Chapter eighteen

When Edward's light kiss on my forehead woke me up the next morning, I realised I hadn't practiced emptying my mind as Toby had told me to. I sighed and scrambled out of the bed. Edward wished me a good morning and went home to change his clothes.

Last night we had agreed to call our little disagreement an impasse. Neither of us felt like giving in but we both knew that it wasn't the end. We would continue arguing about it and I was determined to make him see my point. There was nothing he could do to keep me from going to help my friends if they needed me.

It turned out that trying to find some time to empty my mind was going to be a real challenge. I couldn't do it at school, obviously, though it was very tempting sometimes. After school Edward helped me with homework and then I made dinner for Charlie and myself. Just before dinner Edward excused himself and left for home. Thankfully, Charlie didn't press me into any conversation, instead he went to the living room to watch TV, as usual.

I took the chance and after washing the dishes – which I still didn't dare to do by magic – I went upstairs into my bedroom to finally do some mind emptying.

It was much harder than I'd thought. Even though I was alone in the room, I was suddenly very aware of all the sounds and noises inside and outside of the room. I closed the window and drew the curtains to eliminate as much noise and light as possible. Then I lay down on the bed and closed my eyes.

I didn't want to fall asleep, so I concentrated on being awake. Then I realised my mistake – I was supposed to think of nothing at all. So I tried that. The problem was that even when I didn't think of anything, I still could hear things. The loud ticking of the alarm clock on my bedside table. Distant sound of the TV from downstairs. Charlie's cough. Raindrops falling on the roof. Distant hooting of an owl, probably Agnes.

Usually, I was able to ignore these things when I was falling asleep. But now they seemed to be terribly loud. After a few minutes I sighed, got out of the bed, and went downstairs to find some ear plugs.

I felt something hard and cold shaking me gently. I didn't want to open my eyes. They felt heavy and it felt good having them closed. I fought to get back the dream I'd had before the shaking started. It was a nice dream, but I already couldn't remember it.

I frowned; my eyes still closed. The shaking didn't stop. On the contrary, it got a little less gentle. I sighed and unwillingly opened my eyes.

The room was nearly dark, and someone was bent over me. I squinted at that person and recognized Edward. There was a strange expression on his face. He looked anxious and his mouth was moving but there was no sound coming out of it. I frowned, confused. Why couldn't I hear him? Actually I couldn't hear anything at all. What had happened to me?

I tried to think back to before I had fallen asleep and then I nearly facepalmed myself. I settled to rolling my eyes and pulled the ear plugs out of my ears.

"Bella – ," he started saying but then he noticed my movement and frowned. "Why did you have ear plugs?"

"I tried to empty my mind, but the noises were too distracting," I shrugged and rubbed my eyes. Then I focused on him again. "What's the time?" I glanced to the window and the curtains were still drawn, though there seemed to be almost as much light outside as when I'd fallen asleep.

"It's eight in the morning."

"What?!" I blurted out in shock. Now I was definitely awake.

"I was trying to wake you for at least five minutes," he said, still frowning slightly. He looked relieved though. "I thought something had happened to you."

I quickly got out of the bed. I realised I still had yesterday's clothes on, so I tried to look for some fresh ones, but the room was too dim. Edward seemed to understand because he darted to the window and drew back the curtains. The sudden light nearly blinded me, although the sky was clouded.

"I can't believe I overslept!" I grumbled on my way to the bathroom after I had located a pair of jeans and some clean shirt.

While I was in the bathroom, changing, I had an idea. I immediately knew that Edward wouldn't agree but I was determined to try anyway.

"Maybe I should call Charlie and ask him to excuse me from school today," I said slowly as soon as I was back in my room.

Edward was sitting on my bed, looking at me with a raised eyebrow. "Why?"

"I would be late anyway, so I thought that one day off wouldn't hurt anyone," I shrugged and then went on before he could interrupt me. "I could tell Charlie that I'm not feeling well."

Edward was shaking his head as I spoke. "We're not that late. If we hurry, we'll make it there before the second class starts."

"Oh, come on, Edward!" I whined and sat next to him. "You and your siblings skip school all the time on sunny days! Being sick is a perfectly normal excuse. And you can go to school, I won't stop you." I wouldn't stop him, but I was secretly hoping he would stay with me.

