Garfield League of America Chapter Three: Seaside Rendezvous!
It was another dark and cloudy night in Gotham City. As sirens gunshots and breaking glass echoed in the distance Police Commissioner Gordon took to rooftop of GCPD. It had been year since disappearance of Batman and crime had risen like Quentin Tarantinos erection at a womens judo competition. For night after night Police Commissioner Gordon had lit Batsignal in the sky to no avail.
"I must maintain the breaths of hope from my heart that the Batman has not abandoned Gotham City." Said Police Commissioner Gordon with falling optimism as he hit switch and in the clouds shone the sign of the Batman.
"I may not be a Bat but you'll find this Cat even better." Said a gruff, manly voice that sent chills down the spines of evildoers and invigorated the fighting spirits of good men everywhere. Spinning around with shock, Police Commisioner Gordon saw descending from the sky like a meteor of machismo none other than Garfield.
"Garfield it is good to see you again! I have not seen you since we busted Al Capone back in Chi-town! It has been ages!" Said Police Commisioner Gordon as they exchanged handshakes and lighting of cigarettes in fond remembrance of past alliance fighting crime together. "Working with Batman can never compare to working with a real fighting man superhero like you."
"Those were the days but as much as I would like to reminsce of our fond times eating lasagna and babes together in the age of noir I am here on business. Where is your Batman?" Said Garfield with consumate professionalism. On cue, struggling over roof edge out of shape and out of breath as loud as an ox in heat was the Batman.
"Batman! What happened to you you usually make classy entrance from above or behind." Said Police Commissioner Gordon with suspicious disappointments.
"I do not feel like it I am very off lately. One second I will feel like utter virile Batman of muscles and might as usual but the next second I will feel like puffy fat slob. Over and over again. Even the lighting and composition of world I see does not seem to match when this happens. Sometimes I am swearing I am not even in same space even as we speak. It is like we are in movie but shots from different one are being spliced in with ours to make complete chaos." Said Batman with confusion.
"Shut it batbaby I did not come here to play psychiatrist babysitter to your paranoia ravings." Said Garfield with righteous dismissal as The Flash zipped up building sides onto rooftop and the Cyborg made ten-point landing onto the Batsignal.
"I showed you mine now you show me yours." Garfield said with impatient expectance as everyone waited for Batmans metahuman to show up. For ten minutes everyone stood and waited until finally turning back to Batman to see his face fat and red.
"Unless you have recruited Invisible Man you have five seconds to explain. And three have just passed." Said Garfield as he motioned for Police Commissioner Gordon to get him a handy dandy police brutality interrogation kit.
"Wow Batman I cant believe that I thought you were cool." Said The Flash as he learned never to meet your heroes.
"His failure must be seen to be believed." REmarked the Cyborg as he played hologram for all to see of blonde-haired pretty boy in icelandic fishing village brutalizing and emasulcating the Batman.
"Defeated by this? Batman you are better change your name to Batfailure." Garfield chuckled watching Batman's failure replay in slow motion.
"HAHAHAHAHAHA!" Laughed The Flash Cyborg and Police Commissioner Gordon as they pointed fingers of mockery at Batman.
"I will show how a real man does it." Garfield said as he cracked his knuckles ready for bruising sea cruise. "And if this hippy tries to give me attitude I will cut him down as easy as America cuts forests."
"Please Garfield let me accopany you to redeem my name. Aquaman might be more diplomatic a second t" But Batman was cut off suddenly as door to roof swung open suddenly and hit him in face. Out walked Amazonian woman clad in scant blue armor skirt and tight red brazier and a flowing mane of raven-dark hair.
"Well well. What's your name, superheroine beauty?" Said Garfield with surprised smile as he listened to mystery woman's red and gold heels go click clack like smooth jazz on the rainy concrete.
"My name is Diana. But you can call me Wonder Woman." Said Wonder Woman with exotic accent that conjured atmosphere of intense passions and uncharted sexiness. "I have heard of your Justice League and decided it could use the touch of a woman."
"No no no this is boys club I cannot risk cootie contamination!" Said Batman with sexism before Wonder Woman punched him with fist knocking him out.
"You see my touch is already improving things." Said Wonder Woman as she flexed arms with girl power. "Let me help you get the Aquaman so I can show you what I got."
"Welcome to the team, Wonder Babe. How did you know I was in the mood for some Greek?" Said Garfield with flirtatious wink.
