Chapter 5: Nightmares from the Past
Daryl opened his eyes at the sounds of shuffling coming from the block. He looked around trying to figure out where he was. He looked over and noticed a pack that he recognized as Ryder's sitting next to the bed. He remembered that he had heard Ryder in her sleep last night. He went over to see what was happening. She had been having a nightmare like he figured. When he saw her face, it had surprised him that that was the first time he had ever saw her scared. He looked around in the cell more noticing that she wasn't in the cell with him.
He stood up walking into his cell placing his crossbow on his back. Daryl walked out of the cell and down to the main floor. He didn't necessarily have anything to do at the moment. He was still curious about how the woman had reacted last night. He moved through the block looking around. People would wave to him or tell him "hello." He would nod in acknowledgment but other than that he didn't bother saying anything. He left the building going into the court area. He looked around a little more when finally, he spotted the edge of her crossbow. She was sitting in her normal spot away from everyone around her. Apparently, she had found a spot she liked to go to when she wanted to be alone.
Daryl looked around at the area around him. He brought his hand up and started biting at his cuticle around his thumbnail. He knew she wanted to be alone but with the way that she had been acting last night he didn't know if she should be alone. He didn't want the blonde to leave the facility. He had figured that out when she was attacked on their run. She was someone that he could actually relate to. Sure, he had Rick but he needed to watch out for his kids. Plus, he was dealing with a bunch of stuff personally. He talked to everyone somewhat. It was just enough to be friendly but he didn't choose to talk to anyone. He found himself actually wanting to talk to Ryder. She interested him.
He shook his head pulling himself from his own thoughts. He proceeded to roll his eyes at himself for what he was thinking. He walked over to the blonde who had her crossbow wrapped around her back. She was sitting with her knees pulled to her chest, arms laid on the top with her chin laying on her arms. It looked like she was watching the people take out the walkers at the fence. Of course, he didn't know if she was actually watching them or if it just looked like it and she was really staring off into space.
He walked up next to her sitting down laying his crossbow on the ground on the other side of him. Daryl turned and watched her reaction. Either she didn't notice he sat next to her or she didn't want to acknowledge he sat next to her. He wanted to start a conversation with her but he didn't know what to say. Hell, she wasn't even in her cell when she woke up in the morning. Usually if he spent the night with someone, sexual or not he was always the one that ended up leaving first.
When Ryder had woken up in the morning she noticed that she still had her head on Daryl's shoulder. She had pulled away from him but made sure not to wake him up. She didn't want to be there when he did wake up. She knew that with her being there he would have questions. She needed to go think without anyone around her. The blonde bent down and picked up her crossbow strapping it to her back. Again, she seemed to be one of the first people awake in the compound. She made her way over to the area that seemed to be away from everyone else. When she was sitting there Daryl seemed to be the only one who bothered her.
She sat down pulling her legs to her chest. She hadn't expected to have one of her nightmares last night. Who was she kidding though? They always came to her when she seemed to be content with her life. She didn't like being around people because when she was comfortable they would come back to haunt her. They made her feel uncomfortable with people around her. She could never shake the feeling that they made her feel. It felt like people were watching her, judging her, like there were eyes on her constantly.
Ryder looked down at her hands. He left thumb rubbing over her right palm and fingers. She flexed her right hand and she saw the bones in her hand move unnaturally. She was used to the way her hands were. It just reminded her of her past. She flexed again seeing her fingers weren't straight like they once were when she was younger. The blonde rolled her hand over looked at her palm. She could see the scars that would always be there. Scars that had been caused by bones in her hands when they were shattered. Scars that were caused from surgery of having her hand practically reconstructed into a metal one.
She sighed looking at her left hand now. She did the same thing with the left. Her hand still moved the same way. It was like there were things under the skin that shouldn't be there. In truth, there was. She shouldn't have metal under her skin but since her injuries were so severe and her bones were so damaged she needed to have her bones reconstructed. After her incident, she didn't feel human anymore. She was a broken shell of a person who would never be able to get the thoughts of what had happened to her out of her head. She wasn't even fully human in physical form either. She had metal in many parts of her body that she felt all the time. When it was cold, she could feel the familiar ache that she hated to feel.
