No, You Go First

by P-Artsypants

The Chief of Berk was a headstrong viking, stubborn and full of pride, and willing to do whatever it takes to keep his village safe. But for a moment, he puts that aside, and listens to his son. In which Hiccup convinces his dad not to make him go through Dragon Training, and the subsequent changes that follow.

9. The Oops

Reminder, I'm not being historically accurate with wedding traditions in this fic. I'm only mentioning that because we get into the meat of ceremonies in this chapter.

---

"Why don't you go tell your mom where you're going to be while I pop into the forge?" Hiccup asked.

"I suppose I should. Where's Fishlegs?"

"I think he's down at the arena with the others. They're practicing with each other since no new dragons have been caught."

"Oh no, how did the old dragons get out in the first place?" She giggled at their little inside joke.

"Whoever freed them must be horribly attractive." Hiccup feigned drama.

She snickered, and gave him an affectionate punch to the shoulder. "I'll meet you at the arena."

He nodded as they separated.

"Hey Gobber," Hiccup greeted as he entered the forge.

"Back from lunch? I got an order for a new plow from Mildew!"

"No can do, boss. Astrid and I are going up to Gothi's for wedding practice."

"Need a translator?" He asked a bit too eagerly.

"We were actually going to ask Fishlegs."

Gobber looked disappointed, but not offended. "Aye. That boy has a good intuition with Gothi's drawings. I'm liable to say something wrong and get whacked. Have fun with your rehearsal!"

"I'll try…" Hiccup mumbled as he went into his workshop. All he had to do was grab her ring, and then it was off to the arena.

As luck would have it, Astrid came out of her house just as he was passing by.

"Was Gobber bummed that we didn't need him?"

"I think he was happy to not get reprimanded by Gothi." He chuckled. "I also had to grab your ring. Do you want to see it now? Or keep it a surprise?"

"Oh I want to see it!" She said, eagerly.

Hiccup smirked as he handed her the little box.

Astrid knew that whatever Hiccup made, it would be perfect for her. But she hadn't anticipated how 'perfect' it truly was. The ring was a pale golden color, with two circular black stones on the outside and three oblong blue stones making a fan shape in the center. It was simple, but elegant.

"It's steel, brazen with gold for color, but that way it's nice and stable."

"Where did you get the stones?"

"They're actually dragon scales. The black are from Toothless, and the blue from Stormfly. I figured…if you ever had a bad day, you could just look down at your hand and all three of your friends would be there." He smiled as she examined the ring. He expected a compliment, or maybe even a hug, but he didn't expect her to look up from his masterpiece with a quivering lip and eyes filling up with tears.

"Astrid…"

Then she started crying in earnest. Fat tears rolled down her cheeks as she fought to wipe them away. She hated showing weakness, and that's what she considered crying to be.

"Come here," he took her hand and led them into a narrow alley between two houses. Then he pulled her into a hug, a hand gently rubbing her back. "I'm sorry Astrid. I didn't mean to hurt you."

"You didn't," she sobbed.

"But—"

"Hiccup, I'm upset because I wanted it to be you! You showed me so much kindness and understanding…your world was more than fighting and killing. You gave me Stormfly, and so many great memories. I thought, surely one day, when the time came, I'd get to marry you. It would be fun! It would be like—like the hayloft. Except everyday with no consequences! We would be able to sit up together at night and joke and laugh! I know there's more to marriage than that, but I told myself, if I had to get married, then that's what I wanted. I actually changed my mind! I didn't want to get married at all! Ever!" She fell on his shoulder, still weeping.

Mourning.

"And this is just a reminder of what I don't get to have. A husband that knows me better than I know myself."

Hiccup squeezed her tightly, and confessed quietly, "I wanted to marry you someday too."

—-

When Astrid had enough, she straightened up, wiped her face, and bravely asked, "how do I look?"

"Like a hot mess."

She determined that was good enough, and together, they went down to the arena to find Fishlegs.

Since there were no dragons to train with, thanks to Hiccup and Astrid and also the eels, the teens in training were forced to train with each other. Ruffnut and Fishlegs were sparring, and Snotlout and Tuffnut were wrestling.

Hold on. That's not accurate.

Ruffnut was bashing a mace against a shield Fishlegs was holding in terror, and Snotlout was tying Tuffnut into a pretzel.

"You kids having fun?" Astrid smirked from above.

"Yeah!" Cried Ruffnut.

"No!" Cried Fishlegs.

"You here to spar? I need a partner that's not totally lame," said Snotlout.

"Hey! I'm not lame! I'm just practicing the art of water. Just flow with the movement. Direct the energy through you."

Snotlout cranked his arm over.

"Oh I'm hurt! I am very much hurt!"

"We came to borrow Fishlegs," Astrid said, unbothered.

"Oh thank Thor!" Fishlegs threw the shield at Ruffnut and ran out of the arena.

