Chapter twenty-two
While I made dinner, Edward answered Charlie's questions about vampires in general. So far he'd told him about vampire strength and speed and about super hearing and super sight and also that vampires don't sleep. Charlie looked quite impressed.
"So your mind reading… how does it work?"
I placed the dinner in front of Charlie and sat down at the table with my own plate, curious about the answer as well. I'd never really asked Edward about the details of his Gift.
"I can usually hear everyone within the range of several miles," Edward said with a shrug. "The more familiar the "voice" is the farther I can hear it."
"So you can hear everyone around you, all the time?" Charlie's eyes were wide, and I just now realised, what it must have been like for Edward. I'd always thought he could just pick whose thoughts he wanted to hear.
Edward nodded.
"But that's crazy!" I said, shaking my head. "I mean, it would drive me mad, hearing everyone all the time. How can you possibly concentrate on what's important?" I couldn't imagine how he could survive at school.
"Well, it was hard at first," he admitted with a slight smile. "Even after my first year as a vampire, I couldn't be among people at all. Even with only Carlisle it was very distracting. I often answered his thoughts, even those that weren't meant for me to hear. After the others joined us, I learned to tune their thoughts out so now it's usually only a humming noise unless I want to hear them."
"So what do you hear now?" asked Charlie, curiosity clearly written on his face.
"Your curiosity and caution…" When he saw Charlie's confused expression he chuckled and explained. "I can't hear your thoughts, but I can hear your feelings. I can also hear Emmett nearby in the woods. He volunteered to be the first one to watch over you since he wasn't here before. He's thinking about his hunt with Rosalie… right, I don't really want to see that!" He looked disgusted and threw a glare at the wall opposite him which I guessed was Emmett's direction.
Charlie and I laughed, and I placed my hand on Edward's arm. "Now I really feel sorry for you. I think I can imagine what he's thinking about."
"Does he realize you can hear him?" asked Charlie with an amused expression.
"Of course he does," said Edward with a snort. "He enjoys annoying me." He rolled his eyes. "I can also hear your neighbours arguing and an older couple driving through Forks to Port Angeles."
Charlie was quiet for a while, eating his dinner. He looked thoughtful and kept glancing between me and Edward.
"You're not really seventeen, are you?" he asked after a few minutes of silence.
Edward stiffened. "Well, technically I am," he said, watching Charlie carefully.
"Is it bad?" Edward's face remained unreadable, so Charlie looked at me. "Do you know?" I nodded. Charlie then leaned back in his chair with his arms across his chest. "Right. Tell me."
Edward's hand clenched into a fist, and he took a deep breath. "I was born in 1901."
Charlie gaped at him, his mouth moving soundlessly. I looked at Edward anxiously. He was still watching my dad, his expression still unreadable.
"That's… that's," was all Charlie was capable of saying. Again, his eyes were flitting between me and Edward.
"Carlisle is about two hundred and fifty years older than Esme," said Edward in an even voice, though his hand was still clenched in a fist. I stared at him. That was news to me, too.
Charlie closed his eyes and slowly shook his head. "I think I'll pretend I never asked. Or better… I'll try to forget it," he said with a determination in his voice.
After dinner Edward stood up to leave, saying he would join Emmett outside. I walked him to the front door and after quietly promising me he would be back in my room later he left.
I did the dishes in silence, aware that Charlie was watching me the whole time. When I turned to tell him I was going to bed, he stood up. "Bella?"
"Yes?" I eyed him warily. He looked sad, resigned even.
He didn't say a word but walked over to me and hugged me tightly. I was surprised - that didn't happen very often – but hugged him back. After that he shuffled to the living room.
Monday morning Charlie went with me to the school to explain my situation – or at least the version we had agreed on – to the principal, Mr. Greene.
Mr. Greene, to my surprise, accepted everything I said without question. Maybe it was the fact that my dad was the Chief of Police that made him believe we wouldn't lie. Or maybe he was afraid of him. Either way we made the necessary arrangements so I could end the school immediately.
On our way back to the car we tried to avoid people, but we had no such luck. The classes were about to start so we received many curious stares as we made our way to the cruiser as quickly as possible. When I looked up, I could see Edward standing across the parking lot with Alice, watching me intently. I gave him a small smile before getting in the car and then we drove away.
Charlie drove me straight to the Cullen house where Esme was already waiting for me on the porch. She hurried down the steps and after assuring Charlie that she would take care of me she led me inside. I felt like a five-year-old but decided to get along – I understood that Esme was trying to do anything to prove to Charlie that I was safe with her family.
Spending time with Esme was even better than I'd expected. She let me do what I wanted and when I told her that I wanted to try the meditation she even suggested a few ideas. For example that it would be better with some relaxing music. Unfortunately, vampires apparently didn't need to relax – not with Jasper around - because there was no relaxing music anywhere in their house. Not even Edward had any in his ridiculously large music collection.