Daryl had seen part of what happens when those nightmares come back. She loses everything in the now and is taken back into the past. She didn't know if she could explain everything to him… or at least enough to make him understand. Would he be able to understand? If she told him would he recoil from her? He seemed to be getting used to her presence around the facility. Michonne even said that he cared for her. What would happen when he found out the type of person she was? She doubted he would want her around anymore if she told him.
Ryder sighed again placing her arms back onto her knees placing her chin back onto her arms. She knew that he would be looking for her when he woke up. She didn't know how she knew but she knew. Maybe it was time for her to tell him somethings from her past. At least then she would feel devastated enough to leave the group behind. They had the medication they needed. Once everyone started to feel better and they were stronger she wasn't necessary. She could go back to her life where she was in more danger but she would rather live with the walkers than live with the nightmares coming after her all the time.
She heard footsteps behind her before she saw anyone. She knew it was him. It took him a minute to sit next to her but he had made up his mind a couple seconds later. He sat down laying his crossbow next to him on the other side she was on. She could feel him looking at her. She could also see that he wanted to ask her something but he just didn't know how to. She wasn't in the mood to have a conversation so she didn't bother starting one. Hell, she didn't even bothering looking over at him. If he was so curious then he could ask her himself.
Both Ryder and Daryl sat next to each other. Ryder not moving from her spot and Daryl fidgeting with his cuticles not knowing what to say. He was about to say something but then stopped himself. He knew she knew he wanted to ask her because usually they would be talking by now. Even though their talking didn't ever consist of much but they didn't need to talk to know how each other thought and what they needed. This on the other hand was new territory for him. Finally, he sighed and was about ready to stand up when he heard her.
Ryder didn't bother moving from what she was doing or even bother with looking at the man next to her. "I was in the army."
He stopped and looked over at her. "A Ranger?"
Ryder just nodded her head. After a few seconds of pause she decided she could give up some information about herself. "Did you see my tattoo?"
Daryl nodded his head. "I ended up stitchin' you in the car. Bob noticed you were still bleedin'. Didn't want him to do it."
"When I became a Ranger, I was so excited… I could be a part of something worth a shit…" Ryder scoffed to herself. "I was wrong."
The man sitting next to her was just watching her. He was surprised by her once again. Being part of the army and military had always been seen as an accomplishment when the world wasn't over run by walkers. He could tell that something major had happened to her. Considering she was talking about her time as a Ranger he assumed it happened then. "What's your tattoo?" He was trying to get her to talk. After her dream last night, he could tell that she was retreating into herself. She wasn't too talkative to begin with but she was back peddling fast. He knew what it was like to have a past that didn't sit right. He also knew what it was like to have people who were a support system whether he wanted it or not.
"You saw it didn't you?"
He rolled his eyes. "If I would have saw it I wouldn't be askin'. I just saw the word ranger."
"It's the creed every Ranger lives by. We all know it by heart. R… recognizing that I volunteered as a Ranger, fully knowing the hazards of my chosen profession, I will always endeavor to uphold the prestige, honor and high esprit de corps of my Ranger Regiment." She didn't continue after that. She just turned her head towards Daryl laying her cheek on her arm where her chin was.
Daryl could tell being a soldier was all she knew. It wasn't from her talking but it was the way she held herself. It explained her gun collection, the way she would bark orders when it was necessary. The training explained the way she moved and how she was able to fight off a shit load of walkers. He didn't know anything about being a Ranger. The most he knew about military was they had different branches, and that his brother had been part of the military. "My brother was a Marine. Don't think he was too good at it."
She snorted at his comment smirking a little. "I wasn't either." Ryder stood up from her spot wiping dirt off her butt. She left Daryl thinking about her comment going into the cell block. She passed by Rick walking over to Daryl. Before she was out of ear shot she heard Rick ask if he could speak with him. She assumed Daryl agreed considering they walked off away from C block.
Ryder walked into the block and she was soon assaulted but crying from Judith. She walked into the cells and she noticed that there wasn't anyone around her makeshift crib. Beth must have stepped out when she fell asleep and now Judith wasn't happy. She sighed walking up the stairs to the crib. She looked in noticing the baby had her arms outstretched wanting attention from someone. She didn't know if she was sufficient for the infant but she couldn't stand listening to her cry any longer.
