A.N. Ohh my. So, so, so, so, SOOOOO Sorry that I haven't updated in such a long a time... It's my fault, really... I should keep a better eye on my Editor next time... make sure she actually proof reads my work before hand! Thank you to all those who are still with me and are still reading my story! :) please R&&R ^,^
"Edward, wake up, we're late!" an urgent, husky voice called from the corner of the room. I woke up to the sound of rustling and someone muttering harshly under their breath. I slowly opened my eyes, trying to regain consciousness. Jerking my head forward, I searched the room for the the owner of the voice. A hefty looking figure was hectically running around on the other side of the room. I waited for him to stop mumbling and calm down before I yawned and asked,
"Again?"
"Yes. We have to hurry up," the voice spoke again. Finally awake, I recognized the voice to be Seth's. Seth Clearwater was the son of one of the kitchen staff in the castle. He was short for a sixteen year old, slightly taller than me, with olive toned skin and crazy, all over the place black hair. His father, Harry, had died just recently, and his mother and older sister, Leah, were still getting used to his absence. Seth was a good kid; obedient, patient, and caring, three things that aren't very common in most servants. Although he was was almost considered an adult, he still had a childish sense of humour, laughing and cracking jokes whenever he had the chance.
Living at King Billy's Castle wasn't that much different from living at the Swan's Castle. The biggest difference was that the servants were to share rooms. Usually, it was family member with family member, so Leah and her mom shared a room, while Seth and his dad used live together. Since Harry died, Seth was short a room mate, and since there was no other open rooms, I moved in. From the first day Seth and I met, we became fast friends. At first, I assumed that he was depressed or stuck up; someone who shuts himself out from the rest of the world. But when he entered the room and saw me unpacking, he grinned at me and extended his hand. Accepting his gesture, I shook his hand and he laughed.
"The name's Seth, Seth Clearwater," he said.
"Edward Cullen," I replied.
"Well Edward, I guess you have the joy of becoming the next person to witness my extreme untidiness and questionable sense of humour," he smiled, and I smiled along with him. We spent the rest of the night talking about each other, our pet peeves, likes and dislikes, and I soon realized how affected he was with his dad gone. He got quiet whenever we mentioned family members, and then quickly cheered back up again, as if nothing ever happened.
Our room was a pale blue colour, with the scent of pine wood, almost like a forest. It was fairly large, with two puffy, straw thick mattresses lying on the floor; one belonging to me and the other one for Seth, each one covered by a thick feather duvet and a faded patchwork quilt. It was simple, but comfortable, and it now almost felt like home.
Before getting up and getting ready to leave, I took one last glance at my new room before remembering my old room at Charlie's Castle. Of course I didn't mind sharing a room, considering I had a nice room mate- I was grateful for even getting a room in the first place. I still had the feeling, though, that something was missing.
I still had the hope that someone would barge in at any moment, smiling at me, and asking me what my plans for the day were. I felt like I was forgetting something, like a chunk of meaning in my life was missing from my world, a piece of my old self. There was no denying the fact- that I missed Bella. I knew that part of my heart would forever ache for her- the hole her absence made seemed to be permanent. I knew I should never have opened myself up to this vulnerability, but when I realized where my feelings were, it was too late. What's done was done, and now I was reaping the consequences.
Seth waited for me impatiently as I paced up and down the room, grabbing other items of clothing. After I was done changing, he elbowed me to go, and we sprinted to the kitchen to eat.
"You're late again boys," Leah said, her voice monotonous.
"Yeah, sorry about that Leah," I said.
"What ever... your food is on the table. You better hurry up because Prince Jacob wants to ride his horse today. You have about five minutes before he's finished dressing," Leah warned.
We went to the table where there was a plate of eggs and bread. Seth and I gulped down our eggs and ran to the stable to fix up Lightning.
After a couple of weeks doing various tasks, and accomplishing them exceptionally well, I got promoted to one of the Loyalty. The King was so pleased by my work, that because I enjoyed the farm and gardening work so much, I was allowed to continue doing it. Most of the time, when I was working side by side with Seth on the barn work, or Leah and her mom in the kitchen, I was perfectly fine. I didn't think of the other castle, or the people who were still hoping for me to change my mind and return home. But when I was alone doing some other task, I often thought about the others and wondered how they were getting along without me.
As time passed, I started to think of them less and less, but I couldn't help but have this feeling inside me; this hope. I couldn't help but wish for myself to return to my adopted family. I couldn't help but wonder if I would still be welcome to my old home. I couldn't help but remember the bed I used to sleep in, or the people I used to be with. Seth was a great companion, but there were shoes that he couldn't fill. He couldn't replace Carlisle's teachings or Esme's warm embraces. What's more, he couldn't replace the friends that I had already made. He especially couldn't replace Bella.