"I'm not leaving you here alone."

I smiled. At the same moment Edward's phone rang. He pulled it out of his pocket and frowned slightly at the display before answering it.

"Alice?" He was listening for a few seconds and then rolled his eyes. "Fine. Thanks." With that he ended the phone call and looked at me. "She saw me staying with you, so she called Esme to call to school to excuse me. Apparently, I'm suffering from a migraine so bad that I can't go to school," he explained with a sigh.

"Excellent," I beamed at him and went downstairs to call Charlie.

Charlie didn't buy it when I told him I was sick, but he agreed to excuse me from the classes. I had to promise to study muggle subjects while at home though.

After I hung up, I realised something and turned to Edward, who was standing next to me.

"How did you get inside? I remember closing the window and the curtains were still drawn when I woke up."

"Well," he hesitated, looking suddenly ashamed. "I might have broken in," he admitted sheepishly.

I blinked in surprise and hurried to the hall. The front door looked normal but when I looked closer, I could see it was unhinged and a little cracked in the middle. I turned back to Edward who was now standing in the kitchen doorway, nervously running his hand through his hair.

"I'm sorry," he muttered. "I'll buy you a new one."

I rolled my eyes. "I think I can fix it." I sighed and ran up the stairs to get my wand. When I got back, I pointed it at the door and said, "Reparo!" To my relief, the door fixed itself and flew back into the hinges.

"I hoped you would be able to do something like that," said Edward with a smile.

"There is a spare key hidden under the eaves," I informed him and walked back to the kitchen to grab something to eat.

"So, what do you want to do?" asked Edward while I was eating breakfast.

"Well," I said thoughtfully. "I really need to practise the mind emptying thing. And I thought about finally learning some housework spells. And spend some time with you, of course." I smiled at him, and, to my relief, he smiled back. "And there is something else I wanted to show you," I added after a few seconds.

"And what is that?"

I just smiled and shook my head. "You'll see."

I had come up with the idea yesterday when I thought about how to convince Edward that I needed to go to Britain. I had realised that he didn't know anything about the people I had spent my time at Hogwarts with. I had never even told him about my best friend and her family.

So after breakfast I took his hand and led him back into my bedroom.

"You read my schoolbooks, right?" I asked, walking to my school trunk which laid in the corner.

"Yes."

"Did you go through the other things in my trunk?"

"No, just the books. I didn't want to do it without your permission."

I sighed in relief and dragged the trunk to the bed where I opened the lid. Edward sat down on my bed and watched me curiously. I sat next to him and started rummaging through all the things in the trunk. After a while I finally found what I'd been looking for. A bunch of wizarding photographs clipped together.

"I want you to know about my friends," I said, slowly unclipping the photographs. I bit my lower lip and started arranging it, so the oldest pictures went first. Edward watched me with lifted eyebrows.

"Did it just move?" He nearly gasped, pointing at one of the photographs. The Snitch just flew across it.

"Yes." I didn't comment on it further. He frowned, clearly not happy with my answer.

I stacked the photographs and held them up with the pictures facing me so Edward wouldn't see them before I meant him to. Then I took the first picture and laid it on the bed between us. It was a muggle photograph, one that Charlie had taken just after our first trip to Diagon Alley. The picture showed me in the Hogwarts school uniform and my newly bought wand which I held proudly in my right hand.

"Nice," said Edward with a smile, taking the picture in his hand. "How old were you?"

"Eleven. It was before I started Hogwarts," I explained. "Charlie was so excited to see me in the school uniform." I laughed at the memory. I quite liked the picture. It was before my awkward teenage years. "He went with me to do the shopping and was excited about everything. We both were. It was all so new to us." I remembered the wonderful day and smiled slightly.

"What about your mother?" Edward looked up from the photograph. "I know you said she wasn't happy with you being a witch, but wasn't she at least a bit curious?"

My smile faded and I sadly shook my head. "No. I think she was scared, actually. But I'm sure she would have gone with me to do the shopping if Charlie hadn't agreed to do it." At least she had said so.

"You must have been disappointed with her attitude," he said in a calm tone, but his expression was surprisingly angry. He put the picture back down on the bed.

