Say You Love Me

Chapter 18

Gemma must be here, I thought as I woke up to the smell of pancakes. I stretched out in bed, feeling for Jax, but I was met with his pillow. I got out of bed and headed into the kitchen. I was right. Gemma was sitting at the kitchen table nursing a cup of coffee and Jax was digging into his breakfast.

"Morning babe," Jax told me. I kissed him on the forehead before I headed over to the stove to fix a plate. I loved the fact that Gemma came over to have breakfast with us from time to time. As I sat down and started to eat, Jax's burner went off. I couldn't hear what they were saying on the opposite end of the line, but I felt Jackson staring at me as I paid all my attention to my food.

"Yeah, I'll turn it on right now. Thanks for the heads up, Chibs."

Jax slammed his phone down and went to turn on the little TV that he had in the kitchen. He switched it to the news, sat back down next to me, and put his arm around the back of my chair.

"What's going on Jax?" Gemma asked as the news report came on.

ESCORT'S HOME GOES UP IN FLAMES the headline said across the screen. Shit…that didn't take long.

The reporter released Ima's name and said that her entire home had burned down to the ground. There were no leads in the investigation but investigators are deeming the house fire as an accident. The news channel had moved on to a different story and Jax turned it off. I felt two sets of eyes on me as I took my plate to the kitchen sink. I turned around and leaned against the counter. They were both still staring at me.

"What?!" I asked.

"Did you do this, Shay? Did you burn her damn house down?" Jackson asked with a frustrated look on his face. Oh come on! I couldn't have been the only one who's man Ima was fucking with. I told Jax what I was going to do. It wasn't like I was going to admit to it now.

"A bag of bones can't suck a dick, can it?" I asked Jax with a smirk. Gemma coughed up the sip of coffee she had just taken.

"I'm gonna head to the garage. See you in a little while, Shay," Gemma said as she headed out the front door.

"Jerome wouldn't leave me alone and Ima wouldn't leave you alone, I guess we're even now huh Jax?"

"Fucking Christ… I gotta get to the clubhouse," he said as he got up and threw his cut on. I opened the fridge to make a dessert for Half Sac. I figured he'd be tired of just cherry pie so I thought I switched it up a little bit. Jackson came over to me and kissed me.

"You're fucking crazy you know that?" he asked.

"Just like my old man…I learn from the best," I told him as he followed after Gemma.

After I had gotten Half Sac's treat finished I took a shower and got dressed. I just threw on a white tank top, dark skinny jeans, and my Nike high tops. When I got to the garage, I noticed all the bikes were there so I headed over to the clubhouse. The chapel doors were open and all the guys were pretty much scattered throughout the clubhouse. Jax was sitting on the pool table talking to Juice. The volume died down a bit as everyone realized I was here. I figured they had either saw the news or Jackson filled in the table before I got here. Maybe Jax was the only guy Ima was after…

"Half Sac!" I yelled. I wanted to see his face when he tried this new recipe. I saw him running out of the kitchen and stopped behind the bar.

"What the hell is that Shay?" he asked, as his eyes got as big as saucers.

"This my dear friend, is a cherry cheesecake cookie lasagna. We need forks!" I told him with a smile. Half Sac grabbed some and by the time he came back with the forks in hand, Juice and Jax were at my sides at the bar to see what was going on.

Half Sac started to dig in and moaned.

"Oh my god…this is way better than the pie! Not like the pie wasn't awesome but this is on a total different level of awesome. Thank you Shay Bear!"

I saw Jax's eyes darken as I took a bite of the cheesecake with Half's fork.

"Man Shay…how come you only bring Half Sac treats!?" Juice asked.

"He did me a favor, I owe him. I always figured he'd share," I said smacking Half Sac upside the head lightly.

"Seriously? He's a fat ass! He never shares!" Juice said. I looked at Half and frowned.

"He helped too you know," I whispered.

"Fine! I'll share this one!" Half Sac told Juice. Juice grabbed the other fork and dug in as Jax just sat there quietly.

"You never answered…How come you bring Half Sac all this shit?" Jax asked.

"He's my best friend. He did me a favor and asked for desserts in return. It's not like I don't bake whatever you want at home. No need to get jealous," I said with a wink. How's it feel Jax?

"Yeah well, my Old Lady made it, means that I get dibs," Jax said as he tried to grab the pan away from Half Sac and Juice. I blocked his way to the pan with my arms, his eyes got dark again. Seriously? Over desserts.

"You leave Half Sac and Juice alone. You already have one of these made at the house Teller!" I yelled at him.

Jackson's snatched me off of the stool and pulled me back to his room.

"I don't have time for your shit Jax! I need to be over at the garage," I told him as he slammed the door and pushed me against it.

"I don't give a shit!" he yelled as he forced his tongue into my mouth. I ran my fingers through his hair. Jackson reached his arms around me and grabbed my ass. I don't have the time…. I thought as I pushed him away from we and turned to walk out of the door.

"See you later, Teller," I said with a wink.

I walked back out past the bar and told the boys to enjoy the cake. Jax would probably get me back later but I wasn't too worried about it. I headed to the garage to get to work.