When I was by myself or just relaxing after I finished all my chores, all sorts of thoughts invaded my head, and all different feelings rushed through me. I missed my old life, but I tried my best to set that aside and focus of the life I had now. Every now and then, I would remember something. There was this nagging feeling whenever I groomed Lightning, or heard the sound of the piano, or even just looked up at the sky. It washed through me, as if I was forgetting something, or someone important. Whenever there was a swing, or when someone laughed, even the sound of birds chirping, I remembered. When I looked at people in the face, a certain pair of chocolate brown eyes would appear, and I would remember Bella.
It was a strange thing, missing Bella. I didn't miss her like I missed Esme, Alice or Rosalie. At first I thought that it was because I loved Esme like a mother, and Alice and Rosalie like older sisters, while Bella was younger and more like a little one. But as I started to imagine all of them growing up without me, and marrying someone else, I had different feelings.
Imagining Bella with another man made me feel a pang of jealousy. I felt envy toward this unknown figure, and without even knowing him, I knew he wouldn't be good enough for her. Who ever he was, he didn't deserve Bella, he couldn't protect her or make her happy, and he could never love her more than I already did.
That was it though, wasn't it? I loved Bella, not just as a sister or a friend anymore; I loved her more than that. More than she would ever know. The next few months were almost unbearable because I knew that I would never be able to hear her laugh or see smile again. The times I was so used to spending with her by my side, seemed to drown out all the sad times I have experienced in the past. I would never be able to see her again, to tell her I was sorry for not showing up, or to say my goodbye. In a few months, or if I'm lucky and she misses me too, a few years, she will forget about me; and I'll be no more than a servant boy who once lived in her home. She would probably grow up and have a family of her own.
I too, would grow up and forget about her too, wouldn't I? Or was that something impossible to do? I knew part of me would always ache for her, but that doesn't mean I couldn't move on and marry someone else, does it? It was odd, but I could not accept loving another, not when I cared for her as much as this. It wouldn't be fair to my wife-to-be if I didn't love her even a little of what I loved Bella. I would vow never to love another, so as long as Bella doesn't love someone else.
If she in fact fell in love with someone else, I would easily step aside. Although I know that this person will not deserve her, she deserves her own happiness, doesn't she? She deserves to be happy with who ever can make her happy. If someone could make her smile, who am I to stop that smile for my own selfish reasons?
"Edward, is something wrong?" Seth asked, looking concerned, as he lead Lighting out of her stall, and tied her lead rope to a metal ring on the wall.
"No," I answered. "Does it look like something is wrong?" I asked, confused. I got to work grooming her, while Seth went to get the saddle.
"No, not really. You just seem to be deep in thought. You always seem to be thinking hard about something and I was wondering if I could help you with it," he said. I laughed nervously.
"Don't worry, Seth, it's nothing," I shook it off. He nodded and went right back to work. Working together, it only took a few minuites to get her ready- the girth tightened, bridle on, and coat gleaming in the mid morning sunshine.
"Well, I'm done my part, Seth. I'm off to help with the garden. Call me if you need anything," I said before I stepped out of the barn. I passed by Prince Jacob, who was heading towards the stable and I was forced to bow at his presence. Prince Jacob didn't even look at me, as he waved me off. Jacob wasn't anything like Bella. He treated his servants, strictly as servants, but I assume that most Loyalty do. Bella was the only one who cared enough to treat people like people. I'm sure that Jacob wasn't really a bad person, but he had little disregard for anyone below him.
As soon as Prince Jacob dismissed me, I slowly walked to the opposite side of the barn where the garden was, and continued thinking about Bella. Was there a possibility that she missed me too? Was there a chance that I meant something to her- anything at all? Was she being herself, going on with her life like I didn't mean a thing? Or was she locking herself up in her room, missing me too? So many unanswered questions, so many things I wish I could tell her but I lost my chance. Now, she'll never know how I felt abut her. If I never left, I would have never found out how I felt, but, because I don't live there anymore, I'll never get to tell her how much she means to me. I suppose that it's for the best. If I told her, she would probably tell me that she never really cared for me. Of course she didn't feel the same way for me. What was I thinking? It took me most of my strength not to ask King Billy to bring me back. I hadn't seen a sight of her for the months that I have spent here. She hasn't even tried to bring me back, so I must not mean a thing to her. She was a Princess, she got whatever she wanted, and if she wanted me, she would have me right now, right?
I knew one thing though- I felt like I needed her, now more than ever, to just show me the same love I had towards her. I missed her more than I thought was possible for a human being to miss another person. I missed Bella.