Top o' the morning to ya (it's about 1am here), dear readers! :) Again and again, I'm sorry if I am lagging... but I managed to trim it down from 6 months to 2 months, right? Hooyah! *clicks heels together* LOL I'm in the home stretch with school and hopefully after that, my updates won't be painstakingly delayed anymore. Anyways, I'm not sure how I feel about this chapter. In my opinion, it's as awkward as Kristen Stewart at the MTV Movie Awards LOL, but I figured I need to post and move on already. I hope that the next time I post, I will give you 2 wonderful chapters... one of which is already mostly written! Woohoo!
THANK YOU for favoriting, alerting and/or reviewing this story... though I'm ETERNALLY grateful that you have simply read it! This is truly my passion and I'm more than happy to just give you something to read! Bear HUGS and tons o' love to lovemeh8meucan'tchangeme (i heart crazy lol), Ryoko05, BrownEyez44 (YOU are brilliant! keep writing!), Elly1212, noodles307, Irishgrl33, Water Queen 21 (you got me! i messed up on that one... forgive me?), hollymarie4, LoSTaNdDeLiRiOuS, Harley Quinn Davidson, casalang, sayiloveyou whenyournotlistenin, lalalalee, sparkles04, jyellow, Sgarc12, LoLo06 (I'll try to keep is less than 6, I swear! hehe), MusicSouth91, HIJKay (curious to know what your theory is!), Dominomino, and THE betabear (River)! :D
Beware! More revelations below... Enjoy! :) 5.31.12
Disclaimer: I don't own South of Nowhere and its characters.
I stretched my limbs, groaning into a sigh… and then a rejuvenated yawn. My eyes finally fluttered open to notice the Ashley-shaped dent in the cloud-like mattress. I glanced across the crimson-lit room, but the brunette was nowhere to be found. The door was cracked open, but it was eerily quiet: no flame fluttering about in the fireplace, no birds chirping in what felt like the brunt of winter.
I slowly made my way out of bed. The second my feet touched the hardwood floor, I felt the coldness rip through my bones. I gripped my arms, furiously rubbing them with my hands to create some warmth for myself.
I peered into the hallway, which had a darker ambience than my room. I could hear the light scuffing of my feet against the scarlet carpet, until I heard the mumbling of voices from below.
"Bunica, help me!" Ashley sounded like she was in a state of total panic. "It's… it's happening again!"
"Vă rog să luaţi loc." Tullia's voice calmly responded. I heard the loud scuffing of one of the dining chairs before Tullia began to quell the brunette.
"I-I'm shaking. See my hands? I don't understand—"
"Shh, Shh." Tullia interrupted. "Vă rugăm să vă relaxaţi." I could tell by her tone that Tullia was calm about the situation… whatever it was. But, I could still hear Ashley's loud sighs.
"Now that you see me, can you explain it?" Ashley blurted. "Why is my chest aching and pounding?"
"Pentru ai—"
"Bunica," Ashley interrupted, "My head is spinning! In English, please?" I could hear Ashley continue to sigh audibly.
"Your heart."
"What about it?"
"It is beating." Tullia slowly annunciated. "It is beating again."
Beating… again? When was it not beating? I've always felt it beating. Besides… isn't it a good thing that Ashley's heart is beating?
"And your lungs," Tullia spoke again. "They're working. You are not used to it."
The two remained silent as Ashley's huffing became less rushed. I didn't know what to make of all of this. What's going on?
"Something," Ashley broke the silence, "something happened to me."
"Yes."
"I-I can't even remember when—"
"You fell asleep."
"Asleep?" Ashley broke in hysterics again.
"Shh, shh," Tullia beckoned for her to lower her voice. "Please… relax."
"I haven't slept since… since I've been…" Ashley sighed again. "Bunica, what is happening to me?" I noticed the desperation in Ashley's voice.
"The curse is breaking." Tullia responded so frankly. "You're becoming human again."
"What? How?" Ashley didn't seem so enthused. In fact, she sounded the exact opposite of what I'd imagine she would feel if she found out she could finally move on with her life. "What's causing this? I need to know."
"I cannot say." Tullia paused. "That is for you to learn on your own."
"Is it permanent?"
"Again, I cannot say."
"Can't?" Ashley desperation lingered. "Or won't?"