"What do you need Fishface for?" Snotlout asked, still pinning a screaming Tuff.

Hiccup explained, "We're going to Gothi's to practice the wedding ceremony." Then he added begrudgingly, "you should come too, Snotlout."

Snotlout scoffed. "I don't have to think about that crap for another month. I'd just as soon stay here and kick ass, if it's all the same to you."

Ruffnut took the momentary distraction to tackle Snotlout to the floor and free Tuffnut.

"Suit yourself," Hiccup shrugged.

Fishlegs joined them up top, almost looking giddy. "Ohhh! This is so exciting!" He pranced as they started towards Gothi's. "Aren't you excited, Astrid?"

"To be eternally bound to the dumbest asshole on this island? I'm ecstatic."

"Well…when you say it like that…"

"You're good at interpreting Gothi's drawings, right?" Hiccup asked.

"Better than I thought I'd be. Since my mom's one of the healers, she wanted me to train with her and Gothi. I picked it up really fast."

"Well, it's always good to have a back up plan in case the whole dragon slaying deal doesn't work out." Astrid said, a sour note to her tone.

Fishlegs winced, but then proceeded. "I didn't really want to fight dragons. I read the manual like 27 times, and once you memorize all the ways dragons can kill you…it kind of removes the desire to be anywhere near them."

Hiccup and Astrid nodded at that, feeling differently, but appreciating what he meant.

"Oh! Is that your ring?" He pointed at the little box Astrid was holding. "Can I see?"

"Sure. Hiccup did a great job."

Fishlegs held it up in the sunlight, "Oh wow, Hiccup, this is amazing…it's kind of like you're good at everything except killing dragons."

Hiccup chuckled, "thank you for summing that up."

"These blue scales are from a Nadder, right? Where'd you get the black ones?"

Hiccup was surprised he knew they were dragon scales, but it was Fishlegs. "I found them in the woods. Not sure what dragon they belong to. I'd like to think it's a Nightfury."

Fishlegs examined it closer. "You know, it could be! There aren't a lot of black dragons. Nightfury's are camouflaged at night, so they could be all black!"

If only he knew. Hopefully someday soon, they could introduce the dragons to the village, and they could all have warm relationships and fly. That was the dream.

Soon enough, they climbed the mountain to Gothi's and knocked on her door.

The old woman gave them an appraising glare as she opened the door.

"Hi Gothi," Hiccup began. "We're here to—"

She held a hand up to silence him, and then wrote in the sand that covered the floor of her hut.

"Oh, already!" Fishlegs peered over Hiccup's shoulder and interpreted the squiggles. "She says she knows why we're here."

"Oh. Okay. My father must have talked to her, then."

Gothi gestured them inside and wandered around, collecting supplies. She gave Fishlegs instructions to move a pedestal over to an open area in the room. Then she drew a circle on the floor.

"She says, stand in the middle of the circle, facing each other, and join hands. Astrid on the right, Hiccup on the left."

"Shouldn't I be–?"

Gothi shook her staff at him, threateningly.

"Okay, okay!" He took his spot. "Guess we're running through a mock ceremony?" He asked Astrid, quietly.

She shrugged, but didn't speak, afraid of getting hit. She held out her hands, and he took them, his palms up, like he had seen only a couple of times.

Gothi brought over a tray with a bowl and a long strip of fabric, while Fishlegs lit the circle of candles around Hiccup and Astrid.

"Do you have the rings?"

Astrid nodded and took hers out of its box.

"I didn't know I was—"

Gothi rolled her eyes and went to her dresser. There was a small chest filled with jewelry, and she picked out three or four rings to have Hiccup try on. The second, a plain silver band, fit, so she pocketed the rest.

"Give each other the rings," Fishlegs instructed.

They did so, and then retook each other's hands.

Gothi gave a short sigh, and seemed a lot more pleasant now. She reached up and pushed both of their bangs out of the way, then dipped her fingers into the bowl on the pedestal, and smeared what looked like blood on both of their foreheads.

"Is this…real blood?"

WHACK.

"Okay okay! I'll stop talking!"

"Now you will place the rings on each other's hands. Hiccup, you go first."

Hiccup gave Astrid a little smile as he slid the ring onto her dainty finger. Once in place, she did the same, her hands shaking. It was kind of cruel to have them mock this out when it would be someone else in a month. But they needed the practice…at least, that's what they kept telling themselves.

Once they both had the rings, they retook each other's hands.

Gothi then wrapped the thin cloth around their hands and wrists.

"The cloth is wrapped 9 times, to represent the marriage transcending all 9 realms."

Hiccup nodded heavily.

Then Gothi wrapped a red cord around their hands and tied a double knot.

"She says you can practice this knot on a tree or chair later, Hiccup. It's not hard or complicated."

Hiccup again nodded.

"Now it's time for vows. Hiccup, you go first."

"Uh…"

WHACK.

