi nodded, sprinting from the hiding spot and leaping over the ruined chairs. He grabbed one fallen stool, flinging it at one of the gunmen. The man fell to the ground with a yelp, not getting up. Hanji was right behind Levi, cackling madly as she bashed a man upside the head with a bottle of alcohol.

"Try to restrain yourself," Levi muttered.

"But it's our honeymoon!" Hanji exclaimed. "I love being married to you now!" With one final swing, the bottle shattered as the man she was facing off fell to the ground. "Hello boys!" she announced. "If you want Jaque, you'll have to go through us!" Her hair was in a disarray, and she was till wearing Levi's shirt. Yet at the moment, she looked like the abnormal scientist who would face down Titans just for fun.

Yeah, Levi knew she would be fine.

Levi withdrew his cane, activating the hidden blade. At times, he had to give Erwin credit for his sense of style. He wondered what other gadgets the commander could come up with. A bullet whizzed by his ear, and he turned to face the man who dared to shoot at him. His eyes widened when he recognized who it was.

Apparently, the man recognized him as well. "You?!" he sputtered.

"Ah," Levi noted. "The window jumper."

The man from the night before scowled before aiming his gun at Levi. But he never got the chance to fire it as another bottle, this time whisky, was flung into his face.

"And there's my abnormal wife," Levi commented as Hanji sprinted by, still cackling.

"Come on short stuff," Hanji said as she leaped over the bar. "Find that gun!"

Levi followed after her, finally seeking cover from the few adversaries that were left. He landed right next to Ivan and Karen, both ducking from the bullets whizzing by.

"My inn!" Ivan moaned, clutching his hair, or what was left of it.

"Where's your gun?" Levi demanded. At Ivan's shaky point, Levi found the hunting gun. "Perfect," he muttered. He checked the bullets before popping over the bar and aiming his newly retrieved gun.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Karen rise up from her hiding position. She lifted her purple skirts to expose her fake leg. Propping it up on the bar, she pulled at a lever before firing at the men who dared to destroy her inn. Levi stared as the prosthetic leg suddenly became a gun, shooting at everyone. Bullets scoured the area, piercing through every single person who was in her way.

Levi did not even get in a single shot.

Levi stared at Karen with admiration. His face then fell in disappointment as a new revelation hit him. "And you're married," he moaned.

Hanji whacked him upside the head. "So are you!"

"Dear!" Ivan whined. "Pull down your skirts!"

Karen merely smiled, her expression invigorating. "That was fun!" she exclaimed. "I haven't used this baby in a long time." Here, she whacked her fake leg. She shot Levi a smirk. "I told you it was a work of art."

Levi returned her smirk. "My kind of woman," he said. He ignored Hanji's huff and Ivan's threatening gaze. "Now, where's our artist?"

They found Jaque underneath a pile of broken chairs and a split table, moaning in pain. "I think I'm dying," he confessed.

Levi scowled. "It's just a graze on the shoulder. Hardly a flesh wound." He crouched down in the mess. "Now, we can leave you here, or you can tell us where Emilie is."

Jaque stared at him, wide eyed before slumping. "The opera house," he muttered. "She ran off with my jester brother."

Levi was not even going to bother and ask about this dysfunctional family. "Which opera house?" he asked.

"The Swan House," Jaque stated.

Levi huffed, rolling his eyes. "Of course." Birds, birds, birds. Everything always had to do with birds.

"Hey, that's not far from here!" Hanji chirped. "We can wrap this up before sundown."

Levi nodded. "We still have to get our bags and check out."

"Don't worry about it!" Ivan exclaimed, stumbling out of his hiding space. "Here! I'll get your bags, just don't come back here with your destructive ways!"

"But I happen to like them," Karen protested as her husband dashed off. She cast Levi and Hanji a forlorn look. "And just when things started becoming exciting."

Levi surveyed the damaged room, frowning. "Well, we definitely know how to stir up a crowd, just as Erwin said." He glanced at Hanji. "Looks like we'll have to get the divorce papers signed when we go back. I hate paperwork."

Hanji chuckled, wrapping an arm around Levi. "Maybe we could hold off on the divorce a little while longer."

"Eh, no," he said. "I like being single."

She huffed. "That's a shame, because I think I actually like being married. You know what?" she said with a confident smile. "This was a decent marriage. For three days."

Levi smirked. It hadn't been too bad. Now he knows what it would be like to be married. Life and death situations and late night excursions; Just how a married life with him would be. And if he was going to be married to anyone, at least it would be to a decent friend. "Hey, Four-Eyes," he said. "You're a decent woman. I think I'll keep you."

A/N: There will be a short oneshot sequel to this called "Marital Bliss Indeed." I will upload it right after this chapter. But Fair warning to LevixHanji shippers, you will be sorely disappointed in that story.