A.N. Hi everyone! Can you believe it? We're almost at chapter 10! :O which is much longer than what I thought this story to be. anyway, please R&R and enjoy Chapter 9 of Servant boy! ^.^

Chapter 9: Alone

I wasn't quite aware of the time passing as we travelled to King Billy's Castle. This was the first time I'd ever ridden in a carriage. It was small and musty, the seats were rather stiff and covered in red fabric. The windows were sealed shut. I couldn't hear much; just the sound of the wheels turning, the motion of which I could feel underneath my feet. The way the wheels kept spinning round and round reminded me of an everlasting change. Even if there was a little bump here and there, it went back to the way it was; spinning again. It seemed to pass so subtlety without much change, and yet so much had occured within that second. It was an endless cycle of undying change. I had never before noticed how my life seemed to follow the same sort of cycle. It was always exactly the same.

There was no one else in the carriage with me, just my little bag I had filled with clothing. I was alone once again, just like I used to be.

Why? I wasn't sure. But I know that I was destined to be alone, to start loving and almost trusting someone and wind up saying goodbye to them. I guess it just makes me who I am now. I can't change it. Carlisle and the others were wrong, though. I had to go. I was fated to leave. The Swan Castle isn't my home and it isn't the place where I'm supposed to be- not if I'm sitting in this carriage right now, heading off to live somewhere else. Things happen for a reason. I guess the reason is still unknown at the moment, but it's helping me realize that I have to toughen up. I had begun to care for all of them more than I needed to. I had begun to love Bella. No! I couldn't think like that. I had grown too attached, and too open with her, maybe, but I could not let myself admit to loving her. That could never be. I could never let my guard down. The last time I did that, my mother passed away... the last time I did that, I found myself even more alone.

My stomach grumbled, and I realized that it must be around lunch time. I sighed. I knew I had forgotten something when I was packing: food. The more I thought about it, the hungrier I got. I briefly glanced at my bag, hoping that I somehow forgot that I had packed my bag with food. There was a very small chance of that happening, but it was worth a try. I reached for my bag which was a simple, small, black bag with little pockets and threads coming loose. If I didn't find anything to eat, it wouldn't really matter. I had gone longer without food. Remembering that made me think of the castle, which made me think of the others. I hoped they continued to on with their life exactly as before. They needn't burden themselves because of me. What was I thinking? Of course they were all right; they still had each other. Alice, Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie still all had Carlisle's patience and Esme's cooking...

I grinned while I remembered Esme and all the food she used to make. She was always doing her best, trying her hardest, and always trying to making things perfect. I remember she used to remind me all the time to eat before I did anything else. She told me how food gives me strength. How, if I didn't eat, I'd get nothing done. She used to scold me for working 'too hard for a little boy.' I thought that she should have listened to her own advice. All of them worked too hard, harder than any other family in the castle. It was devastating- I missed Esme's cooking already. I could almost smell it...

With a jolt, I realized that I actually could smell it. My imagination must have been running too wild for its own good; my mind going far too deep in my memories. I thought I could actually smell the scent of food coming from my backpack! I looked at my bag once more, and noticed a big bump in the side pocket. How had I missed that the first time? Was I imagining it? I sniffed the lump in my bag. It smelled so good... it smelled like the scones Esme always made for everyone. I ripped the bag open and dumped it out. I smiled to see that I now held four scones, wrapped in a white handkerchief. It was too good to be true. I dug right in, not caring how it had actually gotten in my bag. I took a bite out of the scone, my mouth savouring the flavour. I was saved!

As I finished eating, I saw a note slip out of the handkerchief. It was scrawled in black ink, and it was apparent that who ever wrote it had been in a rush. I squinted to read the messy writing.