Tullia remained silent.
"I-I need to get ready. Spencer and I need to be back by this evening." Ashley responded solemnly as I heard her rise to her feet. "Bunica, if something is wrong though, I trust you would tell me."
As I heard Ashley's footsteps near the foyer, I quickly turned my back to the opposing wall, listening intently as her footsteps dragged up the staircase. My face was fixed at the top step, but my body was facing the opposite direction, ready to make a quiet run for my door if she was indeed on her way to my room. But then, I heard the shift in her steps and her sounds were becoming more distant. I peeked around the corner to see her making her way towards the west wing, soon to disappear behind the translucent curtain.
Naturally, I followed her because… well, I have no real idea why. I quietly pulled the curtain back and walked into the dim corridor. All doors to these rooms were shut, with the exception of the last - the bathroom. I could hear the sound of the faucet running, water dripping into what sounded like an almost full sink.
As I inched forward to the wide open door, I caught a glimpse of the brunette bent over, with her face submerged in the water. Bubbles surfaced as she exhaled. What the hell is she doing?
I immediately sprung into action and ran in, yanking her up by the shoulders. "Ash, what the hell?"
"Spencer!" She swapped wet tendrils from her face, droplets spraying across her chest.
"Are you trying to kill yourself again?" I yelled in anger, and for the first time, I noticed how her cheeks were flushed as if she finished an arduous workout. I furrowed my eyebrows, not understanding this strange turn of events.
Ashley just stared back at me, her chest heaving to the breath that quickly escaped her gaping red lips. Everything about her seemed deeper in color. Even her strands looked fuller and darker. I crossed my arms, waiting for an explanation as she wiped a hand across her drenched face. She brought that same hand to her chest, pressing her fingertips down as she took a deep breath.
"You surprised me." Ashley grimace for a second.
I reached out to her. "Ash—"
She side-stepped me and quickly walked towards the door. "We'll leave in half an hour."
I was afraid to leave her out of fear that she would hurt herself, but she didn't really give me a choice. She locked herself in her room until I left. I didn't know what to make of all of this. I knew Ashley to be invincible, but if what Tullia's saying is correct, she's no longer impervious to all the things human beings aren't.
As I got ready, it hit me that we were back at square one with Ashley being so cryptic. I thought that after all we'd been through, we were past that. But I guess I was wrong. Fine! If she wants to be like that and not let me care about her, then I will do just that!
Half an hour later, I dropped my bags in the foyer and looked over to the dining room. Tullia sat across from a side of Ashley I'd never seen – she was gorging everything in sight! There were plates of food set before her: freshly baked muffins, oranges, apples, pears, grapes, bananas, yogurt, cereal… you name it, she ate it! The brunette was engulfed in this moment of utter hunger that she didn't even notice me standing there.
Ashley would spread Nutella on everything… especially on the muffins and the banana slices. She drank the yogurt! She threw cereal in her mouth with her bare hands, groaning in approval and nodding as she chewed vigorously. My mouth gaped open at the chaos.
"Oh my gosh, I forgot how good food tastes!" Ashley mumbled with a mouthful. Tullia's eyes finally panned towards me. She immediately cleared her throat to signal the brunette. Ashley's eyes immediately grew wide. She glanced at me from her peripheral and quickly wiped her Nutella-smeared mouth with a napkin. Ashley stood and excused herself from the table, avoiding eye contact as she grabbed my bags.
"I can carry those myself, you know?" I hollered after her, but she ignored me… much like she ignored the fact that I had witnessed her savage eating habits. The front door shut behind her. I sighed at the thought of what was going to be too long of a ride home, much like the drive to see my mother.
Tullia approached me with a brown paper bag. "Spencer, I have packed you breakfast and snacks." She smiled with those rosy cheeks and welcoming demeanor that seemed to be the only things that hadn't changed over the weekend.
"Bunica, how can I ever repay you for your hospitality?" I hugged her. "Thank you," I replied softly. When we let out of our embrace, she handed me the bag and gripped my shoulders with a comforting squeeze.
"Please… give it some time." Tullia nodded with a quaint smile. Give what some time? "There will be much to figure out."
What does that mean? What's there for me to figure out? I would think I have everything in my life figured out for the most part. I just nodded and smiled back, pretending that I knew what she was talking about. Ashley came back into the foyer and gave Tullia a quiet hug. They gave each other this knowing look before I followed Ashley out to the Prius.
