Happy summa-summatime, folks! So... 6 months later, I am posting the next chapter. I'm not sure how I feel about this since I've had it done for awhile, but it was supposed to post with Chapter 22 which I haven't completed yet. What can I say? You guys crack me with your peer pressure and coffee bribes! :P So, let me take you off the cliff there... and give you some serious blue balls instead LOL! WARNING: that's what this chapter will make you feel like. At least I'm warning you ahead of time! So... turn away now if you'd like to spare yourself another cliffhanger frustration! :)

I am actively writing Chapter 22. So, hopefully you won't be on that blue-balling cliff for long. I find that things are easier to write now that pieces are falling where they ought to fall in this story.

My AWESOME beta (River) has suggested I give you a little insight on Ashley's perspective. I was kinda against it because I wanted this entire fic to be strictly Spencer's clueless/spastic POV, but I like how this turned out and I think I might do more of it when it fits the story. So, thanks Betahead for keeping my mediocrity at bay! :)

Thanks so much for putting up with my tardiness, guys! I really appreciate the reading and reviewing! Honestly, I haven't given up on this fic. I just find that writing it is really for my own (and Betahead's) pleasure, but posting it is only because you guys are still reading it :) So, thanks for the motivation! UBER thanks to babykennedy and MADDY22 for the motivating PMs! Speshul thanks to Sammy McCallister, arise11, son-lyn, Godlove, Elly1212, compelledbylove, ChezzLove, Ryoko05, Dav7788, MizzSanta, Samaranth1993, Dominomino, Degrassi1son, Signsofsynergy, lauren, lalalalee, H, wkgreen, kyoshiob69, Wolf2468, and f00f00... and the guest reviewers! xoxo

Chapter title is named after my favorite Dashboard Confessional song. It pretty much sums up the mood of this chapter... and the moral of the story.

"Open your hand and smile..." Is that the M&M slogan or Skittles? I don't know, but either way, it's not fitting. So, I'll just keep it classy and say...

Enjoy! :) 7/20/14 [Sorry, I'm delirious... it's 2AM here :P]

Ashley's POV

For the first time, my drive to Portland felt exhaustingly long, yet unusually therapeutic at the same time. Nothing but the calming sights up the coast contrasting the chaotic mess that was my own mind playing out to the tune of my racing heart. I suppose this is why people would go out on long drives—to just get away and self-destruct while no one was looking. I reminisced how the last time I drove to Portland felt like one of the best moments of my life, just spending time getting to know Spencer in her best and worst moments with a fair share of silent conversations that I basked in like a security blanket. This time was different though; I was running to my haven and planning to stay… permanently.

I felt blood coursing through my veins and my pulse pounding in my head. How could I have been so stupid to let her in like that, to let her get to me? When did things get complicated? I was used to traversing the world, settling in for a few years and then picking up and moving on to the next adventure. It kept my mind flowing. Kept things from getting severely boring. I figured there's only so much an immortal person could see and do in such a finite world. After Veronique, I swore to never get attached to anything or anyone. There was nothing I could call mine for very long. Things were constantly given to me and taken just as quickly. I realized the more I interacted with people, the more difficult it would get to emotionally distance myself from them. I realized this with Tullia, with Paula, with Jton. There were certain people tying me down emotionally and I started to worry about that moment I would lose that person forever, knowing I could never have that same connection with any other living being.

But, all of that was somewhat bearable until I met Spencer. She threw me for a loop; I took the bait and she reeled me in, only to throw me back. She made me feel things I hadn't felt in centuries—literally—but, at the end of the day, she intended to make her relationship with Liz work. I don't deny that Spencer cares about me, but at the same time, it seemed a few kisses, touches, genuine laughs—and moments of becoming mortal—cannot rival whatever it is she sees in that arrogant and greatly unappreciative girlfriend of hers. I just couldn't bear it any longer.

I couldn't bear wanting someone I couldn't have. It was all too much and it was a blatant sign that I was way overdue on picking up my life and continuing it somewhere else significantly less complicated.

