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Thanks to Dina for making this chapter so neat and pretty!

Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer

CHAPTER 8

THIS IS NOT BAD LOVE

"If I'm guilty of anything
It's loving you too much
Honey, sometimes love
Means getting a little rough
This is not bad love"

Bad Love by White Lies

When I was six, I asked my father why my classmates were so happy about Christmas, he told me "Because they receive presents from Santa", but I didn't understand. I thought of Santa as a scary man. That same year, I found out that Santa was my father and I had a crisis thinking he was giving presents to all these kids in the whole world. He then told me the truth.

"Son, you are different. You are smarter, quieter and more mature than your classmates or even some adults, so that's why I'm telling you this… their parents told them that Santa was giving them presents because it's tradition and it makes it look like magic. Kids like magic."

I nodded, I liked magic all right. So, I asked, "So, there is no magic?" Dad looked at me and smiled, "Magic is subtle, it's not always noticed. You need to look really close to see magic." I frowned. "How close?"

"Really, really close. But before that, you will feel it. You will think that something is different, and that's how you know that you need to look closer. Sometimes it's real magic, sometimes it's only mirage."

Back then, those words made little sense to me, like when my mother told me about girls and what they want. Today as I feel a small figure in my bed, I smell lilacs and magnolias and I hear her breathing… I don't think I need to see really close to know she is magic, and that I want her to want me; to make her see that she wants me. And I understand what my parents told me.

It's almost 6 am, I barely slept remembering the kissing, the groping and the make out session that lasted hours until we were tired and couldn't keep our eyes open.

She kissed me. I touched and kissed her feeling alive. I felt her little hands at the back of my neck and her mouth parting while I put my hands on her waist and started moving them up until they were barely touching her breasts, she was panting into my mouth. I was panting too. Breaths exchanging, heat creating, trembling limbs and excited hearts, thundering. Thundering. Then her tongue was inside my mouth; and I responded in the same way. She was so hot, literally. I felt her hand move to my chest, and again, I did the same. I touched her breasts over her hoodie; and I became bolder. I unzipped it and she let me. I was doing this so instinctively that I don't remember how I was suddenly touching her bare breasts; and she was undoing my pants. We moved to the sofa and she was straddling me. Moving in languid moves that I was about to cum if she didn't stop. And she did. My heart broke when she looked me in the eye. I thought she was going to stop this for good and calling it a mistake. She didn't.

"I feel like I'm burning," she said with a smile, then she took off her hoodie and I lost contact with her breasts. It was fast when she returned to me and started to kiss me again.

"You feel it too?" she asked. I felt it. I feel it now and I feel like a thousand small lights are inside me, moving me, making me feel tremors in my limbs.

"Yes," I said, panting in her ear.

She looked at me, "You are… you are… white bright lights." Her voice wasn't a whisper, and not at its normal level, either. I smiled because we were feeling the same.

"You feel like small lights inside me. I want…" I couldn't end my sentence.

"What do you want?"

"You. So much."

"Yes, tell me how much, Edward." Her tongue was down my throat, her hands on my thighs, so close to my dick.

"I… I… want you so much that when I touch you it's not enough. When I smell you, I need more… I just need you!" I emphasized my words.

We didn't talk after that. We just keep touching until she felt cold in my arms.

"You are cold?" I asked.

"Yes, I little bit." She took her hoodie and put it on.

"Can I stay?" she asked in a small voice.

"Of course."

"Let's go to bed." She stood up and took my hand. She didn't know where my room was, but my apartment is really small; you don't need to guess where it is.

I didn't feel awkward, I always felt and behaved awkwardly with women before. I didn't analyzed any of it this time, with Bella, I felt like I was somebody else. A normal person, doing normal things with a girl in my bed.

I was dozing off when I felt Bella touching my arm, she was facing me, still with her eyes closed. My arm on her waist, legs intertwined.

"Bella?" She opened one eye and smiled.

"How is my hair?" she asked and I laughed.

"Messy." I kissed her forehead and that makes us closer. She hugged me really hard, but softly.

"What time is it?" Because I just checked, I didn't need to see the clock.

"Six. Give or take a few minutes."

"You didn't sleep well?" she said in a muffled tone against my shirt. Feeling her voice's vibrations everywhere.

"I couldn't."

"Why?"

"I was remembering. Thinking…"

"About?"

"Last night… today, a few hours ago. My couch." She made a sound like a mewling cat.

"I slept so well. You should sleep. You need to work, right?"

"Yes, in five hours." She kissed my chest.

"It was good?" She asked.

"What?"

"Remembering? Was it worth the lack of sleep?" She laughed.

"Yes, very much. But this is better." I hugged her to make her see that being with her this way, right now, it was better than any memory.

"I'm glad." But her voice was sleepy.

"Bella?"

"Hmmm?" She answered, barely awake. I knew then that she was asleep.

Things were good.