But Esme didn't let that little problem discourage her.
"Never mind, Bella! We just buy it online and download it into our computer."
Before I had time to react, we were on our way upstairs. We entered a room Edward had told me was Esme's office, but it looked more like an atelier. There were two easels and a huge table that was covered with plans and drawings.
"I like designing houses and interiors," she explained when she saw me looking around. She sat down at a desk in a corner with a laptop on it.
"Uhm… I'll pay for it," I mumbled, embarrassed.
"Nonsense, honey, it's no trouble," she smiled and quickly typed something on the keyboard. "Besides, we already have an online account on a few music stores."
I sighed in resignation. I really didn't know how to buy things on the internet, and it was only a small amount of money anyway. "Thank you."
After a few more minutes Esme gave me a small square box which I recognized as an iPod. Renee had tried to convince me that I needed one for my birthday last year, but I talked her out of it since it would have been useless at Hogwarts. She'd given me clothes instead.
"You can borrow it and listen to the music while doing your meditation," Esme said, easing my worries about another gift. I thanked her again and then she suggested I used Edward's room for my meditation.
I realised that I hadn't been alone for more than a couple of minutes in the last three days. I lay down on Edward's couch and for a few minutes I just enjoyed the feeling that I was finally alone. Though I liked that Edward was with me at night, I just needed some time for myself as well.
After a while I got up and following the manual, I had printed out a few days ago I grabbed a cushion from the couch, put it on the floor and sat on it with my legs crossed. I put earbuds into my ears, turned on the iPod and let myself lose in the slow tones of the music. I didn't fall asleep, instead I concentrated on my breathing.
I stayed like that for half an hour, though it seemed much longer. I felt more refreshed than after a good night sleep. For a while I stayed in his room just enjoying the quiet and Edward's scent that was wafting everywhere around me.
I stayed in Edward's room and pulled out my Hogwarts books out of the backpack I'd brought with me. Still in the same position, that means sitting on the cushion and leaning my back against the couch, I started reading Toby's list of defensive spells he'd given me on Saturday. I compared the list with spells I already knew from school and with those I'd learned on my own before I'd met Toby and checked off those that matched.
I worked without a break until a light knock on the door made me look up.
"Bella?" Esme peeked in and then smiled sheepishly. "I'm sorry to disturb you."
"It's okay, Esme," I said, stretching my stiff back. "Is something wrong?"
"Not at all," she said, taking a step inside. "I just wanted to ask you what you'd like for lunch."
"Oh, I didn't realise I've been here so long." I looked at the watch and saw it was nearly noon. "And don't worry about my lunch, I can fix something for myself," I assured her with a smile.
"Well, the fridge is full of fresh food, you can take whatever you want," she offered and then hesitated. "But there was something else I wanted to ask you as well."
"What is it?"
She sat on the edge of the couch looking somewhat embarrassed. "I was wondering if you could teach me how to cook."
Ten minutes later we were standing in the kitchen in front of the fridge, discussing what would be the best meal to start with. I was a beginner myself, so we'd decided to experiment with cooking together. It turned out to be quite fun. Esme was an easy-going and friendly person and soon we were chatting and laughing like old friends.
We decided to make Spaghetti Carbonara since I already knew how to make it and it was relatively simple. While we were working Esme told me that she had always bought food for children in hospital but she'd always wanted to cook it herself, only she wasn't able to taste it and was afraid it wouldn't be good.
"Didn't you cook when you were human?" I asked when we were finished, and I had a plate full of delicious looking spaghetti on the table in front of me. I decided to take the rest of the meal to Charlie later so I wouldn't have to make dinner.
"I think I did but I don't really remember it," she smiled slightly, sitting down opposite me. "Human memories fade, you know."
I nodded but couldn't suppress my curiosity. "What was your human life like?"
Esme looked thoughtful for a minute like she was deciding what to tell me.
"I had a happy childhood," she began with a slight smile. "I grew up on a farm outside of Columbus. I remember that I had a hard time to behave like the lady my parents expected me to be. I did some very unladylike things like climbing trees or sneaking out of the house at night in summer to go swimming in a nearby pond alone."
I laughed. I couldn't quite imagine a rebellious Esme.
"When I was sixteen, I fell off a tree and broke my leg. I had to go to hospital and there I met a very handsome, young looking doctor." She paused and there was a twinkle in her eyes. "He was very kind and thoughtful, and he always listened to what I had to say."
I frowned. "It was Carlisle?"
"Yes," she beamed at me and then her face fell a little. "Unfortunately, he left town soon after I was released from the hospital. But somehow, I never forgot him. After some time all my friends were married but I still waited for the one who would capture my heart…" she sighed. "I think I unconsciously compared every man that was interested in me to Carlisle."
I ate my lunch, completely immersed in Esme's story.
