The next morning, I once again awaken to find Andrea pressed against my chest, snoring lightly; a scene that I am slowly becoming more used to. The more time passes, the more I am realizing that this is where I want to be; not at home with Philippa where we have become more like roommates than a married couple. It's spending time with Andrea that has made me realize how little I have in common with my wife and as each day passes, I want to go home less and less.
I know how wrong this is, and deep down I think I was hoping that I wouldn't let things get so far, so complicated; but I just can't help myself, I can't fight this indescribable feeling that overtakes my senses whenever I am around her, this overwhelming urge to touch or hold her in some way, or even to just spend time with her, or thinking about her. She is all that fills my mind; from the moment I wake up until the minute I fall asleep.
It's with a start that I realize what's happening to me; I love her; I am slowly falling madly and deeply in love with the person who is resting on my chest right now and nothing I do can stop these emotions from taking over my mind. Coming to terms with my new realization, I know that I am going to have to do something to fix this situation.
I feel her slowly waking up and break myself from my thoughts, I have some work to do before I can risk revealing how deeply my attraction towards her runs.
I am greeted with a warm smile and the sight of her chocolate brown eyes connecting with mine. "Good morning," she greets with a smile, leaning forward to kiss me thoroughly.
"Mmm, Morning," I hum between kisses, trying and failing not to get too lost in her touch.
"We are going to have a lot of explaining to do when we next see Yvonne," Andrea reminds me of the night before.
"Don't remind me," I say with a sigh, knowing we let our emotions get the better of us last night and we have put ourselves in an extremely difficult situation. "Any ideas on how to get us out of this mess?"
"No, I doubt she's going to believe it was just the alcohol talking though. We need to come up with a better excuse for losing control like that."
"Have we really got an excuse; I don't see any way we can brush this off, we both totally lost control last night; we are just lucky that it was only Yvonne that was there and not the whole of Sun Hill. Hopefully we can do a bit of damage limitation and convince her to keep what she witnessed last night to herself."
"You've just given me an idea," Andrea proclaims, "How about we give Yvonne a half-truth. She has been hinting for weeks that she thinks you fancy me; we could say that it was a combination of the alcohol and the acting that made us lose control and that it was strictly a one-off. Ok it's risky, but she saw more than enough last night to know what was going to happen when we got out the cab, no excuse can cover for that, but I might be able to convince her that it was a one-time only thing, and to keep it between us."
With a sigh, I know she is right; we are becoming careless and making mistakes and we are not going to be able to hide this much longer. Last night was just the beginning, if we keep behaving the way we are, the entire station will know about us pretty soon. "Ok," I confirm in agreement to her words, "Damage limitation is the best we can hope for."
Later in the day, Andrea and Yvonne find their way back up to my office.
"Sir, I wanted to speak to you about last night, both of you." Yvonne says directing her words towards me and Andrea.
"Ok," I say taking in a calming breath of air, I've been dreading this conversation all day.
"First of all I want to apologize," she begins, "It was wrong of me to put you both in such an awkward situation for my own gain; I should know better and I truly am sorry." she pauses to let her apology sink in.
"That's very noble of you," I reply carefully.
"I also wanted to let you both know that I am aware that it's mostly my fault that the evening ended on such a note, and you haven't got to worry about it going any further, I won't tell anyone."
"We can't let you take full responsibility for everything," Andrea replies, with a glance in my direction for reassurance; "We are all partly responsible for what happened and we should have all known better; and while I'd like to blame it on a combination of the alcohol and the acting, we all know that it was more than that. I'm sure we all had our individual reasons for the things we said and the way we each acted, and so I guess I'm just confessing, that for me at least, I lost control of my actions and got carried away in the moment. I know that's no excuse really but I guess I wanted to claim responsibility for my own mistakes."
"Can I ask a personal question," Yvonne asks carefully, "After you got out of the cab last night, how far did you let things go exactly?"
"Do you really need to ask?" I state confirming her suspicions, "I would have thought that much would be obvious. I'm not proud of getting so carried away and taking advantage of the situation like that, but what's done is done and can't be undone; I think we would both appreciate your discretion on this one though."
Andrea nods in agreement with me, both of us secretly hoping that Yvonne will believe it's a one-off, brought about by the intimate circumstances, alcohol and stresses of the week.
After a few minutes of silence where we all consider the situation and what we have each admitted to, Yvonne pipes up, "I can see you both need a few minutes alone to discuss this so I'll leave you to it." Turning to Andrea she adds, "See you later."
