Do You Wanna Build a Snowman? (#9)

TMNT 2012: Don and Raph

Notes: I wanted a reason why 2012 Raph is so hidden and emo like. He's always trying to hide from his bros it seems, I'm not the only one seeing it right? He's always trying to exclude himself and get away.

And yes, Frozen did inspire this. I always said I hated Frozen but the only scene I really hated was 'Let It Go' (Because of all the memes and jokes about it). But "For the first time in forever' is one song I really like. That and, "Do you wanna build a snowman". I was originally going to use Leo and Mikey for this or Leo and Don or Leo and Raph. But then I decided, nah. Let's waste a perfectly good opportunity for Raph and Leo fluff, something I never write, and write something I'm used to writing about.

I might do another version with Raph and Leo though. I wasn't about to go back and rewrite this ENTIRE fic here. So, expect and Leo and Raph version of this coming soon. It's probably going to be waayyy better written then this one too.

Also, excuse typos, it's 2:47 A.M. where I live. Pleaze!

(In my head: Wtf is wrong with me? Me writing this: Idk, idc.)

Disclaimer: I DON'T OWN THEM TURTLES OR THEM SNOWMAN AND SISTERS, I AM NOT EVEN OLD ENOUGH TO WRITE, ANIMATE, AND/OR PRODUCE A FREAKING MOVIE; CHILL PEEPS I DON'T WANT ANY LAW TROUBLE

Don looked angry with Raph when he saw his brother teasing Mikey again. They were all in their "living room" and the 9 years old Raph was teasing their little brother, 8 years old, Mikey.

"C'mon Raphie, stop it!" Mikey whined as Raph kept his controller high above him. Leo had gone out with Splinter on a scavenging trip, leading Raph in charge. Therefore, neither Donatello or Michelangelo could fight Raphael… Unless they wanted to lose in a painful way.

"Nope! I'm in charge, and if I want to, I can stop you from playin' video games. It's bad for you anyways, right Donnie? Splinter and Leo both said it. And since what I say goes…" Raph trailed off then smirked his shark like grin towards both his little brothers and stood up, ready to leave when Don finally blew his top. All day Raph's been stealing their stuff and pushing them around. Well Don was done with it.

"I don't care if you are in charge or not! This is dumb and childish and just plain rude! All you have been doing all day is torment us, because it's fun for you right? As long as Raphael's having a good day, it doesn't matter if he's making everyone around him miserable!" Don stopped and scoffed before continuing, "Leo's right. You're selfish and don't think about no one else's feelings. I hate how you treat us. I hate how immature you are. I hate you!" Don yelled.

It wasn't a shrill or anger-filled yell, no. It was a meaningful yell. The kind of yell that if it was directed to you, made you feel like the world's biggest shit pile. The kind of yell that told you, you've struck sore nerves no one was supposed to strike. The yell that made Don's voice crack and Mikey look away from Raph with sadness, disappointment, and utter anger himself. The yell that made Raph stop in his tracks and try to hide his shock and then the tears that came after; thankfully his back was turned to his brothers.

There was complete silence before Don got up and angrily went to his lab and Mikey followed suit, instead hiding away in his room. This left Raph alone with the game's theme still blasting on the TV and the game title screen guy still saying, "Press A to play!". Raph growled out of annoyance at the repetitive background noise and took the control he had been using to tease Mikey, and threw it at the console. He cursed to himself when he realized he not only broke the controller, but the console and most likely the game.

He messed up again.

He ran a hand down his face. He always hated himself because of this. He was crude and had anger issues; he even knew that. So, he tried 'playing' around with his brothers, thinking that that was a good way to release the excess anger, pride, and pain he felt. Maybe teasing them would make himself feel better as to not end up snapping one day and hurting his brothers in red rage.

But he was wrong, instead of keeping them from any real danger, he put them right in the red zone. He thought that if they weren't physically hurt, they were fine. Turns out, emotional wounds hurt more than a physical wound any day.

He decided it was time to apologize to Don, then Mikey.

