The shopping mall was another one of those places that showed the most change from the Oni take over. For one thing the building was now a giant glass sphere, with artificial gravity letting you walk along the inside to the stores built within, and above you was another smaller sphere containing more stores. It was elaborate, flashy, and clearly the alien overlords showing off.
Shinobu had handed Ataru and Ryuunosuke a set of handcrafted tinfoil hats. "This sphere here, it's filled with Mind Control Rays I bet." She explained to Ataru.
"Couldn't you just line a regular hat with foil?" Ataru asked.
Shinobu thought about that, "You know that's a good idea. We'll buy some Earth made hats in here."
Ryuunosuke had headed up to the transporter located a bit past the sidewalk. "Anyways we get into the mall here." There was a 3D hologram map of the mall hovering above it, with "YOU ARE HERE" flashing just a bit below the map of the sphere. "The cell phone shop is right… here…" She pointed to a spot on the map, "Second layer."
Then portal under the transport opened, and the three fell down to land on a transparent floor.
"Could we get some food first?" Ataru asked.
"That's on the next layer, come on Moroboshi." Ryuunosuke said.
"Plus I wouldn't trust the food they serve here." Shinobu said. Looking around a bit nervously. There were a few more people wearing more old Earth fashions, but somehow they didn't seem to stand out as much as she did, and some wore mixes of Oni and Human fashion. "I'm pretty sure they spike the food with fluoride. Helps ease the brain for mind control."
"They did that before the aliens invaded." Ryuunosuke said. "I mean even I know that."
Shinobu blinked, "Err, they did?"
"Fine! Let's just get this phone." Ataru marched ahead. "We'll go to a WcDonalds or something once we get out."
"Oh there's a WcDonalds in the Food Court!" Shinobu said brightly, looking at the map. "Good old Earth Junk Food!"
Lum had realized the problem with trying to find one person in a city was that it was one person. In a city. She'd picked up a phrase from the humans: A nail in a stack of wheat. Or something like that. It was apt no matter what.
Maybe she should have used her access to the planet's resources to find his address, but that felt less fun. She wanted to meet Ataru Moroboshi by her own power. But, after a good hour or so of floating around she got bored. So, she decided to head off to the mall to do some good old fashioned window shopping.
After all, it's not like Ataru Moroboshi would just casually stroll into a mall of all places. Not with a nice sized chunk of humans still blaming him when there was really nothing he could have done to change the result.
Of course, she also had a pair of sunglasses on. Her hair was done up odango style and she wore a nice Oni style qipao rather than her usual bikini. It helped keep people from recognizing her as Princess Lum. She idly played a game on her phone, floating down the mall.
"Hmm… the new model of yPhone is out, how'd I miss that." Lum mused as she floated past a cell phone store. She had been far too busy recently, "Well it's not like I need to up… grade…" She stopped floating forward, eyes widening as she stared into the phone store. There were three humans in the store. A tough looking one in a slightly cute Oni Bikini, a girl in an old school uniform…
"Ataru Moroboshi!"
The clerk for the cell phone store was this giant green jellyfish thing with five eyes, suspended in a glass tube with a speaker and microphone attached to the side. Yet it didn't even rank in the top ten weirdest things Ataru had seen since leaving the house.
"Would you like to try the yPhone Z? It has all the latest features." The Clerk said, their tentacles gesturing to a particularly sleek looking phone.
"I don't have a ton of money…" Ataru said. "What do you have for a high school student on a budget?"
"And also what do you have without any Alien Surveillance!" Shinobu said.
The clerk used three eyes to blink.
"No offense," Shinobu quickly offered.
"Right." The clerk said. "Well, I'm afraid we don't have any phones without cameras in them. If that's what you're asking for."
"I could just put a piece of cardboard over it." Ataru said. Also, take it off when Shinobu wasn't around.
The clerk gestured towards a slightly less shiny and new looking phone. "Well in that case how about an older mod-"
"Ataru Moroboshi!"
The air froze. There wasn't a person in the store who didn't recognise the voice, or the name. Everybody's gazes were torn between the boy standing in front of the clerk, and the girl at the entryway to the store. Except the two who had suddenly become the center of everybody's attention. Their gazes were only focused on each other.