We both wait for her to step out of the room and close the door before letting out the breaths we have been holding.
"Think she bought it?" I ask quietly.
"I hope so," Andrea says at the same volume before taking a step towards me and closing some of the gap between us.
"We are going to have to be extra careful from now on," I add closing the rest of the gap and gently grabbing hold of her face.
"I know," Andrea replies, her lips meeting mine in an urgent kiss.
Just before we can pull apart and place a professional amount of space back between us, Yvonne barges back into the office without knocking.
"Shit," we both say under our breaths, knowing we have just made this whole situation more complicated.
"Sorry to interrupt," Yvonne begins before noticing how close we are now standing and breaking off her sentence with an unreadable look on her face.
"What did I miss?" she asks, obviously noticing our guilty expressions. Hopefully that's all she's noticed.
Quickly regaining my composure, "Nothing," I lie, "Just making sure we are all on the same page regarding this incident. Was there something you needed?"
"I was going to ask Andrea if she wanted to go out somewhere after the shifts over, but if you're busy..." she trails off silently confirming that she saw us.
"I'll think about it," Andrea says to Yvonne; then turning to face me she mouths "Later," before leaving the office with Yvonne, leaving me to my thoughts.
Knowing I've not been home in a couple of days, I know I will at least need to put in a short appearance tonight, just to keep up appearances. Hopefully I can come up with some kind of excuse to come back out. With how cold the atmosphere at home is, I don't want to be there any longer than necessary. Again I feel a pang of guilt, but I quickly brush it aside, not wanting to concentrate on the negatives at the moment.
I've known for a long time that my marriage has been slowly disintegrating, both Philippa and myself preferring to not be in the same room for more than a few minutes, and most of our conversations ending in an argument. I don't even know who she spends her time with when I'm not there or what she does on the evenings I spend with Andrea. I don't really think I want to know. We are both very independent people, both preferring to do our own thing, I can't even remember what we saw in each other in the first place; I think deep down, the only reason we got married was for Jake's sake; well that and we probably thought no one else would have us because of our fiercely independent personalities and very different lives.
Jake is the one thing that has kept either of us from leaving before now, and I feel guilty about the fact that somewhere in the near future, he is going to have his family torn apart and his security lost, thanks in part to my own actions.
With guilt fuelling my actions, I ensure I spend as much time as I can with him tonight, knowing that I can't keep living in this lie for much longer, and knowing that I have got to come up with some way to remedy this situation.
"Hey Jake, what you been up to? How was school?" I greet as I stride through the front door.
My 4 year old son leaps into my open arms, obviously glad to see me and starts telling me about his day at school. When he finishes I ask where Philippa is.
"Upstairs," Jake points to the bedroom.
I trot up the stairs not sure what I'm expecting to find, yet knowing something just feels 'off' about this evening. Pushing open the door to the bedroom, I am shocked into speechlessness by the image in front of my eyes. Sure I'm imagining things; I rub my eyes before taking a second look at the unchanged scene in front of me.
In the bed, I see Philippa lying naked and fast asleep next to a man I don't recognize who is also in the same state of undress. Not sure what to do, my shock is quickly overtaken by anger when I realize that not only is she cheating on me with the stranger in the bed beside her; considering my own mistakes, that I could ignore; no, what makes me angry is the fact that she left Jake loose in the house unsupervised while she entertained this man, showing no regard for his safety.
Stomping out of the room and into Jake's, I grab his pre-packed overnight bag from the top of the wardrobe and march back down the stairs and out to my car, grabbing Jake on the way.
I slam the door on the way out, knowing it will wake Philippa and her companion up, alerting her that I know what she's been up to. I get Jake situated in the car before pulling out of the driveway and back onto the streets of Sun Hill.
I drive around aimlessly for a short time, the shock and anger filling my thoughts. It's only when Jake asks me where we are going that I focus on what I'm doing. "To see a friend," is all I say, a destination finally in mind.
It's about 20 minutes before I pull up in my usual spot outside Andrea's flat and I hope she doesn't mind the intrusion, we hadn't made any plans to see each other tonight, so I hope I'm not interrupting anything.
With Jake trailing tiredly beside me, I make my way up the two flights of stairs to her front door. Pausing for a second to regroup my thoughts before knocking on the door, I am surprised when Yvonne opens the door.
