Disclaimer: Square-Enix Incorporated owns all copyrighted material this fanfiction may include. All other materials, such as characters, events, dialogue, et cetera, all belong to Zeshin-kun.
Author's Note: Well, here we are at the next bend, eh? Now that at least half the problem is solved, the gang has been struck with the reappearance of hope. However, that's not to say they're anywhere near done. Of the lot, it would seem only the two who've had to endure this entire span of events really comprehend how long they have left to go. Through the wars, the monsters, sins of men, and unyielding malevolence, they see through the glimmer and minor successes and know the end is hardly in sight. Still, they must carry on.
Before we get to that... habbo: I'm glad you felt the same way and hopefully the rest of the flock did, as well. Not to put a damper on spellcasting opponents, but writing fighting scenes with him was droll for me. You'll notice I didn't get into too many Jurama fights in the former story.
On Jecht, as I said, we'll see. For the moment, I don't know how I'd fit him in or to what capacity he'd serve. With the way I portrayed the Jecht/Shuyin relationship, our boy has made his peace, but there always will linger that resentment of him, which is now a part of the shadow. As for Tidus, that was solved throughout X, something that I tried to parallel with my Jecht/Shuyin. For me, at the present moment, Jecht's return would only burden the plot at hand, much as a returning Auron and Takuma, though I also told RidRX that it is a possibility. To be absolutely candid, this story, unlike my first, still has quite a ways to go and I no longer have the small segment of five chapters to coincide with an existing plot and simply expand on it. Therefore, even as I say I haven't found a reason to bring in elements like Jecht, I'm much more free to consider them.
In regards to opposite gender portrayal in writing, I'm sure every author comes across it at somepoint so it's more or less an experience issue. It'd be fun to delve into that topic, though. So, for any of my readers who write, what experiences have you had portraying a character of the opposite sex?
And last before we begin, (I promise) I've been in communication with another writer on updating issues, habbo. It seems to fall into time quite frequently. For me, if I ever get this story finished, I played with the thought of releasing several lighter projects in unison. Of course, then the time aspect far greatens, but so does the elapse. Assignments and all take time, but if you're fresh on one of several stories, writing a continuation might not take as long as forcing yourself to come up with the one. =P
Wow, long rant this time. =o Without further ado, I present the next chapter!
Spira: The Eternal Discord
Chapter 21: Partial Victory
Yuna
I was still wearing my White Mage's robe when we arrived back in Besaid. Throughout the ride back, everyone was celebrating like before, laughing sincerely again like the troubles were over. The Eternal Calm was going to live on after all. But it was a lie. I didn't know how I could ever believe that the Eternal Calm would come, that my life could finally travel a normal road. This time, I couldn't be fooled. This time, while they cheered, I only sat and gazed at my old summoner's staff. It wasn't even over yet. While Seymour was safely sent back to the Farplane, there was Shuyin's dark side, the power that nearly killed Lulu, and the on-going mystery of why Shuyin and all this were here.
Of the rest of them, I surprisingly could only find a kindred spirit in Shuyin himself. He'd left the celebration early and headed back for the top. Most of them had believed he just didn't know how to be amongst a group anymore, having been trapped inside a cave alone for so long. I knew better, though. Shuyin's mind was in unrest like mine. He had come to a point where he only wanted to rest, but no one was allowing him to. He spent his life trying to protect his loved ones and hundreds of dead lifetimes agonizing over how to remedy his mistakes. We reunited his one love with him to give him the option of laying down his plight, release him from his self-imposed obligation to save Spira, but something pulled him out again, trapping him in another lonesome life without Lenne. I knew this because I was the same. Two years ago, I was ready to die for Spira's peace, praying my sacrifice would be the end of Spira's pain. I was victorious, but the sacrifice was even worse than I had imagined; I lost the most important person to me. Then, I was given the chance to save him and bring him back to me only to fall into another difficult quest to save this world. I thought that would be the end and I relished in the thought of having him back, having the struggles I've had to undergo fade into the past, but just like Shuyin, I feel as though something's constantly pulling me back in and it's tiring.
Half-way through the "Excellent!"s and "One down, one more to go"s, I had had enough and chose to find the one person that shared my doubts. Getting myself to the lift proved difficult as everybody wanted to have me join them. Rikku proved to be the worst of the bunch, humbled by all the praise she was getting for her plan, but excited about how it had worked.