I circled the fountain in the middle of the driveway, which was illuminated by soft lighting. As I parked the car and stepped out onto the wet gravel, immediately smelling the moist air and the impending rainfall, I stared at the house that I had returned to each time; the house that has known all my secrets, allowing me to unravel past lives before seeing me off to start all over.

The house was eerily dark and quiet since Tullia was away. I placed my keys on the credenza by the door before letting out a long yawn. It's been awhile since I felt that comforting feeling of exhaustion. I was eagerly looking forward to partaking in sleep and letting these thoughts and feelings dissipate into the night.

Once I flipped the switch, I made a beeline for the fridge and shoved whatever I could grab my hands on into my waiting mouth. Yes, this was part of my self-destruction with no one watching. Isn't that what people do? Eat a gallon of ice cream and a whole bag of M&M's when someone breaks your heart?

The sound of thick droplets slapping the concrete outside started to echo in the empty space around me. So, I grabbed a flashlight and made my way out back, hugging myself with one arm as I walked the cold distance to the stable. The pangs of coldness are definitely one of the things I didn't miss about being human.

Maserati bobbed her head and nickered the second she saw me. I pat her nose and rubbed her neck before throwing a blanket over her. Her feeder was full and the stable was kept dry. Before leaving, I'd promised her I would take her out tomorrow.

As I shut the stable door, I turned and saw a figure in the distance coming from the house. I shined my flashlight in that direction, but the light wasn't strong enough to reach. I knew it couldn't have been Tullia.

"Who's there?" I yelled over the now pouring rain, my feet sloshing through puddles.

"Ash!" The familiar voice called out as we walked closer to one another.

"Spencer?" I furrowed my eyebrows, finally recognizing her in the light. "What are you doing here?"

"You wouldn't answer your phone." She gestured as if it were obvious.

I scoffed. "So, the next logical step would be breaking and entering? I gotta say Spence, I never pegged you for the criminal type." More like a thief who stole my heart and prodded it to life. I mean, the nerve!

Great. How was I going to endure?

"Well," she glanced behind her at the high wall that ran the perimeter, "it's not really breaking and entering if I was just climbing the shrubbery that—"

I rolled my eyes, "Let's just get inside already before we catch pneumonia."

"We?" Spencer quickly followed behind me, clinging onto the backpack around her shoulder. "So, you're still—"

"Yup," I opened the door and walked in. "I have you to thank for that." I more or less mumbled that last part.

"What?"

"Never mind," I shut the door behind her, taking my phone out of my back pocket. "Wait," I glanced at her, "I never got a phone call from you."

"I know. Jton came over. She told me you wouldn't pick up. She's pretty rattled that you up and left this morning."

"Which, again, begs the question—what are you doing here? Was Jton too coward to come here herself that she had to send the kryptonite over?"

She crossed her arms over her chest and raised a brow. "Are you upset with me or something?"

"I came here to get away and be on my own after everything that's happened last night. So, sorry if I'm not in the mood to entertain company." I didn't mean to sound so harsh, but sometimes that's what the truth is.

"I heard about Leilani."

"So?"

"I came to see how you're doing." Her teeth chattered a bit.

It was irritating, to say the least, that she thought this was about Leilani and not about what happened last night. I turned to start a fire in the fireplace, cursing the feel of damp clothes clinging to my body and numbing my skin—yet, another thing I didn't miss about being human. Once the fire was going, I slammed the lighter down on top of the mantle and turned sharply.

"I'll be fine, Spencer. Really." I looked pointedly at her. "You don't need to worry about me. You have your hands full as it is."

She stood there in silence, our shadows dancing against the wall to the flickering of the flames. Her glances were sloppily misplaced all over the room, carefully trying to figure out her next words or course of action, I presumed.

"I realize that now. I get that coming here was a huge mistake and I apologize." She never once made eye contact as she fiddled with her fingers. "If I can just have a minute to dry my clothes off and charge my dead phone, I'll call a cab and head back to the airport." Spencer responded softly.

