He was choking, and there was no place to spit the water. It plunged into his lungs, was everywhere. He couldn't see. It was dark. It was just as bad as wet earth. Arms grabbed him, and he couldn't tell—help—stop—go—
His head broke the surface. He gagged, water spitting out of his mouth.
"Get to shore—I'll get him," panted a familiar voice.
She nodded, swimming off, and Yukine saw a face with auburn hair and glasses holding him above the water. His vision blurred. Kazuma?
How?
"I've got you," Kazuma managed, teeth chattering. "Don't struggle or I'll knock you out."
Yukine gagged again. Kazuma towed him to shore. His feet dragged on a silty bottom, but he couldn't put weight on his legs. Everything felt like jelly, and his right calf seized in a spasm. He fell onto his hands and knees, vomiting.
"It's okay." She grabbed him, holding him upright like he just had for her. Kazuma frowned, holding out a pair of now-cracked glasses. Mud and sand dug into Yukine's palms. He gulped in air. Rain spattered them.
I'm alive.
How? He gaped at her. "You jumped in—after me—"
She grabbed him in an embrace. Her chin pressed into his shoulder, her arms tightened around him, and she let out a cry.
You do care.
You really do. He clung to her. "But the—baby—"
"The what now?" demanded Kazuma.
Oh right. He was still here. Lightning flashed above them. Yukine met his eyes, and Kazuma looked properly horrified.
"We need to get out of here," Kazuma managed. "Quickly. He just almost murdered you."
She nodded, hauling Yukine to his feet, her arms secure around his waist and keeping him upright. Kazuma stumbled up the bank, the two of them on his heels. They made it to the road. She let out a gasp when they saw Fujisaki running towards them.
"You—" Fujisaki's cry was cut off.
"What the hell is going on?" bellowed Yato's voice. Yukine whirled.
Yato, Hiyori, Bishamon—and Kofuku and Daikoku, too—they charged down the street from Fujisaki's house.
"Kazuma!" screamed Bishamon.
"Yukine!" yelled Yato.
Fujisaki turned and tried to run. Hiyori leaped at him, her kick direct to the back of his knees. He shrieked, falling to the ground. She planted her foot on his spine. "Don't move!"
"Why are you covered in algae?" yelled Bishamon, yanking the green stuff off of Kazuma's cheek.
"How is that important, Bisha?" yelled Yato.
"How is it not?" she screamed back.
"He shoved my in the river!" Yukine choked out. He jabbed his finger at Fujisaki. "He—he—it—"
"He almost drowned," confirmed Kazuma.
"I'm calling the police," declared Kofuku.
"Are you okay?" Yato grabbed Yukine by his shoulders. "When you—when you—" His face crumpled, and he was crying now.
Nora withdrew, folding her arms around herself. Kofuku appeared, putting a hand on her shoulder. She glanced up at the pink-haired woman, eyes wide, lips trembling.
"Let's go," said Hiyori. "We should—get them home. We can call the police on the way." She glanced down at Fujisaki, face turning in disgust.
Yukine was shivering. Nausea welled up again. Yato—Yato—I'm sorry—
"Double buckle," said Bishamon. "We'll have to." She looked at Kazuma. "You are coming, right?" Her voice trembled.
He nodded.
"I'm coming?" Nora asked, voice soft.
"Yes," said Kazuma. He glanced at Yato, who nodded.
"You think you're better than me?" Fujisaki sputtered. He dragged himself up on his elbows, mud and rain staining his shirt. Blood flecked his face. "I—"
"Yes?" Bishamon said. "I do? We do? We are?"
"You bitch!"
Kazuma turned, foot raised as if ready to kick. Yukine grabbed him.
"He's not worth it, Kazuma," Bishamon said. "Look at him. He's pathetic."
He pushed himself to a sitting position. Yukine wondered just what Hiyori had done to him. "You're—just like me, you blonde—"
"Shut up!" screamed Kazuma.
"Burn in hell, Fujisaki," Bishamon said, sticking up her middle finger. She grabbed Kazuma's arm, squeezing. Yukine saw her fingers tremble. "Let's go."
"Are you okay?" Hiyori asked Nora.
She blinked, wrapping her arms around her midsection. She nodded.