The blonde slowly stuck her hands into the crib gently lifting the baby into her arms. She set the baby on her hip and started bouncing her. Soon Ryder was able to calm the baby down so her cries weren't echoing off the cement walls.
Ryder looked down as she was bouncing Judith on her hip. The baby was looking up at her smiling. Her big eyes looking at her face. She felt small hands go up and touch her eyebrow where one of her old scars were. Ryder didn't bother stopping her considering she was just curious. She didn't mind the touch from something so small and innocent. She knew that Judith wouldn't hurt her. The baby wasn't a threat to her like everyone else. The infant took her hand off Ryder's eyebrow her eyes now roaming towards the blonde hair that was laying over her shoulder. One of Judith's hands come up and grabbed onto her hair. Judith didn't pull on it like Ryder was expecting. It was like she was examining the woman.
Ryder turned her attention behind her when she heard Beth clear her throat. "Sorry, she was crying and no one was here to hold her."
Beth just smiled at the blonde. "It isn't a problem. She likes people. You were the only one to comfort her when we were in the administrative building so I think that means she likes you too."
Ryder looked away awkwardly. She looked down at the big-eyed baby in her arms. After a few more seconds Ryder handed Judith over to Beth.
Beth accepted her into her arms. "Did… did you have a child?"
Ryder just crossed her arms watching the two together, she shook her head at Beth's question. Ryder thought about it and inwardly scoffed at herself. Even if she could have a child she wouldn't want it growing up in this world. She wouldn't have had one before the world was shit. She didn't think she was fit to be a mother. How could she take care of a human being smaller and younger than her when she couldn't even take care of herself.
Beth wrapped a blanket around Judith. "I was just wondering. You just seem so good with Judith."
Ryder was about to say something but she was interrupted by a loud explosion outside of the compound. She saw Beth looking at her confused and scared. The blonde grabbed Beth's shoulders making her look at her. "Stay here. Go into my cell. I'll come back and get you. Keep Judith safe." Ryder didn't move until she noticed Beth nodding her head.
Ryder took off out of the cell making sure she had all her weapons on her. She exited the building about the same time that Rick and Daryl came running through another part of the prison. They were all looking at each other as if asking what was going on. She looked down to an area past the fence where there were a bunch of cars lined up and… shit a tank. All three of them turned facing the group when they heard someone yelling. "Rick! Come down here. We need to talk."
Daryl turned looking at Ryder. They both looked at Rick. She didn't know what was going on but she had a feeling that they knew exactly who was knocking on their front door trying to get in.
Rick was breathing heavy. She could tell that he was nervous trying to decide how to handle the situation. "It's not up to me. There's a council now. They run this place."
She heard the man beyond the fence yell to them. "Is Hershel on the council?" One of his people holding an assault rifle dropped it going over to a truck. Everyone watched as Hershel was pulled out from the back seat with his hands tied.
As they were pushing Hershel onto his knees Beth came out of the cell block that Ryder told her to stay in. Ryder turned looking at her. "What are you doing? I told you to stay in there."
She ran up to the group. "What's going on? Lizzie and Mika have…" Beth stopped mid-sentence when she noticed that her father was down there on the other side of the fence. Her hand flew to her mouth and she pushed her side into her sister's needing support.
Ryder turned and watched the group talking back and forth. The man beyond the fence called out again. "What about Michonne?" Someone else pulled out Michonne from the back of the car where Hershel had been. "She on the council, too?"
Everyone in the group looked at each other then Rick. Rick stepped forward half a step. "I don't make decisions anymore."
"You're making the decisions today, Rick. Come down here. Let's have that talk."
Rick stood there watching the group thinking about what to do. He looked over to Daryl who nodded his head in agreement. Rick nodded once in acknowledgment. He walked over to Carl and said a few words to him that Ryder didn't hear. Once he was content Rick holstered his python and walked through the fence making his way down to the field in front of where their company was parked.
When Rick was making his way down to the other people Daryl walked over to the group that had been forming trying to figure out what the commotion was. Ryder watched him come closer to her. "Who is that?"
Daryl didn't bother taking his eyes off the group. He didn't trust them especially with that asshole leading them. "The Governor."
