Disclaimer: Square-Enix Incorporated owns all copyrighted material this fanfiction may include. All other materials, such as characters, events, dialogue, et cetera, all belong to Zeshin-kun.

Author's Note: Lol, sorry for sounding upset by the no reviews. I just really like knowing what you guys think and I know I'm getting reads. Anyway, take as long as you want, RidRX. =) Tbh, school's about to start again for me, too, so I may be headed out for another hiatus, but I'll make sure to leave on a good note. Actually, this following chapter is a pretty big step into the next part of the story.

Also, I've already known that reviewing is down on the site in recent years so I guess I can't really ask too much, especially being gone for so long. Plus, seems I've got a newbie making a first run at this story's prequel. I hope you enjoy yourself, UrawakaiPisces! Still, I've said it before and I'll say it again, I like hearing what my readers think and particularly, I fancy the wild theories I've heard for my stories, the predictions and investigations. And likewise, this story will be a bit more open to that than my previous work, seeing how we all knew how that would end. What'll happen this time? ;)

In regards to the last chapter, wasn't that Angra Anima fun? As I have said, that's only the first step so there'll be lots more where she came from. For the moment, though, Shuyin's back in the infirmary and Yuna and the rest are a bit overwhelmed. It was hard enough to fend off Seymour alone and it was nearly the last mission for them with Shuyin's shadow. Now those two are together and the shadow is even worse. Is there a way to take them down? They've tried old strategies and failed against the duo, but maybe they overlooked something... or maybe someone.

Spira: The Eternal Discord

Chapter 19: Breaking Point – Epiphany

Rikku

It was an awkward bunch of hours while we got Shuyin and Paine back to Besaid to rest. I knew Shuyin was very worried about his remnant, the shadow we faced before, but I didn't think he'd completely ignore his injuries to deal with it. It made me worry even more about the lunkhead. I was the closest person to him now and it was my responsibility to see that he wasn't still beating himself up over the stupid things he did back then. It wasn't his fault that so much had to happen to him and he already explained to me what it had done to his brain. But even though he told me all that and told me he understood why I sided with him, telling him that he shouldn't feel he needed to make amends for everything, I think Shuyin just couldn't let go.

"You're just stuck inside your own muddled head, huh?" I mumbled, leaning over his bed to kiss him lightly on the forehead.

What we were facing, it wasn't just Shuyin's missing pyreflies stuck in the Den of Woe, was it? No, what we were dealing with was the guilt in Shuyin's heart that lingered even after he found peace. All that accepting his death meant back then was that he was ready to leave the loose ends behind and let them be handled by us, the future of Spira. Now that he was given this shot to come back, those pieces he never got back were haunting him. Still, there was more to it than that. Shuyin's guilty conscience was only giving that shadow thing its power and hold over the poor guy. That's why stabbing him like that worked. Damusa, Shuyin told me, died the same day Shuyin got that injury back in the past. Shuyin went through a lot of his old stories with me, but I noticed that a lot of the focus kept going back to incidents where he didn't do right and it cost him someone close to him. The shadow, who was built on grief and despair, had to be sensing it from our Shuyin and needed that to stay strong.

But if that was the case, I wonder what else the shadow could feel. If keeping its strength was to pull hateful emotions to itself, where did it all go? How did that thing use it? If it just converted it into sustainable energy, we were out of luck, but just maybe, things weren't as easy as that. Call it a hunch, but I wanted to look into it anyway. Besides, sitting around here wasn't getting us anywhere and… I didn't like seeing him this way. I didn't like seeing any of them this way. I didn't even like seeing the remaining health ones of our team right now, let alone stay here looking at the three of them fight for their lives. Paine was the best of them, Lulu wasn't doing well, and Shuyin was still struggling with the wound; it seemed to keep bleeding. Anyway, Yunie was already bordering on tears every time we came back from a fight and there wasn't any more I could do this time. I was at the end of my own rope on this one. Everything was just… just…

"Things can't go on like this. Shuyin, Yunie… I know you guys need me right now, but it's time Rikku figure this out." I slowly mumbled, gazing sadly over the big dummy.

Packing a few potions and the other essentials, I set off to get a plan together on my own. For the last two adventures, I was just a cheerleader that nobody took seriously. I knew I was capable of doing more for them, but they needed me to be supportive and help their plans. With all that's happened, those plans were dried up and everybody was completely stuck. Yunie had to go through three of these stupid problems already. It's not fair. It wasn't fair to any of them who were affected the most. The advantage of being somebody no one took seriously was that I also didn't have those meanies hurting me directly.