They know. Somehow, they knew. Maybe Nora was right and Father did tell them. Yukine swallowed. He couldn't look at Yato.
Kofuku tossed the keys at Bishamon. "Meet you back at the place. Daikoku's calling the police."
She nodded, climbing into the driver's seat. Hiyori sat on Yato's lap in the front seat, legality be damned. Yukine and Nora piled into the back with Kazuma.
"Why?" Bishamon demanded the moment the doors were shut. "Why—"
"Can we discuss this later, Bishamon?" Kazuma pinched the bridge of his nose. He looked as if he was about to puke. Yukine clutched Nora's hand. Yato saw. Yato studied Nora, but she wasn't meeting his eyes.
"As long as we do discuss it," she replied. "Because you always say later, and later, and you mean never, because you're the biggest coward—" She braked for a light and cussed.
"I know," Kazuma muttered. He leaned his head against the window, as if he was tired. The look on his face was exactly the same as Nora's: lips rolled in, skin milky, eyes bagged and noses flared in fear. Except Nora looked to Yato.
Yukine squeezed her hand. I'm not going to let them just send you away.
You saved my life.
I was so scared. He tried not to shake in the car. He couldn't come unglued, not here.
"My apartment," said Bishamon when they arrived. "We're all in need of cat therapy." She lead the way up the stairs. The door to her apartment opened, and Karuha whined. "Yes, I'm wet, deal with it," she said, burying her face in his fur. The kitty purred.
"I've never seen him acting pleasantly," Yato remarked.
Bishamon headed towards her bedroom, opening the door. Two silver kittens emerged.
"I fucking knew it!" Yato shouted.
"Oh, shut up," Bishamon said. "They're new, and I cleared it with Kofuku first."
One of the kittens bounded over to Nora. She stared at it. Yukine snorted, kneeling down to pick it up, and handed it to her. It meowed. Her eyes widened, scratching its head.
"I'll put tea on," said Bishamon. "I know you prefer coffee, Yato, so tea it is."
Hiyori snickered. Bishamon smiled.
Yukine sat on the couch, Nora next to him. Kazuma knelt, petting the other kitten, who batted at his hand as if playing. It rolled on its back, tiny tail up in the air.
Bishamon set the kettle on, and then returned to the living room. Hiyori and Yato sat on the second couch. Kazuma in the armchair. She perched on the arm of the chair, Kofuku and Daikoku arriving next.
"Well?" asked Bishamon, looking to Yato as if for guidance.
"Yukine," said Yato. "Before we get into what happened today… is there something you have to say to me?"
Fuck. He felt as if he was being kicked out onto a stage to perform, and he had no idea what the lines were, and no preparation to stop his fall. He didn't have time to think about what to say, but it was happening. "I—" How? Did he tell you—
He swallowed. He didn't want to let Nora say it. She shouldn't have to. "I'm—I mean, Nora's—pregnant. And it's mine. It's my fault." He covered his face, and he broke down. "I'm so sorry—we're not—I didn't mean to—don't blame Nora, blame me—"
"There were two of us," Nora snapped.
"I'm sorry," he said again. Please don't hate me. Please don't kick me out. Please still—please still be here.
I wish I had drowned.
No, he didn't. He didn't want Nora or Yato or Hiyori or anyone to have to deal with that. But he remembered his parents, screaming at him, screaming that he was a waste of space and air, that he was nothing more than a mouth to feed, that he was whining, that he was ungrateful, that he ruined everything for them and kept ruining it with his asking for food, and all he could fear was that they were right, that he should not have been born, that he should have been buried—I don't want them to have been right!
Someone grabbed him, holding him. He couldn't even pry his eyes open, but he knew it was Yato. "Are you—mad at me?"
"I'm—disappointed," Yato said, voice thick, as if he was trying not to cry.
Disappointed.
But he was still holding him.
He was still here. He was still trying.
"I didn't do it on purpose," Nora eked out. Yukine pried his eyes open, and he saw Hiyori sitting next to Nora, hand on her shoulder, and Nora looked terrified of that hand. "Father said he—he thought I did—he said he was going to try and—manipulate you with it—" She shook her head. "I didn't; I really didn't. I didn't want Yukine to—I wouldn't ruin his life like that." She doubled over. "No one will believe me—no one will ever—"
"I do," said Hiyori.
