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Chapter Eight
Breakdowns
Esmerelda walked down the corridor to her bedroom still in a zombie like state. She quickly stopped off at the bathroom and was sick in the toilet a few times, the thought of what happened making her sick to her stomach from the disgust she felt. She wiped her mouth with some tissue and then left, grateful the toilets had been empty at the time. She carried on to her bedroom and she arrived outside her bedroom and threw open the door and walked in closing her door behind her and turning around but then she lost it.
She had been holding it in for Ethel's sake, her sobbing would not help, one of them needed to be the strong one after what had happened to Ethel but now in the safety of her bedroom she could let herself go. She slid down the wall and sat on the floor and just started to sob.
She could have dealt with the fact Ethel was pregnant if she had made a mistake and slept with someone, in fact she really wished this had happened even at her sisters tender age, but the fact she was raped was to much for the older blonde. Her precious Ethie, hurt in the worst possible way, had she not suffered enough the last few years? She had never felt such a hatred for another human being before as she did in that moment towards the man who had stolen her darling sisters innocence and happiness and left her a shell of what she was and it was not something Ethel could even have counselling for and maybe start to overcome because she was pregnant, it would be hanging over her forever, even if she doesn't keep the baby.
Esmerelda really was not one to cry, only when something was really really bad did she cry, she was good at being strong and putting on a brave face but in that moment she cried more than she had ever cried in her life, she sobbed into her hands wishing this was a nightmare she would wake up from. In that moment the whole of Cackles could have seen her lose control and she would not care, she had a right to cry.
"You bastard!" She shouted out suddenly. Not one to ever swear or curse as she didn't really ever see a need for it and if there was one thing her parents had done right in raising their kids is that they taught them not to be foul-mouthed but in that moment she could think of no other word for the man who had hurt her baby sister.
"If I ever come into contact with you, you won't walk again, I will kill you!" Esmerelda shouted out to the ceiling, serious about it as well. If she ever caught eyes with her sisters attacker she was not sure she would be able to control herself, she wanted him to suffer, she wanted him to suffer at the hands of her, she wanted to watch him roll around in agony as he screamed out for mercy and she tortured him slowly, she wanted him to feel this pain she was feeling and Ethel was feeling and Sybil will be feeling when she found out. If she ever caught eyes with the rapist he would chose the wrong person to make eye contact with, she might be merely a child but she would make sure he suffered.
In that moment though as well as anger Esmerelda felt guilt, she always tried to protect Ethie and Sybie from harm and she knew she was overprotective but they were the mist precious things in her universe she couldn't help it so how had she failed? Why had she not gone with Ethel, why had she not gone to find her? Could she have done anything at all to stop him?
She knew deep down the answer was no, if he had seen them together Esmerelda would not have put him off, in fact he probably would have attacked both of them but with her dying breath she would have not let that creature near Ethel. He could have done anything to her, tortured her, raped her, beat her, left her dying, she wouldn't care because she would die knowing Ethel was safe away from that person. She would have done it for Ethel or Sybil. She would have taken the rape, told Ethel to run, get away, save herself. She would take the pregnancy too, she was older and more equipped to deal with motherhood than Ethel, she wished so much she could go back in time, she would let him have her right now.
It just wasn't fair. Ethel had told her sister not long ago, when she had started her periods actually, that the idea of sex right now disgusted her and she wanted to focus her brain on her work and worry about that stuff later, Esmerelda had told her that was wise and to wait until she was at least sixteen when she is more able to make decisions, she had told her no matter what anyone told her about it don't rush in to it when you are not ready. Esmerelda had said she had not done it yet, which amazed a lot of people but she didn't care what they thought of her, she would decide when it happened not them and Ethel should do the same. As she realised that choice had been taken from her she sobbed more at the cruelness of it, she couldn't stand thinking of Ethel scared and in pain alone, it was to much.
She didn't know how long she sat behind her door crying, all she knew was someone started to push against it and Esmerelda opened it. If it was a first year asking her a stupid question she swore she would curse them but she opened it and saw Sybil. She wiped her eyes and took some breaths to calm herself before she spoke.