"Yes, I always knew you wanted to do more, Rikku. You've just never been able to spread your wings with us around like overprotective parents, right?" I said with a smile, "I'm proud of you."
"Aw, I only did it because we weren't getting anywhere the way we were going." She told me, blushing slightly, "It was a real close call, though. I'm sorry… if I worried you."
I was surprised by her last comment; I hadn't even been aware of the circumstances since I was locked inside the Amorphous Anima at the time. I had only known that Shuyin decapitated the Anima portion of Seymour Stellus, which defeated it and freed us. Then, it was a matter of defeating Seymour and sending him. I wasn't even in contact with Rikku for the latter portion of the battle.
"That's alright, Rikku. You're your own person and we should respect your decisions. You've always been the most grown-up of all of us, even if you didn't outright show it. My pilgrimage forced you to mature so quickly; I'm sorry to you." I told her, moving on to the lift and selecting the Deck level.
The moment the doors opened, Shuyin's voice echoed in my ears, "It's still out there. They're all having fun down there, but it's still out there. We're not finished yet."
I offered his back a sympathetic smile, "We will be, though. They are celebrating that."
"It's wrong." He quickly replied, "Now that it's free, it's more of a nuisance than it ever could have been."
"But Rikku can stop him, right?"
Shuyin only lowered his head, "Rikku…"
"You worry about her safety, don't you?"
"It's not that. I don't want her getting too involved. This war's filled with taint. If the shadow realizes Rikku's semblance to Kirin… I don't want Rikku to go through that."
"I don't understand." Rikku had control over Dark Shuyin, not the other way around.
"You weren't able to see it after Seymour froze us all in those spheres." He explained, "The shadow has overcome anything that ever hinted at me within itself. We're completely separate beings now."
"What do you mean? Rikku's plan worked, though."
"Yea, but not how we hoped. The shadow began succumbing to my heart when Rikku triggered it, but it didn't have enough traces of me left. It disregarded it, fed directly from the vengeful lust I developed as an unsent, and nearly slew Rikku if not for Seymour. It was a lucky break that we shouldn't afford ourselves ever again. We have to be prepared next time. That's why I objected to the plan. We had no back-up, no secondary route. In blitzball and in war, the first thing you do after coming up with an offensive tactic is to develop alternate tactics based on the preceding guidelines to better ensure success with as little glitches as possible." He grumbled, turning to face me, "Her plan was reckless like I was back in the Machina War."
"What happened to you back then? When Lenne's spirit resided in me through the Songstress Dressphere, I felt her love for you and I could at least sense the kind of person you were. The two of you were so alike that I had even mistaken her feelings as my own, but when I finally met you, you weren't the same at all. You were so cold, cold like you remain even now with your life restored."
"Well, that would be accounted by the fact that my life hasn't been restored. Not at all. It's a lie. I'm slowly coming to terms with that. You should, too. As for being like your guy, I told Larea this before. I was never him. I could never be, but I could lie. I could fool everyone with a fake smile, a shallow external personality, masking my true person inside, buried from everyone, maybe even Lenne."
"You couldn't have hidden from your true love, could you?" I asked, urging him to speak to me, since I didn't know anyone else who could match my current state of mind.
He let out a small huff, "You're right. You guys are always right about me… Then again, isn't that what a thousand words were meant to tell me? She knew. She knew my every move and she knew them better than I did. It led her to Bevelle that morning. It led her to her death… and she willingly came for me."
"That's love, Shuyin. I was willing to lay down my life just the same two years ago."
"Yea, only you have altruistic goals in mind. What did she have to motivate her? Stop a murderer from murdering? It was a useless sacrifice; they all are. I planned to destroy myself only as a last resort. Yu Yevon was supposed to have been my back-up plan, but that fell through so I was forced to make that decision to sacrifice my life for all of theirs; eventually just for Lenne. She was ready to give it up for Zanarkand; she was so adamant about it. I couldn't let her throw her life away like that."
"So you plotted to become the worst mass murderer of Spira." I asked of him, making sure to emphasize the callousness of his intended actions.
"Wouldn't be the first time the world's hated me." He easily shrugged.
"What do you mean by that?"