Eventually, she woke me up. I made breakfast. Coffee, toast, eggs and orange juice because it felt like a Monday even though it was Saturday. We ate at my small table. She cleaned the dishes after she insisted vehemently and I couldn't refuse.

"So?" she asked, putting my coffee mug on the shelf.

"So?" I asked, confused. She turned around with an odd expression. Yesterday, even a few hours ago, it didn't matter that I couldn't read her. It felt natural and effortless. But right now, it means everything.

She exhaled.

"Edward, we just woke up together in bed. After a very long, long make out session on your couch."

"Oh that." She walked past me and sat on the kitchen chair.

"I… I don't know you. But I want this," she said, gesturing between us. Then I understood what she was trying to say.

"Me too!" I said, almost screaming.

"You do? Because you don't seem like it," she said in a hard tone.

"I'm sorry; I'm not good at these things." Any human relationship, I added in my head.

"At this thing? What do you mean? Like being with a girl? because you seemed really good at it last night, or was with dealing with a pushy girl that has been wanting you this whole damn time and you didn't even notice? Or was that…"

"Stop!" I screamed at her. I was so exasperated by her outburst, I wasn't good with these things too. The screaming. The yelling. Too fast, too much!

"I… just give me a minute." I walked away to my room and started getting dressed.

Just as I was fully dressed and looking in the mirror, I felt her. I turned around and there she was.

"I'm sorry," she said, looking at the floor.

"I'm not good at these things either, I…" I walked towards her until I'm in front of her. She was still looking at the floor.

"Bella… I want this, you and me." She looked at me, and maybe I couldn't be the king of emotions, but I could make a girl smile.

She was smiling with sparkling eyes, and I knew there in that moment that she was feeling this thrill too. These vibrations in my chest. The blood rushing to my head.

"You do." It wasn't a question, she wasn't asking. She was smiling knowing that we are in the same place. I felt the same. I felt accomplished and free.

I was in a good mood when Jasper approached me with bad news.

"We need you this Sunday." He was behind me, but honestly, it didn't matter if I could see him or not. I knew there was no way around it.

"I can't," I answered in a firm tone, while I dealt cards to faceless players.

"Why not? I need you, Edward, Tyler is asking to take the day off for personal reasons. I couldn't say no… he hasn't been taking any vacation time or even medical leaves! He is a good worker," Jasper asked something, but I guess it was rhetorical. I wanted to answer him—to tell him that I'll be on a romantic weekend with my girlfriend—but he would ask who was she; and I didn't want to lie.

"I can't. I have things to do. Important things to do," I added the last part hoping that he would budge.

"Money important? Or personal important?"

"Both," I said, while the faceless player scream because he is winning.

"Interesting… how can you mix pleasure with business, Edward?" This was a real question, I guess. I didn't want to answer. I didn't have an answer. So, I just shrugged my shoulders.

"Fine! I'll ask Mike. He can barely deal cards. I need to teach him." He turned around only to turn back. But from my peripheral sight, I saw that he was by my right side.

"It's the Swan girl, isn't it?" I wanted to ignore him, but I couldn't. He was my boss, so I lied. Because one thing was lying about the trip, and another is lying about… Bella.

"No, it is not." Jasper stayed there for a minute, watching me. I felt uncomfortable.

"What?" I asked, still dealing cards.

"You are a good liar, Edward. Really, really good." And at that he left. Not a good enough of a liar.

Around lunch I went to the bar and ordered a coke, a burger with a side salad. Since I worked here, the casino gave me 50% discount on food and beverages. I usually only eat food that I prepare, but as I was too busy kissing and groping Bella to make lunch, I couldn't complain. The burger is bad and the salad is mushy, so I ate half of both. When I asked for the check, I sensed her close. I turned around and saw her talking to an old man. I didn't notice that I was shredding a napkin until the bits were scattered everywhere.

Bella was doing that thing she does when she talks. She moved in a candid and fluid way, like a feline. She was wearing a short skirt, high boots and a turtle neck. I wanted to thank someone—like Math Gods—for the bit of modesty she was showing from the waist up. But I didn't. Because all that was for nothing when you looked at her from waist down. Her legs.

She saw me and stopped talking with that man. And when she walked in my direction, I wanted to run. Not because I didn't want to talk to her, but rather because she was going to make me lose my job; and the worst thing was that I didn't care.

"Hi, Edward." She was smiling at me, a full-teeth smile and one finger twirling her curly, shiny brown hair.

"Hi, Miss Swan, nice to see you here, are you playing?" I tried to sound formal, but I thought it sounded a little bit pained. She was not going to make things easy. She came closer until she is so close I could smell her minty breath.

"You are such a great liar, honey." And then she leans more to whisper in my ear, "I want to test you. I want to know how good you are at lying. You think that you can fool all these people and your boss about me? About how you touched me last night and this morning? I don't know if I can pretend that I don't want you so so so much that when I first saw you sitting at this bar, I started to get wet."

This is… I'm fucked.

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