DISCLAIMER: All recognizable Characters belong to DC Comics.

Chapter Twenty-One: Abandon

He couldn't breathe.

The hand around his throat cut off any intake of air he might have taken, and his eyes went wide in panic as he clawed at the iron-like fingers.

"Easy, Dick, easy," the voice was not what he expected and it took a moment for him to recognize it.

Bruce.

And then he could breathe again, deep ragged gasps that bordered on hysterical sobs.

Gentle fingers moved his own hand away from his throat and then were helping him sit up in his bed. No, not his bed, the hospital bed he'd been restricted to now for more than a week.

"Breathe slowly, son," Bruce was coaching him as the older man sat on the edge of the mattress next to him.

Dick nodded and fought to keep from hyperventilating. He closed his eyes, chasing the lingering images of his dream back into his subconscious. He heard the door open and a whispered conversation between the shift nurse, alerted by the sudden spike in his vitals monitor, and his guardian. A moment later the door closed again.

"Nightmare?" Bruce's concerned question came when he had finally calmed.

Opening his eyes, Dick nodded and looked around the room.

The curtains were open, the early afternoon sun streaming in through the glass and casting natural warmth across the foot of his bed. The TV was on, volume low enough that he could barely hear it, and broadcasting news from the disaster area. A newspaper was haphazardly strewn over the armrest of a plush chair; a chair that had until a few seconds ago been occupied by the only other occupant of the room.

A strong hand gave the teen's a comforting squeeze, drawing his eyes back to Bruce's. "What to tell me about it?" The older man asked carefully.

Dick shook his head, and then flinched when his mentor's free hand brushed against the still bruised skin of his throat.

"I know it's tough, Dick," the Batman said lowly, "but it'll be even tougher later."

"There's nothing to tell," the boy barely managed to whisper. He cleared his throat while Bruce reached for a glass of partly melted ice chips. Dick sipped through the straw before pushing it aside with his guardian's supporting hand.

"Nothing," the billionaire arched an eyebrow and tenderly cupped the youth's cheek while his thumb brushed against the fresh scars that adorned the corner of Dick's mouth. Beneath the touch he felt his son's shudder of revulsion. "I know who these remind you of, but you're saying they're nothing to you?"

"Or these?" Bruce lifted the heavily bandaged arm. His fingers brushed against the gauze and he watched his son cringe at the contact. "Clark has told me about Metropolis, Dick, I know how he found, and lost, you there. You're telling me that doesn't play a part in your new nightmares?"

Dick swallowed hard and wanted nothing more than to pull away from his father when the man's fingers ghosted over the lingering bruises circling his neck. "Stop," he pleaded.

"Or about what Guardian did to you in Star City?"

"Stop it…"

Bruce's heart ached at the tone of his son's voice and he lowered the hand to the boy's shoulder. "I don't want to be cruel, Dick. I've seen the security footage and heard Red Arrow's debriefing. I know what's happened to you, I just… Why won't you talk to me?"

"Bruce, I-"

A soft rapping at the door interrupted the pair, and the relief was plain on Dick's face. Bruce fought off a sigh and let go of the boy as he turned to the different nurse that had entered, moving back to his chair.

"Well hello there, Mr. Grayson!" The gray-haired woman said cheerfully. "I had thought you'd still be resting."

Dick forced a smile but didn't respond, though she didn't really seem to expect one as she immediately turned her attention to the other person in the room. "You asked to be notified when they were here, Mr. Wayne. Also, your helicopter and pilot are waiting for you whenever you're ready."

Bruce glanced at Dick briefly before folding his paper properly. "Thank you, Ms Giesbrecht. And you can let them in now."

"You're leaving," Dick's raspy voice stopped whatever the nurse was going to say. An uncomfortable silence filled the room for a moment before the woman politely excused herself and left.

"Dick-"

"No, it's fine," pained blue eyes turned away from the older man. "The worse is over now, right? With the state the city is in I know you've got a lot of more important things to worry about now that I'm getting better."

There was no hiding the growl that emerged from Bruce's throat as he climbed out of the chair and to his son's side again. He firmly, yet gently, took hold of the boy's chin and turned him back to face him. "There is absolutely nothing more important to me right now that being here."

The desperate need to believe him was burning in those expressive eyes and Dick licked nervously at his lips. "Then why-"

The door opened, again interrupting what he was going to say and an all too familiar voice broke the rising tensions. "Whoops…"

Bruce grinned lightly, something only Dick would have seen, and took a step back. "Because I thought you would like some time with your friends, without me in the way."

Dick's eyes lit up at the five teens standing awkwardly in the door way. His face split into a wide, honest smile and a second later he was being nearly smothered by Artemis and Megan, Miss Martian's human identity. Both girls were crying against his neck and he looked over to the three boys for help, only to have Wally crash into the side of the bed as he rushed to join the impromptu group hug. Conner walked calmly over to the group, but didn't hesitate to latch on to the growing pile of bodies.