She nodded her head in understanding. She had heard from other people what happened before the winter with the Governor. Just from the stories she heard she didn't like the man. It looked like she was going to be fighting with the group again.
Sasha and Tyreese walked over to her and Daryl. He looked at Sasha and her brother. "We can't take 'em all on. We'll go through the admin building, through the woods like we planned." Ryder saw Sasha make a face that looked like she didn't think it would work but she didn't say anything to Daryl. "We ain't got the numbers no more. When was the last time someone checked the stash on the bus?"
"Day before we hit the big spot. We were running low on rations then. We're lower now."
Daryl didn't bother taking his eyes off the Governor expect for a second or two at a time. "Yeah, we'll manage." Finally, he turned to the three of them. "Things go south, everyone heads for that bus. Let everyone know."
Tyreese decided to speak up now. "What if everybody doesn't know when things go bad? How long do we wait?"
Daryl was walking away from them. "As long as we can." Ryder noticed deciding to follow him to see what he was doing.
She followed him while she heard Rick talking to the other man standing on the tank. She couldn't really hear what they were saying unless she took the time to pay attention. She didn't care what they were saying though.
Daryl walked over to a laundry bin they kept outside with a bunch of their guns. He pulled it away from the fence slowly trying not to give attention to himself. Apparently, he didn't think that talking this out would help and he was getting ready for a battle. He pulled the cart behind one of the guard towers. He pulled out one assault rifle walking over to Bob handing it to him. Before it left Daryl's hand he asked the man if he was good.
Bob just replied with a yes which was enough to satisfy Daryl.
While talking to Bob for that short time Ryder had already dipped into the gun stash and loaded a rifle for herself. She wrapped it around her shoulder and leaned in grabbing another one handing it to Daryl when he walked back over to her. He grabbed it and another one bringing them over to the Greene sisters not taking his eye off the exchange at the bottom of the hill.
Maggie looked down from her trance of watching her father when she felt Daryl lean the gun into her side. She released the hold she had on Beth and took it keeping it down in front of her. He took the other one in his hand and handed it to Beth standing next to her sister.
Ryder followed Daryl handing a gun to Tyreese who looked at it for a moment before taking it. He seemed like he didn't want to fight but the longer that the two men talked the more it seemed like they weren't going to have another other choice.
Both Daryl and her slowly started handing out the guns around to everyone. They didn't want to move too fast because right now their attention was on Rick and the Governor having their talk. It seemed like they were going to go to war but they didn't want to accidently cause it by not being careful with their actions.
She stood next to Carl while Daryl was on the other side of the kid. All three of them had the ends of their guns pointing through the fence at the group standing at the bottom of the hill.
Carl decided to speak since no one else was. "We've got to do something."
Daryl took a moment to regrip his weapon. "Your dad's go it."
"They're talking. We could kill the Governor right now."
It was Ryder's turn to speak up. "Carl you're looking at 50 yards without a scope."
He glanced at her. "I'm a good shot. I could end this right now."
"If you shot the outcome would be you starting something, not ending it. I have seen better shooters than you who were trained miss in better conditions." She looked at Carl making her point clear. "Stand down and wait."
Before Carl could say anything, Daryl spoke back up. "You got to trust him."
After Daryl had spoken Carl didn't continue with his arguing. She figured that he finally noticed the gravity of the situation and didn't want to be the cause of it if he by chance did miss the shot. Plus, with the men in the tank even if he did get the shot on the Governor the people standing with him didn't know the monster that he was. They would retaliate and destroy the prison anyway.
Ryder closed her eyes calming herself. It had been a while since she was in war. This was on a smaller scale but hell, they even had a tank on the opposing side. She could tell by how the conversation was going that it wasn't going to turn out well. She kept her eyes closed. She needed to turn off her switch in her head. If she didn't she would get too caught up in the fact that she would be killing innocent people who just chose the wrong man to lead them. Finally, after a few seconds she opened her eyes.
Daryl had noticed that Ryder was dealing with something. He watched her out of the corner of his eye. She had closed her eyes but a minute later she opened them. He noticed a change in her demeanor. She hadn't been soft and cuddly when they had first met but the woman that he was seeing now was cold and calculating. This was the soldier that she had talked about earlier. He shook his head forcing himself to look ahead and the conversation happening before them. He needed to stay focused on the task at hand not the woman standing next to him.