"Holster your blade, horn dog. You may be more legendary than Gods of Greek in Amazon lore but I am also liberated indepedant and strong female! You will have to try harder than reputation alone to get up this skirt!" Said Wonder Woman with stubbon fieriness crossing her arms and shaking head.
"You are spirited shrew. You will make quite the ride when tamed." Said Garfield with Shakespearean allusion as he eyed lasso on Wonder Woman's side and grinned in anticipation.
Garfield and Wonder Woman then got into Garfield's Lasagna Falcon fighter jet and made flight to Icelandic fishing village where the Aquaman was last seen. It was frozen white burg of rural garnishings, the scent of dead fish and seagull droppings inescapable. Garfield and Wonder Woman walked to a bustling fish church in the center of town where entire populace of fisherpeople had gathered in worship to exchange and consume fishes. As Garfield slammed open the doors to fish church, cold eyes of suspicion fell upon him.
"I do not think these people are plannings to treat us with hospitality." Warned Wonder Woman with whispers.
"Do not worry I am ready to dispense some good old fashioned American diplomacy (aka bombings)." Said Garfield with back up plan as he loaded fresh rounds into Desert Eagle and kicked down stand of tuna to show he meant buisness.
As the crowd parted the ways before Garfield as he walked forward and then encircled him again, Garfield cleared his throat and issue ultimatum.
"People of Iceland I have come looking for the Aquaman. Give him to me and I will leave your pathetic iceburg intact." Said Garfield as he reached the Mayor of Village. Staring him in the eye, Garfield could see every individual sweat forming from pores on Mayors frigid face.
"What will we get in return Garfield?" Asked the Mayor with desperation bargaining.
"You won't be stuck fishing on the River Styx until the end of eternity. Do we have deal Mister Mayor Man?" Garfield threatened with mythology as he grabbed swordfish from a tank and held it ot Mayors throat.
"Yes Yes Garfield the Aquaman is right" Started the Mayor but suddenly there was a VUU-VUU-VUU sound and before Garfield could react the swordfish sprang out of his hands and lodged into the throat of the Mayor killing him. The swordfish then spun around slicing the Mayors head off and cutting Garfield across the chest as it knocked his Desert Eagle out of his hand.
"Ooooomph!" Garfield grunted as the swordfish stabbed him in side and propelled him like space shuttle launch out of church back onto frozen streets.
"Garfield! Who is responsible for this witchcraft?" Asked Wonder Woman with alarm as she cut the rogue swordfish in two with her sword.
"Look there, delicate angel of war. Someone who is about to be breaded with bullets and dipped in the tartar sauce of destruction." Garfield pointed as he clutched his bleeding side as Wonder Woman pulled swordfish out of him. At end of distant pier there was massive wave splashing and as it cleared suddenly there was shirtless man on pier adorned with intricate tattoos chugging down drink of Mike's Hard Lemonade. It was Aquaman!
"Ah Garfield I knew Batman would try to get someone to do his dirty work for him!" Sneered Aquaman with unimpressedness. "Well I will tell you same thing I told him You can go to hell!"
"Do not make this more difficult on yourself. You will be floating belly up like dead goldfish in toilet if you mess with me." Garfield said with gritted enunciation as he limped towards Aquaman.
"Your reputation does not impress me, Garfield. King of America? I spit on you for I am King of Atlantis, uniter of the Seven Seas! And the word for worlds master is Ocean not America!" Laughed Aquaman as he snapped fingers and summoned several megaladon sharks. Aquaman then leapt into the water and made cowards escape.
"Look fellas it is Garfield! Let us make meal of him!" Said leader of megaladons with lipsmacking. With determination and no fear in his eyes Garfield withdrew his Bowie knife for battle as the megaladons jumped out of water and descended upon him with mouths of chomping.
"No Garfield you are badly hurt you cannot hope to best your prehistoric foes!" Yelled Wonder Woman with concern.
"My unjuiced pomegranate this is just a flesh wound. Make yourself useful and I just might let you tend it afterwards." Garfield said with a wink before unleashing battle cry as he leapt towards the leader megaladons mouth. As the megaladon swallowed Garfield she was fearful to look but knowing the stakes Wonder Woman took deep breath and entered fray to join Garfield as he tore through megaladon leader as easily as stuffed pizza crust.
Meanwhile in Atlantis Aquaman was chilling in his throneroom. As he flipped through the special Dolphin issue of Playboy with bottle of lotion at side in came dazzling redhead in green scale skintight suit.