Through the mass of teenagers Dick could see Bruce speaking quietly with Roy for a moment before, with one last look to his son, the older man left the room and closed the door. The oldest teen looked over to the bed and shook his head with a wry smile. "Okay guys; let the poor kid breathe already!"

Four suddenly fiercely blushing heroes leapt back from the bed and Dick couldn't help but chuckle as they all mumbled embarrassed apologies. He was about to say something to his friends when Roy was abruptly taking their places and all but glomping on to him.

"Don't ever to that to me again, Rob," Roy's voice was thick and low with emotion, and Dick doubted any but he, and maybe Superboy, had heard the whisper.

When everyone had found a seat – Megan and Artemis on either side of him, Wally sitting akimbo on the foot of the bed with Conner sitting on the edge beside him, and Roy sitting in the chair Bruce had vacated – several awkward seconds passed before anyone spoke.

"So," Megan was the first to break the silence, "Richard Grayson, huh?"

Robin sat propped up with his pillow and shrugged. "I prefer 'Dick', actually, but yeah."

"Does that mean no more shades in the Mountain?" Wally asked with a playful grin.

"Shut it, Baywatch," Artemis' sneer lacked her usually bite, "you already knew!"

"Baywatch?" Roy arched an eyebrow at the speedster then turned an evil grin to his fellow archer. "You've got some stories to tell, Artie."

"Artie?" Dick smiled at the look shared between the two.

"They've been like that since Metropolis," Megan said with a soft smile to her only female teammate. "But won't tell us what went on between them."

"We shared a moment," Artemis said haughtily, her nose tiling up into the air

"We were shot at," Roy shook his head. "Near-death experiences tend to bring people together. Or so I'm told."

"Rob, you okay?" Wally had been watching his friend and had seen the look in those sapphire-like eyes at the mention of Metropolis.

Silence fell immediately around them as all eyes turned to the recovering teen. He offered them a shaky smile in return. "Yeah, I'm fine."

"Liar," Conner, blunt as always, spoke for the first time since entering the room. "You wouldn't be here still if you were fine."

"Conner," Megan chided softly.

Artemis put a comforting hand to Dick's shoulder. "When did the doc's say you'll be out of here?"

"A couple weeks yet," he answered quietly.

Roy whistled softly. "That bad?"

Dick nodded. "Yeah, that bad."

"No one would tell us anything," Wally told the bed ridden boy. "What we know we got from overhearing things or from the news. We know more about Kaldur's condition that we do about yours."

"How is Kaldur?" Robin asked, desperate for a change of topic. "Bruce told me he got hurt in Star Labs."

"Sportsmaster," Artemis sneered the name with such loathing is shocked all but Roy, "really did a number on him. Dinah says that King Orin plans on keeping him in Atlantis and not letting him back to the surface."

"Kaldur might love Atlantis and is loyal to his king," Conner said with a shrug, "but he won't stay longer than he has to. He'll be back."

"Will you?" Roy asked, almost as bluntly as Conner would have.

"Will I what?" Robin stalled.

"Come back," Megan said with dread, "to the team."

"To Robin," Roy clarified. "We know someone's playing the role for now-"

"They won't tell us who, though," Wally said spitefully.

"He's a good guy," Dick told them with a light grin. "He's different, but he's good. He's the one who finally got me away from Guardian and-" he cut himself off with a glance to the blonde beside him.

"You can say it," Artemis told him, though she appreciated his consideration. "They all know now."

"And we're cool with it," Conner nodded briskly.

"We know where her loyalties lie," Roy said with finality.

Dick snorted. "I could have told you that."

Artemis squeezed his shoulder gently and smiled down at him curiously. "So you knew? And didn't say anything"

He nodded. "I knew after that first mission, with the nanotech cloud."

The blonde cringed. "So then you knew about-"

"Uh huh."

"And you still didn't-"

"Nope."

"Damn," Artemis slumped into the mattress, her head resting on Dick's shoulder. "Well, why not?"

"Wasn't my secret to tell," He shrugged, purposefully jostling her from her comfortable position. "Besides, Ollie and Bruce trusted you, so that was good enough for me."

"Care to let the rest of us in on the big secret?" Wally had watched the exchange between the two like he would have watched a ping-pong game.

"No," both answered simultaneously and both looking like the cat that ate the canary.

"So this new guy," Conner steered the conversation back, "he's just a temporary replacement, right?"

Once again all eyes were on the youngest member of their team. Dick sighed. "I'm going to be here for a while, guys. Recovery and rehab's going to take at least three months, maybe more. And there could be permanent complications from a few of the injuries."

"Like what?" Roy growled, his voice filled with his desire for revenge on his young friend's behalf.

When the younger boy hesitated the red head gripped the arms of the chair before standing. "Guys, can you give us a few minutes?"