Everyone standing around them noticed that Rick had said something that didn't sit well with the Governor. Ryder and Daryl both tensed as they saw him jump down from the tank. He turned grabbing something from behind him. When he turned, he hand Michonne's sword in hand while marching over to Hershel's side. He moved the woman standing guard and pulled Michonne's sword up to Hershel's throat.
Ryder was close to seeing red. Hershel hadn't done anything to deserve this. She had heard that even if he wasn't sick he had spent his entire time in the quarantined cells trying to keep people from dying. He was doing it by himself and having to take care of the people who did unfortunately die. He was a kind man who didn't deserve to be slaughtered for show. She stood up more pulling the rifle in her hands up so she could look through the scope. Her hand landing on the trigger as her crosshairs marked the Governor's head. She was shaking with adrenaline and wanted to kill the son of a bitch.
Before she took the time to pull the trigger she felt something cover her hand on the gun. She looked up and noticed that Daryl was stopping her from shooting him. She watched him as he shook his head no. He didn't need to say anything to her.
After a second of staring him down she finally relented. She moved her finger back to the trigger guard but her tension in her body didn't give. She heard Beth and Maggie hit the fence when they noticed that the sword at Hershel's neck.
Ryder couldn't hear what they were saying but Rick started talking more animatedly when he noticed the sword. His words seemed to be doing something to the group. They were all looking at each other. It seemed like they were hearing what Rick was saying. They seemed like they were thinking about what to do. At one point, the sword at Hershel's throat lowered and the old man was smiling. All she could tell was that Rick's words seem to be touching everyone around him. She was going to lower her gun but she saw the look on the Governor's face. When she saw, what was there she knew that this wasn't going to end in any other way except for… death.
As soon as she thought that she saw the Governor winding up and slicing through half of Hershel's neck. Everything slowed down in that moment. She heard Beth and Maggie start screaming as they watched their father being murdered right in front of them. Both Daryl and Carl looked ahead in stunned silence seeing their good friend fall to the ground. She was standing there but then she moved into action. She pulled her gun from the fence and went to the opening of the gate. About that time, she took position she heard Rick start yelling. "No!"
Rick fired a shot hitting the Governor in the shoulder while Carl fired another shot missing him as he recoiled from Rick's bullet. After that all hell broke loose. Everyone on their end started firing. She tried hitting the men in the tank but she couldn't when she was bombarded by bullets around her. She saw Rick running for cover after his leg had been shot. She looked over her shoulder calling to Daryl and Carl. "Cover me!" The blonde wasn't going to let Rick fight down there by himself. Before either of them could say something, she took off running in a crouch shooting her rifle at people trying to shoot at her.
She was able to sprint to him and slide down next to him quickly looking at his wound trying to gauge how bad it was. "Nothing vital was hit. You should be good." Before he had a chance to say anything she lifted up from the back of the bus and started firing at the people behind the trucks. She was able to take out a few here and there. It was difficult considering they were all hiding behind their vehicles. When she lifted up from behind the bus again she was able to take aim and fire at one of the guys sitting in the tank. She couldn't get to the other one before he dropped down.
The guy dropped and a few seconds later the tank was moving through the fences. Some people were in cars moving around in the field. The people still on the ground were running behind the tank. She pulled her gun and started shooting at the people who were out in the open still trying to duck behind the bus. She was able to take out five or six more people until she felt white hot pain in her shoulder. She quickly dropped behind the bus sitting down. Her hand covered her left shoulder. She looked down and noticed that there was red liquid gushing through her fingers. She felt around her back trying to figure out if there was an exit spot. She huffed in agitation when she felt the bullet was still in her shoulder.
The sounds of gun fire made her forget about the bullet in her shoulder. She took off running up to the compound. She turned to look and saw that Rick was fighting with the Governor. Ryder wanted to turn around and help him but she couldn't. He could take care of himself and she needed to get up there to start helping with everyone else. There were walkers that had started to pile in from the area.
