7-13-26 (Not About Angels – Birdy)
Grace's brother's birthday usually came and went without fanfare; she didn't have much cause to celebrate it with him being gone, but she didn't have as much cause to mourn it as she used to. She knew Thomas was in a better place than when she'd last seen him, but he still wasn't here with her...
Most years we just had a drink and a chocolate cupcake that night before bed. Sometimes, if she was feeling a bit more nostalgic, we watched one of her old Disney movies on the couch, a quilt over our legs and a cat in our laps. Aside from her missing her real little brother and reliving the memory of her worst enemy using him as a vessel, it could almost pass for a good day.
One year, however, "good" was far from an accurate descriptor.
The week before had been a pain in its own right. Between customers running in and out and helping the Winchesters with a case over the phone, neither of us had a chance to sit still from sunup 'til she slammed the door and drew the shutters. She barely ate anything in all that time, which only made her snappier and easier to provoke, whether you were actually doing anything or not. I don't think she stopped cursing everything between here and Dad's place until she finally slunk off to bed at ten-thirty the night before.
Normally we'd go to bed at the same time - I don't sleep but she's a cuddler and I'm totally down for that - but I gave her time to fall deeply asleep before I slipped into our room. She didn't stir when I pulled the extra quilt up to keep my inhumanly cold touch from waking her, nor when I pulled the girlfriend-blanket bundle into my arms and kissed her forehead. I knew she wasn't mad at me, not really. Couldn't really hold those days against her, but I could hold her against me and hope we'd both feel better the next morning.
It worked, if only for a little while...
Waking up was pleasant enough, even though neither of us wanted to uncurl from our knot in the middle of the bed. Especially not me. I never, in literally a million years, thought I'd be tangled up on a featherbed with my soulmate, and if it were entirely up to me we wouldn't be getting up before noon. Unfortunately Grace had chores to do around the house so she could churn out the next batch of oils and potions, so she peeled me off and rolled out of bed,"Nooo...come back." her tiny hand was just out of reach when I flopped over and tried to grab it. Were I not so lethargic after dozing off, rolling further and grabbing her by the waist could've been an option. Alas, I'm lazy.
"Nu-uh. I've waited long enough to get up." she cruelly flipped her pillow onto my head to muffle my cries, "C'mon, gonna need some help pulling those weeds."
"You just keep me around to do your dirty work, don't you?"
"Oh totally. No other reason whatsoever." she tossed her pajamas at me and rifled through the closet for something she wasn't worried about getting dirty. This late in summer, her freckles swept down her back to the bottom of her ribs, the outline shaped like wings lying flat against her skin, "Staring is impolite you know." her anti-possession tattoo peeked over the collar of her tank-top, the little rosebuds curving just below her throat. Her newest one, an infinity symbol completed by a red feather, sat proudly over her heart.
"Can't help it..."
Everything went downhill the second we set foot in the living room.
After brewing herself a cup of English breakfast tea - how the hell she drank it in 90-degree weather is beyond my comprehension - and eating a muffin, Grace noticed that Nox wasn't trying to trip or harass us like he normally did. In fact, he was nowhere in sight. He didn't move around much these days when he could help it; he was getting older and grumpier by the day. We still love the old sourpuss though, "Reckon where that fine cat of ours is?"
We called and called, but no little feet came pattering down the hall. No gravelly meow came from under the couch or his spot in the bay window. No fuzzy black cheeks brushed against our ankles as we ran up and down the stairs over and over, searching every room twice at the minimum. He wasn't there.
"Could he have gotten outside yesterday? There were a lot of people in and out..."
By this time Grace had paled with worry and her hands nervously tugged at her hair to keep themselves from shaking. This sort of thing was so unlike Nox. All ten years I'd been here he'd never so much as went off the porch without us, "Can...can you go look? I-I can't, I..." our minds immediately went down the same heartbreaking road. Tears were already pooling on her lashes as she begged, "Please just bring him home."
Unfortunately, we were right. I found him at the far end of the garden behind the butterfly bush, stretched out on the rock wall like he was sleeping in the sunlight. Like most pets, he felt his time coming and didn't want to upset his people, so he snuck out yesterday while we weren't watching to find a quiet spot. He picked a good one too, with a view of the valley Michael so generously opened during his last visit.
For the rest of my days I will loathe the moment I came back inside with Nox because I felt Grace's heart shatter from three feet away. He was her family, the only child she'd ever had or ever would, the one constant in her life before I came along. And now he was gone without a goodbye.
"I'm sorry, Gracie I'm so sorry...if bringing him back-"
She shook her head, rocking him as if soothing a crying toddler, "It wouldn't be fair to him." she sniffled, "Bring me his blanket and the shovel...we need to..."
"I know baby..."
Needless to say, the rest of the day's events were put off for the unexpected funeral. I dug a place close to where I found him; nothing was planted there because there were too many rocks in the soil. Grace wove a wreath of dandelions and daisies that would mark the grave until she could get a small stone engraved. No one spoke. After the dirt was patted down, the only sounds in our ears were birdsong and wind in the trees. Her tear-tracks turned to streaks of mud on her cheeks, and I had a few of my own by the time we went back inside.
In her numb grief, Grace tried to put her pajamas back on over the sweat and dust, but I managed to catch her and pull her into the master bathroom. She stared blankly into the claw-footed tub under the window as the steaming water bubbled nearly to the brim, barely registering when she practically melted into the soap suds. I didn't think to tie her hair back, so her waist-length curls dragged in the water like the muscadine vines that hung over the creek, even when she raised her head from her knees, "Another death to remember this day by..." she muttered bitterly, popping a bubble, "Why does everyone leave me like this...?"
My hand stopped midair on its way to wipe the dirt from her face with the cloth I'd fished out; I didn't know whether to keep going or to not touch her at all. For once, she seemed as fragile as humans truly are and I was terrified one wrong move would break her irreparably. Even my words felt clumsy, "Well, it's not because they wanted to honey...Nox didn't want to leave you. Thomas didn't." Her blank gaze bore right through me, every word passing through one ear and out the other. I didn't have to read her thoughts to know she refuted each name I gave with one of her own; her own parents kicked her out, childhood friends forgot her, and death came for so many others. Abandonment's roots ran deep in her mind, somehow convincing her that every time it was her fault. Grace even feared, though Dad knows why, that if she were to die permanently that I wouldn't move all of Creation to stay at her side.
She whimpered, pulling her knees to her chest as tears spilled into the tub, "What if you go somewhere I can't? What if you..." she couldn't finish that thought. She wouldn't, "Please don't leave me…please don't ever leave me…"
Without thinking twice about water sloshing over onto my clothes or the floor, I drew her soaking wet figure in as close as physically possible with the tub wall in the way, hoping to leave no room for that nightmare to form, "Woe be upon any fool who tries to part me from you, Grace..."