Author's/Note: Most of this chapter is from Lucy's POV. A lot has gone on and I just kept envisioning her internal dialogue as she tried to process everything.
Morning Revelations
In the pre-dawn light Lucy watched the man lying next to her. She was thankful that Garcia was still asleep. He had been through so much yesterday, had helped her so much; he needed rest. He looked more at peace in repose. Most of the lines of pain and tension had faded temporarily from his face. Still, she was sure they would return with a vengeance once he awoke.
He stirred slightly and muttered something under his breath that could have been her name. Quickly she shifted closer, placed a kiss to his temple, and laid her hand over his heart and he calmed. She was struck by the smallness of her hand where it lay against his chest. Garcia was so big. He towered over her. The sheer magnitude of him often took her breath away. He filled any space he occupied with his presence. For her, any room seemed to shrink if he was in it resulting in an acute awareness of him at all times. Once upon a time his size, among other things, had terrified her. Now she wondered how she could have ever been afraid of him. He was so gentle with her. He was proving to be a pillar of strength. Somewhat incomprehensibly, her pillar of strength.
Lucy wasn't quite sure what to make of this. If you had asked her four months ago if she would ever become friends with Garcia Flynn she would have laughed and answered with an unequivocal NO. Yet here she was, in his bed where she had spent the last several nights, three of those nights with him in it as well. It had been, was, nice. Honesty here Preston. Nice? Really? Red colored her cheeks and warmth filled her body as she silently acknowledged to herself that it had been far more than just nice. She could still feel his kisses, his hands on her, his mouth moving over her body setting off thousands of little fires underneath her skin. The feeling of his hard body moving against hers had blocked everything else out. How was it that that night was so vivid in her mind while the memory of her night with Wyatt was hazy, as if it were lost in this mists of a far off dreamland.
Wyatt. She always thought she would give anything to hear him speak of love and her in the same sentence. Yet last night, hearing him finally confess his love had left her feeling strangely panicked. She could, and did, address his regret at having fucked things up between them. He had. Although, if she was being truthful, she shared some of the blame. She could have fought for him, but damn it, fighting Jessica's ghost had been hard enough. A living breathing Jessica was damn near impossible to fight. And she wouldn't be a homewrecker. Wouldn't be the "other woman." It just wasn't the way she was made. Coupled with that was the fact that the entire time she had known Wyatt, his entire focus had been on getting Jessica back, the exception being a night long ago, and yet paradoxically not, in 1941. Did she really have any other choice? Walking away, giving Wyatt an unencumbered chance to rekindle his marriage was truly the only thing she could do and still remain true to herself.
She felt horrible for Wyatt. Really, she did. Her heart ached for the pain that he must be feeling right now. To get the one thing he'd wanted most in the world and then have it turn to ashes. To find out that his marriage was, and possibly always had been, a fantasy concocted by Rittenhouse to gain information. For many men, that would be a mortal wound. Lucy hoped it wouldn't become one for Wyatt. Thankfully, future Wyatt seemed to provide evidence that it wouldn't be, but time had proven to be a fickle mistress. And Wyatt was so much better, so much more, than he gave himself credit for. Yet his response to everything had been to tell her that he loved her? Less than 48 hours ago he practically told the entire team to go to hell. That if Jessica was forced to leave the bunker that he would go too. He would walk away from the mission, the team, her. Less than 24 hours ago, Jessica's actions had endangered the entire team and, despite Emma being the one to pull the trigger, caused Rufus' death. She forced aside the pain caused by that memory. She couldn't deal with that now and they were going to get him back. Then roughly 14 hours later, Wyatt confessed his love for her. How the hell was she, or anyone for that matter, supposed to believe that? Oh, she was pretty sure that Wyatt believed it when he said it. She admitted that he did love her on some level. But today? Tomorrow? Next week? Objectively speaking, he had broken every promise he had ever made to her. Which brought her back to the man in whose arms she was currently lying.
Garcia Flynn had made relatively few promises to her. That she could trust him. He had more than proved that. Slightly less specifically he had certainly implied that he would not let anything harm her. He had done his best to prevent any physical harm to her and to minimize or counter any emotional harm. After preventing her death in Salem, he had helped her to in the Lifeboat, had reassured her that she was nothing like her mother, and had kept her standing and functioning when she was faced with Jessica Logan for the first time. In Texas, he had once again saved her from death by yanking her out of the line of fire but he had also called her on her newly acquired drinking habit even though she had been a bitch to him afterwards. He had put himself out there on that late night drive when he opened up and admitted that he wanted to get to know her. Had acknowledged understanding that his previous actions might not make that an attractive option for her. He had shared stories of his life with her and held her through the night to keep her nightmares at bay. Remembering how he had told her "I'm here for whatever you need" in that low, rough, heavily accented voice still sent waves of heat coursing through her body. That he was here for "whatever" definitely seemed to be the case.
