Say You Love Me

Chapter 27

They say that there are seven stages of grief: shock, denial, anger, bargaining, depression, testing, and acceptance. I never really understood those until after Kip had died. I didn't understand that I could feel all of them at once or one for longer than the other. It had been almost eight months since everything had happened. I had enough money saved up to close Chapters for a few months and I took off to a cabin in northern California right after the funeral. From what I could gather, Jax had made good of his threats and Tara had left town. Even with her gone, I couldn't bear it. I couldn't stand to be in town, around anything that brought up the thought of the club. It was too much. I'd go to the grocery store, see or hear a baby cry and just break down. I was so weak, I hated that. Time and space just so happened to be what exactly I needed to put my heart back together.

I was just closing up the cabin to make my way back to my apartment in Charming when Gemma called me.

"Yes, Gemma?" I asked as I threw my bags in the trunk and got in the drivers seat.

"Baby Girl, I know this is a long shot but I figured I'd call and ask like I do every single time. There's gonna be a get together at the club house tonight, we all would like to see you. It's been too long and this is the last time I'm calling and asking. So if you say no, next time around, I'm driving my happy ass up there and dragin' you back to town anyway. So what's it gonna be sweetheart?"

I pulled my phone away from my face and just looked at it and smiled. She had no idea that I was planning on coming back this weekend anyway. Gemma threatening me was a way of her telling me that she missed me. I had planned to go back home, clear out the dust bunnies in my apartment, have a bath, read, and call it a night. I hadn't been home in so long. I had gotten a tad bit thick, in a good way. My ass definitely had grown; I hadn't been doing much of anything to my hair. It had grown, I was trying to grow it out for the wedding but I had wanted to chop it all off since I realized I would never be getting married to the son I wanted. A trip to get something to wear and get this hair back right was needed.

"Okay Gemma, I'll be at the club house at ten. That okay with you?"

"Seriously Darlin'? I thought you'd put up more of a fight like you normally do. You commin' home to stay or just for the party?"

"Coming home for good, Gem. I needed space. I'm okay now. Gained a little bit a weight, I look a little rough, but I can finally breathe. I can smile and laugh without feeling guilty that he's not here. I can hear the roar of a motorcycle without falling into a complete mess. I'll be all right. I need to get come, clean, find something to wear and go get something done to my hair. I'll see you at the clubhouse."

"Shay, Jax and I have been keeping tabs on your place. Everything is a-okay. We rotate checking up on everything. I should warn you baby girl, you've been gone for almost nine months. I know you have been grieving and Jax does too and it's none of my business at all but this is my kid. He hasn't gotten laid since you left. No croweaters, no cara cara girls, nothing. He's been going through lotion and tissue like you wouldn't believe.."

"Eww, gross Gemma!"

"I'm telling you the truth! So if he seems like he can't keep his eyes off of you, give him a break. He's changed for the better."

"I'll try to be nice Gem, I swear. I'll see you at the party. I gotta get off this phone and on the road if I'm going to get there in time. Thanks for taking care of everything, I appreciate it."

"No problem Shay, I love you like you were my own daughter, that will never change. See ya!"

I hung up the phone and put in the cup holder before taking a deep breath. I hadn't even spoken to Jax since I left. I didn't want any more of my anger to overflow and lash out at him, regardless of how bad he might deserve it. I started my jeep, turned up Kehlani's new album and made my way back home.

Hair done, nails done, outfit bought, and I was out of the shower putting lotion on before I heard my phone ringing. I rang my fingers threw my newly cut, layered, and highlighted hair before I answered.

"Hello?"

"Shay Bear…" a deep voice said on the other end.

Jackson…I cleared my throat.

"Jackson, hey. Thanks for taking care of my place when I was gone. I appreciate it."

"It was no problem at all. Ma just told me that you were back in town. I just wanted to call and check up on you. I didn't think you would answer my calls while you were gone."

"Thanks for giving me space," I told him as I looked at the time. 9:30.

Fuck

"Jackson, I don't mean to rush you off of the phone but I need to finish getting ready."

"Oh, okay. I'll let you get to it. If you want, I could pick you up and we can go get breakfast in the morning. If you'd be okay with that."