"Sir," she greets surprised at my presence, "I didn't know you were planning on joining us."
"I wasn't," I reply before deciding that some kind of explanation would be needed, "I needed to get out of the house and didn't know where else to go."
"You better come in," Yvonne says, stepping away from the door, "Andrea is in the bathroom, however I should warn you that Honey Harmon is here too."
"Thanks," I nod, glad of the warning, better make sure to keep this professional. Maybe I should have called first.
Following Yvonne into the living room, I notice Andrea stepping out of the bathroom. "Who was at the door Yvonne?" I hear Andrea ask, breaking off at the end when she notices me and Jake standing in the doorway.
"Well this is a surprise, what's going on?" she asks me warily, not wanting to give too much away.
Glancing briefly at Honey and Yvonne who are watching us both curiously, I choose my words carefully; "Sorry to drop by unannounced, if you are busy I can go."
"No, that's ok, we were just watching a movie and having a girls night in," Andrea replies sensing that there is something I'm not saying, "come through to the kitchen and I'll make you a drink, you look like you could use one," she adds sensing that I need to talk.
I follow her silently to the kitchen, well aware of Jake trailing at my side and the eyes of Yvonne and Honey watching our every move. "I should have called first," I say as soon as we are in the kitchen away from prying ears.
"What's happened Neil?" Andrea asks me quietly, ignoring my comment and almost reading my thoughts.
"When I got home, Philippa was in bed with someone else, I think it was one of the senior lawyers who she works with. She'd left Jake unsupervised in the kitchen with the cooker on, it's a miracle he didn't get hurt. I was so shocked I just grabbed Jake and stormed back out. I'm sorry for gate crashing your little party but I didn't know where else to go."
"It's ok; I'm glad you came," she says handing me a freshly made cup of tea and Jake a glass of orange juice. "Does she know you saw her?"
"She was asleep when I went in, but I slammed the door on the way out so I'm sure she's figured it out by now. We will have to discuss it eventually but I was too shocked and angry to stay when I saw it. I know that sounds crazy when we've been doing exactly the same thing. It wasn't the fact that she's having an affair that made me angry, it's the fact that she should have been looking after Jake and she wasn't; he could have been seriously hurt. I couldn't stay."
"No, I don't blame you. Regardless of the circumstances, no one should have to go through what you have tonight. What are you going to do now?"
"I don't know. I need time to think; I need to find me and Jake someplace to stay tonight and then I need to get my head around all this."
"You can stay here; both of you," she says instantly.
"What about Honey and Yvonne?" I ask realizing that I've put us into yet another awkward situation.
"They were planning on leaving soon anyway, don't worry about it."
"But..." I begin, but Andrea cuts me off with a brief, friendly kiss, being careful to keep it from going too far.
"Don't worry about it," she reassures me; "finish your tea and I'll get rid of them."
Stepping out of the kitchen I see Andrea whispering something to Yvonne but can't hear what they are saying. Ruffling Jake's hair reassuringly, I watch as Yvonne says something to Honey and they both gather their things and make to leave.
"I'll explain tomorrow," I overhear Andrea telling Yvonne as they say their goodbyes and Andrea leads them to the door.
"Ok, I'll cover for you with Honey," Yvonne replies before the door closes on them, leaving us alone in the flat.
"So now what?" I ask approaching Andrea in the middle of the living room and feeling lost as the full extent of what's happened tonight hits me.
"Tonight you and Jake get some rest and try not to worry about anything. I'll do whatever I can to help you," she states simply.
"Thanks," I say with a sigh of relief, sinking down onto the sofa, physically and mentally exhausted. Jake curls into my one side and I encourage Andrea to cuddle into my other side.
Reluctantly she does, wary of what Jake must be thinking about the nature of our relationship. "I just need a hug," I confirm that tonight is about friendship and comfort and nothing else; not that we could do anything else with Jake here anyway, he's been through enough for one night.
I feel myself drifting into a light sleep when Andrea shakes my shoulder and encourages me to go to bed. I feel odd when I argue the point about not kicking her out of her own bed, it's never been an issue before, but for Jake's sake we need to keep a professional distance. Eventually we settle on all 3 of us squeezing in together, Andrea reassuring me that we can be adult about this and maintain our distance.
Knowing it's unlikely, but not wanting to argue the point, I eventually give in, tucking myself in the middle between Jake and Andrea, and ensuring I remain fully dressed to limit the temptation.