To say that the trip was a long one is a HUGE understatement. Ashley doesn't say anything, her eyes intently glued to the road. But, who am I to care, right? If she wants to be that way, then I won't persuade her otherwise. Three hours in and I knocked out, my head bobbing around to the rhythmic motion of the car. A few times, I had woken up simply because my head banged against the passenger window. At one point, I found my seat reclined. I wondered when I finally found the sense to do that… and throw a rolled sweater under my neck as a pillow… and cover myself with my coat.
TICK-tick. TICK-tick. TICK-tick.
It was in the early evening when I came to. I realized that we had stopped, with the car rocking to each vehicle whisking by. We were stopped on the side of the highway with the hazards on. I sat up, and by the road signs, I determined we were in Ventura County.
I could see Ashley's silhouette against the gravel, the bright yellow light flashing in her face. She was crouched by the front right tire, fiddling with the jack. As she pumped the lever down, I felt the car rise a bit. I stepped out of the car as Ashley grunted, struggling to twist the lug wrench around each lug. Okay, timeout with the whole not-talking-to-Ashley bit. We needed to get home… preferably within the next few hours.
"Ash, do you need help?"
She didn't answer. So, I took the initiative and reached for the wrench. Ashley let it go immediately and stood up, huffing at her futile efforts. Mine proved to be just as futile.
"They're on pretty tight." Ashley caught her breath, rubbing the redness from her hands. "I don't get it. I'm usually good at changing out a flat." I noticed her staring at her hands now.
"It's okay." I stood up. "We can call roadside assistance. They'll be here in no time." I grabbed my phone and did just that. The operator advised us to stand away from the vehicle while we waited. So, Ashley and I sat on a couple of small boulders on the side of the road.
I then noticed 2 text messages:
5:42pm – Madison: hey roomie! when will u be back?
6:13pm – Liz: Miss you to pieces! See you tonight?
I let them both know that we had a flat and that we'll be awhile. When I looked up, I saw stars begin to form from behind that reddish purple hue of a sky. The sun was setting quickly and darkness began to creep in. I just sat there, hoping that there were no nasty snakes in the bushes!
"It's cold." Ashley's teeth chattered. "Are you cold, too?" Those brown eyes had an innocent glimmer to them.
"Yeah," I blurted, making my way to the car without hesitation. "You should be wearing something with long sleeves." I knew she wasn't used to being cold… just as I slowly realized there were a ton of things she wasn't used to… human-like things. "Here." I swung my thick coat around her, careful not to alarm her with my reach. She seemed kinda jumpy every time I came near her this morning, but now she seemed too tired to care. I wrapped my arms around her, keeping my hands on the coat. Now, it was my turn to keep her warm.
We sat like that for a few minutes until her teeth stopped chattering. I was lost in the sound of her steady breathing, forgetting whatever reason I had to ever be upset with her in the first place.
"I…" she uttered hesitantly. "I wasn't trying to kill myself in the bathroom."
"Okay." I said in something above a whisper. I didn't want to prod. All I had to do was trust. Trust the fact that Ashley did not want to kill herself.
"I was just… shocked. I needed to splash some cold water on my face and I—"
"You don't need to explain yourself. I get it." I still had my arms around her.
There was a brief moment of silence.
"Do you?" Her eyes were looking into mine now, inquiring about something. I wasn't sure what she meant by that.
"I know it has something to do with you becoming… human again." I paused. "I overheard you and Tullia this morning."
"Do you know why this is happening to me?" Ashley looked to me for answers, and I could not give them.
I shook my head. "Do you?"
"Not entirely, no." Her shoulders slumped a bit, but I refused to let go to make sure she was nice and warm. "What did you mean," she turned to face me, which forced my grip loose, "when you asked me if I was trying to kill myself… again?"
I had to choose my words carefully. Ashley didn't know about the surveillance tape… and that I had viewed playback of the accident frame by frame. "The night of the car accident," I started. "You stepped off that curb. And even though it was for a split second, you stood there with your arms wide open… as if you were welcoming the onslaught."
"It's because spreading myself out lessened the impact on the driver. I had to take the hit and let myself get pummeled. If I braced myself for it, he would've been in worse condition… or dead."