"Well depending on how tonight goes, I'll let you know. See you around."

I hung up on him before I lost my nerve. I don't think Gemma told him I was coming to the clubhouse just incase I backed out. I finished putting lotion on, sprayed on some perfume and pulled my outfit from the bag. I grabbed a long sleeve black crop top with a vertical strip of lace going down each sleeve, dark blue high waist jeans, and a pair of black open toed heels. None of the jeans that I had taken with me fit anymore. I stuck to just wearing sweats around all the time. Not anymore. I finished my make up, did a winged eyeliner which I hadn't done in months, grabbed my clutch and was out the door. The drive to the clubhouse brought back a flood of memories. I missed Kip, I did, but it just felt like I was trying to be someone I wasn't when I was with him. I don't know exactly how but I had learned that about myself when I was gone. I just wanted to have fun tonight. I didn't want to spill any more tears; I had done enough of that for a lifetime. I parked, and walked up to the clubhouse. I could smell the same thing as always, cigarettes and bad decisions. I heard the rock music blaring and a few people were walking out as I walked past them inside. I saw one of the girls do a double take, from what I could remember she was a crow eater. Lisa I think was her name. I took a deep breath and made my way over to the bar, where I came face to face with Gemma.

"Hey Gem."

"SHAY BEAR! I'm glad you didn't chicken out!" She yelled and came around the bar to give me a hug.

Gemma yelling my name caused some eyes to be diverted right to me. I saw Happy, Chibs, Juice, and Bobby stop playing pool and turn to face me.

I was greeted with my beer in my hand to a round of hugs and 'about times' before the song changed to one of my favorites. The beginning of the Right Kind of Wrong by LeAnn Rimes started to play.

"Go on Baby Girl…he'd want you to be happy. You loved this song. Go dance, Shay."

"Thank you Gem."

I walked away from the pool table and started swinging my hips back and forth. The way this song built up always got to me.

I knew about, about your reputation

And now its bound to be a heartbreak situation

But I can't help it if I'm helpless

Every time that I'm where you are

You walk in and my strength walks out the door

I was in my own little world, dancing all over the place. Gemma must have known it had been forever since I had gotten to have any fun because as soon as the song was over she replayed it.

I looked up at her and she winked at me and whispered something to Bobby and I saw him disappear into chapel. I zoned out again and got lost in the music.

Loving you, that isn't something I should do

I shouldn't want to spend my time with you

Well I should try to be strong

But baby you're the right kind of wrong

Time stood still. I could smell him before I actually saw him. After all this time you would think that I wouldn't be able to sense this man anymore. When I sensed Jackson was closer to me I stopped moving and closed my eyes. He wrapped his arms around my waist from behind and kissed the side of my head. I turned myself around in his arms and when I finally looked into his eyes and felt warmth, I felt like I was home. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and took a deep breath.

Ya baby you're the right kind of wrong

Jackson must have remembered how much I loved this song and started to sway me back and forth. I took another deep breath and followed his lead. He went to turn me and I ended up with my back towards him again. I arched my back and pushed my ass into him. I really wanted to see if what Gemma had said was right. If he really had changed. If he really hadn't screwed anyone since I left. If he was ready to be the man I needed him to be. I was done wasting time. So I needed to know for once and for all, if Jackson Teller was ready to commit. I felt him grip my hips with both hands.

God, I've missed being touched. I've missed those hands.

"Darlin' what are you doing?"

"Dancing, smart ass. What does it look like I'm doing?" I asked as I turned around and brushed my chest against him. Jackson's hands moved from my hips to my ass and I felt him squeeze.

"Seems to me like your trying to start something you won't want to finish," he said in a condescending tone. I winked and leaned back and swung myself from right to left as he held a grip on my ass.

"That's not what I'm doing. I need to know something. Do you still want me? Are you still in love with me? Because I don't ever think I stopped loving you. Deep down there's a reason why I never had that crow removed," I whispered into his ear as I nibbled on his earlobe.

"Fucking Christ Shay!" he whispered as he gripped my hips hard enough to stop me from moving.

