I don't bother checking who it is at the door before opening it.
I'm not expecting anyone, so I assume it's just my landlady. Or maybe one of the other tenants.
It's not.
It's Edward.
He looks haggard. Definitely hungover.
"Bella."
I ignore how the way he says may name makes me feel and get straight to the point. "What are you doing here, Edward? How do you even know where I live?"
"Can I come in?" he asks, ignoring my questions.
I look behind me to my place.
The beds unmade. Last nights clothes are still lying in a pile on the floor. There's dishes in the sink I haven't gotten to yet.
"Erm...sure."
Edward smiles and comes in.
He doesn't hide his shock at seeing my place.
Sure, it's not a house like his is. And there's just one room. And it's really messy.
"You don't have to act so disgusted, you know. I know it's small. But I like it."
"I'm sorry. I'm just tired," Edward says.
"How did you know where I lived?"
"Mrs. Newton. I just had to charm her a little bit," he laughs, like he wants me to laugh too to lighten the mood.
"Okay, well you went to all that effort. What do you want?" I ask, scooping up Snickers from off the ground and hugging him to me.
"I wanted to apologize for last night."
"Right," I huff. "I think you already did enough apologizing tonight. It was a mistake, I get it. You can leave now."
Edward makes no move to leave, though. Instead he goes and sits down on my bed.
"No, that's not what I want to apologize for. I want to say I'm sorry for leaving you alone last night. I wasn't thinking clearly and did the exact opposite of what I wanted to."
"It's okay," I tell him. And it is. I'm more upset about him leaving after kissing me than leaving me to go home alone.
"It's not. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have left."
"Okay. What do you want me to say, apology accepted? It's fine."
Edward sighs. "Listen, I suck at this. I didn't plan on kissing you last night. It just kind of happened. I know I don't know you that well, but what I do know about you, I like. I can't help it."
"Okay..."I say dumbly. I don't know how to respond. My head spins and I have to force myself to not get my hopes up.
"But I'm in no position to be in a relationship now. It's not something that I want at this point. Besides that, you're young. You're only nineteen."
"I don't feel nineteen. I feel older. But, whatever. I never expected anything from you. I learned not to expect anything from anybody."
"Bella, I..."
"I think it's time for you to go."
"Just let me explain," Edward pleads.
"Edward, there's nothing to explain. I get it. Being alone New Years sucks. I was there, it was midnight. It was just a kiss. Whatever. I have stuff to do, so.." I let Snickers down and motion to the door.
"Right. Okay," Edward stands up and pulls out his phone. He types quickly on it and then sticks it back into his pocket. My phone chimes with a new text message from the kitchen.
"Now you have my number. Just in case. Okay, bye, Bella," Edward gives me a slight smile and then leaves.
I stare at my phone like it's going to explode, but after a few moments I go over to it and save the number.
Just in case.
One step forward, two steps back? Or maybe they're still where they were before. Let me know what you think.