Lum had taken off her sunglasses, her bright alien looking eyes narrowed. Ataru's own gaze was hard, serious. It had been six months, but both remembered their opponent like it had just been yesterday. Everyone in the cell phone shop stepped back, suddenly wary of the tension in the air.
Finally, Ryuunosuke was the one to break the silence, "Oh, oh shit it's that Lum chick."
It was like the starter pistol. "RAAAAAAHHHHHHHHGGGGG!" Ataru shouted, and in a flash he bolted forward, one moment he was by his schoolmates and the next he was almost flying himself! His arms outstretched, he leapt into the air! His hands mere centimeters from Lum's head!
Then in a flash of her own Lum flipped into the air, avoiding his grasp completely! He landed hands first onto the ground, flipping over and glaring up at the Oni. "Lum!" He shouted.
"Still not fast enough Moroboshi!" Lum said, her heart racing with excitement! "Six months of training still isn't enough to catch an OnI!"
"He was training!?" Ryuunosuke and Shinobu said at once.
"Maybe not those stupid horns!" Ataru said, holding out his hand, revealing that he was holding a tiger striped bra!
"...what!?" Lum covered her chest with her arms and confirmed that she was no longer wearing a bra, "Y-you! That's sexual harassment Moroboshi!"
"All's fair in Love, and War Lum!" Ataru said, pocketing his trophy.
"Oh? And what is it then?" Lum floated down to his face, yet ready to bound away in an instant if those hands moved even an inch. "In case you didn't notice, we stomped humanity when it tried to fight back, so it can't be war."
"You think we're just going to give up so easily!" Ataru could feel his breath bouncing back from Lum's face, he could see the finest details of her expression, the two opponents were almost touching. "As long as a single human has the will to fight then it's not over!"
"That's right!" Shinobu shouted, "We're not going to give up ever! We'll get you filthy aliens off our planet!"
The clerk used all five eyes to blink.
"No offense." She quickly said to them.
"So you want to fight me, Ataru?" She said, sounding out his first name to him. "Well I'll be ready at any time, any place, any way." She smiled sweetly, "But what will you give me in return if I win?"
"Excuse me!? What do I have to give you in return!?"
"Well the last time we went at it Ataru when I won, well, I got this lovely little planet of yours." Lum's hand brushed Ataru's cheek. "I won't ask for that much this time."
Ataru's hand clasped over hers, "Fine! Name your little wager Lum!"
"Well for now how about something simple?" Lum said, "If I win this time you buy me dinner."
"Deal!" Ataru said, "Let's take this outside."
"Of course! Oh, and as a gift, I'll get you and all your friends brand new yPhone Z's, how's that sound?" Lum tossed a card out from her dress to the clerk, who caught it with a robotic hand extending from the speaker.
"Don't think bribing me will work!" Ataru shouted, his hand now holding hers.
"Oh this is just a sign of my goodwill~" Lum said.
The two marched out of the store, Ataru grabbing his new phone in the process.
"That's right Ataru! Beat the alien!" Shinobu cheered, running out after him.
"...they were flirting, right? I ain't the only one who saw that right?" Ryuunosuke said.
"Oh yeah they're going to be married by the end of the year, max." The clerk said.
"How the hell would you know that?" Ryuunosuke said.
"I've been around kid."
Lum did some pre Tag stretches, and by now a crowd was gathering. Shinobu was fiddling with her new phone, trying to find the settings to turn off the mind control rays and surveillance. Ataru had slipped into a meditative pose, and Ryuunosuke had caught up to them with her own new phone.
"Princess! Princess!" And it seems that Shutaro had found her. "There you are!"
"Oh, Mr. Mendo." Lum said with a lot less enthusiasm. "What brings you here."
"Looking for you!" Shutaro shouted. "You can't just run off on your own without your bodyguards Princess!"
"I see you found Ataru Moroboshi." Ryoko observed. "My word. He looks even stupider in the flesh. I didn't think that was possible."