"Do you feel that? Yes, I still want you. Yes, I still love you. There's a reason I haven't touched…hell I haven't even looked at another woman. I was giving you time. I knew you needed that. I could tell on your face when I brought you home from the hospital that you needed to be left alone. I needed to get my head out of my ass and figure some shit out. I did that. I was just waiting on you."

I couldn't help but look at his lips and then back up to his eyes as he finished speaking.

"Well I'm here and I'm not going anywhere. So are you about done figuring shit out?" I asked seriously.

I knew that look that Jackson had on his face. I had seen it countless times before. His blue eyes had darkened and he looked like he had something to prove.

"Yeah I am. I'll show you. You need to come take a ride with me. But no more running. No more fuck ups. The next time you leave me, I won't stop until I find your ass. If you come with me… you're mine and I mean it."

I looked at him, went to the bar, grabbed my clutch, and walked back towards Jackson.

"Okay, let's go."

He grabbed my hand and dragged me outside before I could even tell Gemma or any of the other guys goodbye.

"Get in the jeep and follow me on the bike."

"Jackson, where are we going? I don't need directions back to your house, I know where you live."

"No…you don't. Just follow me."

I sighed but turned around and got back in my jeep. Jackson started up his bike and pulled ahead.

We ended up driving about 15 minutes out past the welcome to Charming sign. Jackson turned his blinker on and we drove slowly into a driveway that had the fullest green trees on both sides that I'd ever seen. When the house came into view it took my breath away. I parked my jeep and got out before Jackson was even off of his bike. There was a beautiful cherry wood, two-story home standing in front of me. Thank God there were little lantern shaped light near the ground every few feet that illuminated the entire house. A green trimmed glass front door on the left side had steps leading up to it. Bushes lined in front of the half octagon portion of the house that stuck out on the first floor. The second floor from just looking outside had one center window just above and slanted to the right of where the roof of the middle window had stopped on the first floor. A smaller window stuck on the second floor of the house above the front door. All of the windows were outlined in green trim. This was the most romantic, homey looking house I had ever seen. I heard footsteps behind me and turned to see Jackson with a huge smile on his face.

"Jackson this house is beautiful! It's amazing!"

"It better be. I spent every free moment I had in the past eight months building it."

"You built this!?" I asked in disbelief.

He started twirling his keys around his index finger as he walked toward the front door. Once the door was unlocked, Jackson walked in and punched in a code to disarm a security system. Once the light was flipped on I was able to see how beautiful the inside was. The first floor had a completely open lay out. The octagon shaped window had cushions on a shelf looking thing that went all the way around the base of the window. There was a table in front with a bouquet of lilies, my favorite. Looking past the table there was a bookshelf, but not one of those bought a store ones. The bookshelf was built in and took up the entire right side of the wall. There were a few books about motorcycles and magazines laying down as well.

All of my books would fit on this shelf, plus some.

I walked further into the house and instantly fell in love with the kitchen. Light brown wooden counter tops and stainless steel appliances. The stove alone cost a grand I knew that for sure. The window above the kitchen sink looked out into the woods. Jackson took his cut off and hung it on one of the hooks that was on the wall by the front door.

"You can take a look around. Don't be scared," Jax told me.

"I'm not scared, I'm shocked. I didn't know you were capable of all of this."

"You'd be surprised what I can do when I pull my head out of my ass. The light switch for the living room is on the left right ahead of you."

As soon as I walked past the wonderful bookshelf, I felt the switch he was talking about. I stood right in front of a set of stairs, and the living room was everything I had ever dreamed of. There was an L shaped deep chocolate brown colored couch that was at the base of the stairs. A built in fireplace that had a replica of a Harley Davison in a glass container sat on top. On each side of the fireplace there were racks where dvds and video games could be placed. The one wall that divided the kitchen and living room had a Samsung flat screen mounted on it. A long glass table was underneath with the cable box and video game console. Past the table, was a hallway. I hurried down the hall and opened the first door I came too. The bedroom. This room was different though. There was a king size bed in the middle, with gold and chocolate comforter set and a dresser on each side of the bed.

"Shay, I'm gonna go grab something from outside. I'll be right back."

"Okay!" I yelled back.

I left the bedroom door open as I left the room and opened the only other door in the hall.