What had Garcia been about to tell her when Wyatt walked in? The expression on his face sucked the breath from her lungs and set her heart racing. The desire to know what was motivating him where she was concerned was overcoming her, not fear exactly, but concern of the potential pitfalls. She still wasn't sure she was ready to know what was contained in future Lucy's journal, it had to be something about their future relationship, but she was starting to think that she was ready to explore whatever this thing was between them in the present.
To herself she could admit that Garcia had always fascinated her. While he had done horrible things resulting in the loss of innocent lives, she knew he was haunted by those actions. Still, there was something compelling about a man so in love that he was willing to do anything, risk anyone, to get back his wife and child. Probably a remnant of her teenage preoccupation with the tall, tragic, brooding heroes in the romance novels that she still occasionally read. Wouldn't Jamie have done anything, given everything, to get Claire back? Which brought her back to her main concern, Lorena and Iris. What if the team did manage to get them back? She was ready to admit that she was attracted, okay very attracted, to Garcia. But she wasn't sure she was ready to chance getting burned again if Lorena and Iris came back and he chose them. Twice Garcia had told her that he would walk away. She had believed him then. She believed that he meant it now, but there was a big difference in considering what you would do in a hypothetical situation and doing it when actually in the situation. Time was a bitch, at least where her love life was concerned. But, Garcia was not Wyatt. She knew it wasn't fair to judge him based on Wyatt's actions. Since joining the team, Garcia had always placed her and her feelings first.
She looked back down. Garcia was stirring again. Lines of pain more evident on his face now. She glanced over at the clock. Almost time for them to be up. God the night had been too short. But they needed to get started on the modifications to the Lifeboat and the plan to get Rufus back. Making a decision, Lucy leaned over and placed a light kiss on Garcia's lips. "I'll be right back."
XXXXXXXXXX
Lucy staggered into the bunker's kitchen in search of coffee. She had already stopped by their "medical clinic" for a bottle of pain relievers and caffeine was just what she needed to wash them down. She and Garcia both shared a love of and need for caffeine in the morning. She was planning on grabbing two cups of coffee and returning to Garcia's room. She felt like hell. Muscles in her body that she didn't even know existed hurt. She didn't even want to think about what she must look like. And she hadn't been shot. If this was how she felt, how bad was he going to feel.
"Hey, thought you might want these."
Lucy was shocked at the sight of future Lucy, journal Lucy, because they had to be the same person, standing in front the coffee maker holding out two large cups of coffee to her.
"I, um, thanks." Exactly what did one say when they were talking to their future self? A self that more than likely knew the answers to all of the questions she had just been debating.
"A bit weird huh?" Future Lucy offered her a big smile. Did she become a morning person? There was no way that could happen.
"That's putting it mildly."
"I remember how much that hurt. And you're right, he will definitely want the pain pills." Future Lucy laughed at the look she got from her younger self before continuing. "Relax, I'm not going to tell you anything important. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that a man who's just been shot is going to want some pain meds. And we'll have plenty of time for you to ask me questions later. It's going to take at least a week to make the modifications we need to your Lifeboat. You might want to start heading back now."
"Okay. Again, thanks. And, I'm sure I will have questions."
She turned and headed slowly back towards Garcia's room. She had just reached the door when future Lucy called out to her.
"Don't worry about how you look. Trust me, it doesn't matter to him."
She stopped, almost turned, but just shrugged her shoulders and continued on down the hallway.
XXXXXXXXXXX
Garcia was sitting up on the side of the bed with a worried look on his face when Lucy walked back into the room. It appeared that he had been about to jump up and head out to look for her which he was clearly in no shape to do. He looked like he was in agony but his shoulders relaxed and some of the tension left his face as soon as he saw her.
"I hoped you'd get a little more sleep. I wanted to be back before you woke up. I thought you could probably use some caffeine and more pain meds."
Lucy attempted to give him a smile but winced as the cuts and bruises on her face reminded her of their presence. She couldn't interpret the look he gave her so she hurried over and sat down on the bed facing him. She placed her cup on the floor and handed Garcia his cup before shaking out a couple of pills and handing them to him.
"These should help. I'd ask how you're feeling but I think I can guess." He looked like he was about to protest but she cut him off. "Nope. Pills first then everything else. I've already had mine."
"Alright draga." He swallowed the pills, set his coffee cup on the floor next to hers and then pulled her forward and placed a light kiss on her lips. "Thank you for taking care of me. I appreciate it"
"It's not a problem. You do it for me often enough. I just hope I didn't make anything worse last night."
The hand in her hair tightened lightly at the back of her neck and he gave an exasperated sigh. "Lucy, you didn't hurt me. If anything I slept better because you were beside me."
She shifted back enough that she could meet his eyes. "Good, because I know I slept better with you beside me too."