"Well," I hesitated. "It was surprising because usually she's very open-minded and likes new and exciting things. But magic apparently doesn't fit in that category. At least Charlie's been very supportive." I shrugged and took another photograph which I placed on the first one.

This one was a wizarding photograph, taken by my classmate and fellow Gryffindor Colin Creevey. It was of me, Ginny, and a few other Gryffindor first years just a few days after the sorting. We were sitting on the sofa in the common room, laughing and waving at the camera.

"I can't believe the picture's moving!" Edward said with a short laugh and then frowned slightly. "But it's a bit blurry and some of you are not moving." He looked up with raised eyebrows.

"Well, the boy who took the photograph was just a beginner then. It was one of his first pictures and he hadn't quite mastered the developing yet."

"How did he make it move?" He looked clearly fascinated; his eyes now fixed on our waving hands.

"There is a potion that enables that." I shrugged again. "Colin got better at it pretty quickly, considering he's a muggleborn like me, and it had been all new to him, too. He became our unofficial photographer during our school years."

"So, who are the other children?"

I shortly told him about the other kids, which were my roommates Maggie Addams and Ruth Owens.

"And this is Ginny Weasley," I said at last, pointing at the red-haired girl, who was sitting right next to me. "She's my best friend. I spent at least a week almost every summer with her family. She's got six older brothers and very loving parents. I always felt very welcome there." I took another picture with me and the Weasleys from my first summer at the Burrow and then another one with only the Weasleys on their holidays in Egypt, which Ginny had sent me.

Edward looked at the photos for a long time and then he sighed. "I know what you're trying to do, Bella," he said quietly and looked up at me. "It still doesn't change the way I feel about you going to fight."

I gritted my teeth but didn't say anything. Instead I took a picture with me and Ginny at the Yule Ball. I smiled slightly and looked at Edward, who was watching me intensely. Then he glanced at the picture and lifted an eyebrow.

"The Yule Ball," I explained. "I didn't want to go, but Ginny had been invited by an older boy and she didn't want to be the only third year at the Ball. So she talked me into it. And then a boy from Beauxbatons asked me to go with him." I frowned slightly. "I still think Ginny had something to do with it."

"Hm." Edward's eyes were fixed on the photo. "What was his name?" he asked, maybe too innocently.

I chuckled. "I don't remember," I admitted. "I didn't spend much time with him since I refused to dance. But he was very handsome."

He exhaled sharply but didn't look at me. His lips pressed together into a thin line.

I laughed and lightly touched his arm. "Not as handsome as you," I assured him after a few seconds.

He finally looked at me and rolled his eyes. "Not funny," he muttered but the corners of his mouth twitched slightly. I grinned at him. Then he seemed to realise something. "Why did you refuse to dance?"

I grimaced. "Because I can't dance. I would have probably crushed his feet or something."

"It's all about the leading, you know," he said and then tilted his head slightly. "Would you refuse to dance with me if I asked you?"

I stared at him for a few seconds before answering. "Well, I don't know. I'm quite clumsy," I admitted though I was sure he'd already noticed this little detail about me.

He rolled his eyes again. "Don't worry, my feet are a bit more durable." Then he grinned. "One day, I'll take you to a dance," he promised, or rather threatened.

"I wish you wouldn't try," I mumbled and took another photograph.

"The Dumbledore's Army?" Edward read aloud the tiny caption on top of the picture. He then looked carefully at all those people gathered in the photo.

"Yeah. It was when Umbridge was at Hogwarts. She refused to teach us any spells, we had to copy texts from the book. So some people decided to form a group where we would learn how to defend ourselves," I explained. "Harry was our leader." I pointed at the black-haired boy with round glasses. "He knew quite a lot of spells from the previous year, and he had always been good at Defence."

I wished I knew what Edward was thinking but his face was unreadable. He continued to examine to photograph, his eyes stopping on each person for a few seconds. So I told him all about the DA I could think of. I named each member, telling him when there was something interesting about them. He didn't interrupt me, still holding the picture, but he was now watching me. When I finished, he laid the photo down and sighed.

"I think I can see your point," he said quietly. A smile started spreading across my face, but he went on. "But I still don't like it."

My smile faded. "You don't have to like it. I just wanted you to understand."

"And I do, really." He closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose. "It's just hard for me to even imagine you fighting or doing dangerous things."

