Chapter 14 Oaths I'm sorry for the long delay in posting this next chapter. Please read & review

Alex slid her hand over his heart, holding his gaze as she smiled into his troubled expression. His hair was mussed from her taken the liberty to run her hands through it. Reaching up, she gently smoothed it back in place.

"Wow," she breathed, shaking her head in wonder as his hands tightened at her waist.

"What?" he croaked, his eyes moving possessively over her features.

"I can't believe it," she admitted, sliding a palm over his pectoral. He wasn't big and brawny, but neither was he built like a nerd—in fact, he was just perfect.

Catching her hand he lifted it and gently kissed her fingertips. "What can't you believe?"

Distracted by the touch of his lips upon the sensitive pads of her fingertips, she watched his expression change to a satisfied smirk. Leaning closer, she kissed his lower lip, making him groan softly as he closed his eyes.

"I think you know," she whispered, smiling at his reaction. He tilted his head back, eyes closed while his lips relaxed toward a smile. All of this told her exactly what she needed to know.

"Humor me," he said thickly, lowering his head and pulling her closer for another lazy, stirring kiss.

She slid both hands to the back of his neck, feeling weak in the knees from his kisses. When he finally lifted his head and studied her, she smiled up at him.

"Well whatever this is between us, I'm addicted."

He laughed softly, sighing against her lips. "Yeah, me too," he whispered, turning his head to kiss her teasingly until she was hungry all over again.

Bracing her hands atop his thighs she gave back with all the pent up passion she felt until he threw his head back. "You're torturing me," he said thickly, catching her hands away.

She shimmied closer, meeting his warning glance. "That's because you're torturing me," she smiled.

"Slow down, baby," he sighed, kissing her gently and slowly running his hands up and down her arms. "Seriously, Alex—I can't take much more of this."

"But it was your idea," she whispered, sliding her hand over his jaw before kissing along its length.

"Come here," he groaned, easily lifting her onto his lap. Bending her backward over the keyboard as she laughed and gripped his arms, he kissed the sensitive spot at the base of her throat.

"I'm falling!" she laughed as he shifted her back up for a stirring kiss.

"I've got you," he reassured her, eyeing her closely. "Now let me get back to work, 'kay?"

"You work too much," she pouted, sliding her arms beneath his and hugging him. "I just thought I'd help you take a little break."

"Really?" he chuckled, reaching over to type something. "That was at least half an hour ago. Nikita'll have my hide if I don't get this sent off to her."

"She's not your boss," she reminded him, wrapping her feet around his calves as she clung to him. He showed no response but stared at the monitor until she gave up distracting him. Then, with an evil smile, he punched a few function keys and suddenly his left arm slid away from beneath her. Crying out, she clung to him. "I'm falling!"

"For now she is, and no, you're not," he stated, sweeping her back up as she clutched his waist. "That's better—I like my woman clingy."

"Birkhoff! I could have fallen—"

"No you couldn't have," he insisted, his smile content as he hit another few keys and finally the Sent button. "There—all finished!"

"Thank God."

He turned his dark blue gaze on her, quirking his brows. "Now it's time to go apply for a license."

She froze, staring at him in shocked silence. "You mean—a marriage license?"

"Yes, a marriage license—unless you 'd rather go fishing."

She lifted a hand to cover her laugh. "Ah no, a marriage license is fine. It's just that—"

"I'm rushing you," he interrupted, his expression apologetic. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't—"

"No you're not rushing me at all—let's go," she gushed, hopping off his lap and facing him as he got up.

Eyeing her soberly, he watched her pull on her sweater. "You sure? No regrets?"

She shook her head, glancing around. "Where's my purse? Do I need some kind of ID?"

"I've taken care of that," he told her, all teasing gone. "I started the application online, that is if you still want to go ahead."

She frowned at him. "Of course I want to—I should dress for the occasion, you know—"

"Alex, what is it? he wanted to know, following her. "You look almost scared, but to be honest, so am I."

She studied his expression. "You, scared?" Shaking her head, she waved a hand.