"Not now Sybie…..I am busy" Esmerelda told her sister not wanting her here now. She was barely coping as it is.
"Have you being crying?" Sybil asked her ignoring her sisters comment. Her eyes were red raw from how much crying she had done.
"I am fine Sybil" Esmerelda replied turning away and walking back into her room and towards her bed. She picked up a potions book of her bedside table and opened it starting to study. Sybil followed her in and closed the door walking over to the bed.
"Did you talk to Ethel?" She asked Esmerelda. The older in question kept her head down knowing she would lose it again if she looked at her beautiful innocent baby sister.
"Mmm" Esmerelda replied hoping Sybil got the message she didn't want to talk.
"What did she say?" Sybil asked not giving up as she knew her sister was upset.
"She is fine..." Esmerelda lied not knowing how to tell Sybil the truth, she was such a sensitive child.
"Then why are you so upset?" Sybil asked her sitting next to her on the bed. Esmerelda didn't reply but a drop of water fell onto the page of her book as a tear fell out of her eye. She was losing it and this time, for the first time, there was nothing she could do about it.
"Esmie?" Sybil went on wanting her to talk to her about this. She let the tears stream down her face breaking apart before Sybil's eyes.
"What is wrong with Ethel?" Sybil asked her sister sadly knowing it must be bad in order for Esmerelda to cry in front of her. She tried to think of the last time she had seen Esmerelda cry and realised she had no memories of ever seeing her sister cry. None at all.
"Esmerelda?" Sybil said moving closer even if she was not sure exactly what she should do. She could see her sister shaking as she sobbed.
"I will go get Miss Cackle" Sybil said jumping up and preparing to run off until Esmerelda called her back.
"No don't!" Esmerelda told her. Sybil stopped at her sisters door and turned around to see her sister now full on crying into her lap. Sybil slowly walked back to her knowing she couldn't just leave her. She walked to her sister and wrapped her arms around her trying to soothe her but she just cried more.
"He hurt Ethie….he hurt Ethie" Esmerelda said in a shaky voice.
"I know Esmie, he mugged her" Sybil replied wondering what Esmerelda meant, that was common knowledge.
"I am going to kill him, he hurt Ethie!" Esmerelda said still making no sense. She sounded more aggressive than Sybil had ever heard her before.
"Erm Esmerelda..." Sybil said about to ask her what she meant again.
"Why Ethie why?" Esmerelda shouted out making no sense and it was like she was having some sort of episode she didn't appear to be aware of the words coming out of her mouth. Sybil decided just to listen as the truth might come out.
"He raped Ethie...he raped my Ethie! "Esmerelda shouted out sobbing more. Sybil gasped but shook her head trying not to cry herself, she couldn't cry when Esmerelda was so upset.
"Why her why not me, he got Ethie pregnant, she is only a baby, why why" Esmerelda went on and Sybil covered her mouth at the pregnancy announcement letting tears fall out of her eyes.
"He should have taken me, taken my powers or raped me, I wouldn't care but not little Ethie" Esmerelda shouted before she turned her head and slammed it onto her pillow just sobbing. She had clearly completely lost herself.
Sybil had learned a little in the last year about sex and she knew now, as a second year, rape was when someone was forced into it. She started to cry to and leaned her head against her sisters wall as the reality hit her.
"I failed her, I didn't protect her" Esmerelda said blaming herself letting tears run down her cheeks. Sybil shook her head and hugged her
"It isn't your fault Esmie" Sybil said through her tears.
"It is I am meant to protect Ethie" the girl cried more in response. Sybil did not know how to respond to her.
Both girls sat there for a good while longer both just crying and hugging each other gently, Sybil had some questions about things she was not exactly sure about but she knew now was not time for them.
Esmerelda held Sybil so tightly she thought she was going to squeeze her until her ribs snapped but she didn't complain knowing right now the girl needed to feel like she was protecting her when she had it in her head this was all her fault.