I suddenly felt like a total jerk, realizing that perhaps she would've called if her phone wasn't dead and maybe she was knocking at the door when I was out back. Spencer was considerate enough to come all this way, only for me to turn her away like this, in her drenched and disheartened demeanor. Perhaps it's a bit cynical, but maybe now she feels a fraction of how I've been feeling since last night.

And since the first night.

"C'mon." I sighed, signaling her to follow me. I couldn't stand to see Spencer in that vulnerable state. I inwardly cursed the fact that I would always have that soft spot for her.

We walked into the dim foyer and up the staircase. I opened the first door on the left to the suite. Her suite. The room was well kept, the way she left it. I grabbed a towel from the closet and handed it to her after she placed her stuff down on the couch.

"Thanks," she said softly, as I turned to leave. I hadn't seen this side of Spencer that was so uncertain and… lost. I wish I could fix things and just comfort her, but that would leave me totally unguarded to the one person who has been chipping away at my armor. One more blow and I would be down for the count indefinitely.

I sighed as I stepped over the threshold, my hand gripping the cool metal of the doorknob.

Uh-oh.

What is this feeling?

Is it guilt?

Be cold, Davies.

Be ice cold.

"You can…" No! Don't say it! Don't you fucking say it! "…stay the night," I reluctantly turned to look at her. "It's late," I shrugged. "Just stay and I'll give you a ride to the airport tomorrow."

Ugh… why?! Why would I do this to myself?! Was I turning into a masochist who couldn't find happiness so the next best resolve would be to torture myself in order to just feel something?

"Okay," she murmured, her blue eyes brightening up just a smidge as she continued squeezing wet tendrils into the towel. "Thank you."

And just like that… I forgot why I was upset with myself. I forgot why I was upset to begin with. My woes seemed rather trivial, compared to seeing just a tinge of happiness in those vibrant blue eyes. But the reality of the situation is that she has every power to break me apart and there would be no one to pick up the pieces after. Did I really want to relive the feeling I felt hundreds of years ago when the one person I loved more than anything simply walked out of my life forever?

No, I had to keep my guard up!

I trudged down to the living room after drying off and changing. Settling into the couch with a cup of tea and The Great Gatsby in hand seemed like the best way to wind down and avoid the rather large elephant in the room… or should I say, upstairs? I inwardly groaned, realizing that avoidance in this situation was as attainable as a luxury in prison. I could hear her in the hallway and down the staircase, taunting me with every single footstep. The quick thumping in my chest roused this feeling of nausea that I couldn't comprehend.

"Is Tullia home?" Spencer plopped down on the couch across from me. I noticed she was wearing my hoodie and, for some reason, the thumping paused before pounding much louder into my ears.

"She's visiting Romania for a few weeks." I sipped my tea, focusing intently at reading the page in front of me. I was frantically trying to anchor myself on anything and everything else.

"What're you reading?" She hung her chin over her hand, her elbow digging into the armrest.

I responded indifferently, "Great Gatsby."

"Hmm… interesting choice." She paused. "Is every book you read a self-reflection?"

I chose to ignore her question. Not sure what she was talking about. "I put a pot on. Help yourself to some tea."

"Thanks." She got up and made her way to the kitchen. I could hear dishes lightly clanging as I wondered how I could divert the impending conversation that was looming over us. I did a double-take as I noticed her placing her teacup on the same side of the coffee table as mine. I glanced at her as she sat down next to me, curling one leg under the other. "Look… the other night when you asked me if I wanted to talk about my issues and I told you I didn't want to burden you, you told me you still care."

I silently stared back at her, knowing there would be repercussions with whatever my response was.

"Well, it goes both ways, Ash." Her voice was soothing and just a smidge above a whisper. The crackling of the fire next to us almost drowned out her voice that I leaned closer to hear every single word. Whether that was her plan or not, I'll never know. "My hands aren't too full to care about you. Otherwise, I wouldn't be here right now." Spencer chuckled to herself, her glances turning towards our teacups. "I actually can't believe that I'm here."