Looks were exchanged, but a moment later the girls and Conner were excusing themselves from the room. Wally walked with them to the door but closed it behind them before turning back to his friends. Seeing Roy's acceptance at his presence he approached the bed.

"I was there, Dick," Wally said quietly. "In Metropolis, I saw you and Superman. And I – I saw what those bastards had done to you."

Dick swallowed visibly and refused to meet either teen's gaze.

Roy moved the distance between the chair and bed and sat on the edge of the mattress. "Look, we get it-"

"No, you really don't," Dick snapped uncharacteristically.

A heavy silence fell around the trio of friend, the youngest still avoiding looking at the others.

Wally had had enough, and reached for the medical chart that hung from the foot of the bed. Dick didn't even get a chance to protest before the speedster had the cover page flipped open and began reading. "First, second and third degree burns to the arms and wrists: I'm guessing that's from the cuffs they had on you. Acute Kidney failure: they didn't feed you or give you anything to drink for three-"

"Four," Roy corrected, not taking his eyes away from the boy in the bed.

"-Four days, so that's to be expected. Numerous lacerations the required a total of 87 stitches, which no doubt contributed to the hypotension and the heart failure during surgery 'cause seriously, you can only loose so much blood before it becomes an issue."

"Fine," Dick snarled and stopped his friend from continuing. "What do you want me to say? Sportsmaster and Guardian beat the shit out of me for days and had fun doing it? Well yeah, they did! But none of that-" he gestured forcefully to the board still in Wally's hand "-is anything I haven't already gone through before! So you know what, there's nothing to get! I'm fine, alright!"

Roy sighed and placed a tentative hand on the other's shoulder. When it wasn't immediately shrugged off he squeezed gently until the boy finally looked at him. "Not alright. There is something to get and you're right, we don't, but we want to, Rob."

"Dick," he interrupted with a sullen pout.

Roy let a faint smile touch his lips. "Dick. We've all been there, we've all be hurt doing this job."

Dick swallowed again and shook his head. "Not like this."

Wally put the clipboard back and sat opposite Roy. "Like what?"

Leaning back in his pillow, Dick fisted his hands and pressed them into his tearing eyes. He didn't want them to see.

"Dick," Wally gently took hold of the bandaged wrists and pulled the hands down. "Like what?"

With a shaking breath, Dick exhaled, forcing himself to ignore the hitch in his voice when he spoke. "I can't remember how many times I've been kidnapped, did you know that? Joker, Two-Face, Catwoman, all of them; at one point or another, every big player and even some of the two-bit hoods have tried to get to Batman through Robin. And every time I was gagged and tied up, or beat up, or tortured, or nearly killed, I knew I was going to be fine because Batman – or the League, or you guys – was coming to the rescue. It wasn't a question of if, but when. I just knew."

"But this time…" The tears were burning now, his eyes stinging as they ran down his cheeks unchecked. "There were times where help was so close, when I could believe I was about to be saved. God, Roy, when I saw you in Star City-!" he choked on the words and squeezed his eyes shut, feeling the hand on his shoulder start to tremble. "God help me, I wanted them to take you too! I was just so scared and alone-"

He shook his head fiercely, wanting nothing more than to end it there but the words were coming now and there was no stopping them.

"When they took me to Metropolis I thought: how stupid of them! Taking me to the one place where it was almost guaranteed that I'd be found, Superman's City. And even as cruel and painful and horrifying as it was to be conscious while they welded the cuffs closed, I couldn't stop laughing inside that it was almost over. And then they were gone, and Superman- god! He didn't come! I yelled and screamed myself hoarse and still he wasn't there! And I was so… mad! I just wanted someone to save me but there was no one! I just wanted someone to save me…"

He felt arms around him, soft arms, and when he let his eyes open he saw a silently sobbing Miss Martian holding on to him. The telepath was shaking with the effort of remaining quiet, and Dick could only offer her a watery smile for comfort. "And then he was…and I nearly got him killed. Superman could have died and it would have been my fault."

She shook her head and let it fall gently onto his shoulder.

Dick looked around him and saw Conner with his arm around Artemis at the foot of his bed, and a familiar shadow filling the doorway as it clicked shut behind him. He locked his eyes with it, took a steadying breath, and let himself continue.

"There was only me," he told them in a choked whisper, but in the silence it was deafening. "But I was so... weak." He grimaced as if the word pained him to say. "They put me in that machine, used my entire body to open the portal when even a single drop of blood should have been enough! The pain – god, it hurt so bad and I just wanted it to end! But I couldn't escape, and there was no rescue coming and… you weren't there! You weren't there!"

The teens around him flinched at his broken sobs and backed away when Bruce was suddenly pushing through them to get to Dick's side.

"I was right there! I was dying and you-! Why weren't you there?" The boy cried into his mentor's shoulder as he took M'gann's place, strong arms shaking as they held him. "Why weren't you there?"