I headed over to the cabin as soon as I boarded the Celsius. Amusingly, this was the second time I took off with that airship. When I hit the cabin, I decided to double check what I had packed. When you've gotten used to being in a party of three, going solo is risky. I think it's just a personal idea, but it doesn't hurt to be safe. When you're always traveling with others, my idea is that you end up leaning on them, just like I leaned on Yunie's guy in the beginning before we both realized she was the one that needed the most support. When it became Yunie and Paine, that mutual companionship showed up even stronger. I really didn't need to be caught off guard by some stupid fiend and upset them more. After I fully stocked, I took a deep breath and moved onto the bridge.

Piloting the Celsius was really quiet and I found myself worrying if I made a good choice by coming out on my own. To be realistic, I had no idea if there was anything to gain from this move and separating from the main group is what got Lulu and Wakka captured. Kimahri was an easy target because he was all by himself on Gagazet. Now, I was doing the same thing.

"No, Rikku, quit it." I yelled at myself, "Everybody's so confused. We can't stay this way or that'll be exactly what those two meanies want."

Flying the airship the rest of the way, I kept saying things like that over and over because I was scared if I stopped, something bad was going to happen and I would end up hurting Yunie or Shuyin. Leaving the Celsius, I took another deep breath to calm down and left for the Farplane.

The guado watched me as I made my way through Guadosalam. Even though they were perfectly fine now, I couldn't help but shiver at the thought of what Seymour's loyal guado did to Home two years ago, what they were willing to do to us. As much as I wanted to, thinking about what happened then, seeing my friends, seeing Keyakku like that was terrible and lingered in my heart. Brushing past a small crowd along the branch that led to the Farplane gateway, I had a sudden flash of that day in Bevelle, being arrested by Seymour's guado and the Bevelle guards. Taking a few more deep breaths, I moved past the gatekeeper and up the wooden stairs to the entrance bubble. The last time I was here, it was because Shuyin had done something to it and pushed the fayth to violence. My answers might come from someone behind this pyrefly curtain. It was well overdue that we get some solutions to those two.

"Well, it isn't what an Al Bhed normally does, but I'm not here for me. I think I've got enough images of you in my head to get you out." I said to no one.

Pyreflies began drifting toward me, collecting themselves in a bunch in front of me. A full head of blonde hair with fair skin and turquoise eyes on a petite form appeared before me, almost my exact likeness minus the braids and swirled pupils since she wasn't the Al Bhed I was. Walking to her, I thought about what her life was like back in the city that never slept. I wondered about what Shuyin told me about her, the closeness they had between them. What I knew about them was that she was there for Shuyin when his Jecht and his mother died. I think his twin explained that Auron was the one there for him. While those two didn't seem that close, I knew they were there for each other and Shuyin had that in her.

"I know Shuyin takes me for you, but I wonder what the other Shuyin thinks. If I could get between him and Seymour…"

That idea was interrupted, "If your plan failed, a lot of people would be hurt. Maybe you should think this through."

Kirin's image began to move and a glow surrounded her unlike a normal Farplane image. Part of me was hoping for that, but it was still shocking to hear my voice and my face talking back to me while I was figuring things out by just getting my head on straight. I think Kirin understood that because she walked slowly towards me and placed a gentle hand to my cheek, Yunie's touch from two years ago. When I couldn't take it anymore, terrified about Yunie dying from summoning her Final Aeon to fight Sin, she hugged me close and thanked me for my concern. From then on, I knew I just wanted to be there for her and for the rest of them. If they needed a shoulder, that was me. Was that Kirin, too?

"What do you do for Shuyin?" I absentmindedly blurted.

"The same thing you do for your friends. Shuyin really knows how to peg them." She answered.

"It's his gift, I guess. I think it's annoying a lot of the guys, though."

"Sounds about right. He also had a knack for getting under your skin, even when he didn't want to."

"But when doesn't he?" I replied with a shake of my head and a sigh.

When she heard that, Kirin smiled warmly, something I felt she hadn't been able to do in a while. She walked over the flowerbed to look at one of the waterfalls in the distance and took my deep breath. Smiling, I came over to her and put my own hand on her cheek.

"I think I know what your plan is, but be careful about how you do it. This is dangerous and you have people who love you."

"But you see what's happening, don't you? Those two are beating us. So far, it hasn't gotten to the worst it can be, but we're gonna get there." I pleaded.