What had happened to him? Did one war change him into this black shell of a human being? Lenne's feelings weren't anything but wholeheartedly candid, but did she love this man standing before me? I couldn't accept it. Shuyin was acting nearly as horribly as those we would hope to stop, yet someone who drew enough of a twin star with me fell for him?
"Yuna, I wasn't always the Star of the Zanarkand Abes Blitzball Team. I wasn't always in the limelight. In fact, I wasn't ever a well-adored man of the hour." He told me.
"But you had to have been! He was." I quickly retorted.
"That was him. I was him in the public eye. That's why they brought him back and not me. That's why my father got a free ride back to the living, while I was stuck in a damp dark cave building my own list of rich kid issues."
"What are you talking about?"
"My childhood. My mother and Jecht had a child that they named Shuyin. I turned out to be a 'weirdo' so the other kids didn't like me. That only got worse the older I got, especially when the 'weirdo' turned into an orphaned 'weirdo'. Then, things escalated, escalated all the way to puberty. I'm sure you can imagine what that'd be like, especially for a guy. Although, to be honest, I did learn a thing or two about fighting during those years. I began to figure out weak points and where my strikes could really drive the message through." He rambled, sauntering about the Celsius deck.
"That's awful." Was the only thing I could say.
He simply gave a chuckle before saying, "Isn't that a fact. Well, luckily I always had Kirin nearby to whine and moan to. Of course, that didn't save me." He lowered his head and stopped in his step. "She couldn't save me from what I was about to set in motion. That, Yuna, that's why I've changed. It's because I haven't really changed, you see. I've always been this way, just better hidden or eased off by the support of those I cared about. But they've all been dead and buried for generations. I've nothing left and so, I've no reason left to hide."
"You have us." I awkwardly suggested, slowly inching my way to him.
"No, I don't… But thanks." He replied with a sigh, "So, what brought you up here anyway? I'm not used to your company. Don't tell me you're being a kindred spirit to me. Does the saintly Lady Yuna have any inkling of a blemish to match herself to me?"
Following his confident statement, I took myself right to his side, "I can match you parent for parent and ill-fated destiny for ill-fated destiny."
As to be expected, Shuyin only returned my words with a misunderstanding glance, raising an eyebrow. The next move, however, was unpredicted for me. Shuyin closed his eyes and took in a deep breath. Suddenly, he began voicing a statement, which had passed through my ears long ago, a phrase I thought never to hear again. They were the words of my father the day he left on his pilgrimage. How did Shuyin know of them?
"I was mistaken then." He continued, having opened his eyes following the heart-ailing reenactment, "I almost forgot about your loss. I'm sorry, Yuna. It must have been difficult for you."
"I was lucky to have Kimahri come for me. Still, leaving Bevelle once the last Calm occurred broke my heart. I never believed my father would leave me like he did. I remember crying for weeks once I came to Besaid."
"But you found a new home in Lulu and Wakka, huh?"
"Yes, and Chappu. They were so kind to me, treating me like their youngest sister, but even so, I was never the same. I could never forget him, you know?" I said, wiping the stray tear from my eye, "After my mother died, he only had me and I only had him."
"And then he was taken from you. You tried your hardest to think that it was a dream, a lie, something misleading, something meant to hurt you, that you could wake up one day and she'd be right there… but then you realize that that thought was the dream. That thought was the lie. She left and you could never get her back. People try to soothe your pain. People try to tell you it was how it was meant to be, that love is a power that cannot be overcome, but those words only damage you further and you become as black as coal, burning just as fierce." He began to growl, piercing through the skies around us with a cold gaze.
"I think I chose to accept their words. It was more comforting to know my father died to protect me and to save Spira than believing he'd left me."
His harsh expression quickly lifted as he turned to me, his blue eyes, menacing just seconds ago, now resumed their pacific glow. "I wish I had your gentleness. I think that's what made me fall in love with Lenne. I needed that tenderness, that part of a person's heart that could forgive and move on."
"Why couldn't you?" I asked him.
"Genesis."
"Genesis?"
