Author Note: This will be the last thing I add to tonight. Instead of adding to everything in a night like I have been doing, I'm adding to whatever, whenever, because it's easier on me. This was inspired by a chapter of "Bring Me To Life" by PetiteShima, so this is dedicated to her and I hope she likes it! Also, you should read "Bring Me To Life" because it's honestly one of the best ShikiXRima stories I've read, ever. Thank you for reading my author note and this is Rima's point of view.
Disclaimer: I don't own Vampire Knight and I make no profit from this.
Sometimes, there are secrets so horrific that you can't tell anyone, not even those you trust the most. Sometimes you're terrified of what they'll say, or if they'll drop you like a hot potato. Sometimes you hold everything inside, because as horrifying as that secret is, you're terrified to let it out for fear it could hurt someone just as much.
Lightning came down all around me. I was 6 years old again, and it was storming like nobody's business, and that was only drawing the electric shock powers that I had only recently acquired, out more. I had no control, and I knew someone would get hurt.
A woman, looking about the same age as my mother, ran out and tried to scoop me up, but I ran. My feet in the little pink sandals I had gotten at a modeling job pounded the soft dirt. The white-blue lightning shot from my palms, and I felt hot tears leaking from my eyes mix with the cold needles of rain.
The woman made another grab for me, yelling that I shouldn't be out here alone in the rain, that I was going to get sick. My panic that she would get hurt only made my powers rage more, and created a self-fulfilling prophecy.
A bolt of lightning shot from my hand, it was as thick as my arm and so bright that it hurt my eyes, and struck the woman in the chest.
I screamed as she fell backwards, eyes glazed over. I crawled into a nearby wooden shed and screamed and cried, unable to control my fear or my powers.
"Rima!" My eyes snap open at my husband's voice. Senri is holding me against his chest, unafraid, just worried.
"I'm sorry." I try not to let my voice shake, but I can't control it. "Oh, God, Senri, I must've scared you, I'm sorry."
"You're going to have to tell me what the nightmares are about." Senri doesn't let go of me, despite that he looks tired and the alarm clock reads 1PM. "We're married. We're supposed to share our burdens."
"You need sleep." I shove at his chest gently, but his hold on me is firm. He's waiting for me to tell him what the nightmare was about. "Please, don't make me..." I can't hold back the whimper that accompanies that sentence.
Senri pulls me closer, crushing me against his chest. He hates seeing me like this; I've never acted the way I do when I've had a nightmare. Cool and collected, that's me, but after a nightmare I'm frayed at the edges, like I can't hold myself together even if I try.
"There's still things you don't know about me." I whisper and wrap my arms around his neck. "There's horrible, horrible things in my past that I don't know what you'd do if I told you."
"Rima, I'm never going to leave you over something you did in the past." Senri's gaze slips down to my nightgown-clad chest for a moment, but it's not a perverted motion. It stands for how I wasn't mad at Senri when his father's blood whip injured me, when he took over Senri's body. It stands for every stupid thing we've ever done to each other, but how we always got through it.
"I killed a woman." I blurt out, but Senri's expression is still carefully neutral. "I was 6, and she was my human neighbor. There was a thunderstorm and I accidentally shocked her so badly that her heart just stopped." The floodgates in my eyes open up and I'm crying. I hate crying, I've never been a wussy girl who cries to get what she wants and it's not a tool to me. When I cry, something is terribly wrong.
"It was an accident." Senri runs his fingers through my hair, a desperate attempt to calm me. "You were young, and you couldn't control it. You would never kill someone innocent on purpose. It was an accident, Rima. You didn't mean to." With that said, he brushes my hair away from my left ear and leans in to whisper those magic words that I've said to him so many times before. "You need to love yourself more." He goes on though, adding his own twist to my saying. "You need to forgive yourself, because I'll never be angry about something you didn't mean to do. Bad things happen, and I've come to understand that. Don't be scared, Rima, I'm not going to leave you, not now, not ever."
He holds me against him, so close that I can feel his heartbeat.
I wipe my eyes; take a few deep breaths and then whisper, "Thank you. I love you."
"I love you too." Senri lies back, holding me close. "I'll always love you, no matter what you did or didn't do."
I let myself drift off with those words afloat in my mind.
Author Note: Not to toot my own horn, but I really like this one. The first paragraph is something that I've learned over time, about secrets and fears. When you find someone special enough that you can share your fears and secrets with them, they'll understand. Anyway, enough psychobabble. Will you drop me a comment? I love to hear from you, my readers, and thank you so much for reading!