"What do you want Mera? Can you not see I am busy in kingly duties?" Asked Aquaman as he hurried to set aside magazine and pull up pants in shock.
"Of course you are." Said Mera with sarcasm. "You are always busying yourself King Arthur but what about your kingdom? Atleatean people suffer and city is at brink of chaos! What have you doinged for them lately?"
"Forget them I did not become king to rule the peasant fools I became king for benefits of power!" Aquaman laughed with scornful dismissal.
"Aquaman you are disgrace to Atlantis! You never should have been makinged King!" Mera said with shock.
"That's it you wench!" Aquaman sneered as he jumped down and backhanded Mera. Aquaman then grabbed Mera by the hair and ran his tongue all over her soft cheeks. "The oceans are mine by birthright! Who are you to question my claim to throne you whored-up seahorse?"
Aquaman then threw Mera to the ground. With gleam in eye, Aquaman dropped pants and forced Mera onto her knees.
"I will show you why I am King." Said Aquaman with power abuse.
"You think your plankton pony impresses me? It is nothing next to your brother's whale shark." Mera said with final defiant wink. Aquaman snapped at mention of half-brother's superior endowment and slapped Mera's mouth open. But just Aquaman began dirty deed his Loyal Counselor Vulko ran into room.
"O great King Aquaman it is urgent! Unknown force of unseen magnitude invades us this very instance!" Said Vulko with sycophantic worries as he fell down with bowing.
"What how can this be! No one has dared to challenge my reign ever!" Aquaman pulled out and rubbed his diseased and flaccid lamprey dry against Meras cheek and the lips to let her know her the gig of fellating was just rescheduled as he put on his suit of armor and ran out to rally the army.
"ALL MEN TO STATIONS! READY THE DEFENSES TO CRUSH THE INVADERS!" Shouted Aquaman with orders and Atlantean soldiers reluctantly mobilized. Aquaman then got to head of his army and took out binoculars. As he saw the invaders his fishmans heart skipped a beat.
It was Garfield and Wonder Woman riding upon a killer whale at head of wave composed of every marine lifeform under the sea from trained kamikaze dolphins to the deep dwelling monstrosities of The Trench. Aquamans jaw dropped as he saw upon Garfield a trophy necklace made of his megaladon armies' still bloody teeth.
"GIVE ME AQUAMAN OR FOREVER SWIM A DEAD SEA!" Garfield said with ultimatum as he charged onwards towards Atlantis. Doing a drive-by attack, Garfield commanded his killer whale to snap up and devour Vulko to show he meant business.
"I knew I should've gotten out while getting was good!" Wailed Vulko with last words.
"THIS CANNOT BE HAPPENING. FIGHT BACK DAMN YOU ALL!" Screamed Aquaman to no avail as Garfield smashed through all defenses scattering Atlanteans left and right. Aquaman tried to use his fish talking powers to turn sealife army against Garfield but to his horror he found that there was a new King of the Deep Blue Sea. With no hope left of victory Aquaman ran back into his throne room for his secret escape tunnel only for Garfield and Wonder Woman to smash through the roof and cut him off.
"Your megalodumbs are currently cooking in nice pot of shark fin soup. Now its just you and me." Garfield said with flashy intimidation.
"I AM A KING! YOU WILL DEFY ME NOT A SECOND LONGER!" Aquaman yelled as he charged up his trident and fired water blast at Garfield.
"Your crown is a gilded travesty. I will paint it and all of your domain red." Garfield said with regicidal intents as he dodged the water blast with a back flip.
"Here Garfield take my blade!" Wonder Woman said with assistance as she tossed her sword to Garfield. Garfield grabbed it in time to meet Aquaman's trident stab, and the weapons made more sparks fly than a thunderstorm as they collided. Wonder Woman then began whirling her lasso, ready to snatch Aquaman.
As Garfield and Aquaman battled for fate of Atlantis Mera watched on with amazement with her eyes glued onto the majestic orange Poseidon fighting before her. Knowing that Aquaman's office had been cleared for a new age, Mera used her hydrokinesis to form giant fist of water to help Garfield finish him. However before she could crush Aquaman Wonder Woman noticed her with misinterpretations and made quick change of plans.
"Garfield do not fear! I will take care of this treacherous harlot interloper!" Wonder Woman yelled with irrational female emotions as she lassoed in Mera and then landed a punch to the privates like Johnny Cash from Mortal Kombat does.