"She says, you will prompt the couple with the call and response of the following: Beloved, I seek to know of you, and ask of the Gods and Goddesses that I be given the wisdom to see you as you are, and love you as a Mystery."

Hiccup took a deep breath and repeated Fishlegs.

I will take joy in you,

I delight in the love of you.

You are to me the whispering of the tides,

The seduction of summer's heat.

You are my friend,

My lover,

Grow old and wise with me,

As I will do with you!

A life before us of rainbows and sunsets,

And a willingness to share in happiness and in sadness.

"I love you." Prompted Fishlegs.

"I-I-I love you…"

"I adore you."

"I adore you."

Then it was Astrid's turn to recite the vows, and she did it effortlessly, as she did most things. A sad smile crept over her face, though Hiccup couldn't guess what it meant.

Gothi scratched the next part into the floor, and Fishlegs dutifully interpreted, too focused on the job to realize what was happening. "Hiccup Horrendous Haddock, do you take your chosen and beloved mate, Astrid Hofferson, to be your lawfully wedded companion, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do you part? Will you keep your love and trust, caring for and cherishing your beloved:

Will you keep the promise of this rite?"

"Yes?" Hiccup asked, more as a question. Why was his name being used? He'd been whacked enough times today to just trust Gothi's methods.

"Astrid Hofferson, do you take your chosen and beloved mate, Hiccup Haddock, to be your lawfully wedded companion, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do you part? Will you keep your love and trust, caring for and cherishing your beloved:

Will you keep the promise of this rite?"

"I will." Astrid smiled.

"You have declared your consent before your Gods and Goddesses within this holy circle. May our Mother Goddess Frigga strengthen your consent and fill you both with her blessings. By the witness of our Gods, Goddesses, and ancestors are these sacred vows made manifest. I hereby pronounce you man and wife. You may now kiss the bride."

"Oh, well that's a lot to remember to say. Do you have it written down somewhere?" Hiccup asked.

WHACK.

"Ow! What did I do?! I thought we were done!"

Gothi circled a squiggle and pointed at Astrid.

"What's she saying?"

Fishlegs blushed. "She wants you to kiss Astrid."

"What? Why?"

Gothi looked at him wide-eyed and perplexed. Then she frantically scribbled in the sand.

As Fishlegs watched, he went wide-eyed and pale. "Uh Hiccup…you guys said you were coming here to practice, right?"

"Yeah?"

"She thought you were coming to elope…she married you. For real."

Hiccup suddenly felt very light headed as he looked down to the wrappings over their hands, and then to Astrid. She was trying and failing to suppress a smile, like she was amused rather than surprised. He rounded on Gothi. "Astrid's engaged to Snotlout! Why would you think we wanted to elope?!"

"She says everyone saw the hickey on your neck last winter after that blizzard."

Hiccup blushed several shades of red, before looking back at his bride. His bride! "Astrid, I am so so sorry! I had no idea she would–I thought–you know I wasn't trying to–!"

"Hiccup," Astrid said softly, squeezing his hands. "It's okay. It's really okay. I wasn't thrilled about getting married, but I resigned myself to it. So I was ready to marry, and anticipating it. This is…a preferable outcome."

"I—My dad is going to kill me. He gave me this responsibility and I—no, forget my dad! Spitelout is going to actually murder me! Do you know how much money he paid me for all that stuff!?"

"Then pay him back? You didn't spend everything did you?"

"I had to buy materials! Gah! Gothi! You have to undo this!"

WHACK.

Fishlegs read, "You made a sacred oath in front of the Gods. I will not annul this marriage."

Then Gothi smiled as she wrote something else, almost as an afterthought.

"She says you guys make a better match anyway."

"I'm dead. I'm so dead!" Hiccup tried to pull away, but his wrist was still tied. "Please help?"

Gothi soundlessly laughed as she untied them.

"Well, thanks for all that…I guess. I suppose we have to go face the music…" Hiccup imagined all the yelling and threats of bodily harm he was about to receive. Spitelout might actually try to kill him. Maybe they should tell Stoick and Axel first and have them present for Spitelout.

Gothi shook her head, and pointed at Astrid.

"She still wants you to kiss…" Fishlegs blushed. "And she said, 'make it good.'"

"What's that supposed to—"

Astrid hooked her ankle around his knee, making him lose his balance and start to fall backwards, but she caught him around the waist and dipped him, presenting a searing kiss to his lips.

Then, a moment later, he was righted, and she dusted him off. "Good enough for you?" Astrid asked Gothi.

The old woman and Fishlegs both clapped for them.

Winded and star struck, Hiccup wobbled towards the door. "At least I will have fond memories before I die…"

Astrid was a few steps behind him, and once they were outside, she started giggling.

"What's got you so happy?" Hiccup asked, still pale and hopped up on adrenaline.