Was it really true that actions speak louder than words? Was Spencer trying to tell me something by her being here?

"I'm fine, Spence." My voice cracked which made me sound a lot less convincing than I had intended.

"I don't believe you." I wouldn't have either.

I shrugged, "Well—"

"Why won't you talk to Jton?"

I gave her a sideways look. "Would you talk to Madison if she and Liz were hooking up behind your back?" It was a safe, cliché thing to say to mask the real issue here.

"Point taken."

"I just wanted to get away from everything for a bit. Clear my head."

She nodded. "When will you come back?"

"I don't know." I chuckled at the idea that she was rushing me out, "I just got here. Besides… Jton has Lei, Mads is probably going to go back to Aiden, and you have Liz." I noticed a slight frown at that last part. Or was that wishful thinking? "Everyone will be just fine without me."

Spencer shook her head, as she grabbed her tea. "God, if you only knew…"

I squinted curiously. "Knew what?" It was my turn to start chipping at her armor.

"That you matter so much more than you think." She sipped her tea.

"Is that why you kissed me last night?"

Her eyes bulged out as she nearly choked. "You kissed me, Ash."

"Well, I wanted to." I looked right into those blue orbs that had a glint of fire behind them, reflecting more than just the fireplace.

"Really?" She said more as a statement than a question. "Just so you can tell me to forget it ever happened?"

Touché.

I felt the smirk fall off my face. "Spence—"

"Sorry, that was uncalled for." She furrowed her eyebrows, shaking her head. "I already said I put all of that behind us."

"I deserved that." I still felt the need to explain. "I only said that 'cause I'm not the home-wrecking type, you know?"

"Yeah, well, I'm perfectly good at single-handedly wrecking my own relationships, thank you very much." She looked away.

"Hey," my hand instinctually reached the softness of her chin, turning her head to look at me. "You did nothing wrong, okay?" I looked at her seriously. "She's just too blind to realize what she has."

"And what's that?" She mumbled.

"The perfect, loving girlfriend who selflessly puts everyone's needs before her own. If she doesn't realize it—and quick—she really doesn't deserve you." I reached down and grabbed the book that I had carelessly dropped. "You're always looking after everyone else that you have yet to let someone else take care of you for a change."

"Maybe that's exactly what I'm waiting for." Spencer shyly bit her lip.

It was blaringly obvious that dropping my guard and kissing Spencer would be the cherry on top to this perfectly constructed sundae of a sweet moment that we were building together, but my moral compass was steering me the other way. I couldn't do it knowing that Liz was still in the picture, not to mention that the times we've kissed (while Spencer was sober) were always with me initiating things… and they never ended well. She's waiting for someone to take care of her, while I'm just waiting for her to show me that she wants that person to be me.

"It's getting late." I placed the book on the table. Things were getting a little too dangerous with both of us being in such a delicate condition, the fire crackling relentlessly behind us, and our proximity to one another to the point where I could smell the fresh rain from her slightly damp hair. "Wait here while I get the fire started in your room." I stood up, but she immediately grabbed my hand to stop me. It almost felt like I had stuck my hand into the fire to grab hold of one of the glowing red logs that was slowly dissolving into orange embers.

"Stay." Spencer grabbed the blanket that was draped over the back of the couch. "Just… stay for a bit so we can talk." She handed me the blanket. Well, it was like throwing caution to the wind at that point. I couldn't say no to her.

"Okay," I spread the blanket over her as she lay across half the couch, her legs dangling off the armrest. I couldn't help the feeling of butterflies in my stomach as I admired (probably longer than I should've) the way she looked in my hoodie. I wanted to believe that she was mine, just by the simple fact that she was wearing something that belonged to me. "What do you want to talk about?" I lay down opposite of her, mirroring the way Spencer was laying on the couch. I could feel the warmth of the fire at my feet and the warmth of her cheek a few centimeters away from mine. This should've felt weird—and unbearable—considering the unspoken conversation that was taking place, on top of the unacknowledged tension between us. Actually, this felt completely opposite of weird.