"Don't look at him too closely, sister! That kind of stupidity is probably contagious. You know how the common folk can be with their petty sickness." Shutaro said.
"The only sick ones here are you traitors!" Shinobu said. Then, to herself, "Oh no... You're not getting me hooked on this stupid brightly coloured puzzle game. I see through your tricks!"
"Excuse me?" Shutaro said, "The Mendo family simply saw the way the winds were blowing!"
"Also word of advice, don't spend money on gems for that game, it's not worth it." Ryoko added. Fair advice, especially since she had the top one hundred scores in the galaxy on that game.
"Mr. Mendo, Ryoko, please not now." Lum said, "This is between me and Ataru, isn't that right?" She felt her heart beating, her breath quickening. This is why she lived! "So you win, I'll pull back my forces from… let's say North America, OK? And if I win then you have to buy me dinner." Lum said.
"That does not seem equitable at all." Ryoko said.
"It really isn't," Lum answered. "He doesn't stand a chance."
"No chance!? Hah! I'll show you the strength of humanity!" Ataru puffed up his chest.
"Right then, since this is quick how's a half an hour timer sound? Ryoko, would you and the girl who really wants to be brainwashed be the referees?"
"Want to be brainwashed? This is to protect me from your Mind control rays!" Shinobu pointed to the hat.
Lum blinked in confusion, "But everybody knows wearing aluminum makes you more vulnerable to mind control rays. I mean, if you don't trust me look it up on the internet."
"The internet that you control?" Shinobu sniffed. "Fake news! Not buying it!"
"Actually the Lucky Gods are the ones that run the internet mostly..." Ryuunosuke muttered, "Shinobu you really need to pay attention to Galactic History more."
"Regardless, I think we can both together be unbiased referees, no?" Ryoko said, popping up next to Shinobu.
"I guess so." Shinobu said.
"Very well, if you wish to play against this reprobate again, I suppose there is nothing I can do but declare its start." Shutaro drew his sword, "On my mark! Three!"
Ataru crouched down.
"Two!"
Lum suppressed an excited giggle.
"Three!"
Ataru again became a blur, rocketing towards Lum! His hands stretched out, ready to grab her horns!
Just as he reached Lum, she spun to the left, twisting out of his path! But Ataru bounded up off the ground with his hands, rising up to grab at her again! Lum had to actually bend back to avoid his grasp. "Wow! You've gotten faster!" She said, "If you had been like this six months ago I'd have lost!"
Ataru landed back onto the ground, "And you're going to lose today!"
Lum laughed, "Not today, sweetie. I'm not going to hold back!"
"Oh? So you're normally this easy?" Ataru said, he looked far to confident.
"Easy?" Lum said.
"I mean, it's our second meeting and I've gotten into your pants already!" He held up his right hand, a lacy tiger striped pair of panties was spinning on his finger.
Lum's face reddened, sparks flew out of her fingertips. "H-how!?" Her hand dropped down over her legs, conforming that she did not have any underwear on anymore. "A-Are you trying to make me lose by modesty, Ataru Moroboshi?"
"How dare you!?" Shutaro charged onto the cleared area, his sword raised. "I'll-" ZAP!
"Did I say you could interfere Shutaro Mendou!?" Lum shouted, lowering her hand. The echoes of lightning still in the air. "Ryoko dear please take him off the field."
"Wow the jellyish was right." Ryuunosuke said.
"Pardon?" Shinobu asked.
Ataru pocketed Lum's panties, "Well if you want them come down for 'em."
"Oh no, spoils of war, you can keep them." Lum said.
"...sweet!" Ataru said.
"Ataru! Do not sound so happy to have alien underwear!" Shinobu screamed.
"Oh it's a counter to his strategy, Moroboshi wants Princess Lum to try and get her underwear back to get a better chance at grasping her horns, but she's not falling for it." Ryoko said. "But I guess getting her underwear is a nice bonus, lots of men dream about that. Only thing better is if they got Ran's autograph."
Ataru rocketed at Lum again! This time Lum was being more cautious, bending her body to avoid even being near his arms. She did not want to risk him taking off her dress after all! Yet he was inching closer and closer!