"I don't have to marry Snotlout! No more dinners with the Jorgensons! No more forcing myself to be nice to him! And I get to move out of my parents house! I get to live with my best friend!" She stood up a little straighter. "And one day, I will be chieftess! Not too bad a catch, if I do say so." She reached over to take his hand, but he pulled away from her. "Hiccup?"

He just looked at her, trying to find words, but was too gripped with dread.

"Just a few hours ago, you said you wanted to marry me…unless you were just saying that to make me feel better?"

"No!" He did take her hand then, holding it tightly in both of his. "Astrid…I didn't lie. I did, do, want to marry–I guess be married to you. I'm sure tomorrow I'll be singing and dancing, but right now…I feel like I cheated. I didn't do anything to deserve to marry you. I didn't make a contract with your dad…"

"But you made all the weapons for the bride price. You built me a house, you made me a ring. And you went to rehearsal with me. If you had been able to ask my dad for my hand, he would have given you permission in a heartbeat. You didn't need to trick him to win me in a bet. If anything, Hiccup, you did more to deserve me than anyone."

Hiccup let out a shuddering sigh. "That makes a lot of sense, thank you."

"So you're not going to try to get rid of me again, right?"

He chuckled helplessly. "No, dear."

"Then let's go tell our parents and Spitelout. I'll be right here with you."

"And so will I," said Fishlegs, sneaking up behind them.

"Gah! Fishlegs! How long have you been there?"

"...You don't want to know. But I'll come along with you to explain what I saw."

That eased the dread even more. "That will be a big help, Fishlegs. Why don't you go ahead into town? I think my dad might be in his secret meditation spot in the woods. He doesn't want anyone to be able to find him when he needs a break."

"I can respect that! I have several secret meditation places on the island. We can tradesies!"

"Later, Fishlegs."

"Oh right! I'll go wait in the forge!" And they split up.

As they made their way back to the cove, Hiccup imagined all the words his father had to say. He gnawed on his lip. What would this turn into? Hiccup certainly didn't have the money to pay Spitelout back for those materials. He didn't think his father had that just ready to go, either. This was a nightmare!

As he spiraled, Astrid's warm hand connected with his, and she twined their fingers together.

He looked at her.

"I get that you're nervous, and I know why, but I'd like to hold my husband's hand, if that's alright."

Wow. Husband. What a thought!

"Okay," he said, dreamily.

When they arrived at the cove they saw Valka sitting by the shack with a sewing project. Stoick had left.

"Did Dad go back?" Hiccup asked, stating the obvious.

"Oh a little while ago. How did rehearsal go?"

"Depends on how you look at it…" he hesitated. "Astrid thinks it went really well. I think it was a disaster."

"My my! What happened?"

This would be his litmus test. His mother probably wouldn't react too badly to the news, being that she'd been removed from humans for so long.

"Well, mom…meet the wife." And he gestured to Astrid.

"Wife? Your wife?!"

"Yeah…Gothi thought we came to elope, I thought she was doing a mock ceremony…" he rubbed his face. "Oh this is so messed up!"

Valka burst into laughter. Hard, loud, unrestrained laughter. She fell backwards off her seat, and still kept laughing.

Hiccup worried if his mother had actually gone insane. Considering what she had been through, it was only a matter of time.

"I'm-I'm sorry, my love!" She kept laughing, and slowly pulled herself off the ground. "It's just–you and your father were both telling me how you've had…a bit of an unlucky streak with the village. And now this!"

"Yep. We all know that the gods hate me."

"Oh honey…" she cooed. She stood and went to him, petting the hair from his face and wiping the blood from his forehead. "It's not all bad. Astrid's your good friend, afterall."

"I'm thrilled about that part! I just don't think I'm going to live long enough to enjoy it."

Valka chuckled warmly, pulling him into a hug. "My little boy is a man! When you have the real ceremony, make sure it's after peace comes, so I can be there, okay?"

"Can you not hear me? I'm. Going. To. Die!"

"You have your father's dramatics. Have you told anyone else yet?"

"Not yet," said Astrid. "We were looking for Stoick. But I'm glad you're first to know."

Valka went and gave Astrid a hug. "It makes me feel like I'm part of the community. Even though it was an accident, I'm happy for you two."

"Well, if it all goes tits up, then I guess we can go live in your little ice palace," Hiccup breathed.

Astrid chuckled then, grabbing him by the shoulders. "Alright look, bum arm or no, I'm not going to let Spitelout kill you, okay? Just relax. It's going to be awkward, but we'll be okay." She took his hands and held them. "We are going to be okay, right?"

Hiccup nodded then, feeling slightly guilty for not being happy like she was.

Toothless noodled his way between them then, as if asking why they weren't pampering him. Of course, they showered him with love and scritches.

—-

Once they returned to the village, they started looking around for Stoick.

"Pst!" Gobber called from the forge, a big grin on his face.

"Oh boy. I bet Fishlegs squealed." Astrid chuckled as they went to the forge.