"Tell me a story." She yawned, her lips at eye level when I turned to look at her.

"What kind of story?" I noticed her eyes were shut and she was absentmindedly playing with my stray curls.

"Tell me a bed time story. Tell me more about your life." She paused. "What'd you do after Tibet and how'd you meet Tullia?"

I frowned. Although I had finally come to terms with what I was while I was in Tibet, the years that followed were nothing but wars and death until World War II ended and I was living in America. It wasn't the brightest of moments in human history, but I couldn't avoid the fact that it happened and I was practically in the middle of it. I just didn't prefer to relive and retell the tale.

After Tibet, I was living in Serbia just as the Second Balkan War broke out which was the prelude to World War I. Then I moved to Romania and was caring for soldiers who contracted cholera. That's when I met Tullia. She was born the last year of World War I after her father died from the cholera epidemic. She was an only child, raised by a humble mother who was struggling to make ends meet. Despite their impoverished lifestyle in the midst of a country that was on the mend, Tullia's mother took me in and I earned my keep, and even tried helping them out financially. I left after a few years, moving out west to New York in the midst of the Jazz Age in hopes that I could earn more money to send back to Romania. Things seemed promising until the economy tanked during the Great Depression in the late 1920s.

I only went as far west as Wisconsin before I received word that Tullia's mom had passed away. I returned to Bucharest to pay my respects and couldn't really leave once World War II broke out and Romania had sided with the Axis powers. It wasn't until they switched sides in 1944 that I brought Tullia with me into the states and we started over.

I left all the war and famine out of my storytelling. I mean, I mentioned to Spencer how all this happened, but just left out all the gritty details. As I began talking about how we got the mansion and where I found Maserati, I could hear the soft sighs of her steady breathing. She'd fallen asleep.

I turned my head, watching how her skin glowed and how her lips parted slightly with every breath she exhaled. I couldn't help but gently kiss the softness of her warm cheek.

No, this didn't feel weird at all. Instead, it felt familiar. Comforting. In fact…

I whispered almost inaudibly, so as to not wake her, "Why does it feel like… I'm finally coming home?"

I continued watching her sleep until my eyelids grew heavy, just fully content in this intimate moment with the very reason that my warm heart is beating in what was once a cold cavity of emptiness.

Spencer's POV

I heard the faint crackling of what sounded like the last moments of a fire burning out. Rubbing the sleep out of my eyes, I looked past my dangling legs and noticed the sunlight shining into the foyer. I turned my head and glanced at Ashley's still sleeping form, her head turned the other way. It came as a bit of a surprise to me that she stayed with me on the couch when there were seemingly endless rooms with large, plush beds for her to sleep in, especially on her first night back.

I slowly got up and I tiptoed my way back upstairs. My phone was now fully charged and I noticed I had a plethora of text messages and voicemail messages while my phone was dead.

9:56 pm – Voicemail: Liz

10:02 pm – Madison: hey roomie.. liz came back!

10:03 pm – Madison: guess u didnt find her in sd. where r u?

10:10 pm – Liz: spence, where are you? are you still in sd? call me when you get this plz

10:47 pm – Madison: r u at glen's?

10:51 pm – Madison: i just talked to glen n he hasnt heard frm u.

10:59 pm – Voicemail: Madison

11:04 pm – Madison: guess ur phones dead. i hope ure ok. call me!

11:13 pm – Voicemail: Liz

11:35 pm – Liz: i know you're prob mad at me, but plz call me

I didn't bother listening to my voicemail. I decided to call Madison instead… even if it was a little after 8 in the morning. I prepared myself for the hysterics that I was about to hear.

"Spencer! Where are you?" Thankfully, her groggy voice somewhat muffled her panicked tone.