Now, why didn't I think of that? That made total sense! In that split second, she was thinking about the safety and well-being of a total stranger. "I see," I nodded.
"Spencer," she called and I raised my chin to look at her. "I haven't thought about killing myself since before I met the Dalai Lama. Even more so, I haven't attempted suicide since shortly after my family's death. I'd coped long time ago with what I am."
"But Ash, you're not that anymore." I lulled. "Aren't you happy that you can finally move on with your life… as a human being?"
"I don't know." Ashley crumpled her eyebrows. "It's been a long while since I've been in the position to think it'd ever be a possibility."
"Well, now it is."
"It's not that simple. This changes everything!" Ashley paused. "Or maybe it doesn't." She shrugged. "I don't even know if it's permanent."
"Well, impervious or not," I nudged her, "it doesn't change who you are."
"The charming Ashley that you've found absolutely adorable?" She smirked with such a hopeful tone.
I scoffed. "You're still the same pain in the ass that wouldn't leave the café until I made you your latte."
"It was worth it." Ashley chuckled.
"For something you call 'hodge-podge?'" I pursed my lips skeptically. "Doubtful."
"I lied. It was the best latte I've ever had." A small smile curled at the corners of her mouth. I couldn't help but sigh.
Nearly an hour later, roadside assistance came to our rescue and switched out the flat with a spare. Ashley's eyelids were growing heavy. So, I told her I would drive the rest of the way so she can get some shut eye.
When we finally got back to my apartment, it was late in the evening. I gently woke Ashley before she grabbed my belongings and walked me to my door. When I turned the key and let myself in, I saw the silhouette of the couch in front of the television. Hmm… Madison must've fallen asleep watching True Blood again. Once I flipped the switch, I heard someone in a state of panic.
Suddenly, Jton's head popped up from behind the couch.
"Jton!" Ashley and I exclaimed at the same time.
"What the f—" she looked at us bewilderedly. And it just occurred to me that she had no shirt on.
"What are you doing here?" Ashley inquired as she stepped in behind me.
Then, we unexpectedly saw Madison's head rise from behind the couch.
"Madison?" I bellowed. My roommate looked utterly speechless… rightfully so, since their thoughts pretty much shouted their wild intentions.
"W-we thought you weren't gonna be home." Jton continued to blush profusely.
"It was a flat, genius." Ashley smirked, despite her stunned demeanor. "It's called changing a tire."
"Oh, dear god… Spencer does not look happy with me." Jton avoided eye contact. "She probably thinks I do nothing but take advantage of straight girls…"
My roommate sighed. "I'm never gonna hear the end of it. Never!" Madison patted down her messy locks as Jton struggled to throw her Ramones shirt back on.
Ashley grabbed my belongings in the doorway and brought them in. "Seems like you two had an interesting weekend."
"It might seem that way, but it was really mellow." Jton choked out as she signaled my oblivious roommate to zip up and button her jeans. "How was Portland?" She cleverly changed the subject.
"It was good, right Spence?" Ashley gave me this look as if she was recalling all our moments together, both subtle and not so subtle.
"Yeah," I gazed at her knowingly as I shut the door behind me, "got my paper done."
"Awesome!" Jton tried to play it cool.
"Well, did you get to do anything fun at least?" My roommate spoke up.
I looked at Ashley again as this smirk curled at the corner of her lips. Unbeknownst to me, I was smirking right back at her, recalling our child-like adventures in the rain.
"We went horseback riding." I said so matter-of-factly. "And it turns out that Ashley's also a great mountain climber."
"Well, Spencer's the faster runner." The brunette turned her head towards the two, though her eyes were still peering right at mine.
"Ashley loves Nutella." And I love inside jokes!
"As much as I love wearing it?" She pursed her lips as I chuckled to myself.
"O…kay?" Jton stood up. "So, we should like… celebrate or something!"
"And what are we celebrating?" Ashley's gaze finally turned to Jton.
"You know…" she shrugged as we looked at her, confused at what she was getting at. "Your safe return! And Spencer finishing her paper!" I raised a brow at the flustered girl, knowing she was doing what she could at this point to distract us from the fact that we walked in on them.
"You wanna go out… now?" Ashley was hesitant.
