A.N. Heyy! Just the usual... please Read and Review! ^_^ it makes me happy hehehe! Enjoy Chapter 10 of Servant boy... oh! And please enjoy my poem (all copy rights to ME! aha :D ) Thanks you guys... Happy Tenth Chapter-versery :)
I stared at the wall for hours before I finally fell asleep. The same thoughts occurred in my head throughout the entire night I was awake. Why did it matter so much if Edward broke one, silly little promise? Why was it that everything I did revolved around him? Why does a simple little smile make me want to smile back? It didn't make any sense to me. Edward was my friend, I knew that much, but why is it that I need him more than I needed anyone else? Could it be that I liked Edward more than I thought I did?
When my eyes fluttered open, and I realized I was awake, I didn't move. I stayed there, laying stilly in my bed. I listened to my own light breathing and the ticking of the clock, hanging on my wall. The sun was already up and shining brilliantly in the sky. The rays of sunshine, peaking through the trees, shone through my window. The light created shapes, covering my walls. There was no sign of movement for miles except for my chest, slowly rising then, gently falling. The usual sound of the larks, chirping off in the distance could be heard, but other than that, silence.
I continued to think about what happened last night. Edward was the only one who could make me laugh without even trying. He made me feel like I could do anything I set my mind to. He was the only one who treated me like a real person, and nothing else. He didn't care that I was a Princess, he only cared about the soul behind the name. He was the first person who watched over me like he truly cared about me. He's the reason I get up in the morning, and the only reason I have to keep going in a place filled with so many fake smiles.
Was this how I really felt about Edward? Yes. This is what Edward meant to me, but did that mean that... I like Edward? There was a little intake of breath, as my eyes widened to the truth. I did. I like Edward. Was this what I was trying to tell myself all along?
I sighed. It took me a whole night to figure out what I felt about him, and I was still back to where I started. More unanswered questions pouring into my mind. Well, what now? Does he feel the same way about me? What if he did? What if he didn't? Do I even want him to like me back? What about our friendship? Will father agree to this? He is just a servant boy, after all. Wait a second, why does it matter if father agrees to him? It wasn't as if I planned to spent the rest of my life with Edward, did I? Should I tell him how I feel? How will he react? How do I tell him?
I laughed as I saw a little vision of what I thought would happen in my head. I would just run to his room, knock on his door and demand for him to wake up. Then, I would apologize for ignoring him last night and then say tell him what I needed to think about. I would simply confess how I feel and wait patiently for his reply. His face would probably twist into several emotions and then finally set on a frown. Then, he would ask me to 'Be serious, Bella.'
Why was it that those four, plain little words, were so hard to say? I supposed that Edward wouldn't mind if I told him like that, but for once, I wasn't positive. I wasn't sure how to act, but I knew that I should tell him. I've never felt like this before, it was so brand new. It was as if every emotion I had before was raw and ten times more sensitive. I felt like a new person. I knew I had to do it. I practically leaped out of bed as I suddenly had the urge to see Edward. Not even bothering to get dress, I quickly pushed the door open and sprinted off to Edward's room.
No one stopped me as I was running down the halls. In fact, I didn't encounter anyone. The hallways were eerily quiet. What was going on? Where was everyone? Why was my heart beating ten times faster than it usually did? Why was my pulse quickening or a blush flushing my cheeks? Why did I feel some sense of dread as I approached Edward's door?
Stopping a few feet before Edward's room, I tried to calm my nerves down and catch my breath. 'I can do this,' I chanted in my head. Taking one last deep breath, I knocked on his door.
"Edward?" I called, a hint of nervousness clear in my voice. There was no answer. Gaining some more confidence, I barged into his room. It was dead silent. Glancing around, I saw that no one was there. I stepped through the doorway and continued to look around. I noticed that the bed was already made, the windows shut tightly. His closet was bare, not that he had many clothes, but there was nothing left in the little space. Not only that, but the room seemed deserted and cold, something I wasn't used to when I was around Edward. 'Maybe he's already working, it is past noon anyway,' I thought. It didn't explain why all his clothes weren't there, but there was probably a reasonable explanation for that too.
Dejectedly, I turned around and walked out the door. Then I wandered around the castle, looking for Edward at his usual places; the garden, the kitchen, the music rooms, but there was no sign of him anywhere.
"Princess?" A fretful, high-pitched voice asked. I turned around to see Alice, looking at me with an anxious expression.
"Are you looking for something?" she asked. She already knew the answer, even before I turned around to look at her. I gave her a shy smile and nodded politely.
"I'm looking for Edward. I haven't seen him all day, have you?" I questioned. Another anxious glance. She shook her head.
"I haven't seen him since this morning," she replied.
"Oh." I said, disappointed. "Do you know where he is? I have something very important to tell him," I informed her. Alice started looked at me with great concern. Her brows furrowed and she looked nervous. She opened her mouth as if she was about to say something, then quickly closed it. I glared at her with impatient eyes. She was keeping something from me. Something must have been wrong if Alice was not telling me what it was.
"What is it Alice? Did something happen to Edward? Is he hurt?" I demanded.
"No he's-he's fine, Princess..." she stuttered.
"Then what is it, Alice?" I asked.
"I-I, Princess, I-" she started, but then promptly shut her mouth again. I suppressed a groan.