"I'm fine, Mad. My phone died." I paused. "I'm in Portland."

"Portland? She's in Portland!" She said off to the side. "Are you with Ashley?"

"Yeah, but… who are you talking to over there?"

"Liz. She stayed over last night. We were waiting to hear from you! You had us worried!" Her voice trailed to the side again. "It's okay. She's at Ashley's."

"Can I speak to her?" I heard Liz in the background before I heard here on the phone. "Spencer?"

"Hey," I cleared my throat. I wasn't sure where this conversation might end up. "How are you?"

"I-I guess I'm just surprised really."

"Well, that makes two of us." I picked at my fingernails as I paced in front of the window seat. "I thought you left on tour. Not to mention you were pretty upset on Friday night."

"But, I came back." She spoke directly.

"So I hear."

"And you're not here."

"Well, it's not like I knew you'd be back before the tour ended."

"But, I thought this is what you wanted, Spence. I thought you wanted me here."

"I did, but… you were pretty adamant about spending time apart during the break." I scoffed. "What did you expect me to do?"

"So, why'd you lie to Madison and Jton about coming to see me?" She questioned with suspicion. "I mean… what are you really doing in Portland with Ashley that you couldn't tell anyone about it?"

"It was…" I paused, wondering why I didn't feel guilty about not telling Madison where I was really going… and why I didn't feel bad about not going to San Diego in the first place. Had I gone, we would've missed each other anyway. "Honestly, it was a last-minute change of plans. Ashley needed a friend." That was probably a lie because it felt like she was consoling me more so than I was consoling her.

"Well, I needed my girlfriend! But, I guess it shouldn't come as a surprise to me, considering you've never really been there for me."

I interrupted, "Oh, you have some fucking balls—"

She ignored me. "Yet, here I am, skipping out on opening night for you!" Her tone became angered. "Beau was pretty pissed off. I don't even know if they'll let me back on tour!"

"So I suppose it's all my fault then for not knowing ahead of time that you were going to come back!" I smirked at her audacity to, once again, put the blame on me. "Yup, you're not in the wrong at all. You're totally the martyr here!"

"Whatever, Spence! You don't even appreciate the fact that I—"

"You wanna talk to me about appreciation?" I couldn't help but laugh. "Just for the record, I didn't ask you to leave the tour for me! You did that on your own."

"You just told me the night I found out I made the tour that you wanted me to leave all of this behind to go on vacation with you!"

"I asked you to make time for me." I annunciated. "There is a difference! I would never make you choose between me and spoken word!"

"Well, you got what you wanted. Here I am, Spencer!" Liz taunted. "What happened to wanting this relationship to work out, huh? Or were you just bullshitting me that night?"

"No, I wasn't bullshitting you!" I sat down. "I gave you a ton of chances, and you didn't even want to meet me half way! And now you came back expecting what? That I'd be sitting pretty at home, waiting for you to swoop in and save me from the perils of our failing relationship?"

"Okay, you know what? It's a big fuckin' deal that I came back for you, even though you've been violating my brain for the past several months."

"And the blame continues."

"I'm just saying." She paused. "How many people would be willing to overlook this mountain of a hurdle just to be with someone?"

"Tons." I retorted. "And I call those people 'friends and family.' The only difference is that they don't see me as a hurdle that needs to be overlooked, or some sort of handicap to our relationship. They accept me for who I am." My heart was racing in anger. For someone who's good with words, she wasn't very wise in choosing them. "So, before this conversation gets really ugly, let's hang up the phone and talk about this when I get back later today."

"Why bother? Let's just call it for what it is, Spence!"

"And what's that, Liz?"

She sighed, her anger noticeably subsiding into something less hostile. "Maybe in the beginning, you and I made sense. In the beginning, things were promising and we recognized something we were looking for in the other. At least, that's how I felt." She spat. "You know… things were good. They were really good in the beginning. But the reality of the situation is that we're just not on the same level anymore. What we see this relationship as… we can't even agree to that." She paused. "And this whole tour and the mind-reading thing were just the last bits of straw that broke the camel's back."

