Say You Love Me
Chapter 26
Kip had stayed true to his word when he said that he'd be filling me up everyday before I left the house. It had been almost two months since Jackson had been home and Kip was on me, every single day, ruining pretty much every pair of underwear that I owned. I enjoyed it but I was too sore to work out or do anything besides work. We were both happy with how things were going right now. We both decided that we had out grown our apartment and had started hunting for a new home as well. I didn't go to any parties at the clubhouse anymore. I figured that it would just be too weird and with everything going on with the Irish, I didn't want to be caught dead in the middle of everything. Plus I had a wedding to plan. My mother wasn't too happy that I was engaged to another SON but she seemed all right that it just wasn't Jackson. It was Sunday so since Chapters was closed I thought I would run some errands and do some wedding planning. Laundry needed to be done, I had to go to the grocery store and I felt very nauseous for the third day in a row now. As I was going isle to isle in the store picking up some stuff, I stopped to grab a box of tampons before I realized that I missed a period last month.
The nausea, me and Kip have been fucking like rabbits, oh my god.
I put the box back and headed to grab some pregnancy tests along with the rest of the groceries that I need. It might have been a false alarm, it could be. I've been stressed with wedding stuff and work. When I got home, I chugged a bottle of water, started a load of laundry, and put groceries away. I had started dusting before the urge to pee hit me. I grabbed two tests and headed to the bathroom. The first one would show a plus sign if it was positive and the second one would show a smiley face. I opened both of them and peed. They both said that the results would show up in ten minutes. I set them down on the edge of the bathtub, washed my hands, and started a timer. I pulled my shirt up and looked at my stomach. I didn't look any fatter; I didn't have a bump or anything. I just didn't feel good in the mornings at all. I went back to dusting and had vacuumed before I realized that I left my phone in the bathroom and the timer had been going off for a while now. I emptied the vacuum and set it back in the hallway closet before I went to take a look at the tests. I took a deep breath before I went over to the tub and picked both of them up.
Plus sign and a smiling face.
The thought of being a mom, the though of having a mini me or a mini Kip crawling around brought a smile to my face. I grabbed my phone to call Kip but set it back down and thought it would be better to tell him in person. I had about two hours before he would be home from his shift at the garage. I smiled as I thought of a cute way to tell him that we were going to be parents. I made a cherry cheesecake lasagna and spelled out 'Welcome Home Daddy' with homemade buttercream frosting. I set it on the dining room table so he would see it when he got home. I had finished most of the laundry and settled on a wedding venue before I looked at the clock in the living room and realized that Kip was supposed to be home a few hours ago. I grabbed my phone and called his phone but got no answer. I waited 15 more minutes and tried again, still nothing.
What the hell? He normally always answers his phone.
I tried calling Gemma next and got the same thing, no response, call back, text, anything.
I called the clubhouse and thank god a bartender picked up.
"Hey! It's Shay! Is Kip or Gemma around? I've been trying to call the both of them for a few hour now and no one is picking up!"
"Honey, no one called to tell you about what was going on?"
"Called to tell me what?! I've had my phone on me all day, and didn't get anything! I've been running errands all day."
"Get to the hospital! I don't know any details, but I know that's were all the guys rushed off too."
I hung up the phone, grabbed my keys and sped to the hospital. My heart dropped into my stomach when I saw most of the SONS bikes parked out front, everyone's bike except Kip's.
I ran as fast as I could into the building and before I could get to the receptionist I saw Bobby walking around the corner. I followed him and was led right to the rest of the guys.
"Bobby, Clay…where is Half Sac? Where's Gemma? They both have been dodging my calls all day! I've got something to tell the both of them!" Jax was sitting with Clay right beside him, his hand on his shoulder trying to comfort him. Jax had a bandage on his arm, it looked like he had just gotten done giving blood.
"Shay, I'm going to need to you have a seat Honey," Bobby said.
I just stood there as I felt like a cold bucket of ice water had just been thrown at me.
"No…I'd rather stand. What the hell is going on? JAX! What is going on!?" I yelled.
Jackson looked at me with tears in his eyes.
"Shay, Gemma got framed by Stahl for shooting Cameron's son. She's gone into hiding… Half Sac… Jax had Half Sac with Tara today for protection because everything with the Irish is going to shit. Cameron ended up showing up to Jax's house and tried to take Thomas. From what we could get out of Tara before she pasted out, Cameron tried to go for Thomas and Half Sac went to stop him and was stabbed. Tara tried getting Thomas away from Cameron and then he stabbed both Tara and Thomas and then took off."