Once they crossed the threshold, both Hiccup and Astrid were scooped into a big bear hug. "OH LAD I KNEW YOU HAD IT IN YOU!"

"Had…what…exactly…?" Hiccup grit out from his squashed lungs.

Gobber set them down. "A loophole! I knew you were determined to get Astrid out of this loveless marriage crock! And you did! Good on ya!"

Hiccup looked over to Fishlegs. "You didn't tell him it was an accident?"

"I did! I mean–I wasn't going to tell him anything! But then he started grilling me and…you know I don't work well under pressure!"

"I mean, I figured you'd end up telling Gobber. By the end of the day, I'm sure everyone will know. But Gobber, it really was an accident."

"Sure, lad."

"I swear! We went for practice! We even invited Snotlout to help, but—"

"I know, I know. Fishlegs gave me every single detail. So…when Gothi asked you for your vows? And asked if you would take Astrid as your wife, you didn't think to question it?"

"Well…she kept hitting me…"

"And now you're married!" Gobber guffawed. "That's rich! I'm happy for ya lad. I'll give ya the next two weeks off for the honeymoon too!"

Hiccup blushed as he just hid his face in his hands. "I can't believe this."

"Come on, babe," Astrid nudged him. "We still have parents to talk to."

"Oooo babe!" Gobber sang. "They already started with the pet names!"

Hiccup just stuck his tongue out at him as they exited the forge.

—-

When they found Stoick, he was surrounded by multiple vikings, and seemed to be in the middle of settling an argument.

"Let's go tell my folks first," suggested Astrid. "I don't think your dad will take it well right now."

"Agreed."

So they went to the Hofferson household. Axel would still be at work, but Phlegma was home. When they entered, Phlegma had Astrid's wedding dress on a dress form, attempting to fix the stitching that Astrid had butchered.

Phlegma looked up to them to greet them, and then frowned. "You eloped."

Hiccup sputtered. "H-h-h-how did you–?"

"Mothers know these kinds of things."

Hiccup held back the retort 'my mom didn't'.

"You also still have blood on your foreheads."

Hiccup and Astrid were quick to try and rub it off.

"Well, I suppose you won't be needing this dress then. Honestly, Astrid. There were other ways to get out of sewing!"

Astrid laughed. "Mom! I didn't do it on purpose!"

"We really did go for practice, but Gothi thought we were eloping…it's kind of a mess." Hiccup rubbed the back of his head.

"And don't get rid of the dress, mom. We'd like to have a proper ceremony later, so I'll wear it then."

That seemed to flip Phlegma's attitude as she ran to them with tears of joy and laughter. "My babies! All grown up!"

Yeah, that felt more appropriate.

They stayed and talked for about an hour, relaying the events as they happened. Then Phlegma turned her attention to packing up Astrid's belongings.

"You don't need to pack everything. I'll be back."

"Oh but I need to make sure you have anything you need for tonight at least! It's your wedding night!"

While they both turned red in the face, Hiccup did have other concerns. Would he be allowed to live in that home he built? Spitelout had commissioned it for Astrid AND Snotlout. Perhaps his father could help figure that one out.

As they left the Hofferson house in search for Axel, Hiccup took Astrid's hand. "Hey, uh…your mom made a good point. Tonight will be our wedding night. If you don't want to…you know…we don't have to. I'll just say…I'm willing to do whatever, and follow your lead."

She smiled at him then, a tinge of pink on her cheeks. She took on that delicate nature then, that was reserved for him. She leaned close to his ear and whispered, "don't worry, we'll have fun."

Goosebumps broke out over his arms and neck as Astrid pulled him away to find her dad.

—-

Axel Hofferson worked at the lumber mill, on the river at the edge of the village. He was no Stoick the Vast, but the man was huge from lifting tree trunks onto the mill.

He locked the blade when they arrived. "Hey kids! Need more wood for the house, Hiccup?" Because that was the reason Hiccup had come here so often in the past.

"I got this," Astrid told Hiccup. She strutted right up to her father, swallowed, and said crisply. "Dad, Hiccup and I just got married."

The pleasant customer service smile slowly slipped off of his face. "Pardon?"

"We went up to Gothi's to practice the ceremony, but she assumed we wanted to elope. So, now we're married."

Hiccup was prepared for yelling. But he was not prepared for Axel's screaming. A raw, primal scream, directed upwards towards the gods. He screamed once, for about 10 seconds, and then again, for about 20.

"What in Odin's eye patch is going on over here, Axel?" Another worker, Olav, hurried over with an axe in hand. He calmed slightly when he saw the kids. "Oh Hiccup. What did you do?"

"MARRIED!" Axel screamed.

"Who? You two?" Olav pointed at Hiccup and Astrid. "That's nice. But wasn't she engaged to Spitelout's boy?"

"It was an accident."

"ACCIDENT!" Axel shouted again. He was red in the face and visibly shaking.

"Dad…maybe you should sit down?"

