Dammit, dammit, dammit! I pounded my fist against the wooden table in my chambers at the Western Fortress, tears streaming from my eyes. How could I have been so stupid?

The battle this morning was a clear example. Things don't change for me. I'm stuck. Stuck being second best. And now, how could I even begin to think that I could change the way things are just because... because I love him.

I flopped down on my bed. The sun had set on another grim day. I wished I had something, just something profound to say or do that could change all this. I wished I had a voice that would be heard. But when did Ryoma ever listen to me? He acts so wise, and yet, he'd lead us to war if he wasn't careful.

Should I have gone with Leo, when he offered? No, I couldn't betray my family or my duties. But... have I betrayed myself?

Can I betray something that felt so right after all these years of loneliness?

A knock came at the door, relieving me of answering myself. Just as well. Sakura peeped in. "Hi, Takumi. Can I come in?"

I didn't deign to answer. She came in anyway. Good ole Sakura. She sat on the bed next to my curled up form; I didn't look up, hoping foolishly that she wouldn't see that I'd been crying my eyes out. I could be such a child sometimes. I almost laughed out loud at the thought, which would have been weird.

"Takumi, today was hard for you."

Still no answer from me.

After a minute, she continued: "You don't have to talk about it, if you don't want to, Takumi. But... I guess the easiest way to put it is that I know. I know you're special, not like other boys. And I know you didn't come home last night. I know the way you look at Leo."

"I promise you, Takumi. Your family will always love you. I will always love you and stand up for you."

"Geez, you sound like Mom," I said, my voice cracked. Fresh tears came slowly. I had been so young when she died.

Sakura leaned over and hugged me. "I don't remember her," she admitted soberly, "just a face on the water, never clear."

"Do they know?" I asked.

"No, I don't think Ryoma or Hinoka realized you were gone last night. They were busy fighting when you arrived. They... aren't very sensitive... I think you still have them fooled from when you pretended to date Hana."

"You knew?!"

She looked at me, looked deep within me, and ran her thumb along one of the heavy black bags under my eyes. "You should get some sleep, Takumi. Will you see him again?"

I didn't answer. I could only hope so.