"Jackson, where is Half Sac?! Clay, Bobby…WHERE IS HALF SAC?!" I yelled as I started to cry.
"Shay, Baby, he…he didn't make it. He bled out on the floor and was gone before we got there. We had just gotten Tara and Thomas to the hospital a few minutes before you showed. Jax just gave blood for Thomas to have a transfusion because the hospital is running low. They are in surgery now. There was nothing we could do," Bobby said.
I felt like I couldn't breathe.
"Nothing…you…could…do? Nothing you could do? We are engaged. We were suppose to be getting married and starting a family. I'm pregnant Bobby! I'm pregnant and now you're standing here telling me that he's gone?!" I said as I started to hyperventilate. I stepped away from the guys and let my back hit the wall as I closed my eyes, wrapped my arms around my stomach and let the tears just fall. All I could feel was sorrow and anger, anger towards Jax and everything that had anything to deal with him. I couldn't do anything besides lean against the wall. I didn't know how much time had passed before anyone had tried to speak to me.
"I'm so sorry, Sh.." I knew who it was and before I knew it I had slapped him as hard as I could.
"HEY! Bear that's enough!" Clay yelled. I completely ignored him as I angled my rage towards Jackson.
"YOU COULD'NT HAVE JUST STAYED GONE COULD YOU?! YOU JUST HAD TO RUIN EVERYTHING?! Jax, do you realize that pain and suffering just follow you wherever you go? HE'S GONE JAX! ARE YOU HAPPY NOW!? It's your fault he's dead! Out of all the people that you could have sent to protect your precious fucking Tara it had to be him didn't it? You disgust me! You don't get to tell me that you are sorry. YOU DON'T GET TO SAY ANYTHING! YOU MAKE ME FUCKING SICK!" I yelled as I slapped him again. Clay and Bobby had move in between us and tried to calm the situation down because we were starting to draw attention to ourselves.
Jackson had tears in his eyes and was about to speak before the doctor interrupted us.
" Mr. Teller?" the doctor said with a very concerned and frightened look in his eyes.
"Yeah that's me. How's Tara? How's my son?"
" Tara is out of surgery and is currently being moved to the recovery room. However, Mr. Teller, forgive me because we usually don't' deal with this type of thing here."
"What are you talkin' about Doc?" Clay asked.
"Mr. Teller, we had you donate blood for your son's transfusion before we started operating on him because of the blood shortage. Tara was too weak to donate any and with you being the father we figured you would be the best bet…"
I looked at the doctor as he continued speaking and felt my blood boil all over again.
"Okay, I get that but is my son okay? Doc, is Thomas okay?!" Jax yelled.
"Mr. Teller, Thomas went into shock after the blood transfusion and we couldn't bring him back. The blood transfusion didn't take. Jackson… I'm sorry that I'm the one that has to tell you this but there is no way that Thomas was your son. I'm sorry for your loss."
All of this… for a child that isn't yours and a lying whore?
Jackson had turned from the doctor as he finished speaking and punched the wall repeatedly. Both Bobby and Clay had to clam him down and get him to have a seat.
"I'm going to kill her. I don't understand how she could do something like this Clay!" Jax yelled.
I had had enough.
"CAN SHE FINALLY BE TAKEN OFF OF HER PEDESTAL NOW!? Perfect Tara isn't perfect anymore is she? But you want to know the most fucked up part about the entire thing Jax?" I paused as I walked over to the chair that he was sitting in.
"Kip died protecting a baby that wasn't yours and a bitch that everyone knew was just a fucking gash. I hope you're happy."
"Shay you are going a bit too far now," said Bobby.
"A bit too far? A BIT TOO FAR!? Bobby! He was fucking her while he was in jail and made me look like an idiot! A FUCKING IDIOT! Not only about them fucking but supposedly knocking her up at the same time! Then he did every damn thing in his power to try to ruin my relationship even though he was still fucking with Tara the entire time. NOW KIP IS GONE! The ONE person that I could trust not to hurt me is gone because he had to protect 'Perfect Tara' and that baby! THAT WASN'T EVEN HIS!? But I'm going too…"
"SHUT THE FUCK UP SHAY!" Jax stood up and yelled in my face.