"You cramped my stylish entrance you skinny bimbo! You will pay for that!" Said Mera with body shaming offense as she rubbed battered area before she formed water gauntlets and uppercutted Wonder Woman in the deep pink sea in righteous retaliation.
Mera and Wonder Woman then became shrieking sea lions as they tussled in a whirlpool of dirty hits and clothes rippings in vicious yet titilating fight to be the one to fight for Garfield. Locked like a Chinese finger trap Mera and Wonder Woman howled like banshees as they pulled on hair like vaccuum cleaners of fury.
Ignoring the temptation of watching hot girl fight, Garfield remained focused like stoic warrior monk in battle against Aquaman. With a skillful swipe, Garfield disarmed Aquaman and punted him back.
"Little guppy you have been beached on the coast of defeat and you are out of air." Garfield said as he grabbed Aquaman by the throat and slammed him down on his throne shattering it.
"I will not submit to you Garfield. I am king of all oceans. In the end the tide will claim your fleaball corpse." Aquaman swore with delusions.
"You are still stained with madness after all this time. No worry. I am the washing machine of justice and sanity, spin setting maelstrom." Garfield said with psychiatry as he tied Aquaman down and proceeded to waterboard him with the waters of sense while simultaneously running electroshock current through him.
"HELP I AM DROWNING!" Screamed Aquaman with helplessness as he decided to fib to save skin. "Okay Garfield I realize my fool ways I will join the Justice League."
"Not so fast. You are still wet behind ears so its time for a tumble in the dryer of lobotomy and reeducation." Garfield said as he caught Aquamans bluff and motioned for two Atlantean guards to drag Aquaman off screaming for final touchs.
As Garfield caught his breath after well-earned victoyr he heard people approaching him. Looking up he saw that it was Black Manta and Ocean Master!
"Garfield thank you for freeing Atlantis from my brothers tyranny! He was real jerk who stole all my Halloween candy when we were kids!" Congratulated Ocean Master as he shook Garfield's hand.
"We will be sure to undo this folly monarchy and bring Atlantis into new age of democracy and civil rights! Perhaps one day we can become proud ally of America in the fight for good!" Said Black Manta with freedom.
"You two are already on path to making Atlantis great again!" Garfield said with encouragements.
"What will you be doing now Garfield?" Ocean Master asked with curiosity.
"Well I walked in late but I think best is yet to come." Garfield said with wink as he pointed towards Mera and Wonder Woman who had still been fighting the whole time. Mera and Wonder Woman had stripped each other completely bare and were clinched belly to belly with their breasts pressed together. Their naked bodies were bruised like Christmas lights and glistened erotically with sweat that shone like the largest diamonds.
"Garfield will be mine!" Said Wonder Woman as she raked her nails across Meras cheeks like lawnmower of vengeance.
"No I will show I am best woman for Garfield." Mera said as she clamped her hands on Wonder Womans shoulders and did daring double knee to her breasts.
"Aaaaagh!" Said Wonder Woman like an internally bursting water balloon as she stumbled back. Mera then tackled Wonder Woman to floor and pounded fists into Wonder Woman's breasts several times for good measures before pinning Wonder Woman for finisher.
"Take deep breath for it is last you will ever take." Mera laughed assuming victory as she descended downwards with intents of smothering Wonder Woman with her massive icebergs.
"Two can play that game. You will end this where you belong, on your back!" Wonder Woman said with muffled retaliation as Mera sandwiched her face between her breasts. With dirtiest blow yet Wonder Wonder bit onto Mera's nipple and clenched until the redhead released her. With Mera unbalanced, Wonder Woman pushed her into reversal of positions. Before Mera could recover, Wonder Woman began to stomp on her Mariana trench. As Mera tried to recover and nurse agonized privates, Wonder Woman clambered onto her and forced her tongue into Mera's mouth.
Ocean Master eagerly pulled out lawn chairs while Garfield broke out the beers and Black Manta cooked majestic batch of lasagna with his laser beams. With shark fin soup from earlier on side the trio cheered and high-fived each other as the women wrestled like tidal wave on floor in the greatest French war ever fought for many hours.
"I have been fighting since dawn of time! You were foolish novice to challenge me." Bragged Wonder Woman with experience as she clamped Meras head between her legs and expertly positioned herself on top of Mera like a San Francisco sixty-niner. With Amazonian tongue lashing Wonder Woman pried open Meras clam to get at the precious pearl waiting inside.