"I think you're right." For the first time in awhile, we could actually agree on something.

"Ironic that breaking up is the one thing we can agree on." And ironic that she could read my thoughts just now.

I smirked bitterly at the cowardice that was my former girlfriend as we sat there in silence for a few seconds that felt like eternity. I just wasn't sure how to end this conversation or what to say. Was I supposed to say something?

Things would've probably been easier if we'd done this in person. It was such a cop out for her to do this on the phone. I think I may grow to resent her for it later.

"So, I'm gonna go and see if I can get back on tour." She mumbled.

"Yeah… whatever." I responded indifferently.

"Bye, Spence."

"Bye." I hung up the phone. Contemplating the past several months of our relationship, especially the good parts, I sat there waiting for the tears to come. Waiting for the heartache that typically follows a breakup. It's not like it was a foreign concept to me; in less than a year, I'd gotten in and gotten out of two relationships.

It felt like I had waited for hours for feelings that weren't going to surface. Where were the tears? Where was the disappointment? The agony?

What was wrong with me? I figured breaking up with Liz would've been the harder break up, considering how she was always faithful to me despite the fire of our relationship fizzling out. I totally loathed Melinda for cheating on me.

After all, the cheater was worse than the unappreciative girlfriend…

…right?

I carefully made my way downstairs. By now, the fire in the living room had gone out and Ashley was nowhere in sight. The succulent smell of breakfast was slowly wafting its way out of the kitchen.

Ashley was chewing on some crisp bacon just as she finished plating some French toast. It wasn't until she sipped some orange juice that she noticed me standing in the doorway.

"Good morning!" She smiled that trademark smile, placing her glass down as I walked straight to her. "You hungry?"

"Let's get outta here."

"Okay," she stared back into my pleading eyes. "Where do you want to go?"

The air was brisk and smelled damp from last night's rainfall. It wasn't that damp smell you get in LA where the rain mixes with the smog and makes this mildew-y type of smell. The air in Portland was much cleaner and the rain only enhanced the smell and the sight of the greenery all around us. Truly a sight for sore eyes and a breath of fresh air, coupled with the soft scent of Ashley's curls grazing my cheek.

I held on tighter than the last time, finally accepting that comfort that I could so easily fall into when I'm with Ashley. She must've felt the same way, seeing as how she had one hand on the reins and the other squeezing my clasped hands to her tight abdomen.

From the way my feet were swaying in the stirrups, I could tell Maserati was trotting along faster than before, which matched the erratic breathing of the brunette before me. I felt her steady pulse pounding through her warm fingertips.

I couldn't help but notice how things were different, and I had racked my brain trying to figure out exactly when things had changed…

Since when was Ashley comfortable about being mortal?

Since when was Ashley no longer upset with me?

Since when was I more than okay about embracing her the way I used to embrace Liz?

Since when was it not weird that our fingers were intertwined?

Since when did I start to feel something else? Something more?

We had reached the peak as Maserati came to a halt at her usual spot. Ashley held my hand as I carefully dismounted. She anchored Maserati in before sitting beneath the tree. The dew sparkled in the morning light off of the vibrant green beneath us. We could see a clear view of the city skyline for miles… up to the thick fog in the background that settled on Mount Hood and concealed it from our sights.

"Still no Mount Hood." I mumbled as I sat down next to Ashley.

She squinted into the distance. "It's only a matter of time."

I glanced at her from my peripheral, certain that she was wondering why I was in a rush to go somewhere, but she quietly sat there, granting me the comfort of just her presence. I loved that she never forced my thoughts out of me. She would simply wait for me to open up to her when I was ready.

"Liz and I broke up."

Ashley eyes panned downward and then to me. "Yesterday?" She paused. "Was it because we—?"