"No…Fuck you Jackson."
I grabbed my purse that I had left by the wall and left the hospital lobby. I was almost to my car before I got really bad cramps in my lower stomach. I had to grip the door handle to keep from falling over. I had never felt anything like that before. I went to go open the door to get in my jeep before a wave of dizziness hit and everything went black.
Enough beeping….
My head was throbbing as I opened my eyes to gather my surroundings. I knew for a fact that I wasn't in my bed because the sheets weren't as comfortable. My whole body felt like I had been ran over by a truck. I went to stretch and noticed that my hand hit the top of someone's arm that was leaning on my bed.
Jackson…
I grabbed the pitcher of water that was on my nightstand and pored it right on him and he jumped away.
"What the hell, Shay?!"
I couldn't even look at him.
"Get out," I whispered as I tried to sit up in bed with no avail.
"The doctor said you shouldn't move so much."
"I'm not your responsibility anymore. Get the hell out!"
"Look.."
Jax never got to complete his last thought because a doctor had walked in.
"When can I go home?" I asked pleading.
"Shay, you have a concussion. When you pasted out you hit your head on the concrete ground. That alone would have you in here for a few days."
"What do you mean 'that alone'? What else is fucking wrong?" I asked, annoyed that Jax was still here.
"Shay, how long have you known that you were pregnant?"
"I just found out today…why?"
"When you passed out one of the hospital employees found you in the parking lot and you were admitted. Of course we did blood work and noticed that you were pregnant…"
"Please…don't tell me."
"Shay, you had a miscarriage. By the looks of the ultrasound you were about 7 or 8 weeks and it's very important to keep the stress levels down during this time. With the passing of your fiancé, I assumed that it was a very stressful day. I am very sorry. You will feel uncomfortable for a few weeks while your body heals itself. Your head should be okay within the next few days," the doctor said as he backed out of the room.
I could barely process what was going on. Jackson had placed his hand on mine before I yanked it away.
"I really hate you," I told him as I crossed my arms around my stomach as the tears fell.
"I know. I hate myself. More than you know, Bear."
I heard a knock and looked up to see Clay pop his head through the door.
"Son, Tara woke up in the next room. She is asking for you. The doctors already told her about the baby."
I tore my eyes from Clay and looked at Jax. As much as I hated Tara, as much as she had put me through, I knew for a fact that I wouldn't want to be on the receiving end of what was going to happen. Jackson stood up from my bedside and turned as he heard me hiccup.
"I won't let her hurt you. I wont let her hurt us ever again. I promise you that." Jackson walked out of my hospital room with Clay, slamming the door. It was less than five minutes before I heard screaming.
They really did put this bitch in the room right next to me…
Of course Thomas is yours! Jax the doctors are wrong! We just lost our son! How could you even accuse me of something like that?!
Typical Tara, she was always playing the victim.
STOP LYING TO ME! HE DIED BECAUSE THE BLOOD TRANSFUSION DIDN'T WORK! LOOK ME IN THE FACE AND TELL ME THAT YOU WERENT SLEEPING WITH ANYONE ELSE AROUND THE TIME YOU GOT PREGNANT?!
It was probably David Hale. He always seemed like he had a soft spot for her. Him and most of the other stupid ass males in this time.
Tara must have whispered her response because I didn't hear any yelling, just the sound of something crashing to the ground, possibly a lamp.
Fucking Hale? Seriously!? Fuck you Tara! I'll tell you what is going to happen and I'm going to say this one fucking time. You get discharged out of this hospital, pack your shit, and get the hell out of Charming! Go back to Chicago, I really could give a fuck, you just need to get the out of here. Do not even think about coming back here. It's taking all of my strength not to strangle you right now. Kip died because of this shit! Two fucking kids have died because of this shit! Shay is barely holding it together and you have no right to say anything because the Irish shit is on me. But you? The lying and the lives that have been lost, those are on you!
I continued to cry as I listened to Jackson yell at Tara. Lying to protect her own ass had cost three lives too many. The fact that this is what it took for Jax to man up and demand that she leave town was unbearable. I'd rather she be dead then leave Charming and still be able to have that much power over a man. I hated the fact that it went to this extreme. This was insane. The entire situation was unbelievable.
I wiped my face with tissues that were on the night stand and I heard another knock on the door.