"In that case, I'd rather not tell you about Quidditch," I said with a short laugh, trying to lighten the mood.

"Do I want to know what that is?" He raised his eyebrow, looking worried.

"It's something dangerous," I said with a smile. "But amazing, exciting and fun." With these words I showed him the last photograph. He'd already spotted the Snitch before. It was flying around the heads of Gryffindor Quidditch team, which I was a proud member of. The photo was taken after us winning the Quidditch Cup last year. Then I explained to him the complicated rules of the game.

"And you want to tell me that you play?" he asked incredulously after I finished. "Didn't you just tell me you were clumsy?"

"I'm only clumsy on the ground. Flying doesn't require running, so I can't trip or crash into something." I shrugged.

"But you said there are these balls that knock you off the broom!" He sounded appalled.

"Yeah, Bludgers can be a nuisance sometimes," I said with a shrug. "But no one has died as far as I know."

Edward just stared at me. "Sometimes I hope you just make things up," he said after a while.

"I know, it seems incredible. But all of it is true." Then I moved even closer to him and gently touched his cheek. He looked into my eyes, his eyes full of worry. "I live in a dangerous world, Edward. There are things and creatures you've never even heard of. Compared to them, Quidditch is pretty safe." I could see that this didn't help to improve his mood, so I went for a different strategy. "You know, all these injuries caused by Quidditch can be easily fixed. Broken bones are nothing when you have magic at hand. It takes about ten seconds to heal it. Just ask Mrs. Webber, I'm sure she would tell you everything about magical medicine."

That helped a little. At least he composed his worried expression to a calmer one. I decided that "the photo time" was over so I took the photographs and stuck them back into my trunk.

"So what now?" Edward asked, watching me sending the trunk back into the corner with my wand.

"Well, I thought I would try to empty my mind again," I said uncertainly.

"You want me to leave, then?"

"No!" It didn't even cross my mind. "Just try not to distract me. Can you do that?"

"I think so." He slid off the bed and went to sit in the rocking armchair. He became utterly still, like a marble statue. He even closed his eyes.

"Thanks," I muttered and took a deep breath. Then I laid down on the bed, closing my eyes. I tried to ignore all the surrounding sounds, but just like last night, I became suddenly aware of every little noise in the house and outside. I lay like that for a few minutes and then gave up. I sat up, groaning in frustration, and clapping my hands on my ears.

"Bella?" The statue had come to life again.

"I don't know how to do it!" I whined. "Everything seems so loud. It's so frustrating!"

Suddenly he was sitting next to me, his arm around my shoulders. I flinched a little, startled by his sudden appearance, but then I relaxed and leaned into his embrace. I felt him kissing the top of my head, so I closed my eyes and let the pleasant feeling wash through me. I felt considerably calmer.

"Are you sure it's Jasper who manipulates emotions?" I mumbled against his shoulder.

He chuckled. "I might have learnt a few tricks from him." We were quiet for a few minutes. "Have you considered meditation?" he asked suddenly.

I frowned and pulled back a little, so I could see his face. "Um, no. I didn't think of it. Do you think it would help?" It actually didn't sound like a bad idea.

"I don't know," he said with a shrug. "But it's supposed to help you calm your mind. I think it wouldn't hurt to try. And by the way, didn't Toby say that you should concentrate on just one thing during the day and leave the mind emptying exercise for evenings?"

"Oh, you're right!" I had completely forgotten about this. "I don't know how to do it, though," I said, biting my lower lip. "The meditation, I mean. Do you have any tips?"

"No, but you can look it up on the internet," he suggested.

"I don't have a computer," I admitted. Edward gaped at me. "What? Do you see it here in my room?" I felt a little miffed.

"Well, no, but surely, Charlie has to have one."

"No, he doesn't. He's not a fan of modern technology and when he needs internet, he can always use a computer in his office at the station." I shrugged.

Edward laughed incredulously and shook his head. I scowled at him.

"I'm sorry," he said and even had the decency to look ashamed. "We can go to our house and use one of ours," he suggested. "Or maybe Carlisle has some books about meditation in his library."

"Yeah, good idea." I smiled at him. "But we'll go there in the afternoon. I promised Charlie to do some studying."