A.N. Heyy everyone! don't worry, things will start picking up in the next few chapters. So hang on! Also I realize that this chapter is much shorter than the rest so I do apologize before hand. Please R&R :D
Sometimes, I'm perfectly fine. Well, no, not really, but I don't feel happy, and I don't feel extremely sad. I've felt this way for so long, that I'm already used to it. I am so used to waking up and feeling this way that it seems like it will never go away. But, late at night, when no one else is awake, it gets worse and I break out into tears. I wake up in the middle of the night, from a nightmare of running from emptiness, not feeling tired, and I feel this ache in my chest. It's not like pain from doing something, because I have completely stopped doing anything. This pain starts as a small prick, and when I'm at my weakest point, or I remember something, it grows bigger and deeper. The little prick bursts and creates a hole. Then that hole keeps getting larger until it completely sucks me up. Even things like thinking and breathing get harder to do.
Sometimes I feel empty. When that hole sucks me up, it makes me feel numb. I can't feel anything, not even the pain I should be feeling. Other times I feel like my heart is shrinking, as if it's not there anymore. What worries me most though, is when this unknown pain comes. Whenever I space out, I experience what I can only describe as my heart- not just breaking- but totally being crushed by some unknown force. It's like shards of ice and glass are being thrown at me in every direction, and all of them are aiming for my heart. Or a hammer is hitting it, and flames are setting it on fire. Why? Well, to be plain and simple, I missed Edward.
I was so lost without him. When he left, without even telling me, I literally felt my world fall apart. I barely ate anything, I stopped playing the piano or riding Jeluby, and I locked myself up in my room. Most of the time, I stared outside my window, helplessly hoping for him to come home and beg for my forgiveness. I thought of him coming home and telling how sorry he was for leaving without saying goodbye. Each day passed and the false hope I brought myself to believe in, crushed me the same way, every time. My Edward was never coming back.
The day Edward left, I stayed in the meadow for hours, curled up in a ball. When they noticed me still missing, Father called on a search party. It was already dark when one of his guards finally found me in the meadow and brought me home. I stayed in bed over the next few days and refused to let anyone inside. The first time Mother and Father came to see how I was doing, I begged them to bring Edward back. They were baffled by my request, they didn't understand what Edward meant to me; but they said they couldn't. They said that Edward was a gift to the Black's. What was he? Some kind of toy to be traded off to someone else? To them, he might as well be. They couldn't get Edward back, and they wouldn't, even if they could. He meant close to nothing to them; and I thought too much of him.
"Your Majesty, I'm becoming very concerned. She has almost completely stopped eating, she never leaves her room, or talks to anyone. This just proved my theory; that boy was spending too much time with her and bewitching her to fall in love with him. It's a good thing I caught on to it sooner, or else she might have deluded herself into wanting to marry him," Jane said, as she stopped pacing.
Charlie sighed, "I see, she hasn't eaten anything?" He casually glanced toward Jane who was standing stiffly beside his throne. Jane and Alec were keeping track of Bella's behavior and it was time for them to verify what was going on in the Princess' life.
"Not for the past few days, Sire," Alec replied.
"What do you propose we do then, Jane, Alec?" he asked worriedly.
"I have a few ideas," Jane smiled sweetly.
Staring outside your window can be more productive than you think. It gives you a chance to consider the problems you face in your life and gives you a new perspective of the things that happened. Looking out the window doesn't actually solve anything, but it at least helps me to clear my mind. The things I can see outside the window, give me a reason to go another day without him.
What was the point in life, though? I don't understand. We are all going to die some day, so why were we put on this earth? What was the point in anything? It didn't fully make sense to me. How could I go on, knowing I'd never be happy again? Or feeling like I'd never be of any use to anyone?
There was a quiet rap at the door as someone entered the room.
"Princess?" a small voice called. It was Alice. I nodded my head a tiny fraction to acknowledge her presence.
"I brought food, Princess. It's your favorite," Alice said in a happy tone. She anxiously looked at me. Noticing my lack of interest, she asked,
"Is there something else you would like me to bring?" I didn't move a muscle.
"I see then. Well, please excuse me," she said, and bowed.
I continued to stare out the window. Nothing had changed since Alice came in.
"What do you propose we do then, Jane, Alec?" Charlie asked, rather worriedly.
"I have a few ideas," Jane smiled sweetly.
"She doesn't eat, she barely sleeps, and most of the other servants haven't seen her for months now. This isn't normal, Sire, she shouldn't be acting like this when she is only this age," Alec said.
"So we thought that perhaps a new distraction might help her. Something to take her mind off of that boy. The Princess is already twelve, pushing on to thirteen and she is already becoming a young lady. We believe that she is old enough to be introduced to a fine Prince her about her age. If she can fall for that that lowly servant boy, she can definitely fall in love with a wealthy, young, gentleman," Jane said.
Charlie looked at her questioningly, "You mean to say...?"
"Yes, your Majesty. I think it is about time we send a messenger to the Blacks again," Jane nodded, and her plan went to action.