Author's Note: IMO Garcia Flynn is an incredibly complex character. Very flawed but not all bad. I have tried to illustrate this by the way he views himself. Garcia for the good and Flynn for the bad. In chapter one, even with Journal Lucy, he still sees himself as Garcia. It's not until he starts on his mission to end Rittenhouse and starts committing crimes, justifying his actions with the belief that it is worth it if it allows him to take down Rittenhouse. At points during Garcia's flashback's, he is thinking as Garcia, not Flynn and thus the change in names. I have those points marked in a different font.

What's In A Name

Garcia's smile was tender as he gazed down at Lucy as she nuzzled closer into him in her sleep. The change in position brought Lucy's hand up to his chest, palm flattened out over his heart. So she's a cuddler. That's something the journal hadn't told him. Something he found he could get used to. He couldn't remember the last time someone had touched him without anger, violence, or both in mind. If he was honest with himself, that person was probably Lucy. They had been quick impersonal touches as she took his hand when he helped her into the Lifeboat or grabbed his arm to keep herself from falling but it was more than he had previously had. This however was something different, something more. Lucy's current position and relaxed state indicated a new level of trust between them. Well, okay trust and perhaps the vodka.

It's like Lucy was slowly turning him back into Garcia, gentling the part of him that was Flynn. That was a monster. That's how he saw himself. A monster. But somehow she managed to see around the monster and find the broken pieces of the man he'd been before the gunshots had shattered his life. She made Garcia see those pieces inside of himself and that gave him just the slightest hope that he might not be eternally damned. He hadn't realized how much he needed that.

Journal Lucy had also found those broken pieces and used the name his mother gave him when she spoke to him. Perhaps that was why it had been so hard when the Lucy lying in his arms addressed him as Flynn. Garcia had niaevely expected her to have the same innate understanding and insight into him that journal Lucy did. Foolish really. Journal Lucy clearly had the benefit of a much longer association with him whereas she had been told that he murdered his family. Still, she had finally begun to see him as Garcia and refer to him as such. In many ways it was a monumental victory after all that this Lucy had seen him do. God he hoped that lasted. Didn't know if he could bare it if she returned to calling him Flynn. Garcia remembered the feeling of it the first time and knew it would be a thousand times worse if they regressed to that now.

XXXXXXXXXX

September 25, 1780

The first time she called him Flynn, he had just killed a man right in front of her. David Rittenhouse, an evil man. He had convinced himself that killing Rittenhouse would end the organization before it really got started, bring back his family, and prevent so many other bad things from happening. After listening to Rittenhouse's son John speak about his father's beliefs, Flynn determined that the boy must die as well. He didn't want to kill the child but he must. It was for the greater good. He was engaged in a frantic search around the room for John when Lucy called out to him.

"Flynn!"

Flynn knew that Lucy would never allow this so he shut the doors to the room where he had just committed murder, shoved a sword through the handles, and trapped Wyatt, Rufus, and Lucy inside. Killing the boy was necessary but that didn't mean she should have to witness it. He didn't want Lucy to be haunted by those images. Lord knew it would haunt him as well but he could not see another way. Still, if Lucy was ever going to work with him, she could not see him kill as child. He should have knowing Wyatt would break them out.

Garcia was glad now that he hesitated. That he had needed a moment to steel himself before he took the life of an innocent. It allowed Lucy time find them and stand between himself and John. She had been so brave.

"Move."

"No."

It wasn't the first time Flynn had held a gun pointed at her and it wouldn't be the last, yet this time was the moment that stood out from all the others. Perhaps because she had fought for his soul despite being repulsed by him and his actions.

"I'm not letting you kill a child."

"He's all that's left of Rittenhouse."

Flynn pleaded with her. He needed Lucy to understand that this was the only way. Why couldn't she see that.

"You don't know that. He said there were others. You don't know that killing his son will change anything."

Lucy had tried to reason with him while he was in the grip of madness. So far gone that he could only focus on one thing, killing the child.

"He wants what his father wants."

"When you were twelve you wanted to be a cowboy. People change,"

Garcia still couldn't believe that he had shared that youthful fancy with her. Lucy had a way of drawing things out of him. Not that he was the only one, she had that particular talent with Wyatt also.

"He's gonna do terrible things."

"Why? Because his father wants him to? You have a choice right now. We all have choices. We can decide - we can decide to be something different."

She was breaking through his madness. Reaching that part of him that had once been a father and Flynn hated her for it even as he listed.

"Please, no, please. Please don't do this, please."

She was begging him for the life of someone that she should have viewed as an enemy. How one person could have so much compassion he would never know.

"You - you said - you said that you couldn't be a father after what you've done. But you can, okay? You can. You can. But not if you do this. Please, please."

Lucy was using his own words against him. Using his self loathing and fear of what he'd become to talk him down. To turn him away from what he thought, at the time, was the right decision. Dangling the promise of a new life with his family before him so he would do as she asked and it enraged him. He saw red, felt a white hot surge of anger flow through him. Flynn wanted to wrap his hand around her throat to stop her flow of words.

"Get out of my way."

His hesitation and her words had allowed John the time to escape and now he was so relieved that the boy got away. Lucy had been right. If he had killed the boy the last part of him that was Garcia would also have died. But that's not how he saw it at his time.

Infuriated at the boy's escape and himself for listening to her, Flynn wanted to make her pay. Dragged her kicking and screaming away from her friends and family. Held her hostage to his hate.

XXXXXXXXXX

Present day

Garcia looked down again at the sleeping woman. Oh Lucy, you shouldn't be in my arms right now. My actions that day should have guaranteed that you would never feel safe anywhere near me. He was so grateful that despite all his flaws Lucy had been able to move past those memories. Forgiveness was too much to expect but he could always hope. In the meantime, he would make sure that he did nothing that would frighten her. He would be her support. Her friend.

"Garcia?"

Lost in his own thoughts he failed to notice that Lucy had woken up and was now staring blearily up at him.

"You fell asleep."

"Fell asleep or passed out?"

Well she definitely had a sense of humor.

"Fell asleep. But the vodka probably helped. You had a nightmare. I couldn't get you to wake up but you calmed down when I held you so … Perhaps passed out is the correct term afterall."

Garcia hoped Lucy would focus on that last bit and forget about the part where he had been holding her throughout the night.

"You've been holding me like this all night? You couldn't have got much sleep sitting up like that. Let me move so you can try to get a bit of sleep."

He should have known that Lucy would ignore his pitiful attempt at humor and call him out on his actions. Realistically he could have just held her until she calmed and then gently settled her back onto the cot but once she was in his arms Garcia found that he didn't want to let her go. Still didn't if he was being brutally honest.

"I'm fine. You should try for a bit more sleep yourself. We've got at least an hour before we have to be up."

To his surprise Lucy snuggled back down into his arms and closed her eyes. In a few moments she was once again sleeping soundly. As he let out a sigh of contentment Garcia thought that the fates were at last smiling down on him, at least for tonight.