She was running up behind the tank. She had been taking out as many walkers as she could since most of the people had made it to the prison. She started to kill the people who were taking cover behind the armored vehicle. She couldn't take out too many since she was also running around trying not to be cornered by walkers. Ryder looked over to her side and noticed that Daryl was in her same position. He was shooting at people in front of him but also had walkers coming up behind him. "Daryl!" She called as he saw one of them push him into an area where she lost sight of him. "Shit," she cursed to herself. She ran up behind the take taking out more people who were still scattered around. She noticed that the people originally from the prison were running all over trying not to be shot. Most of them seemed like they were running to the gray bus in the distance.
Ryder turned around hearing the sound of moaning coming from all around her. She turned and started to unload the rifle into the group behind her but her gun soon clicked signaling that she didn't have any more in the clip. She felt around her body trying to find another clip but she didn't grab one. "Fuck!" She dropped the rifle and pulled out her desert eagle looking around. Finally, she noticed that she was close enough to the guard town. She shot off her gun a few times killing the walkers in her way. She jumped into the guard tower slamming the door holding it shut. Thankfully, the door needed to be pulled so all she had to do was hold it closed with walkers on the other side. They couldn't push the damn thing open.
Daryl had heard is name being called. He turned and he immediately got a face pull of walker. If had pushed him into a safe area from the bullets. He fumbled trying to get to his hunting knife and keep the walker off him. After a couple seconds, he was able to pull his hunting knife and shove it into the walker's head successfully killing it. Daryl looked around for something and then his eyes landed on a piece of rebar. He picked it up impaling the walker with the metal pole. He walked out from where he was hiding using the walker body as a shield. He moved closer and was able to kill the two men shooting at him.
The hunter ran down the walkway he was stuck in killing walkers that were in front of him. He heard the tank spinning and firing off another shot. Quickly, he grabbed a grenade that he had been saving for a good occasion. He pulled the pin jumping up and putting it into the barrel of the tank. He moved away so he didn't get caught in the explosion.
The man who had been controlling the tank yelled from inside it. The hatch abruptly swung open as he scrambled out trying to get away from the explosion. He landed on the ground. While he was trying to get his barrings from running away from the tank he turned and was met face to face with Daryl. He already had his crossbow pulled up aiming it at the tank operator. He held up his hand trying to stop Daryl from shooting him but before he could say anything he pulled the trigger. The bolt landing in the man's heart.
Daryl dropped the crossbow looking around. "Ryder!" He had heard her call his name when that walker was attacking him. She should still be around here. He spun around in circles trying to find her. He couldn't hear any gunshots. He heard someone run up behind him. He turned hoping that it was Ryder but it wasn't.
Beth came up to him. "I was trying to find the kids to get them on the bus."
Daryl looked around seeing that the walkers were starting to swarm the area. He was still hoping he would see her blonde hair in the distance but he couldn't. The only blonde hair that he saw was Beth's. She was in front of him and he needed to get her to safety. Ryder could handle herself. He just hoped that he would be able to find her alive. He hoped that he would be able to find everyone alive. "We got to go, Beth."
Ryder was pulling on the door of the guard tower. She could hear the walkers beating on the other side trying to get to her. Then, there was a loud explosion which she figured was the tank. She didn't want to push out of the tower because she didn't know how many walkers were around her. She didn't have much ammo and she didn't have enough bolts in her crossbow to fight through. She heard her name being called. She could tell by the rough voice that it was Daryl. She could tell that with the other commotion going on outside that the walkers were forgetting she was in there but she didn't dare yell out. It would only remind the walking corpses that she was hiding behind the door.
When she didn't hear anymore banging she slowly release the handle. When nothing happened, she started to haul ass up the stairs to see what she could see. Ryder got to the top she looked around. In the distance, she could see blonde hair and white wings running away. She looked around but couldn't see anything else. Once the wings disappeared in the tree line she couldn't see any more people… that were alive. She sat on the grate leaning her back against the tower wall. Ryder watched the dead walk into the camp that had been fine about an hour ago. She was alone now like she had planned from the beginning… she didn't think she wanted that anymore though.
(A/N): Hey, everyone! I just wanted to say thank you like usual. I love hearing your feedback. It keeps my pumped to write for everyone. Sorry if this chapter isn't that great. I have been sick today, but I didn't want to miss an upload. If you guys haven't noticed, I am trying to upload a story every other day. I also wanted to say thank you to loverofbooks for the kind words. It's greatly appreciated!
Thanks again and don't forget to R&R!