"After graduation I wanted to work as a teacher by my father was strongly against it. Instead he persuaded me to marry the son of a family friend. I finally agreed just to please my father." She sighed again, and I knew that her story had just turned for the worse.
"Although Charles Evenson seemed to be a nice man in public, in reality he was quite different…" She paused again, taking a deep breath.
I blinked in horror. "Did he… did he abuse you?"
"Yes."
"I'm so sorry, Esme. You don't have to – "
"It's alright, Bella," she assured me. "I want to tell you.
"I couldn't return to my parents, they just told me to be a good wife and keep quiet. Fortunately, Charles soon left to fight in the War, and I was left alone but it was a huge relief. Sometimes I even wished he would never return…" she admitted sheepishly. I couldn't blame her. I felt angry just thinking that someone would hurt this kind, gentle woman.
"Of course he came back, and it was even worse than ever before." She fell quiet for a while, staring somewhere above my shoulder and I could only imagine what was she reliving right now. "A year after his return I found out I was pregnant." I felt my eyes go wide with surprise. "I knew I just couldn't bring a baby anywhere near him, so I ran away…
I went to Milwaukee to live with my cousin, but Charles found me there. So I fled again this time to Ashland. I needed money so I took a job as a teacher…" She smiled slightly. "I finally did something I wanted to do. I tried to create a home for my baby. When my boy was born, I was so happy… He was so beautiful…" she whispered, and I was afraid of what would come next. "But two days after he was born, he died of lung fever… I couldn't take it… I felt like I'd lost everything. I couldn't see any way out so I… jumped off a cliff."
I gasped. "What? But… But Edward said you fell."
"Always the gentleman," she said with a slight smile. "Anyway I woke up in flames. Or at least that was what I thought. When it was over, I opened my eyes and found the man of my dreams leaning over me and explaining what had happened to me."
I wiped out the tears that I just realized had been running down my cheeks for some time.
"So now you are happy?" I asked, sniffing. Esme stood up and then she disappeared and was back again in about three seconds, handing me a tissue. "Thanks," I mumbled after Esme sat down again.
"Yes, Bella. Now I am happy," she smiled at me, and I could see the sincerity in her eyes. "I have a husband I love and family I've always wanted. It's not always easy but it's worth it."
I was quiet for a while, finally finishing my lunch. "What happened to Charles?"
"He died several years after I was changed," she said in an emotionless voice, but I could see a flicker of what looked like satisfaction in her eyes.
"How did he die?" For some reason I hoped his death was very painful.
It took a moment before Esme answered. "He was killed."
"Did you…?"
"No." Before I could ask, she added quickly, "It doesn't matter who did it, Bella. He died before he could hurt others like me."
I had the feeling that she knew who did it, but I didn't want to pry.
I stood up to do the dishes, but Esme beat me to it. In a minute, the kitchen was pristine again and there was a box with leftover spaghetti for Charlie on the kitchen counter.
About an hour later I was sitting in the living room with a Transfiguration book, trying to find some spells useful for fighting, and Esme was drawing in her sketchbook. We sat in comfortable silence, immersed in our activities.
After a while I closed my eyes and sighed in frustration. I couldn't concentrate. Something had been bothering me in the past few days, but I'd always pushed it aside in my mind and tried to ignore it. But after hearing Esme's story it came back in full force.
"Is everything alright?" asked Esme who of course noticed my frustration.
"Sure," I started to say but then changed my mind. Maybe Esme was the right person to talk to about it. "Actually… there is something I wanted to ask you," I said, biting my lip.
"What is it?" She put aside her sketchbook so now I had her full attention.
I suddenly didn't know how to say it. I felt embarrassed and nervous, so I lowered my gaze to my hands that were folded in my lap. I took a deep breath. "I - I heard that when a vampire falls in love, that it's for eternity." I didn't look at Esme and went on. "So I was wondering what would happen if the person didn't love him back? Would he be alone forever? Is it even possible not to love him back? Does the other person have a choice?" I was aware that I was babbling, and I wondered if it even made sense. I could feel my face going red.
From the corner of my eye I could see Esme standing up from her armchair and walking over to me. She sat up next to me and put a comforting arm around my shoulders.
"Bella, you always have a choice. Edward would never force you into anything you wouldn't feel comfortable with." I grimaced. Of course she would guess who I'd been talking about. "I'm sure if you told him, he would leave you alone." There was a sadness in her voice.
"I don't want him to leave me," I said fervently, finally looking up to her. "It's just… it's so confusing. And I don't really see how it could work. I mean… I'm human. Yes, I have magic but I'm still human. I don't even understand what he sees in me. I'm not that special."
To my surprise, Esme was smiling. "It will work out somehow, Bella. Take your time, both of you. Get to know each other, spend more time together and most importantly – follow your heart."