Instead, he scooped them both up into a hug, one in each arm, and started weeping.

"My ribs…will be so bruised…by the end of…the day!" Hiccup wheezed.

After a long while, Axel set them both down. "My beautiful children! This is what I wanted! Astrid couldn't do better!"

"Dad," Astrid rolled her eyes.

"I mean it! Sure, you're a little rough around the edges, but you're only 16! So much room to grow!"

"Gee…thanks, Mr. Hofferson."

"Call me dad!" Axel beamed. "Oh I can't wait to see the look on Spitelout's face when he hears about this! That'll teach him to trick me into that stupid bet!"

"Trick?" Asked Astrid.

"More or less," Axel sighed. He pressed a kiss to Astrid's hair. "I had been celebrating your upcoming battle with the Nightmare at the Great Hall. I had my fill of mead, but Spitelout kept giving me mugs. You know how he is. Telling me to relax, telling me I was being a killjoy…once I was pretty sloshed, he bet me on the fight. You know the rest."

"Wait," asked Hiccup. "Do you actually remember making the bet?"

"Yes, I do. And I say trick, but I should have known better…" Then he smiled again and tugged them to his sides. "But it doesn't matter anymore! You two are going to be so happy!" He kissed Astrid and gave Hiccup a warm squeeze. "I'll have to return all those weapons though, shame about that. They were beautiful."

"Oh, uh, I think you can probably keep them. I made them. I'll just refund Spitelout."

"You made them? I thought Gobber did."

"Nope. Spitelout specifically wanted me to make them."

"He made my ring too!" Astrid held her hand up for him to see.

'Oh, that's lovely, lass. Many a woman would kill for a piece that pretty."

Astrid beamed.

"And the house…" Axel mused. "You built that too, of course."

Hiccup nodded. "I don't know what's going to happen. I built it, yes, but it's on Spitelout's property."

"You could always move it." Axel smirked.

"Move it? You can do that?"

"Sure! That would really twist the knife, wouldn't it? Spitelout thinks he can force his nephew into building his son's house and then keep it when the marriage falls through? All he ends up with is an empty plot with a basement!"

"The basement is all that Snotlout wanted, anyways." Said Astrid.

"So tell me, how does one get married by accident, anyways?"

So Astrid and Hiccup took turns recounting the ceremony. Axel just beamed and giggled the whole time, absolutely thrilled with the turn of events.

"Just wait until Spitelout gets a load of this!" Axel said, far too enthusiastically.

"Actually, I'd love to wait for Spitelout to hear this. Maybe if I wait long enough, he'll forget all about the wedding and he won't punt me into the sun."

Axel laughed joyfully. "Oh Hiccup, you're such a joker!"

"I mean, I wasn't joking."

"Who's left to tell?"

"My father, and the Jorgensons. I was hoping to tell dad next so that you and him could be witnesses to my execution."

Axel clapped his hands eagerly. "Then let's go find your father!"

"What about work?" Astrid asked, pointing to the sawmill.

"My daughter just got married! To Helheim with work!"

Hiccup just hoped Axel's joy was universal.

—

Axel, Fishlegs, Astrid, and Hiccup went back into town, looking for Stoick. The poor chief was still involved with a disagreement with some tribesmen. Stoick looked rather annoyed.

"Maybe we should…?" Hiccup began.

"This is more important, son." Axel urged. "Go on."

Hiccup took a deep breath and waded into the swamp of Vikings. "Dad? Dad!" He called.

"I know you're not happy with the gold, but he's being more than generous. Hiccup! I'm very busy!" Stoick shouted over the bickering.

"I need to talk to you!"

"Can't it wait?"

"No!"

"Is it about your work with the raids?"

"No!"

"Then just spit it out!"

Hiccup swallowed thickly and blurted, "Astrid and I just got married!"

The arguing settled down as each of the assembled men digested what the boy said. All eyes were on him.

"What did you say?" Stoick asked, almost a whisper.

"You heard right," Axel said, a smirk on his face.

The other Vikings started whispering then.

"Right," Stoick cleared his throat and turned back to the group. "Sven, you stored your sail in a poor place, so it's not unreasonable to believe that Hoffmere would take it, thinking it was garbage. He's offered you gold to replace it, and I think that's the fairest deal you're going to get, since the vermin would have made a nest of it by winter anyway."

"Aye," Sven said breathlessly. He was staring at Hiccup, slack jawed.

Stoick turned to Hiccup and Astrid. "Have you had dinner?"

"No sir," Hiccup said softly.

"Okay. Then let's go get some dinner. I'll be done here for the night."

"But Stoick—" someone tried to stop him.

"Later. I have some…very very important work to do." He started towards his house, his hand grabbing Hiccup by the back of his shirt.

"Dad, first I need you to know it was an accident! We went up there to practice, just like you suggested, but Gothi thought we were there to elope! It was all just a big misunderstanding!"

Stoick didn't say a word as he led all four up the hill to his house.