"Come in."
He walked in looking calmer than when he originally left. Jackson cleared his throat before he began to speak.
"She's leaving. You won't have to worry about her after she gets discharged from the hospital. I meant what I said. She won't hurt you ever again."
"Oh yeah? and I've got a baby announcement cake to throw away and a funeral to plan. Tara may be leaving but that does not put me and you back together or working towards anything. The conversation that just took place does not make up for what I have lost. Do you understand that? Do you get it? I lost a baby, Jackson. Do you know what that means? I had a piece of Kip with me. He's gone, our baby is gone, and I'm left with nothing. Nothing but the words of a man who claimed to love me but his actions and decisions, made by him and people involved with him, did nothing but destroy me. So excuse me if I don't believe a damn word that you have to say to me right now."
"Look, I understand that and that's not what I meant at all…I just. Damn it, Shay! I AM SORRY OKAY!? I know it doesn't make a difference and it wont bring anyone back but you need to know that I didn't mean for any of this to happen."
I checked the clock and saw that it was close to midnight. I wasn't staying the night in this hospital. Not with Tara having a job here and being next door. I gathered my strength, sat up in bed, and tried grabbing my pants from the chair near me.
"What are you doing, Bear?"
"Going home. I'm not staying in this room. I don't want to be anywhere near her or this hospital or anything that reminds me of you."
"You can't even stand," Jax reasoned with me as I unhooked the wires and patches that were attached to me. The machine started beeping so I unplugged that too.
"Then, as much as I wish I didn't have to say this, help me Jax," I sighed.
He made his way over to me in a rush and gently helped me get my extra pair of pants, which were in my vehicle, on. I tucked the remaining nightgown inside the top of my jeans as Jax brought my blue zip up over to me. Motioning for me to put my arms out, he helped me into that as well and zipped it. Once I was dressed he took a step back from me as sighed.
"I know that I am the last person you want with you right now but you do have a concussion and you need to be woken up every few hours to make sure you are alright. I will take you home but I will stay on the couch to make sure that you are okay. Do. Not. Fight. Me. On. This."
"Fine, I have no strength to argue with anyone anymore," I said as I wiggled my self down to the end of the hospital bed and into the wheelchair that my purse was already on the back of.
"Let's Go."
Getting out of the hospital was much easier than it should have been. If any employees noticed us they sure didn't say anything. We got to my truck and Jax picked me up and placed me in the passenger seat. As mad as I was at the world, the look of love in his face did not go unnoticed.
The ride to the apartment was completely silent, if Jackson noticed me crying he didn't say anything. I was entirely grateful that we lived on the bottom floor on the apartment building at a time like this.
Less stairs…
Jax rummaged through my bag, grabbed my keys and went to unlock the door.
I was in his arms and being carried into my bedroom before I knew it. I directed him to where my pajamas were and he grabbed my sons of anarchy t-shirt and some shorts. I pulled of my hoodie and hospital gown just fine but couldn't quite get my pants.
"Just lay back and lift your ass, I'll get em," I was told.
I followed his instructions and had my shorts on a few seconds later. It was nice, you could say, that Jackson had really tried to direct his eyes to look anywhere but my body but I saw him glance here or there.
I was tucked in and silent tears were running down my face as Jackson stood by my bedroom door.
"I know you don't believe me but I swear on my life to protect you from harm. I am a fuck up and I know I can't fix it but I can try damn hard to make sure you never get hurt ever again. I love you even though you hate me. Good night Shay Bear," he whispered as he closed the door.
I didn't know if I believed him. It was always words with Jackson and opposite actions. All I knew is that I just wanted to wake up and have all of this be a nightmare.
NOTE
Okay so first off, SORRY FOR THE DELAY! A lot of shit has gone done in my personal life the past few months and I kind of had to bail on writing. Second, THIS DAMN CHAPTER HAS BEEN SITTING ON MY LAPTOP FOR MONTHS GUYS! MONTHS! I had to re write the hospital scene 50 times to make sure everything made sense which I'm pretty sure the blood fusion related stuff doesn't make any sense but I just ran with it. Also I didn't really know how to have Shay and Jax interact after he told Tara off but still paying respect to the fact that Shay is grieving. With that last bit of info, I will probably do another time jump. Possibly six months to a year. I don't know yet.
xoxo
Ashley