"Yeah I'm scared," he admitted, lifting a hand to push back his hair. "I'm scared that making us legal will kill everything we've had, and I'm scared that you'll grow tired of me when I'm old and gray—"

"Stop teasing me about that!" she warned, walking up to him and studying his expression. Exhaling a tense breath, she nodded. "Ok, I am scared but it has nothing to do with you."

"Then what?"

She shook her head. "It's my background... I guess I'm afraid that when we— when the time comes to…"

"Hey," he said gently, placing his hands on her arms. "I already know what you went through, what you had to go through to survive. And I've got my own baggage, though I've never told you about it."

She waited, watching him take a deep breath before he glanced away. Laughing harshly, he shook his head. "I really don't know how to begin."

"See? It's not so easy, is it? But since you know most of my story, let me go first," she offered, waiting until he looked back at her. "Actually, let's sit down and have a cup of coffee."

He nodded. "Alright."

Once they had coffee and were facing each other, she took a deep breath. "You know I was in the business for a year, just to survive after my parents were killed."

He nodded. "It doesn't matter to me, Alex."

She reached for his hand and smiled. "I know, and I love you for it. But let me finish…most girls for hire have to do crazy things, most of which have nothing to do with sex…or making love."

He looked uncomfortable, but nodded. "Go on."

"It only happened twice, and trust me it's something I'm not proud of. It was horrible, rushed, selfish, meaningless and degrading. Thankfully I managed to run away and hide for a while until they gave up looking for me. Then I was on the streets, running drug money, again nothing to be proud of. But I survived. And you know the rest."

He held her gaze, shaking his head. "I'm sorry you had to go through that."

She nodded. "Me too…anyway, it's your turn. There's no way it could be any more embarrassing—"

"Oh it is," he laughed harshly, averting his gaze. "But sometimes it still haunts me."

"Really? How, 'cause you seem fine."

He looked at her, eyes doubtful. "Really? You mean normal?"

"Yes, normal," she smiled, stroking his hand. "And sexy too."

He smiled. "Look who's talking…anyway, since you've so graciously opened up and told me your story, I owe you the same honesty. If you did my assignment you probably know that I hacked into the Pentagon's mainframe, which landed me in jail at the ripe old age of 16."

"Yes, and by the way it was an amazing experience, traveling through Shadownet. Thank you for sharing it with me."

"Don't mention it," he teased, shaking his head. "I had been hacking for a while," he admitted, taking a deep breath. "My dad suspected it for a while, but once I started I couldn't seem to stop. Initially I did it to help him and the other veterans who felt cheated and let down by the government. Anyway, they caught me with his help..."

She stared at him wide-eyed. "You Dad turned you in? Oh, Daniel—"

"We'd grown so far apart we barely knew each other anymore," he sighed, his expression hardening. "But it wasn't just him, it was my girlfriend too. They betrayed me, blew the whistle on me, and the next thing I knew I was being interrogated by the FBI. I ended up in the federal pen and got attacked by a bunch of skinheads…"

She studied his profile, for he'd turned away with an aloof expression. She waited, but he seemed to close himself off from her. Taking his hand between hers, she held it but he didn't look at her.

"They teased me at first, then told me I should be a model," he said in a tight voice. "I should have been in a juvenile correctional institute but they tried me as an adult. One night—they came for me. Beat my cell mate up and dragged me off into a wing that was under construction."

Watching him closely, she had the sense that he'd never told anyone this before. Gripping his hand, she forced herself to wait and hold off making any comments. Inside she grieved for him for having suffered whatever came next.

"There were four of them," he choked, shaking his head and looking up. She could see the moisture in his eyes as he tried to continue. "I screamed and fought but they just beat me more. They were going to—to rape me, but for some reason a guard came by and then the whole place erupted in fights…there were so many guards that night, though I barely noticed. They'd taken my clothes so I crawled under an old table and curled up until they found me. Next thing I knew I woke up from zombie land from the drugs they gave me to "calm" me and Percy stopped in for a visit…the rest is history."