"And when I tried to get her to fix it, she said she wouldn't because we made an oath in front of the gods! I swear we didn't mean to do it! Please believe me!"

"It-it's true sir!" Fishlegs bravely added. "I saw the whole thing! I was concentrating so hard on making sure that I was interpreting right, I didn't even notice it was wrong! They even invited Snotlout to practice, but he refused!"

"We thought she was leading us in a mock ceremony," Astrid continued. "It didn't seem weird to me."

Once at the house, Stoick became more gentle. He went to a pot on the hearth, and lifted the lid. "Roast beef with potatoes and carrots. A nice comfort meal for a crazy day. Are you staying for dinner, Axel?"

"Ah, no chief. Thank you for the offer. The wife should have something at home for me."

"How about you, Fishlegs? This is your mother's cooking."

"O-o-oh, no no sir. No thank you! I just came as a witness."

"Very well." Stoick nodded as he went to the kitchen area and took out bowls. He was impossible to read.

True to the name, stoic.

"Dad…? Are you…mad?"

"No," Said the man. Though he chunked off a messed up piece of bread from the loaf with one chop of a meat cleaver. "Just…thinking."

Astrid and Hiccup were silent as he dished up their dinners and handed it to them.

Finally, he asked, "How much did Spitelout pay you for the weapons and the house?"

"He paid four gold for the weapons and fifty for the house. I kept sixteen for labor."

Stoick nodded and went to his lock box. "I will pay the difference, if you will refund your gold."

"I will! And I'll pay you back!"

"You don't have to do that, son. I would pay this price in the first place."

Hiccup went and retrieved the coins he had made from Spitelout.

"Then Spitelout will owe you the dowry," said Axel. "I paid him half the lumber for that house."

"We will see what he has to say. I have a feeling negotiations won't go well. It's fine and good to pay back materials and wealth, but there's something else we've taken from Spitelout."

"Trust?" Hiccup winced.

"His dignity."

Dread laid like a heavy blanket on Hiccup's shoulders. Spitelout hated being made a fool of. He didn't take any jokes on his behalf, and slights against him were dealt with severely.

"Are we going over there after dinner?" Hiccup asked, stirring his bowl.

"No. Spitelout will hear of this soon enough. Your little announcement in the town will no doubt spread to the entire tribe by morning. He will come to us."

"I was afraid of that."

"And what about you, Axel? You seem rather pleased with this turn of events."

"With all due respect, Chief, I don't like Spitelout or his son on good days. It killed me to see that bet fall through. I know it was my fault…but can you imagine how sweet it would have been if Astrid had won?"

"Wait, dad. What were you going to get out of it, if I did win?"

"He was going to pay your dowry, when the time came."

Hiccup smirked to himself. That would have been sweet.

"Plus, it would have been great to get him to shut up for a while. But don't beat yourself up over it, lass. You really did give that Nightmare a fair go. Not many warriors would have stayed in that ring after they lost their weapons. You went in with your bare hands! That's courage unlike any other."

If only Axel knew that dragons were actually rather tame, and that the Nightmare had ended up apologizing to Astrid. But they'd keep that secret for a while.

Like death itself, a heavy knock came from the door.

"Oh gods…" Hiccup stood and started pacing. He hadn't touched his food.

"Let's just see where this goes," Stoick rose and went to the door.

Spitelout stood like a shadow in the door, and was just a blur as Stoick opened it. He shouldered passed Stoick and thundered across the room. Hiccup gave a high-pitched yelp of pure terror as he was hoisted from the ground by his neck.

"You little shit stain!" Spitelout seethed. "I'm going to crush you like a bug!"

Hiccup could only gasp and claw at the hands on his neck.

Luckily, Axel and Stoick quickly got the situation under control as they pried Hiccup free. Stoick hooked his arms under Spitelout's to hold him behind his head. "Touch my son like that again, and I won't hesitate to take away your ability to walk."

Spitelout growled in anger.

"You okay?" Astrid asked Hiccup, touching his neck.

Hiccup panted while he sat on the floor. "Traumatized, winded, but I think I'm okay."

Snotlout then ran into the room yelling like a banshee, battleaxe raised and aimed for Hiccup.

"Nononono!" Hiccup shouted.

Again, luckily Axel had much more fighting experience and quickly disarmed Snotlout and pinned him with the weapon. "Calm down, lad."

"Calm down? Calm down?! That little twerp stole my girl!"

"That 'little twerp' is your future chief! And you better remember that!"

Spitelout scoffed. "Oh give me a break! That little pain in the ass? The tribe would rather see the entire village burn to the ground before that nuisance took up chiefdom. And you know it, Stoick!"

"Shut up."

"I was trying to set up the perfect ruling couple for this tribe! Snotlout and Astrid would have been perfect for Chief and Chieftess! But you refuse to see that this boy of yours is rotten and a mistake! Everything he touches, he ruins!"