Dear Edward,

I hope you find this before you get hungry. I'm sorry, I know that it's not much, but it was all I could make that could be stuffed in this tiny bag of yours. It should still be enough to get you to the other castle, so at least it will keep you going until you get there. I hope you're doing well right now. Remember not to stay up too late, and to eat a heavy breakfast to start the day. Be good to the other servants, work hard, and most importantly, take care of yourself. I haven't had the chance to know you very well, Edward, but the parts of you I have met are wonderful. I'll miss you so much. Please, what ever you do, don't forget us. We will never forget you. Please do try your best to come back to us, Edward. You'll always have a spot in our family.

Love,
Esme

P.S.

I hope you enjoy the food. I made it this morning, so it might be cold by the time you eat it. It's still good though, isn't it?

I laughed as I read the note over for the fifth time. Esme was so worried about me. I knew they were going to be fine, all of them. They didn't need me there, but it was nice to know that I'd always have a place with them in their family, should I ever need one. I missed them, but I was sure that they were all okay. I had no regrets leaving the castle. It was meant to be, was it not? I just couldn't help but hope that they would miss me, even just a little bit. Other than that no one there needed me enough for me to stay. No one's world would change drastically if I went away. None of them needed me that much.

But then... I remembered a little girl tripping over her own two feet, a very noticeable blush spreading on her face, deep chocolate brown eyes that always searched through mine, and a shy smile. Someone who was alone, like me. Who's mother and father were there, but didn't have enough time for her. I wasn't sure what was worse. Not having parents, or having parents that were always 'too busy'? It must have been hard for her growing up. She seemed like she needed me, like she would be lost without me. Was I just hoping that she did? Or did she actually feel that way towards me? 'Bella,' I thought. 'What you're doing right now?'

She was probably trying to skip her lunch by now, pretending not to be hungry, though she was already starving. I hope someone else was taking better care of her now. She had Jane there anyway, to make sure she doesn't do something stupid and reckless... but then again, Jane wasn't very kind. She didn't really care if Bella got hurt, she only cared enough to scold her to take better care of herself. If I knew anything, she was probably teaching Bella how to walk with books stacked on her head. What if Bella got hurt, though? Alice was there for her, too, so she wasn't alone. But Alice had other chores around the castle to do. What if she got hurt when no one else was watching her? I knew in my heart that I didn't trust anyone else to protect Bella, other than myself. She was so fragile, clumsy and always seemed to get herself in trouble. She needed me to protect her.

Then why did I leave? What was the real reason I felt I the need to go, if I knew that she needed me that much? Why would I leave her if she needs me as much as I need her? Maybe that was why, because I need her. I can't need her, she's just a child. She doesn't return the feelings I feel for her. Wait, I have feelings for her? Even more reason not to go back. This wasn't right. I had to cast my feelings aside. I am going to start living in King Billy's Castle now. My past can't matter to me anymore. I have to grow up.

Before I knew it, it was twilight and the carriage came to a halt infront of a enormous castle. This castle was slightly smaller than the one I was used to, but instead of the grand, red and white castle that belonged to the Swans, this castle was a a dull grey that reached out to the sky.

"You can get out now, kid," a gruff voice demanded. I shrugged and obeyed, hoping out of the castle. The men led me to another throne room with a short, black haired man sitting promptly in his chair. The chair next to him was empty and looked like no one had sat on it for years. The men all bowed and nudged me to do the same. I followed them as my new King spoke.

"This is he, correct? The servant Charlie has given me? Why, he's only a child!" he bellowed.

"There is no mistake, your highness. King Charlie says that he's one of the greatest servants they've ever had," the man in all black said.

"I see. Well, Sam, make sure he sees the Clearwaters. One of them can train him," Billy said.

"Yes, your Highness," the man, Sam, bowed.

"He will start from the bottom, as a dish washer, he can't mess up at washing dishes. If he's lucky, and is as good as they say, he'll end up serving one of us," he said. Then, turning to me, he yelled, "Go on now! Dinner is almost ready, boy. Sam, might as well give him some food, he's probably famished from the way here."

"Yes Sire," Sam replied. "Come, Boy," he called, and I followed him as he lead me down the narrow hallway. I was back to where I started, back to being alone.