More light brown wood, white double sinks, you so could fit two people in that Jacuzzi tub, and a shower tucked in the corner.

I wouldn't leave that damn bathroom. I didn't even want to take a look at what was upstairs. This house was more than amazing. It was everything that I had ever dreamed off. I went back into Jackson's room and sat on the right side of the bed. I assumed he still slept on the left side closest to the door.

I wonder how deep these drawers are…

I opened the left dresser drawer to see how deep they were when I noticed a ring box inside.

There's no way he kept that ring all this time…

I stood up from the bed and opened the ring box facing away from the door and sure enough the ring that I had given back to Jackson so long ago was placed in the middle of the box. I jumped at the sound of Jax setting my suitcase on the bed.

"You…you built this house for me? For us?" I asked still looking at the ring.

"I did. You know for a fact I don't read enough to fill that damn bookshelf. You've said for as long as I've known you that you'd want gold, brown, and tan house related stuff. I wasn't kidding when I said I was ready."

As I was listening to him speak, I took the ring out of the box and set the box on the dresser. I slipped my ring back on my ring finger. I wanted a loving husband and a family. I couldn't get that with Kip because he wasn't here anymore. Maybe just maybe, I could have that with Jackson.

"I only have eyes for you, I swear on my life that all the shit that happened before won't happen again. I want you and only you Shay Bear, it just took forever for me to figure it out."

I moved towards Jackson, grabbed my suitcase, moved it from the bed to the floor, and stood right in front of him.

"Okay, Jackson. Prove it," I challenged.

His eyes darkened and I felt myself instantly get wet.

His arms were around me before I could even react. My hair was being wrapped to the side of my neck as he placed rough kisses on the skin he could get to. Sliding his free hand down my hips to my ass he squeezed and I let out a loud moan.

"You've gotten thick Shay Bear."

"Yeah, I know. I'm sorry, I'm going to start working ou- AH! JAX!" I yelled as he kicked me up and threw me on the bed. My legs fell apart just for him like they remembered what to do without me having to do anything. That black t shirt that Jackson had on was taken off and as soon as I saw him shirtless I moved to take my top off. Fingers were moving to both pairs of pants in the room and Jackson just so happen to be the first one to get my pants undone and had slid a finger against my clit.

"Fuck!" I moaned and lost focus as I fell back against the bed.

"You still get so wet for me…I love it Shay Bear."

"Jax, Please!"

"Please what baby?"

"Pants…boxers…AH…inside me please babe!"

Jax stood up and slid my jeans and underwear down at the same time that I flung my bra across the room. His pants and boxers weren't even at his ankles before I had him in my mouth.

"Hstttttt…. fuck babe yeah. Right there."

I took him as deep as I could go and massaged his balls. I had started to hum around him before he pulled me off and pushed me on my back. Jax had both of my legs on the side of his.

"I'd love to taste you but you're already so wet baby and I can't wait any longer."

"Jax, now!"

He laid on top of me and slid himself inside of me. It felt like he had grown two inches and gotten half an inch thicker since the last time I had slept with him.

"FUCK!" we both said at the same time.

"Jackson, you feel so good. Move baby please. Please I need you to move."

He pulled himself out to the tip and then slammed himself back in, over and over again.

"I love all of you, you understand?" he asked as he slipped his tongue in my mouth.

"Yes, Jackson," I said my mouth was finally free.

"I like that fat ass you got. I love how it feels in my hands. If you try and get rid of it, you'll get a spanking. You hear me?" he said as he rocked inside of me and wrapped a hand around my throat.

"YES, JAX! I'm so close!"

"Me too baby! You're so tight around my dick, I love it. You feel the exact same, made just for me."

"Fuck Jackson!"

"Say you love me…"

"I love you Jax…im about to…"

"I'm gonna cum inside…cum around my cock baby, I know you want to."

His words, the fact that I had missed him and hadn't been touched in months I knew it wouldn't take long before I was convulsing like I was having a seizure. It was the most wonderful feeling. Having an orgasm the same time as Jackson, I will always love that feeling.

NOTE:
anddddd scene! HI GUYS! I'm not abandoning my story, I promise! Writers block is a very big bitch though! Let me know your thoughts!