"She's sweating!" Ryuunosuke observed. "Maybe she ain't used to bouncing around this fast, but Ataru seems to be!"
It was true, Lum's face was screwed up in concentration. Her body contorting itself to avoid his grasping hands. Ataru had learned that just aiming for the horns wasn't needed! Grab at her legs, arms, any part of her!
Lum spun around, avoiding a sudden lunge for her head… only for that to have been a feint! Ataru's hands wrapped around Lum's waist!
"He got her!" Shinobu gasped.
"But not her horns." Ryoko said.
"Hah! Can't get away now!" Ataru said.
"You let go of me and I'm going to fly away! Remember, you have to grip my horns with both hands!" Lum said.
"I know that, I just got to make sure you don't run, right Princess?" Ataru said.
"And how are you going to do that Ataru?" Lum said.
Then Ataru's knees began to bend, his back tilting. Lum realized her feet were leaving the ground again, but this time not of their own accord!
"He's going to suplex her!?" The gathered crowd gasped. Sure enough, Ataru was performing a picture perfect German suplex! Lum's head was flipping over and heading straight to the ground! Any second impact would occur and surely she'd be stunned long enough for Ataru to grab her horns and-
And-
"Huh? Where's the impact?" Ataru said.
"Look down you idiot!" Shinobu shouted.
"...huh?" Ataru tilted his head back from his attempted suplex. Shinobu, Ryoko, Shutaro, Ryunnosuke, the crowd, and the ground were all below him. "What!?"
"I should tell you that I'm a strong enough flyer to carry my father, let alone you." Lum said, "Nice try, but all I had to do was propel myself up before you could slam me down."
"And… time!" Ryoko said, "The winner is Princess Lum!"
"...damn it she's right. A half an hour has passed!" Shinobu clenched her free fist.
The aliens in the crowd clapped, while the humans began to boo.
Lum floated down, and Ataru let go. He fell to his hands and knees, "Damn it!"
"So, when's our date?" Lum asked.
Ataru turned around to face her. "You think I'm going to-"
"That was the wager, so when's the date?" Lum floated down, "I mean, you already got my underwear, I think it's only fair no?" She whispered to him. "I'll dress nicely for it."
"..nicer than that?" Ataru's eyes involuntarily flickered over her body.
"We'll see." Lum's breath brushed against his cheek.
"Fine!" Ataru shot up, "I'm a man of my words! This Saturday, at 8! It's a date!"
WHAM! A hammer came down onto Ataru's head "Attaarrruuuuuu!" Shinobu shouted, "Why are you dating the enemy!"
"He did lose the bet, Shinobu." Ryuunosuke said. "Now he must bear the burden and go on a date with the scantily clad alien babe - We're sure he lost the bet, right?"
Ataru pulled himself out from under the hammer, his face locked into determination. If she wanted him to get her dinner, then he'd use it as a chance to probe her for weaknesses! Yes, he'd probe every inch of her!
"Ryoko, could you do me a favor?" Lum asked.
"Yes?" Ryoko said, at Lum's side in a flash.
"Could you check the stork migration patterns? Want to make sure he isn't in heat or something." Lum asked.
"Stork?" Shutaro began to ask but was quickly elbowed into silence by his sister.
"Right away, though I'm pretty sure they're not in season right now Princess." Ryoko said, barely managing to keep from bursting out into maniacal laughter.
Of course, Earth was not the only inhabited planet in the solar system, surprisingly enough. While the Martans drove themselves extinct trying to blow up other planets to get a better view of the stars Venusarians, Neptunians, and Plutoids all thrived in the Galactic scene.
Honestly one wonders why Earth was so slow to catch up. In the end they were joining the greater Galaxy by force, thanks to the Oni Empire.
So let's go off a bit to the left of Earth, on Neptune. Which, contrary to what Earthlings thought, was not a Gas Giant. Oh sure there were a lot of clouds, but they just covered the surface in an eternal blizzard. As such the planet developed countless snow based lifeforms. With the dominant race becoming the Yuki-Onna a female only species with incredible cryokinetic powers.