Mera moaned as Wonder Woman parted her red sea feeling the destruction of her defenses with utmost pleasure. With her face buried in Wonder Woman's moist no man's land of love Mera realized that defeat was acceptable if it was at hands of woman like this but she was determined not to go down without fight. Unleashing a tempest against Wonder Woman's unsuspecting harbor, Mera licked away knowing it was eat or be eaten as she spanked Wonder Woman's behind in attempt to unbalance her.
"You fight well but you only prolong the inevitable." Said Wonder Woman with grudging respect as she started to feel herself give way to Mera's last stand. Heartpounding and sweatiest she had ever been in fear of last second choke, Wonder Woman finished Mera reaching the candy center of feminine release first by mere seconds. Mera shrieked to the high heavens as she blasted her albino ink sac in Wonder Womans face and then her body went limp.
"Ah Garfield I see you no longer need my help but I am sure it is thought that counts." Said Wonder Woman with victorious smile as she wiped herself off and placed heel of dominance on defeated Mera's heaving chest.
"Over so soon? Are you sure that you are not up for another dance of dominance with this scarlet mermaid?" Garfield asked with casual bite of lasagna as Ocean Master and Black Manta hooted and yelled for more.
"Well any chance to show I am best woman I am up for takings." Wonder Woman tossed head back and laughed with pride. "Alright Mera get ready to fall before my ladyfighting talents again."
"You are on I will drown your Paradise Island with my waters of hedonist hell this time." Said Mera with eagerness for revenge as Wonder Woman helped her up.
"Wait ladies wait." Said Garfield as he put his sting into play and put his arm around their creamy shoulders. "Why not make this a tango for three? I am Olympic champion in the breast stroke."
"I would love that!" Said Mera with surprise joy but Wonder Woman shook off Garfield's gentleman lovers hand.
"Sorry Garfield I see through your clever ploy. You may be champion ladies man but you are still in locker room not even at playing field yet with me." Wonder Woman said with half-hearted iciness as she walked off to shower herself off. But as she did Garfield heard her heart beat and what the pace told him it wasn't the beat of rejection.
"Ha ha it is your loss you awkward broad!" Mera taunted as she jumped into Garfield's welcoming embrace. His firm but fair hands caressing her back and rear, Garfield and Mera exchanged deep kisses.
"Oh Garfield I am so sad I lost fight to Wonder Woman. Console me with your manhood!" Mera begged with seduction.
"You may just be silver medallist in girlfighting but I will train you to win the gold in lovemaking." Garfield promised as he ran a tender stroke through Meras fiery hair before scooping her up and carrying her off to private chambers.
"Ha ha ha give her time of her life!" Black Manta yelled with encouragements as Ocean Master wiped away a few manly tears at the exit of the lovebirds.
In private chambers, Garfield placed Mera on heart-shaped bed. Mera lay on bed giggling in seductive pose while Garfield put romantic rock ballads of Journey and Queen on record player to set mood.
"Sink me like the Gods sunk Atlantis. I am RMS Lustania and I want you to torpedo me with your biggest missile." Said Mera with unquenchable thirst.
"You will never have to settle for fishsticks again for here is my sperm whale." Said Garfield as he dropped his pants making Mera's mouth drop with anticipation as she saw Garfield's love kaiju standing at full attention. "And I do humpback too."
"Tangle me in your net of love Garfield and never let me go." Said Mera with no resistance as she smiled and opened up her fish taco for Garfield to flavor it with his manly hot sauce.
"I will reel you into a world of delights that you will never want to leave." Said Garfield as he climbed onto Mera humpback style and embedded his giant anchor into her ocean bed.
Garfield surfed Mera's waves with the skill and raw power of violent tenderness and as he filled her body with the warmest of ecstasies Mera knew what a fool she had been for ever loving the Aquaman for now taking her on cruise to oceans of intimacy was a real man. Mera squealed like joyous dolphin as Garfield shot from his blowhole into her geysers of ultimate sensation. As Garfield and Mera made the roughest of loves, all the oceans churned and boiled unleashing tsunamis of excess love onto coastlines. And all who were washed over knew what it felt like to be loved as they drowned in passion.
When Mera had been ridden to exhaustion she nestled against Garfields chest like the clownfish hides in the anemone, holding his still rock hard battleship like a teddy bear. Listening to her soft breaths, Garfield smiled. Though he knew hard times and fights were ahead he was content in this very moment at the bottom of the sea. With a final kiss to Mera's cheek Garfield closed his eyes and embraced the call of the deep.
To be continued…