"Why go out when we have liquor here?" Madison finally rose to her feet and walked past us to the kitchen. She grabbed a half-empty bottle of vodka above the fridge.
"Alright!" Jton made her way to the kitchen as well.
"Okay, well I'm gonna go put my bags in my room." I scooped down and grabbed my things.
"Need help?" Ashley inquired before she took off her coat.
"I'm good." I smiled in appreciation as I quickly marched to my room.
The brunette placed her coat on the couch as Jton lined up some shot glasses on the bar top. I walked into the hallway to my room and placed my bags on the floor by my bed. Immediately after, the door shut. I turned to find my roommate against it.
"Okay," Madison lowered her voice, "I know what you must think of me, Spence, and I—"
"Think of you?" I furrowed my eyebrows. "What do you mean?" I started to purse my lips in a smile, entertained by this side of my roommate. I haven't seen her this flustered since she first started dating Aiden and was trying her darnedest to keep it on the down low.
She looked at me incredulously, "You know what I mean, c'mon!"
I chortled. "Mad, the only thing I'm thinking is… why didn't you just take this to your room? That way, Ashley and I wouldn't have interrupted you."
"I-I don't know… why I didn't think of that." Her gaze was lost in thought. "We were just hanging out, watching TV, one thing led to another and…" She crossed her arms, biting her nails. "Hmm." Madison's mind started to recollect the entire evening, even more than I'd cared to know.
"Hey, hey, hey." I gripped her shoulders as she snapped out of it. "It's okay!" I said in slow words as I nodded reassuringly.
"Really?" She raised a brow. "You're not… mad?"
Aww, bless her heart! "Why would I be mad?" I smiled.
"Okay, who the hell are you and what have you done with Spencer?"
I continued to laugh as I took my coat off.
"No, really!" She flailed her arms a bit. "Not too long ago on a night where we went to a lesbian bar, you were berating your very straight roommate for not knowing what she wanted, whether it was or wasn't her ex boyfriend. And now, you're okay with the fact that you walked in on your very straight roommate hooking up with a very lesbian… lesbian?"
I was somewhat distracted in hanging the coat in my closet that I pretty much bypassed Madison's melodramatic rant.
"Seriously, Spence! What gives?"
"Hmm?" I finally turned to her. "Nothing! You're a grown woman. Do whatever… or whomever… you want." I nodded with affirmation.
She furrowed her eyebrows suspiciously. "Did something happen in Portland?"
"Nothing in particular, no." I shook my head. "What makes you say that?"
"Oh, I don't know." Madison shrugged. "Maybe it was the way Ashley couldn't take her eyes off of you. Or maybe it was that weird, flirty smirk on your face when you talked about Ashley's love for Nutella." Again, I pursed my lips in a smile… enjoying the perks of our inside jokes. "Hmm, maybe Nutella is code word for Spencer."
"Okay, you're out of your mind," I chuckled, shaking my head at her silly antics. "You've met my amazing girlfriend, Liz, right?" I made my way around Madison, opening the door to return to our so-called party. Ashley was sitting at the bar as Jton poured shots, their backs to us.
"And how was Friday?" The brunette asked. "Any good?"
"The usual hot bartenders. Madison and I had a good time, just having drinks and dancing."
"I assume you walked out this time, instead of getting kicked out?" They laughed with one another.
"Yeah." Jton finished pouring the shots. "Oh! You know who we ran into?"
"Who?"
"That hottie from last time. What's her name? Leilani!" Jton nudged Ashley. "She was asking about you."
"Hmm." That wasn't a mundane 'hmm,' nor was it a very interested one either. It was more like a 'hmm, no kidding' type of 'hmm.'
I raised a brow, wondering what Ashley thought. After all, she did mention she found that fake-flower-in-hair girl attractive… if she likes that sort of type. Really, though? In my opinion, she was kinda whatever… especially considering how she drunkenly threw herself at Ashley.
"Oh yeah!" Madison squealed from behind me as she pranced to the kitchen. "Ash, when are you gonna call her?" As much as I love my roommate, I could wring her neck right now.
"Yeah, Ash! Madison and I can be like your own personal screening service." Jton exclaimed. "We can scope hot chicks out, interrogate 'em, and if they pass, we'll push 'em over to you and be like 'haaave you met our friend, Ashley?'"