And yes they did like to go to Earth to get their hands on some men. What did you expect? Earth was for the longest time like that rustic vacation spot you went to rough it for a bit.
Neptune was independant, mostly because Yuki-Onna were scary enough when mad that nobody wanted to mess with them. As such was serving as a mediator between the Oni Empire and the Federation of Lucky Gods was a common enough event for the planet.
Which is how the Princess of Neptune, Oyuki, became friends with Lum and Benten, the heirs to both Galactic Powers respectively. They even went to school together and all that. Not that any of the girls knew of their heritage until they came of age.
Oyuki was reclining in her room, wearing the sort of swimsuit like outfits that were the galactic casual fashion. In her hands was, well, it was one of those sorts of trashy tabloids that existed across all of space and time. Oyuki had her hobbies. This particular tabloid's cover is what had really caught her eye.
Namely it had Lum on it. This was nothing new, with the Tag Race victory Lum had propelled up from simply "just" a princess to the Conqueror of Earth. This one was new though.
"Rivals Reunite! And more!?" The headline on the cover said, with a picture of Lum and the boy Oyuki recognized as Ataru Moroboshi, her tag opponent. He was, for some reason, holding one of Lum's bras. The article itself described them having an illicit meeting and Lum was apparently having his child and they apparently spent much of the tag race time mating.
That bit told Oyuki that whoever wrote this article didn't know about Oni reproduction. If Lum was six months pregnant she'd look it. Still, this was a surprise. She wondered what the context was. Well, no need to not engage with some gossip, so…
Blip. "Oy what's up?" The image of Benten popped up on her video-screen.
"Hello Benten, did you see the latest news?" Oyuki waved her magazine.
Benten snorted, "You're the only one who reads that junk, none of it's even true!"
"Well they do have a picture of Lum doing something interesting." Oyuki held up the tabloid to the screen. Not a camera on the screen, they had long figured out how to make screens double as cameras.
"Wait! Does that guy have her underwear?" Benten yelled. "Why does that guy have her underwear?!"
"That's the mystery." Oyuki slapped shut the tabloid. "Lum doesn't look too put out by it too."
"I'd say! She should be zapping that punk to the next arm of the Milky Way!"
Well she had caught Benten's attention, good. "Well how about we head down to Earth and see what's going on?"
"I'd say! And I say we castrate some punk for good measure!" Benten paused, "Wait, do Earth men even have junk to castrate?"
Being close to Earth Yuki-Onna did learn about Human biology, but the ignorance was cute. "I can't say, never seen one." Oyuki said. "Perhaps Lum knows more details."
The heavens themselves trembled at the possibilities that might unfold should a certain wealthy human ever strike up a business deal with a certain Neptunian Princess.
Back on Earth, Lum found herself in a strange situation. Not knowing what to wear. Ataru was going to take her out to dinner over the weekend and Lum felt like she should do more than just wear her causal Bikini or a "disguise" outfit for when she wanted to be left alone.
"Princess why are you concerning yourself with whatever meger meal this pauper can offer?" Mendo asked. "It would not surprise me if all he can offer is rice and a single stick of celery!
"Ooh, I like celery!" Lum said. She'd never actually tried it before, but there was something to be said for messing with Mendo's head.
"Well the Mendo owned Farms can assuredly provide the highest quality cel-" That's when the closet door Mendo was standing next to flung open, and an icy gale with a massive amount of snow blew out of it. Within short order the space Mendo was standing was instead filled with a snowman, complete with carrot nose and top hat.
Ah this was great! Her friends were here! "Oyuki!" Lum said happily, then she saw a second person pop out. "Benten too!" She flew over and hugged her two best friends ever! "Man it's been ages since we were able to meet up in person!"
Mendo's face popped out of the snowman's head. He spat out the carrot. "Ah, Princess Oyuki and Miss Benten what a… pleasure… to see you two again."
"You still got this sycophant trailing you?" Benten asked.
"Pardon if it weren't for me the Princess wouldn't…" Mendo began to ramble, still inside a snowman, at which point Lum switched on her newest technological acquisition from beyond the stars: The Mendo Filter. Invented after a visiting genius was left trapped in a room with the boy for a full hour.