"If you aren't going to tell me Alice, then I'll just ask Carlisle," I said, more sharply than I intended to. I marched back inside the castle, to the kitchen, the last place I saw Carlisle. Alice followed me inside, trying to distract me. Luckily, Carlisle was there, helping Esme peel some potatoes for tonight. Jasper was cutting the potatoes, while Emmett and Rosalie were washing the dishes. Other servants were there, too, but I only paid attention to Carlisle and his family. As I entered the kitchen, everyone stopped what they were doing and bowed.
"Carlisle," I said immediately, after they all stood up and went back to what they were doing.
"Yes Princess?" Carlisle asked sincerely.
"Where is Edward?" I demanded. Frozen silence. Alice let out a little gasp from behind me. Esme looked choked, my question seemed to have troubled her. Jasper accidentally dropped his knife and quickly picked it up again. Emmett and Rosalie stopped their little chatter and quickly glanced at each other. Carlisle looked perplexed. I have never seen him so distressed. His eyes looked sad and frantic.
"Princess," he said, taking a step toward me. I encouraged him to continue. He unconsciously began shaking his head.
"Do you remember King Billy, Princess?" he asked.
Puzzled, I said, "Of course. He used to be one of Father's closest friends until they had that fight."
"Yes, all because of a childish fight," Carlisle said. It was childish, it was only a matter of land, wasn't it?
"I don't understand, Carlisle. Please explain what this has to do with Edward." I pleaded. I stared intently at Carlisle, waiting for him to speak. He said.
"Princess," Jasper said, "King Billy and your father have finally made peace, they have called a truce on all this none sense. Isn't that wonderful?"
"Yes, yes, it is, but what does this have to do with Edward?" I asked, annoyed. None of them were answering my question. They all exchanged awkward glances.
"You see, King Billy and your father have been friends for so long, and your father wrote a letter to King Billy, asking for his forgiveness. King Billy quickly responded and said that he would forgive him, only if... well... if your father give something in return, a sign of peace..." Jasper said.
"What was it?" I questioned.
"A-a servant, Princess," Carlisle declared.
"A- a what?" I cried in a different tone.
"Princess, we tried our best to convince him not to go. We told him that another servant could take his place, but he wouldn't listen. Your father thought that he was best for the job because he was one of the castle's best servants and he didn't have a family to leave behind if he left, so it wouldn't matter," Jasper reasoned. I started to shake uncontrollably.
"And...he's never coming back?" I all looked at each other.
Without a second of hesitation, I ran out of the room, leaving the voices trailing after me. I ran as fast as I could to the meadow, where no one else could find me. When I reached it, I sat in the middle curled myself into a ball. My world stopped spinning. I felt like everything was falling apart and I couldn't do anything about it. My heart was pounding so hard against my chest that I couldn't breathe. It hurt so much. I felt this feeling of worthlessness and waves of sadness washed through me. I couldn't move. Tears kept falling as lay there. I stayed there, sobbing my heart out. I remembered a song Mother used to sing. She said it was one of her favourites when she was younger.
The last time I saw your eyes shine
Was the last chance I to ask you if you could be mine
Suddenly I woke up, the day you moved away
And I cried and pleaded, praying you could stay
'Cause I never got to tell you how much I really care
Now every time I turn around, I keep wishing you were there
And I never got the nerve to say, I bet you never knew
I lost my chance to tell you this, but I'm in love with you
I finally understood that song. I didn't know what was worse, the fact that I wasn't able to say goodbye, or the fact that I never got to tell him?
The day you moved away, I felt so alone
I remember it so clearly, my heart turned to stone
'Cause I never got to tell you how much I really care
Now every time I turn around, I keep wishing you were there
And I never got the nerve to say, I bet you never knew
I lost my chance to tell you this, but I'm in love with you
Can a broken heart keep beating, although it's dead inside?
I hold my breath, but know the truth, with each and every stride
'Cause I never got to tell you how much I really care
Now every time I turn around, I keep wishing you were there
And I never got the nerve to say, I bet you never knew
I lost my chance to tell you this, but I'm in love with you
My eyelids started to grow heavy and I drifted to sleep.
I was running, why? I don't remember why, but I had to run because if I didn't, I would feel the pain again. I would rather feel nothing than feel the piercing pain I felt a while ago. I just couldn't stand it. I felt like there was a hole, growing bigger and bigger every time I stopped moving. The darkness consumed me and swallowed me up until there was nothing left. I was empty.
Suddenly, I was standing in the middle of the meadow again. Or, was it even the meadow? Instead of the usual, happy and sweet smelling meadow filled with wild flowers and sunshine, the meadow was just dead grass, blowing in the wind. It was foggy and clouds covered the night sky, hiding any sign of the moon or stars and completely surrounding me with darkness. The ground was wet, dew drops falling on my cold, bare feet. Harsh, urgent winds whipped my hair from side to side, leaving me cold, inside and out. I was completely alone in darkness. No one was going to save me now.
Everywhere I looked, everywhere I ran, the meadow stretched farther. My lungs felt as if they were about to burst from all the running I was doing. Finally, I stopped, and gave up. I screamed but no one could hear me, the darkness absorbed all the sound that came from my mouth. I fell back to the ground, curled back into a ball, and continued to cry. I continued to feel the hurt I had felt before. To feel the gaping hole continue to expand. I continued to be alone.