"And that's why you had him make everything for Snotlout's wedding?" Axel retorted.

"To keep him busy! I was doing the town a favor! Once he lulled everyone into a false sense of security with those eels, I knew it would only be a matter of time before he got someone killed!" He stared daggers at Hiccup. "But instead, he ruined my son's life."

"It was an accident," Astrid bit. "I felt very strongly that you wanted the ceremony to be perfect, so I asked Hiccup to help me practice for it. We went to Gothi's. She thought we were there to elope, but we didn't know that until it was too late."

Spitelout scoffed. "It doesn't matter if it was on purpose or not. Everything that Hiccup gets involved with gets messed up. He's a walking disaster. He's a hazard."

"He's your blood," Stoick reminded, tightening his grip.

"He's all the worst parts of my sister. The parts that got her killed."

"You take that back you bastard!" Stoick shouted.

"Dad, let him go." Hiccup demanded.

"What?"

"I should talk to him, man to man."

Stoick hesitated, but begrudgingly released Spitelout from his headlock. "Remember my warning."

Spitelout rubbed his neck, but appraised Hiccup with narrowed eyes. He didn't speak.

"Here," Hiccup handed over the bag of coins. "What you paid me for all that work. I had nothing to do with this being an accident. If you really want to be upset with someone, take it up with Gothi, though I don't recommend it."

Spitelout took the coin, but still remained quiet.

Hiccup turned to Snotlout. "I know there is much more to be solved here than just what I owe your family. Accident or not, I did break your contract, and for that, I'm sorry. Stealing your bride brings offense and dishonor to your name, and that's something I have to pay for."

"Hiccup…" Astrid warned.

"What do I have to do to make this up to you?"

Spitelout continued to stare at Hiccup, as he stood tall.

Well, as tall as he could.

A smarmy grin took over Snotlout's face. "You wanna make this up to me? Alright then, you can do my chores for two we–"

"A fight." Spitelout interrupted. "In two weeks. You, Snotlout, no weapons, no armor, just fists. In front of the whole tribe. Then when you lose, everyone will see that you're not fit to be chief."

—-

Hiccup sat in his room, which might be the last time he'd be there for a while. Astrid went home to make sure everything she needed was packed.

Spitelout graciously allowed Hiccup and Astrid to live in the home Hiccup built, temporarily, until Hiccup built another home on Stoick's property. The house had been commissioned for Snotlout, and Spitelout wanted him to live in it. Something about teaching him about responsibility.

When Snotlout heard he'd have to take care of the house by himself, he was less than thrilled, and stormed out.

Fishlegs had sheepishly slunked out at some point, but Hiccup hadn't remembered when.

Now Axel, Stoick, and Spitelout were talking business. Who owed who what and how much. The conversation was much too quiet for Hiccup to hear, as Spitelout had mostly calmed down. Hiccup figured the man would never be over it, but hopefully once Hiccup figured out how to come to peace with the dragons, Valka would come back and things would be better.

Hiccup had most of his room packed up. He had been throwing out a lot of his work since he had found Toothless, since most of his blueprints and sketches had to do with killing dragons. The work for Toothless' tail and saddle were at the forge.

So now, most of his room was packed into a large trunk. It was too heavy for him to lift, so he'd need his father's help. And there was no way he was going downstairs while Spitelout was still there.

He heard the door open and close, and then the house became quiet.

A moment later, Stoick climbed the stairs and stood in the doorway.

"If you're going to lecture me about how careless I was, or something like that, I already know I messed up and I'm feeling pretty low at the moment."

"Son," Stoick said softly, crossing the room to sit by Hiccup's side. "What Spitelout said is ridiculous and unfounded."

"No it's not." Hiccup shook his head. "Do you remember what you said to me the morning I shot Toothless down? Everytime I walk outside, disaster strikes."

"That was said in anger, and I'm sorry. You have absolutely proven me wrong."

"Yeah, because you saw Toothless. You see where my talents lie. The rest of the town sees…the spoiled, lazy heir of the chief weaseling out of Dragon Training because he's a chicken. Killing dragons is everything to these people…and I'm nothing to them. And this fight with Snotlout will just prove it."

"Do you think you could win against Snotlout?"

"No! Absolutely not!"

"Do you think you could bring peace between vikings and dragons?"

Hiccup stopped then, his brow furrowing as he looked up to his dad. "I…I think I can."

Stoick gripped his shoulder. "Lose this fight, Berk may not recognize you as chief. End the war on dragons, you'll be the greatest viking that ever lived."

"I…think you're exaggerating…"

"I'm not, Hiccup. You will train and fight Snotlout. It will hurt, and you'll feel awful. But it will all be forgotten. So don't lose sight of what's really important here."

"Easier said than done."

"I know what will cheer you up." Stoick smirked.

"Yeah?"

"Getting this trunk to your new house so you can start your wedding night!"

"DAD!"