"He's helpful at times." Lum admitted. "So wow, this is a surprise! I didn't expect you two to show up-" Benten held up the tabloid. "Oh."
"I'm going to assume he isn't the father of your future child." Oyuki said.
"Well no, I don't lay eggs." Lum said.
"Ah so that's how it works with Earthings." Benten said, nodding.
Oyuki faintly wondered where Lum had heard that from, but felt absolutely no compulsion to correct it. Quite the opposite in fact. "But why does he have your bra?"
"He took it off me." Lum said. And then a moment later realized how bad that sounded. Her face reddened a little "In a game of tag! He was trying to fluster me to get at my horns!"
"You mean your actual horns, or is that one of those euphemism things?" Benten asked.
"My actual horns." Lum said, "I mean, I don't know how he got got both my bra and panties."
Upon hearing that Mendo's face suddenly became blood red and started screaming. Thankfully thanks to the Mendo Filter none in the room heard it. That being said the universe did lose several newly invented profanities that day.
"My that sounds impressive." Oyuki said. "So why are you running around your closet?"
"Oh since I won the Tag game he's got to take me out to dinner."
Both Benten and Oyuki gave Lum the same look. You know the look. Puffed out cheeks, grinning widely, eyes a touch narrower than normal. It's the "you hide no secrets from us" look that is only ever shared among close long term friends.
"So you beat this guy and now he's taking you out to dinner?" Oyuki asked. "That seems strange, I would have thought the man who lost the entire Earth would want nothing to do with you."
"Wait this is the same guy who you beat in Tag before? And he challenged you again?" Benten asked. "I thought you could only rechallenge a victor by kissing her feet and begging for a year!"
"That's just Lucky God tradition," Lum said, though then a smile popped up on her face. "Though that sounds fun…"
"Still, why dinner?" Oyuki said.
"Well I did make that bet, said if he'd lose he had to buy me dinner, just for fun." Lum said.
Benten snickered. "Really? Well, I guess you've always had funny taste in men."
Lum's face turned pink. "It's not like that Benten…"
"Yet you seem to be concerned with dressing up, I haven't seen you this worried about outfits since your first date with Rei." Oyuki said.
Lum groaned, remembering that date. Back then she had been blinded by his handsome face and just happily spent the entire date feeding Rei various cakes. "So it's a date? What's wrong with going on a date? With a human?"
"Nothing's wrong with 'A Human'" Oyuki said, "Just concerned about this particular human, he seems rather rough around the edges.."
"Ain't that your type Oyuki?" Benten teased.
"That doesn't mean he's right for Lum…" Oyuki said, not being phased by said teasing at all.
"Oh come on it's just one date!" Lum complained. "It's not like it means anything. I'm just going to rub it in how he lost two times now to me. Rub it in his dumb, stupid face."
"Yeah, you wanna rub something in his face, but it ain't victory." Benten snickered, to Lum's shriek and Mendo's foaming at the mouth.
"How dare that fool even think he can lay a perverted finger on Princess Lum!"
That's when the Mendo Filter burst into flames, it would seem his ranting was too much for it. The snow on him had melted and he was waving around his katana. "I swear I will cut his head clean from his neck and have his skull mounted to the inside of a public cistern where it will be put on display for every fool to see!"
There was this slightly awkward silence that followed.
"So you want to look Good for a potential boyfriend huh?" Benten continued, like he hadn't said anything.
"I don't know it's that far…" Lum mumbled, but the blush on her face told a different story.
Oyuki and Benten looked at each other, a smirk on Benten's face. "When's the date?" Oyuki asked.
"This Saturday, at eight." Lum said.
"Ah, plenty of time to prepare." Oyuki said, "In that case, we'll be sticking around for a bit. This Saturday, ask that Ryoko girl for the best spot to get a makeover."
"M-makeover!?" Mendo said. No, this was the worst case scenario! Now she was going out of her way to make a good impression... On someone who would probably be impressed by a cockroach wearing a dress!