"I know. Poor Shuyin. He's been through so much and now he has to deal with this, too. All this because we were too naïve." She muttered, moving away from me.

Looking away, I realized that pushing the subject was bringing back the bad memories she also shared with Shuyin. Even worse, Shuyin, to this day, wouldn't talk about what happened to her. All I had known was that Bevelle's war with Zanarkand killed her, but just knowing that Shuyin didn't want to go into detail told me how bad it must have been for them.

"You know, it's just like the war never ended at all. We're still struggling with it, still coping with the outcomes of things. I know Shuyin was hit the hardest of all of us and couldn't bear to move on, but maybe none of us really could." She started to mumble off on her own, her eyes staring at the far cliff.

Turning to her back, I just watched on, not really sure I was in a place to say anything to cheer her up. Yunie, I could deal with. Her boy was even easier to cajole, but I didn't know much about Kirin or the rest of Shuyin's friends to be in a comforting position.

"Actually, you'd be wrong about that, Rikku." She abruptly stated, half-turning toward me, "I think you're the best thing to have happened to him in a long time."

"How do you both know what I'm thinking?"

"It's easier in the Farplane for someone like me. Shuyin, on the other hand, that part of him also creeped me out."

After she said that, she turned away again, kneeling down to touch one of the flowers. I took a couple of steps forward, but then stopped myself. I still had nothing good to say. The best thing to have happened to Shuyin was me? What was I to him besides a way to remember her? I was just the face, wasn't I? That's all I was to anybody, just the little girl that could cheer them up when they were down. Other than that, did I even have a worthwhile purpose?

"That's what I thought, too, but you're at the age where I found my answer." Kirin cooed, "Isn't that why you came here? You're taking the first steps, right?"

"I'm just unsure. Is it the right move? You already have your doubts about me."

"Not doubts, Rikku. I see why Shuyin sees so much of me in you and I know my mistakes in the past. We all had them. I just want you to take care. Don't follow the same sorrowful path we walked."

Kirin was still fiddling around with the flowers as she said that. To me, it seemed like all of them had regrets about the Spira that was. When I was little, my vydran told me about the great and terrible war of one thousand years past, that it was how Sin came about and when our people became a shunned race. I knew that it was something everybody suffered from, but mostly because Sin came in the end. I never really thought about the war itself, about how people living in Zanarkand had to live through it all, watch while their world plunged into chaos. Shuyin helped me understand it a bit, but I only ended up feeling sorry for him without thinking about the hurtful events themselves.

"We were too naïve and it took so much from us. Shuyin tried to protect us all and we let him down by not being careful, not taking the proper precautions. I loved him, but in the end, I was too broken to help him." She continued, plucking the flower and standing up.

I decided to push back the insecurities in my heart because Kirin needed me right now just like Shuyin and Yunie and Lulu and Paine and and… and all of them! Taking one last deep breath, I headed for Kirin and hugged her tightly. At first, she was surprised, but soon after, I felt her hand over mine and clasp. I shook a little, my heart hoping I was being any good. Kirin's reaction helped me a little, placing her other hand over ours and hugging it close.

"Don't blame yourself." I told her, moving around to her front.

Kirin smiled at me weakly, taking the flower she had plucked before and putting it in my hair. Looking downward, she took hold of my hands again and held them weakly. I think she wanted to believe I could do good, but she was scared because of what she already lost and how much that broke Shuyin. She didn't know if she could risk having me, the person Shuyin passed the role onto, to end up the same way. The war back during their time stole everything from them and the scars never had a chance to mend themselves. It was from this that I really knew I couldn't be worried about how much use I would be. I just had to go for it. People were counting on me now, not just looking at me as a cute kid that was good for laughs.

"Don't you worry. Rikku'll think of something." I ended up saying.

Putting her hands on my shoulders, she gave me an easy embrace, then let go to walk off a bit. Heaving a breath, she began looking all around her, though I wasn't really sure what she was trying to find. She smiled and turned back over to me.

"It seems I don't really have a choice, do I? Your friends need you and, if I know you, that means there's no stopping you." She said, tilting her head to the side.

"You'd be right on that. Anyway, don't worry like I said. I'll figure it out. It'll get better, I promise."

"I leave it all in your hands then." She replied, coming back to me and putting a gentle hand on my arm, "Dyga lyna uv ouincamv."