"We've concluded that Leilani's totally adorable and she's gotta great personality!" Madison chimed in. "You guys would make a cute couple."
"Let's not get ahead of ourselves now," I blurted. Oh, real smooth of me!
"Why?" Madison's smile withered as Jton and Ashley glanced at me.
Because Ashley's too good for some crazy, drunken girl throwing herself at her! I mean c'mon! This is Ashley! She was cursed for being at the wrong place at the wrong time. She'd had her heart broken time after time. She fought for women's rights alongside my mother. She knows multiple languages. She climbed Everest… multiple times. She taught and learned from the Dalai Lama. Who knows what else she's been through? And despite knowing everything and being able to have anything if she wanted to, she humbles herself. She helps me with my paper, makes me laugh and keeps me warm. And despite me being an asshole to her, she cared enough to let her guard down with me. So yeah… she's too good for Leilani. She's even too good for me!
Well… I mean… as a friend, you know?
"I just think… Ashley can do better." I said smugly.
"She's actually kinda nice." Jton mumbled.
"Yeah, and she majored in Biochemistry at UCSD." Madison disregarded my comment as well. "Give her a call sometime," she playfully pat Ashley's arm.
"Okay, yeah." Ashley shrugged. "Maybe I will."
Just… call me Miss Invisible, now why don't ya?
There was a quiet knock on the door. I made my way to open it, rolling my eyes at the idiocy of this stupid conversation.
"There she is!" Liz sighed, nearly lifting me off the ground as she wrapped her arms around me. Oh how I've missed her hugs! She stepped back, her dark bangs covering her eyes, and she began to kiss me multiple times. I could taste the hint of barley and hops on her lips. She had been drinking. Not enough to render her incapacitated, but I wasn't a big fan of the fact that she drove under the influence… even if it was just a small buzz.
"I've missed you." I hugged her tightly, somewhat concerned about her delicate state but thankful she didn't get pulled over and breathalized. Outwardly, she looked very happy to see me, but inwardly, I knew she had a lot of heavy stuff on her mind. It was going to be one of those nights where she would really need her girlfriend. And I couldn't be any happier to be there for her. Whatever it took to keep her from resorting to alcohol.
"Just in time!" Madison hollered from the kitchen. "Come take a shot with us, Liz?" Ugh!
"What's all this?" Liz's eyes panned across the way, glancing at Madison pouring an extra shot. She inched her way closer, holding my hand tightly like a security blanket. "Hmm, to drink or not to drink?"
"You know what?" I turned to Madison, knowing that alcohol would only fuel Liz's melancholic state. "Maybe we can save this for another time."
"What?" She retorted. "No, I just poured—"
"What's the occasion?" Liz's grip loosened a bit and I noticed she was now more enthralled with the alcohol than she was with seeing me for the first time all weekend.
"Spencer and Ashley, of course!" Jton blurted. I immediately quirked a brow. "'Cause, you know, they're back from Portland!"
My eyes gazed at Ashley who was just looking at her empty shot glass. By the looks of a used lemon wedge, I figured she'd already gotten started without us. She poured herself another shot before raising her glass. "And to Liz… for allowing us to be in her good company." Ashley said so evenly.
"Goes both ways!" Liz smirked, raising her glass to Ashley.
"Alright, everyone have a shot?" Madison's eyes gazed around. "Spencer, c'mon! Don't be a buzzkill!" I rolled my eyes, reluctantly grabbing one.
"Cheers!" Jton clinked her glass to Madison's and we all followed suit. Everyone threw back the clear liquor and immediately reached for a sugar-coated lemon wedge for a chaser. I glanced at Ashley who squeezed her eyes shut and grimaced a bit.
"Let's keep 'em coming!" Liz croaked. "Time to drown out the pain." She slightly frowned, before clearing her throat and taking a freshly poured shot. Ashley followed suit, exhaling sharply as she gulped the liquor.
"That's the last of the Ketel One." Madison sipped the last of what's in the bottle before Jton grabbed some fruit punch from the fridge.
Thank goodness! I just wanna spend the rest of the evening with my girlfriend and rela—
"That's okay 'cause," Jton reached up into the cupboards and pulled out an unopened bottle, "we'll up the ante with some Bacardi 151! Woot!"
Everyone cheered.
I immediately grabbed Liz's hand and dragged her towards my room.