"But what if we don't have time? The bad vampires are coming for me and then there is the war in Britain…"
"The vampires will be taken care of. We know about them so we will be ready," she said with a confidence.
"I wish I could be as optimistic as you," I said with a sigh.
"Everything will work out, you'll see," she assured me again and gently patted my hand.
I thought about it for a while and then looked at her. "Esme? Do you think you can somehow keep this conversation from Edward?" I asked anxiously.
She laughed lightly. "Don't worry, Bella. We all have our own ways to keep him from our heads."
The others arrived from school later this afternoon, but Edward wasn't with them.
"He had some errands to run," said Alice cryptically. She sat down next to me on the couch and fixed her big eyes on me. The others said hi to me and went to busy themselves with their usual activities. Emmett plopped down in one of the armchairs, grabbed the remote control, and started flicking through the tv channels, while Jasper kissed Alice's forehead and went upstairs. Rosalie strode right into the garage, completely ignoring my presence.
"What errands?"
Alice just smiled and didn't answer. I scowled at her. She ignored me and started blabbing about school.
"Of course there are rumours about why you left so suddenly. Some say your mom's dying or that you're ill. Lauren Mallory even came up with something as ridiculous as you being pregnant."
I snorted. "Seriously. How could anyone believe that?"
"Edward said that no one really does but they all think it's strange you left without a word."
"But no one suspects anything unnatural, right?"
"No. And by the end of the week they'll find other things to gossip about."
Edward arrived about an hour and a half later.
"So, where have you been?" I asked as soon as we were in his room to have some privacy. Or at least as much privacy as you can get in a house full of vampires.
"You were in my room," he said, sounding pleased and completely ignoring my question.
"Edward," I said through gritted teeth. I hated when they did this, and my patience had worn off.
"Impatient, are we?" He smirked and went to sit on the couch, beckoning me to join him. I rolled my eyes and sat down next to him. "I have something for you," he started and then put a finger on my mouth to stop my complaint. "Please, let me explain before you say no."
I frowned but nodded. I would let him explain and then refuse whatever he had for me. He waited a few more seconds and then pulled out a box from his backpack. My eyes widened when I saw what it was.
"I discussed it with Charlie first," he said, opening the box. There was an expensive looking silver cell phone in it. "He said it was a great idea and even offered to pay half of the price. I told him it wasn't necessary, but he insisted."
I groaned in frustration. I knew Charlie didn't have much money to spare which had gotten even worse since I moved in with him.
"He wants to help and since he can't do much else…" Edward explained.
"But I don't really need it," I said quickly before Edward could stop me. "I mean, I'm never left alone. There is always someone with me who has a phone, so they'll be able to call you when something happens."
"I don't want to take chances. And I want to be able to contact you whenever I feel like talking to you."
"You can just come see me."
"Not when I'm at school." Then he sighed and looked into my eyes. "Why are you so difficult about receiving gifts, Bella? Alice warned me that you wouldn't be happy about it, but I don't really understand why."
I looked down at my hands, thinking of the best way to explain it. "It's because… because you do so much for me. All of you." I looked up at him and saw him looking confused. "And I have nothing to give you back. It seems unfair and I…" I stopped because he was watching me with a strange expression. "What?"
"Bella. It's me who is in debt here," he said quietly and with such intensity that it made me shiver. "You gave me something that no one else before could."
"But I didn't…"
He placed his hands on both sides of my head and then silenced me with a kiss. It wasn't like all the light kisses before. His lips moved against mine slowly and gently and despite the coldness I felt heat spreading through my body. But most importantly: he wasn't about to pull away. Without thinking I threw my arms around his neck and grabbed his hair to pull him even closer to me. I realized too late that it had been a mistake.
He froze and stopped breathing, pulling just a few inches away, still holding my head. His expression was wild, his eyes darker with hunger. I tried to pull away but he wouldn't let go of my head.
"Edward…"
"Just… give me a minute," he said through his gritted teeth. Then he closed his eyes, slowly shaking his head.
I waited, watching his expression slowly relax. He took a deep breath through his nose and opened his eyes. The hunger was gone, and he looked calm again.
"I'm sorry," I mumbled feeling embarrassed.
"It's alright." His voice was still guarded. "I just didn't expect your reaction."
"Neither did I."
The corners of his lips twitched in amusement, and he finally let go of my head so he could take my hands in both of his instead. "Just try to avoid sudden movements next time."
"Easy for you to say," I muttered, looking at his hands holding mine. I heard him chuckle and when I looked up, I saw his face was smug.
"That good, huh?" he said with a grin. I rolled my eyes, and his smile grew even wider. It was impossible to keep a straight face so soon we were both grinning like idiots. His eyes were shining with joy and happiness, and I felt sudden warmth spreading through my chest. Then I realized that maybe Esme had been wrong. Maybe I didn't have a choice after all.