"I told you. My early life wasn't much smoother. My peers hated me, be it jealousy that I was the son of a champion or abhorrence since my behavior didn't fit the norm. I never made many friends as Shuyin. I only had friends at face-value as Tidus. By then, I had conviction that I was meant to be alone, that love was only a curse that took your loved ones from you. I only had Kirin to keep me from truly accepting that Spira had nothing but selfish abandonment to present. She was my heart, both when my parents were alive and after they died." He explained, walking to the far end of the airship, "I think that's how I lost my chance at gentleness. You know, Lenne's parents were taken from her, as well. Yet she was able to develop such kindness and that power, her music that can possess you at a whim."
"I always had Lulu, Wakka, Chappu, and Kimahri with me. Before them, I was taught to love others and find the best Spira had to offer. Sir Jecht, Sir Auron, and my father were the closest of friends and I think I drew upon that when I met Lulu, Wakka, and Chappu."
"Sounds nice." He muttered, turned away again.
It was probably unfair to him that I was talking about how I grew up with love all around while he obviously built a long history of hatred and bitterness. It made it more understandable how he could have strayed so far from my love. He had become another person entirely to present himself to the Spira that hated his true self. He became a carefree, joyful person, but only as an insult to Spira, giving them what he figured they wanted. Meanwhile, the fact that people did end up favoring him over his true person only progressed his hatred of them. I think, in a way, my love cost Shuyin his chance at having my love's wonderful personality, the character that made me fall in love with him. Spira had become a terrible and smothering place since their time in Zanarkand. Sin made life full of despair and grief so having my love suddenly appear in Besaid two years ago was a blessing greater than anything I'd ever experienced. Then, to add to it, it was due to him, due to having him with me that we finally eliminated that Spira forever. The Eternal Calm was a gift nothing could ever surpass.
But it was coming back again. All that I had fought so hard to create was being torn down a third time. I didn't want to keep fighting. I couldn't keep pushing it away any longer. That kindness Shuyin believes me to have; I think I'm losing it to this malicious reality.
Suddenly, I felt a tender hand place itself on my shoulder, caressing my skin down to my elbow. It was Shuyin's hand. As I trailed my eyes up to his, I saw what seemed to be solemn remorse in them as he said, "Things will get better, Yuna."
I was taken aback at first, wondering how he could have known what I was thinking to match my thoughts with his words so exactly, but it took only moments for me to leave those ideas behind and take the comfort he was providing me. Just as I had felt when Lulu hugged me close and said similar words, I felt the warmth Shuyin thought he didn't have, tears freeing itself from my eyes.
"Hey, Yunie. What are you two doing away from the party?" Rikku's voice yelped from behind me.
I quickly wiped away the tears, gave Shuyin a look to have him examine my complexion before I let her see and, with his slight nod, I turned to give a happy smile, sincere since I felt elated by what Shuyin had done for me.
The voice that returned my expression was one that matched Shuyin's, approaching me to place two loving hands on both of my shoulders, "Hey, I missed you down there."
"I missed you, too, but I just needed to get some air. We had a rough few days and I just wanted to get in a few cleansing breaths." I told him, knowing that what I got was much more fulfilling.
"That's cool. Shuyin seemed to need some of that, too, not that I blame the guy. Anyway, you two should come join the party."
"That's alright. You guys go on ahead. I prefer the scenery."
"Scenery? It's just clouds."
"And the sun. And the gorgeous shades of light bathing those clouds. I think I'll stick around up here. You three enjoy yourselves." Shuyin said.
"Make that 'you two'. I wanted to have a chat with you." Rikku noted, skipped over to Shuyin and pulling him further out on the deck.
Smiling, I left with my love, my heart echoing my thoughts, 'Shuyin, you're more than you think you are. Kirin and Lenne might be gone, but maybe Rikku can rekindle the benevolence in your soul.'
Author's Note: Well, wasn't that nice? Yuna and Shuyin had a touching moment. But she also learned something important about the former villain, didn't she? Her ally against the shadow is none other than the original darkness. Will this play a role in the future? Find out next time, tots. ;)
... speaking of which, that may now be a while away. I've found less and less time to sit down and write as of late and likewise, my creative muse seems to have jumped the next plane to Bermuda. If anyone spots it anywhere in the area, please track it down, poke it a few times, and return it to me once it stops being fickle.
Luckily, I was able to shake loose the first part of the story before it slipped loose, though. When I've gotten it back, I'll be sure to have the next part out as soon as I can. Until then!