"Don?" He asked quietly as he leaned against the lab entrance.

"I'm busy." He mumbled. He was hunched over his precious laptop and wasn't looking up. He was buried into it and his hands were moving at lightning speed.

"I'm sorry bro. I honestly mean it. Can I at least explain what's making me tease you guys so much? Even if ya don't care enough to listen or it ain't worth hearing, please at least give me a chance?" It was rare Raph pleaded, so Don finally submitted.

"F-fine. But make it quick; I'm still busy." He briefly looked up and then went straight back to typing.

"Donnie, you know I have anger issues. Heck, I know it too. I just, I guess taking out my anger in a less serious way was my way of coping. If I made fun of you guys, I wasn't doing any physical damage. If I didn't tease everyone and be a jerk, I might've blown or something by now… I don't know. I just didn' want to end up exploding on someone, so releasing it that way felt safer. Please try and understand Donnie." Raph begged. The nine-year-old was lost, confused, and upset. He really couldn't find a way to control his anger.

Donnie thought about it before responding; this time looking Raph straight in the eye.

"Words hurt so much more than physical damage Raph." That's when Raph saw tears and knew this had been going on for too long.

"Donnie…" He moved over, feeling awkward, but then hugged Don. But Donnie pushed Raph away with surprising strength.

"Hugging isn't going to change what you said Raph! Words hurt! And until you understand that… just get out. Please."

Raph felt his heart break a little. His little brother didn't trust him?

'Of course not. You messed up, this time it's too big a screw up to fix with a dumb hug. You're a failure, a screw up. You can't do anything right. Donnie and the others don't deserve to suffer because you can't get yourself together.' He blamed himself internally. He looked Donnie in the eye and the look said he was anything but stubborn.

"I ain't leaving. Dang it Donnie, I know you can't forgive me, but can you at least tell me what needs to change? In me? I want to change, even if it won't fix the rift I made, at least let me try to change. I know I hurt your feelings, but with what? To me, that was what normal brothers do… I guess I need to set myself straight huh?" He asked gently, not wanting to open the Pandora's box with the wrong words.

Donnie's eyes flashed something Raph couldn't quite catch before, "I-I guess it's just the bullying. Raph, Raphie, it hurts so fricking much when you tease us. It really does. I feel like I'm this weakling or something compared to you. Like I'm a mistake. Like I've done something wrong. When you say I'm a nerd, it's something that hurts. It hurts a lot, because I know I'm weak, a fragile nerd that can't- can-" Before Donnie could continue, Raph immediately saw the tears dripping and the sobs he was fighting.

He wanted nothing more than to hug him now, but was too scared to break whatever was being mended by pushing his limits.

"I- I promise I'll change. You don't have to like me now or forgive me or anything. Just watch, Donnie, I wanna change. I don't wanna hurt you guys. I just don't wanna screw up anymore, 'kay?! You're not the screw up in our family Donnie, I am. And you all know it." Raph growled lowly to himself at the end.

'I'm such a mistake. I can't do anything right.'

"Raph-" Before Donnie could correct his brother, Raph was out of the lab, his head down mumbling about how he'd change. But if Donnie could see his big brother's eyes, he'd see the tears building up.

"Raph…" Donnie whispered it again under his breath. He never knew…. He never knew Raph thought of himself that way. He was always bullying them so why would he now be the self-conscious one? Don felt tears built up, he mentally berated himself.

"Raphie I'm sorry."

Raph slammed his door shut and slid down to the floor immediately. He felt the tears coming and with his shell against the door, sobbed.

'I should just lock myself away. No one would care anyways, I just ruin everything and make things worse.'

Knock, knock, knock.

"Raphie… Please come out."

'I just wanna be alone…. I make everything worse. I'll ruin everything. Just leave me alone Donnie.'

"Go away."

"… please- "

"Go away!"

"…. Okay…" Donnie turned around, his head down, and sadly wiped away his tears and snot with the back of his small green arm. The 9-year-old felt horrible. He didn't know what else to do though, so he just went off to hole himself away in his lab, taking his older brother as an example.