"Wha…" Liz chuckled. "Spence."
"Where're you going?" Jton asked.
"Sorry, but we haven't seen each other all weekend."
"Hey, take your time." Jton chuckled.
Madison huffed, "Great. Now they're gonna be in there 'til next year!"
The second I shut the door, I felt Liz gently push me up against it, her lips fully pressed over mine. They tasted warm… and tangy from lemon wedges. She groaned as she pulled back, her eyes hooded… mostly because the alcohol was starting to take her over the edge. "I've missed you."
"I've missed you." My voice was laced with concern. She was like a ticking time bomb, ready to explode any second now.
Liz exhaled, watching her fingers run up my sides. "What's on your mind, sweetie?" Her eyes gazed lovingly at how our fingers gracefully intertwined. I let go shortly after so I could brush her dark bangs out of the way and get a better look at her. Even in my dark room, I noticed her eyes were red and I figured she had been crying earlier. There was so much uncertainty clouding her mind. So much agony. Blame. Self blame. "I should've been stronger for her."
"I just wanna talk… see how you've been?" I almost pleaded.
Liz laughed nervously. "Do we really have to talk about it?" Her eyes diverted away. "C'mon, let's go drink and have a good time." She reached around me for the door knob.
"Babe…"
"I really don't wanna do this right now, Spencer!" Her tone became stern. We stood there in this intense staring contest, her eyes severely penetrating mine. "I can't bear it anymore." Suddenly, Liz's face contorted as warm tears began to stream down her face. "I can't…" she croaked.
I hugged her and she collapsed into me. "Shh, shh." I walked her to my bed, gripping her shoulders, rubbing her back… just smothering my hands all over as if that would ease her pain. But she continued to sob uncontrollably, her face planted in her hands. I remained silent, just consoling her. But her mind was racing…
"I should've been stronger. I shouldn't have been afraid back then. It's my fault!"
We remained there, just sitting for about half an hour in my dark room, the blinds only letting strips of moonlight in. I watched the minutes change on my glowing alarm clock, as I heard the mumbling of our drunken friends in the living room. They decided to sing karaoke, and I could hear the beginning notes of Endless Love, Madison's favorite karaoke song.
I was pretty clueless as to the root of what Liz was thinking about, but I figured it was family related. It was all emotional dialogue: broken rants, painful barbs, and irrational hysterics.
"My grandmother's dying, Spence." She choked out between sobs. "And it's my fault."
I furrowed my eyebrows. "Sweetie, you can't be to blame for—"
"I am." Her tear-ridden eyes were now on mine. They twinkled in the moonlight. "You don't understand." She shook her head as she brushed her hair over her head.
"Then let me."
She hesitated for a second, her eyes shut tightly. "About two years ago, I was dating Rachel." I remembered the infamous Rachel from our conversation on our second date. It was the whole best-friends-who-became-more bit where Liz thought she'd spend the rest of her life with her. But of course, Rachel was another Melinda who was just having fun. "I came out to my mother after Rachel and I were getting pretty serious. Of course, she didn't approve. We argued and had basically spent months fighting, even after Rachel and I were over. Before then, my mom and I would take many trips to Lebanon to visit my grandmother, who I'm super close to. But since my mom and I hadn't spoken for so long, neither of us went to visit my grandmother. We were just so consumed in hating each other that we forgot what mattered most to the both of us. We lost contact with my grandmother, and in those months, she found out she had early stage breast cancer. Neither of us were there for her when it happened. But when we did find out, we reconciled our differences and went to see her. Had we not been fighting, we would've seen my grandmother and made sure she went to get that strange lump checked before it became an advanced form of breast cancer."
"Oh my god, I'm so sorry."
Her eyes opened as she exhaled a long drawn breath. "You and me both."
"B-but there are treatments for this." I blurted.
"She'd already had a mastectomy. And after chemo, it appeared they got it all." Liz sniffled. "But a few weeks ago, she went into remission and the cancer had spread. She's been in the hospital."
"You can't blame yourself, though."
She leaned over and wrapped her arms around my waist, her head in my lap. I started running my fingers through her hair. "Yeah, well, I wish it were that easy."
"It can be." I whispered without thinking.
"Hmm?" I wanted to smack myself in the head.