"No troubles." I answered, "Y kuut cumtean hajan cinnahtanc ihdem dra zup ec tuha."

Kirin kissed me lightly on the forehead, "I hope he can forgive me…"

With that said, she disappeared, first blurring into a pool of pyreflies before they all began to scatter. Streams of them flew past me, a lot of them circling around before leaving my side. From them, I could feel Kirin's desires, hear them echoing into my heart as she left. I made my promises and I intended to fulfill them.

Nobody knows who I really am

I never felt this empty before

And if I ever need someone to come along

Who's gonna comfort me and keep me strong?

Shuyin and his friends were broken apart by a terrible war between their home of Zanarkand and the cruel city of Bevelle. Through it all, they bore scars of lasting wounds that didn't ever resolve themselves. That was what I needed to hold true for what I planned to work. Chance was on my side even if it looked like it wasn't.

"I'll put things right again, Kirin. Trust in me now. Trust in Rikku." I said to the pyreflies.

We are all rowing a boat of fate

The waves keep on comin' and we can't escape

But if we ever get lost on our way

The waves would guide you through another day

Vydran always said that some people like Lord Braska and Yunie seek out their destinies and become heroes for it. Other people end up having something push them into their destinies, powerless to struggle against it. Wave after wave of events hit Shuyin and he couldn't hold them back, couldn't hide from it. All of his friends, actually, none of them could have known that the Machina War was coming. They were just sucked into it and were forced to prove themselves. Guess it was my turn.

Tookude iki wo shiteru

Toumei ni natta mitai

Kurayami ni omoeta kedo

Mekaku shisarete tadake

To me, Kirin had the same regrets I think I would eventually get. The way Shuyin talked about her, a lot of her was about how she was there for Shuyin, but there was no notice. She was just the person hidden in the shadows while everybody else took action. She was their cute klutzy companion that went along with whatever they said, the stuff they came up with without any word from her except agreement. Two years ago, the only role I had was first as Yunie's kidnapper to save her from fighting Sin. That wasn't my idea, either; it was vydran's. Then, when I joined up with her pilgrimage, it was his idea, Shuyin's other self. I joined for him because I thought I could help Yunie better that way. After he left us, I told him we'd see him again, but nothing came out of it. They were just my empty words to make me feel better.

Then, the sphere came, but that was Kimahri who found it and thought it'd be something Yunie'd want to see. I was just his messenger. And when Yunie decided to find out what it meant, I was only her younger cousin who wanted to help her along the way.

"I didn't provide anything besides total support, but that only goes so far, doesn't it Kirin?" I mumbled, looking down at the flowerbed, "That's what you're upset with yourself over, isn't it? We both didn't show them that we're capable of better. Shuyin only ended up thinking he needed to protect you. I think they only think that I need protecting since I'm the youngest, but I can do more than agree with them."

Walking out to the edge of the cliff I was standing on, I looked out at the Farplane, hopefully understanding what I needed to do.

Inori wo sasagete

Atarashii hi wo matsu

Azayaka ni hikaru umi

Sono hate made

No girl gets to see where life takes her, but Kirin prayed for a new beginning for me. I didn't know what my own future held, but I had the benefit of knowing what mistakes were made in the past. I had a chance to change things for the better and I would.

"You can count on it!" I shouted out to the glen, "You can count on me to make things better! Thank you, Kirin! Don't worry! Shuyin'll be fine this time! We all will!"

I filled my head with courage and marched on out of the Farplane, through the crowds of guado that eyed me strangely as I left. My plan would work, no ifs, no buts. It would work because I knew something Shuyin still didn't get. I knew something that his dark shadowy meanie wanted to hide from us. Maybe it wouldn't stop him directly; I didn't know if it would be that perfect, but I knew I had him pegged and I was going to take advantage.

"Here we come, Shadow. Let's see what you think of my game plan."

Author's Note: Many thanks to Rie Fu for her splendid song (also one of the endings to Bleach) Life is like a Boat. So, was it what you were thinking? Granted, the action was again at a minimum here, but now they've got a plot to enter into more combat. Will another Angra Anima be waiting for them? And Kirin, what's she talking about?

Alrighty, Rikku's heading up to the front. What'll be the outcome of her plot? Next time on Spira: Jezebel. See you then!

Translations:

"Dyga lyna uv oincamv." ~ "Take care of yourself."

"Y kuut cumtean hajan cinnahtanc ihdem dra zup ec tuha." ~ "A good soldier never surrenders until the job is done."