Three Years Later

"Raph, it's dinner!"
"Not hungry."

"C'mon please come out!"

"No! 'Not hungry' means NOT HUNGRY, Brainiac. I thought you were smart!"

Donnie groaned, frustrated with his older brother. All he did was hide in his dumb room all day, on his dumb hammock, and read dumb magazines. His older brother was just so - ugh, dumb!

"Why don't you ever eat dinner with us?"

"Because I hate eating with a moron, a Splinter Jr., and you, Mr. Know-It-All!" Ouch.

"Seriously Raph, this isn't healthy an-"

"I don't give two shits if it's healthy or not!"

"Sensei's gonna-"

"What? Get mad because I'm cussing? See if I care. Get lost! Now!" Raph scoffed and Donnie felt his chest hurt.

"Okay then. If that's- that's what you want. Bye." Donnie's voice was small and sad now, pitiful.

Raph sighed once he heard Donnie's footsteps get far enough away for him to break. Raph let a tear slip and forced himself not to cry.

"Hey Spike… What's up man." Raph tried to ignore his cracking and wet voice.

Donnie couldn't think of a single possibility to explain Raph's introverted mood swings except for hormones. But then again, Raph had always been like this… As far as he could remember anyways.

Four Years Later

Knock, Knock, Knock

"Hey Raph, wanna join me? I'm going out to the junkyard and need some help with some stuff. I need to get the cameras working better, and Mikey needs that dumb, old Gameboy he found working again; you know he'll never stop about that one. And Leo broke the toaster again, so I need some-"

"Go away Donnie, I ain't coming."

"What? Please, I need some help and-"

"I AIN'T COMING! Do you speak English Brainiac? I thought you knew everything?"

"What? I don't know everything! Look, please just come. I'm begging you, please-"

"No!"

Donnie, balancing two empty but large cardboard folding boxes like cradling a baby, was getting ready to try one last time, but he opened his mouth only to firmly shut it.

'Whatever. He's like this all the time, it doesn't matter. I don't need his help anyways. Why try if I already know the result?'

"Okay then, whatever Raph. Do what you always do; hide away from everyone and sulk about absolutely everything right? I don't need you anyways."

"Fine, good! Go out, I don't give a damn."

"Right, you never did, and I don't know why I think you ever will."

Raph tried to ignore the sharp pang in his chest.

Five Years Later

He put his curled fist up to the door, about to knock. Then he stopped and froze, sadness and longing filled his eyes. He was just about to do it, the thing he did every year on this same, exact day. Every time on Christmas Eve he'd do this.

Knock and try to get Raph out for some family time, and fail.

Why was he going to fail again?

Donnie looked sadly at the door. He looked down at the snowball in his three-large-fingered hand.

'One last try this year. And then that's it. Try something different.'

"Hey… Uhm, erm, Raphie; Wanna build a snowman?" Donnie nearly facepalmed at how childish he sounded, he sounded like he was 5. His lisp made him sound worse, it made him sound like he was 2 now.

The 21 years old turtle sighed and was getting ready to turn back to join the others in the snow, no one in their right mind was out in NYC snow at this time of hour, giving the turtle brothers room to play and goof around without being seen. If their father was still around, he'd be so paranoid about the colds they'd catch. He was surprised Leo was doing that himself.

Donnie gave himself one last chance to hold out. He stood there, intensely eyeing the door for about 2 minutes.

No response. He knew it. What was he expecting, Raph to magically have holiday cheer and agree to building Frosty the fucking snowman? What, did the ghosts of Christmas decide to give Raphael a surprise pop up visit?

"Figures. You never cared anyways." Donnie scoffed bitterly, pushed down the tears he faced every year no matter how used to this he got, and was turned on his heel sharp, getting ready to bring back up his own spirits and have fun. Getting ready to ignore his scrooge of a brother.

Until a door opened, and a muscled hand reached out and grabbed Donnie's arm, it had three giant mutated fingers, wrapped in training wraps.

"Hey, let's build a snowman."