Garcia's smile lit up the room. He felt warmth spread throughout his body. Just hearing that she felt like he made some portion of her life better filled him with hope. Maybe he really hadn't lost her to Wyatt. Although the way future Lucy was with future Wyatt? They were so comfortable with each other that they had to be together. No. Not going to do that. She's here with you now. Focus on that.
"Can I ask you something?" Lucy was back to looking shy. She was hiding behind the dark curtain of her hair and kept flicking little glances up at him and fidgeting with the blanket.
He wondered just what it was that she wanted to know. What had her looking so shy. He would tell her anything. For her, he would be an open book. He pushed her hair back from her face and caressed her cheek below the bruising. "Always, draga moja."
God he loved her smile. Cheesy though it was, knowing that he caused that smile made him feel like the king of the world. His answering smile was loving and encouraging. "Ask me anything."
"In Chinatown, what was it that you were going to say? Why are you here?"
He took a deep breath and slowly let it out. "Are you sure you want to know?"
Lucy gave a shaky laugh. "Yeah. I'm not quite ready to ask about future Lucy's journal. Which makes her being here extra weird, but yeah, I want to know. Very much so."
Garcia leaned forward and cupped her face with his good hand and looked deep into her eyes. "You. I'm here for you. I stay for you."
He dropped his defenses and let her see all of him. The pain and brokenness that he had felt after Rittenhouse destroyed his life. The loneliness that he has felt ever since that night. All of the longing, desire, and love that he feels for her. The hope that he might be able to have this one thing, this one good thing that has transformed his vengeance filled existence and the fear that she might not want that. Might not want him.
"I love you Lucy. I don't know exactly when it started but I am so in love with you. I was intrigued by you that first night when you gave me your journal. Every day since then your words have lived with me. The woman in the journal left me in awe of her strength, her intellect, her compassion, and her continued ability to hope even when everything had fallen apart around her. Then, when I met you again in 1937, I was struck by your grace and beauty. By your ability to challenge and fight me even though you were clearly terrified of me."
He gave a bitter laugh at that and his smile turned slightly rueful. Another deep breath to steady himself and he continued on, baring his soul before her and offering her every piece of him. All the little broken parts that she had miraculously glued back together.
"You started haunting my dreams after that. Every time I saw you, every mission, I learned something new about you. I added to the pieces of you that I kept tucked away in my mind. At first it angered me. It just made me more driven to save Lorena and Iris. I refused to let myself feel anything or be sidetracked from my goal but then you stopped me from killing Jonathan Rittenhouse. You told me there was a way back from the path that I was on. After that I prayed. For the first time in years, I asked God to show me the way and he led me to you."
Lucy hung on his every word, tears streaming down her face as this strong man opened up his heart to her.
"Ljubavi, it's you. You are all I see when I close my eyes. You're my reason for being here. For continuing this fight. I'm yours for whatever you need and I'm not going anywhere. You don't have to say anything. I know you don't love me yet and that's okay. I can't begin to imagine what you're feeling after everything that has gone on. Just know that I will be to you whatever you allow. Whatever you want. I've told you this so many times in Croatian, but I promised myself when I held you in that Godforsaken warehouse in San Francisco that I would tell you in English, so you would know, and that I would let that be enough."
Lucy reached up and wiped tears that he hadn't known he was shedding from Garcia's face. She leaned forward to brush his lips with hers. She poured all the feelings that were rushing through her at his words into that kiss. When she pulled back she met his eyes and dropped all her shields. Let him see the jumble of emotions she was experiencing. Let him see her awe that he chose her. That he had placed her first. Finally, when she felt like she had a bit of control over her thoughts, she spoke.
"Garcia, I don't know exactly what this thing is between us but I want to explore it. At the moment you are the one person that I feel like I can be myself around. That I can let you see all the different parts of me, both good and bad. I feel most at home here in your room or anywhere that you are."
She leaned forward again and gave him a long lingering kiss. A kiss that spoke of desire and hope and future.
"I can't say I love you yet but I think that I could love you. That I'm a good way there already. I don't know how but you've … you're…"
When she couldn't continue Garcia pulled her to him. Kiss after kiss rained down on her head and he rubbed her back in soothing circles.
"It's okay draga moja. I can wait. You've already given me more than I ever dared to hope for."
They held each other for what seemed like forever, coffee grown cold and long since forgotten at their feet. Each trying to adjust to the changes the morning had brought them. Finally Lucy reached out and grabbed his hand. Raised it to her mouth for a tender kiss.
"So we face the future together." It was a statement not a question.
Garcia's kiss set her body alight with need before he released her to speak. "Together" he confirmed.
Lucy snuggled back into him. Her voice soft and wistful. "I wish we could just stay here in our own little world forever."
His laugh was joyful, none of his usual sarcasm present. "Me too, ljubavi. Me too. But we have to get Rufus back."