Steph had texted me and asked if I was going to the holiday festival tomorrow. We were both Christmas break from school and the garage would be closed so I wouldn't have to work. I told her that we could go together and that I'd pick her up in the morning. Gemma had said something about the Old Ladies volunteering at events like this in town. It was the middle of December and I hadn't even put up a tree! I got home later then usual and threw last night's pot roast and potatoes in the oven to warm up. I figured the Christmas tree would be in the little attic above the garage so I went to go check. Bingo! Found it! There were a few boxes in the way of tree so I went to go move them before I noticed that there were pictures sitting on top. The first picture was of a baby in an incubator with a Sons of Anarchy beanie on with tubes in his nose. This must be Abel… Poor baby, he looked so small. The next picture was of Jackson and a lady standing next to his bike. She was really pretty; she had dirty blonde hair and was smiling along with him. Wendy. Jackson truly had been through more grief than any man should have to go through. I put all the pictures back and got the tree into the living room. I didn't see any other decorations besides lights so I would just have to pick some up from the festival tomorrow. I turned on some Christmas music and got to work only to stop when the oven went off, I'd wait for Jax to get home before I ate. I got the tree unboxed, set up, and had the lights around it all before I heard him. I don't know how long Jax had been leaning against the wall but he whistled as I bent over to fix the tree skirt. I turned around and smiled at him.

"Hey baby. I remembered that we didn't have any decorations for Christmas up and I kind of went and helped myself. I hope you don't mind," I asked.

"No go ahead. It's nice to have them up this year…I haven't had any Christmas decorations up since Abel passed. It's nice, it feels like a home with the tree up," he said with a sad smile. Jax walked over and put his arms around me and inspected the tree.

"I don't have any ornaments. I broke them all last Christmas…"

"I was just gonna get some at the festival tomorrow. Oh! I'm gonna go get Steph in the morning so she can spend some time with me while we are there," I told him.

"Okay, that will work…Let's run to town real quick and grab some ornaments after we eat."

"Sounds good," I said. We headed outside after we had finished dinner and Jax handed me a helmet and I hopped on behind him. Jax drove us into town to one of the little shops that had just about everything holiday related. He parked about half a block from it. Jackson took my hand as we walked. Seeing those pictures of Wendy and Abel made me wonder about his family and if he really ever considered having any more kids.

"Jax…do you…or would you consider having any more children?" I asked as we continued to walk. His eyes lit up as he looked at me.

"Are you…are you pregnant babe?" he asked. My heart broke a little bit, I wasn't pregnant, but I knew right then and there that all Jackson wanted most in this world was a son.

"No baby, I'm not... I'm just asking. You left the pictures of Abel and Wendy out on the boxes by the Christmas tree above the garage…I'll have to get you a photo album to put them in," I told him. Jax's face fell. He opened the door for me to the store. It was huge even though it looked small on the outside. There were literally decorations for each and every holiday. I grabbed a basket and we headed over to the Christmas stuff.

"I know I wanted someone in my life to come home to. I know that I love the homey feeling I get when I walk in the front door and see you there. I just…even with Wendy it never felt like this…" he stopped and his face fell. Jax's was looking at the ornaments and picked up one shaped like a baby carriage. It was a pale blue with a white ribbon across the front of it.

"I always saw my self with at least one kid, ya know? Carry on the family line and all that shit but at this point in my life, I wouldn't care what we would end up having. I just want a healthy baby. I don't think I could go through everything like I did with Abel again." He told me as he put the baby carriage back down and went to pick up another one that was a motorcycle. I grabbed the carriage and put it in the basket. He had to think about Abel every single time he saw his name tattooed across his chest. I smiled at him as I grabbed on that looked like a stack of books with a quill on top.

"What we end up having?" I asked.

"Yeah Darlin' I plan on making you a mommy. As long as you want to of course," he said with a wink as he picked out a few more ornaments.

"Well of course," I told him as a grabbed a little cop car I saw hanging on the shelf. Jax looked at me and laughed.

"What? It's a symbol for you and my mom. Get it?" I asked.

Jax just laughed even harder.

"Okay, I think we have gotten enough for at least half of the tree. You ready?" He asked. I nodded my head as we headed upfront to get everything paid for. There was a nice old lady at the cash register.

"You doing okay Jackson?" she asked him.

"Yes Ma'am I am. Your son having anymore issues?"

"Not one, I thank you for that."

"No problem at all, this is my Old Lady, Shay," Jax said as he introduced me.

"Nice to meet you sweetie. I'm Darla."

"Nice to meet you too," I told her.

I was pulling the baby carriage ornament out of the basket and handed it to Miss Darla.

"Miss Darla, would you be able to paint something on the ribbon on that baby carriage?"

"Sure can, Sugar. What did you need on it?" Darla asked.

I looked up at Jax and saw confusion in his eyes.

"I would like it to say 'For Abel', if you could please?"

Darla smiled, took the ornament and got to work. It only took a few minutes but she turned back around with it and handed it to me. It came out perfect.

"No charge for this one…Jackson, you keep this one around. She's a sweetheart."

I grabbed an extra bag to double bag everything so it would stay snug on my arm while we were on Jax's bike.

"You didn't have to do that babe…" Jax told me.

"I wanted too. He'll always have a place in your heart, Jax and that mean's he'll have a place in mine," I told him as I hopped on his bike. We got home and Jax helped me put the ornaments on the tree. All together we had the baby carriage, a motorcycle, a cop car, a stack of books, one that said sisters, a chef's hat, handcuffs, a gavel, and all the letters to spell out both of our first names. It was late by the time we got everything settled. Jax just wanted to set everything on the tree and call it a day. It took me forty- five minutes to explain that it mattered where each single ornament went. We decided to call it a night, as I was walking back to the bedroom I turned and looked at the tree. The baby carriage was in the center with the Jax's name surrounding it with mine on the bottom. It looked beautiful. Jax and I hopped in bed after it was finished. I don't know if he realized it, but he was rubbing the area right below my belly button in his sleep. I fell asleep and dreamed of Jax and a blue –eyed blonde toddler crawling around. He was the most beautiful baby I'd ever seen.

I wonder if that's what our baby would look like…

NOTE

Sorry for the wait guys! Lots of planning an interviews going on and I had a lot of stuff to get situated! I really love this scene between Jax and Shay talking about Abel, it has been one of my favorites to write so far.