"Why?" Nora lashed out. "Do you just—try to be—better than—in every—"
"I think you're just like Yato," said Hiyori. "You do care. You just don't know how to show it." Her voice trembled. "Neither do I, not really."
Nora gaped up at her, tears running down her face. Hiyori hesitated, and then hugged her, and Nora sobbed into Hiyori's shirt. "I'm scared. I'm always scared."
"I know."
"Please don't hate me," whispered Yukine.
Yato stiffened. "I would never hate you. You're my younger brother, remember?"
Yukine gulped. He nodded.
"I don't—hate you either, Nora," Yato eked out.
She turned to him, still clinging to Hiyori.
"Yesterday, I was—I mean, I am—I'm afraid of—of him, and of you, and I—" His face twisted. He pounded the floor. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry—I should have reached—"
Nora shook her head. "I wasn't—I was trying—for him—I would have—" She looked to Yukine. "I love him," she said, pointing. "He—saved me from that, from Father. If it weren't for him—he really does—care about me." Her voice shattered, and gut-wrenching sobs rolled through her.
Me?
But I'm—I got you pregnant, I should have used a—I—
I helped you like that?
You're glad you know me? You love me like this?
"I don't know how I feel—about being a grandpa. Or uncle. Gruncle?" Yato mumbled.
"I think we can discuss what they want to do later," said Bishamon. "Since, you know, the police will probably want to find out what the hell happened today and why you were in the river."
What is happening?
Yato felt like the world was tilting. He had not planned on this kind of disaster. And even if Nora wasn't telling the truth about planning it—did it matter? She was still a child, and she needed help.
No one helped me.
I don't know how I can help, but with Hiyori—I can try.
"Fair point," mumbled Nora. She gasped. "Oh no!"
"What?" Yukine asked.
She dug through her sweatshirt, pulling out a thumb drive. "It got wet!" She looked to Bishamon. "I'm sorry—I went to Father's to get files that could help your case, but it's—when I jumped in—they're ruined, I'm sure." She curled her fists. Her head lowered towards her chest. She sniffled.
"You went to his place to get files for me?" Bishamon asked, incredulous.
"I wanted to prove—I knew no one would believe me except Yukine, so I—" She shook her head.
"Do not," Bishamon said. "Ever put yourself in danger like that."
"That's rich coming from you," commented Kofuku.
"I'm an adult!"
Yato covered his mouth, eyes widening. Guilt swarmed him. If I'd only listened—and still—
I do believe you. I want to.
"She texted me, so I slipped out the window and—I really didn't steal that girl's wallet from school—" Yukine tried.
"I know," Yato said. Even when he and the principal returned to find the room they'd left Yukine in with the window gaping open and Yukine gone. His worst fear then wasn't that Yukine was guilty but that Yukine was going to run away from him, or that he'd be taken away.
I finally feel like I have a family.
I like it.
He watched Nora cry and reached out. His hand brushed her shoulder. She looked up to him, eyes wide, and he saw the same look he saw in Yukine's eyes moments ago. Desperation, a need for approval, the same reflection of himself that he saw in Hiyori.
"Anyways," said Kazuma quietly. "It doesn't matter that your files were destroyed."
"Why not?" Yukine managed.
"Because I wired his car."
Bishamon's jaw fell open. Yukine felt shock seeping into him.
"You what?" eked out Kofuku.
"Isn't that illegal?" demanded Daikoku.
"Yes, but I still did it. You can use it to threaten him, but to be honest, the fact that he then tried to shove Yukine off into the water should be enough to ensure he's fired," said Kazuma, gripping his knees. "I know; it's cowardly. But it's the only thing I could think of to—"
A slap cracked through the air. Bishamon.
Kazuma clutched his face, gaping up at her. She had gotten to her feet, eyes blazing.
"Should we leave?" asked Hiyori.
"No," said Bishamon, chest heaving. "Stay right here. What were you going to say, Kazuma? It's the only way to protect me?"