"Dear God," she breathed, shaking her head. "I had no idea, Daniel. So—you weren't raped, were you?"

"Not technically," he laughed harshly, finally looking her in the eyes. "I thank God that that guard just happened to come by. If he hadn't…"

"I'm so sorry," she told him, trying not to wince at how hard he squeezed her hand and knowing he didn't know his own strength. "Were you hurt?"

He nodded. "Yeah, most of it on the inside," he admitted. "Amanda counseled me the first few years I came to Division, which I think actually helped because she was a woman. I've been terrified of Percy since that day, for good reason now that we've seen what he can do."

She got up and slowly went to his side, gently putting her arms around him. He gripped her close, burying his face against her neck. She held on tight until she felt him begin to relax.

"We've both been through it, haven't we?" she sighed.

He looked up, guiding her to the stool next to him but keeping her hand. "I still have flashbacks," he admitted with a grim expression. "They come on when I least expect."

"When was the last one?"

"The other night, after we did the kill chip procedure on you."

"So you were alone," she sighed.

"Yeah, they usually happen when I'm alone. I guess I'm still pretty paranoid, despite the counseling…so, you still want to marry me, now that you know the dirt?"

She curled a hand around his neck, pulling his forehead to hers. "Of course I do. I love you, more than I can say."

"I love you too."

After some time he leaned over and kissed her cheek. Getting up, he held out his hand. "Let's go for a walk. I think I need some air."

She smiled up at him. "And while we're out, let's go see the justice."

His expression changed dramatically, all the tension draining away while she watched. "You sure?"

Pulling him close, she wound her arm around his back. "I couldn't be surer of anything."

He nodded. "Good…but about our first time—I thought you should know about what happened to me," he admitted. "I just pray nothing weird happens when we're together."

"You mean like your having a flashback?"

"Yeah," he sighed. "You don't have them, do you? Cause that'll make for a really strange marriage if both of us space out—"

Turning to wrap her arms around him, she kissed him gently. "I can't wait to become your wife, and I love the fact that you want to wait."

His brows shot up. "So you don't think it's weird? Or that I'm weird?"

"Well, let's see," she teased, relieved when he laughed as well. "You're the man I love and want to spend the rest of my life with, so I think I can handle whatever happens."

"Good," he sighed, looking as if a weight had fallen from his shoulders. "So all that's left is the mess of scars on my back—nothing you can't handle, right?"

She nodded. "I've got it under control, Birkhoff. All you've got to do is be patient with me. I've got my own baggage, and I think it might be even heavier than yours."

He studied her a moment. "I'm stronger than you think, but do you trust me?"

She eyed him carefully. "I trust you completely."

He bent and picked her up, swinging her around until she cried to be set down. But he kept his arms around her and rewarded her with a few of his drugging and passionate kisses. Then he released her but kept her hand, guiding her toward the door.

"Time to get that license," he announced, his mood completely different.

She tugged and held back until her turned and waited. "You haven't told anyone about what happened to you, except Amanda—have you?"

He sighed, pursing his lips. "Percy knows everything."

"But he never used it against you?"

"No, not that I know of."

She studied his relaxed expression. "What about Amanda?" she asked quietly, a sense of dread creeping over her.

He shrugged. "She's a shrink and that's privileged information," he stated. "She's never used it against me, so I don't think we have to worry. Now let's go, Beautiful. I'm having a hard time waiting to make you mine!" he growled, leaning in for a kiss.

She laughed, patting his cheek. "Me too—I'm right behind you!"

As they hurried down the stairs and out into a gorgeous, warm sunny afternoon she prayed a silent prayer of thanks for having found such a wonderful man. Yet in the back of her mind a seed was planted, and she worried about the fact that Amanda knew all about him. But surely she had nothing against him, and with Percy finally out of her way she'd be busy revamping Division.

Focusing her attention on Birkhoff's description of what he had planned for the day, a smile on her face and her spirits lifting considerably as she shook off her fears. He was soon going to be her husband, and she definitely planned on living happily ever after with him. Forever.

c. 2011 by Christine Levitt

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