"No," I cut her off. "It was this morning… over the phone." I rolled my eyes. "I mean, how juvenile was that? She didn't even have the balls to tell me in person."

Her eyes panned back downward as she picked at the wet blades of grass. "So, she broke it off?"

"Not like our relationship was making any progress after it tanked." I shrugged. "Doesn't matter who broke it off, but if we wanna be technical about it, yes she did."

"So, how are you feeling?"

I chuckled strangely, furrowing my eyebrows. "Surprisingly okay." I watched as she began braiding some blades together. "I don't know… I probably should be sad or heartbroken, but I don't feel that way at all. It's weird."

Ashley grunted as if she knew what I had meant. "Maybe you were expecting it?"

"Maybe," I shrugged. "I guess she'd let me down so many times in the past that I just grew accustomed to disappointment." I contemplated it for a second. "There were just way too many times that I had cried it out, feeling like a bystander who was helplessly watching our relationship crumble." I started picking at the fresh blades and making knots of my own. "She might've ended it this morning, but I feel like we've been done for awhile."

"Then, why all that talk about wanting to work things out?"

"I guess I was trying desperately to fit a square peg in a round hole?" I shrugged again. Shows how aloof I was about our relationship, doesn't it? "I was just always hopeful that she'd have an epiphany of some sort and we'd magically go back to how things were, but since that never happened, I suppose things just became mechanical and void of real emotion."

Ashley sighed, leaning against the trunk of the tree. "I guess I can relate."

"How so?"

"I knew about Lei and Jton before I was even dating Lei." She threw some stray blades in a pile in front of her.

"What do you mean you knew?" I raised a brow. "Knew what?"

"When you and I got back from Portland, Lei was all Jton could even talk about. She was obsessed, especially since Jton has a thing for long, toned legs." Ashley rolled her eyes. "I could tell Jton wanted her. She always has to get what she wants."

"And you still dated Leilani anyway?"

"I was practically forced." She shrugged. "Madison and Jton kept pushing for it. So, I just… obliged."

"So, you knew Jton and Leilani were hooking up behind your back?"

"I'm not stupid… nor were they subtle about it," Ashley chuckled. "I wasn't even mad about it. It felt like I was just biding my time with Lei. I'm used to short-term relationships anyway."

"Then, why the sudden departure from LA after you guys broke up?" I looked at her intently, but she glanced back down.

"Because." She hesitated, looking out towards the cityscape in the distance. I was curious all the more, especially since Ashley's not one to be so reserved in voicing her thoughts.

"Because…?"

"Just… because, okay? Just leave it alone." Ashley huffed, immediately getting up and turning her back towards me as she toed the edge of the hill.

"Okay." I did as she asked and just kept quiet especially since I wasn't sure where to go from here.

"It's because something happened that night… at your apartment." She spoke into the air.

All of a sudden, things started to click. She wasn't running from Leilani or Jton. She was running from me. From the feelings she was having. I noticed her trembling slightly and I wanted to believe it was because of the cold, but I genuinely believed that she was terrified of the vulnerability of letting herself experience feelings I hadn't been reciprocating…

Until now.

"I know." I slowly stood up and walked towards her. I no longer felt any sense of hesitation, considering how much Ashley has repeatedly put herself out there for me. I reached for the warmth of her hand. Somewhat startled, she turned to look at me with such vulnerability that I've only seen her look at me with. "I felt it, too, Ash." I paused. "I've been feeling it."

She trembled slightly. "How do I know you're not just saying that out of pity?" I knew she was asking for validity, not because she didn't believe me but because she wanted proof.

"Because… I'm here with you." I slowly grazed her cheek as our foreheads rested against one another, her hot breath escaping her parted lips. "I came here for you." My heart was nearly beating out of my chest at the thought that everything I desired and longed for was right before me. I couldn't stand it anymore. I hungrily pressed my lips against her moist ones that had been haunting me from day one. She wrapped her arms around me, pressing herself flush against me as I leaned into her.

Square peg, meet square hole.