"Uh," I paused, my hand became still. "You just… you need to let go of the guilt you have." I think she was intoxicated enough to totally miss what I said anyway.
"Probably." She murmured against my shirt. We lay there for a second, both listening to Ashley sing her drunken rendition of Creep by Radiohead. "Babe?"
"I'm a creeeeeeeeep."
"Yeah?"
"I'm a weirdooooooooooo."
"Can we rest now?" Liz asked so tiredly.
"What the hell am I doing heeeeeeeeeeeere?"
"Of course." I said quietly as I gently laid her down. I removed Liz's denim jacket and her grey Toms.
"I don't belong heeeeeeeeeeeeere."
I grabbed some pj's out of my dresser and went to shut the window. Suddenly, I heard someone stumble out onto the patio, which was right around the corner from my window. There was a huge thud and I heard what sounded like someone knocking over one of our patio chairs.
I heard Jton laugh. "Get up, ya weirdo," she slurred.
I then recognized Ashley's laugh. "You mind giving me a hand, asshole?" They both chuckled and I heard loud stomps of what I assumed was a drunken person helping another drunken person off the ground.
"Dude, I've neverrr… seen you so shitfaceddd." Jton huffed. I could hear liquid swishing around in a partially empty bottle. Funny… I don't think anyone's ever witnessed Ashley shitfaced.
"Shut yo mouf and give me some of that." Ashley grumbled.
"I think ya had enough, babycakesss." Jton swigged the liquor and coughed a few times before setting the bottle down so roughly on the ground.
"No fairrr…" I heard the patio chair scuff the ground again. "It's freeeeeezing. Where… where's Madison?"
"Passed out, fool."
"So, like," Ashley exhaled, "wha's the deal with you twooo?"
"I dunno man… we're just… I dunno." Jton paused. "She's hot." I rolled my eyes.
"Yeah." Ashley voice trailed off. There was this moment of silence, aside from the crickets chirping and the sound of the bottle dragging against the concrete.
"What aboutchu? Who's got yer attention now?" Jton took another swig. "Don't say Yvette." I could hear the grimace in her tone, but I wasn't sure if it was the thought of Yvette or the liquor. Maybe a bit of both?
"Naw. Course not."
"Leilani! Am I right?"
"Maybe." Ashley responded evenly.
"I like her for you." Jton screwed the cap onto the bottle. "She's… got nice legs. Damn…"
"Hmm." There's that 'hmm' again.
"Really though…"
"There is someone on my mind." By the sounds of her mumbling, I could tell Ashley was resting her chin on her hand. "But… she doesn't even know." Ashley paused. "She doesn't even know that… that when she touches me, she brings me to life." I heard her fall back into the chair. "Like… literally."
"Tha's lame."
"Yer tellin' me." What the hell's she talking about?
And then, it dawned on me…
…
I instinctively grabbed Ashley's hand and pulled her into the corridor to my left, following the direction of the restrooms and pay phones. I could hear her breathing hard as I took another sharp turn into the door leading out into the parking garage.
She took another deep breath. I saw her knees begin to buckle before I reached out and held her up, her weight now leaning on me as I used the wall for leverage. I could feel her hot breath dance across my shoulder.
"My head's spinning and I feel all light-headed." Her grip grew a bit tighter as she leaned into me in her attempt to stand upright. "Wait, do you feel that?" She mumbled, looking up at me.
"Feel what?" I looked into her eyes. I could only feel her pulse beating rapidly.
…
Her fingers continued to graze the length of my long sleeve and came to a rest as she lightly grasped my forearm. "Perhaps it's just a skin-to-skin contact type of… kryptonite."
…
She gasped as she pulled me onto my feet. I felt Ashley lunge forward, losing her footing again. The both of us nearly tumbled over as we found ourselves in this awkward embrace once more. Ashley struggled to lean her hands on the sink that her body was pushing me up against. Her chin dug into my shoulder while I held her waist to keep her from falling. "I'm dizzy," she whispered, her chest heaving against mine.
…
Ashley's arm was also laced around my exposed waist, her hand resting on the small of my back. But by her stillness, it didn't seem she minded one bit. I took comfort in her quiet sighs and steady heartbeats, realizing that the coldness I felt had been replaced with this unexplained burning coming from within.
…
It's because of me!
But, why me?