He cringed. "I'm a cowa—"
"I know!" she yelled. "I know, and I—so what? I'm the one who's just like him. He wasn't wrong, you know, what he was yelling. I do objectify people for my own ends—I just want to be wanted, so I help and I help and I help and I—"
"I try and I try and I try to be a good person and the more I try—" Kazuma gulped. "The more I hate myself!" Vitriol soaked his words. "I'm the one who's just like—"
"Can I say something?" Yato interrupted, holding up his hands. His heart pounded. "I—I think from what I've been—trying to think of myself the past day—yo be a new person you have to face who you were." He looked at Nora. "That's why I ran from you. You are who I was, and I was—scared of myself, and projecting it onto you—I'm sorry, Nora."
"I'm sorry I hurt you," she managed. "I—"
Daikoku sniffed, wiping at his eyes.
"I don't hate you, Kazuma," said Bishamon. She gritted her teeth. "Yato's actually right, and if anyone's recording me saying that I will make you suffer. But what if—what if I needed you to face yourself instead of everyone and everything threatening me? Because you're the person who could hurt me most. And you did, when you left. Because I need you—I want—because you're the person I care about most in this world!"
Kazuma gaped at her.
"If you like me as a person and not as some goddess then show me," Bishamon said, her voice shaking. "Trust me. Stick by me when it hurts and I'll stick by you! Unless you don't—care at all—"
Kazuma's face crumpled. "I—if you want to be wanted—I want you."
"Then act like it!"
Yato felt like applauding. Hiyori would probably kill him, though.
Kazuma reached up. He grabbed her by the back of the head and pulled her face down towards his. He hesitated. She pressed her lips against his.
"Oh finally," mumbled Kofuku. Daikoku shoved her.
And we'll be wearing earplugs tonight, Yato decided as Bisha deepened their kiss.
"Don't go away again," she managed, breaking apart, resting her forehead on Kazuma's. "I want you here. Please. I know you're fucked up and I don't care. I want to help you."
I don't even know what it means to see myself as a person, Yato thought. He thought of himself as a worm most of the time, or a pawn in Father's plots.
He looked to Hiyori, to Yukine and Nora. This is how we learn.
We accept, and we pull each other along. We hurt and we heal, we try to do better each time, and that's called living.
"Where will I go?" Nora whispered.
Yato gulped. "You are my sister. I'm not going to let—"
"We have room," said Kofuku. She looked at Daikoku. "It shouldn't be hard to get custody."
Nora blinked. "But—why would you want me?" She sounded genuinely confused.
"I ask myself the same thing about her all the time," Yato said, jerking his thumb to Hiyori, who frowned. "Don't question it." Though, it was hard not to, when you realized that Father had been lying and manipulating and using them for his own gain your entire life. Was there another way besides trying to discern ulterior motives? Or were they just foolish, to be taken in by his proclamations of love?
Maybe. But was it so shameful, to be desperate for love? To be loved and have someone to love?
Nora still looked at him like he was an idiot. And Yato almost smiled.
"I'd just be a burden," Nora said finally.
"No," snapped Yukine, holding her hand.
"I don't think so," said Kofuku. "I mean, we won't force you, but we'd love to have you around. Whatever you decide to do about your pregnancy."
Yato could tell, from the look on her face. She wasn't sure she could believe it. But Yukine was still holding her hand. She swallowed. "Okay." She wiped at her eyes.
"Hiiro," Yato tried.
She blinked. And then she shook her head. "That's not my name."
Not anymore. Too much had happened, and the scarlet name was now a memory. Yato bowed his head.
"What do you want us to call you?" asked Hiyori.
"Nora's what my name legally is. I don't have a choice."
"Yes, you do," managed Yukine. "It's—up to you. I like Nora. But I'd like anything you wanted to be called by."
They all seemed to know they shouldn't call her Mizuchi.
"I never really thought about it," Nora whispered. "What I wanted to be called. I just—liked the names that were given to me based on who gave them to me."
"Aiko," said Daikoku.
"Hm?" Yato turned.
"Aiko," said Daikoku. "Kofuku and I spent a lot of time going through names—" He stopped. "It's a name I think fits you."
She gaped.
Because—they want to love you. Yukine does. I do, too. I just failed at showing it. But, by god, I'll do a better job. Hiyori squeezed his shoulder.
Who you want to be.
You get to decide.
"I—like it," Aiko said.