Chapter 21

Hoagie, Nigel and Wally sat upstairs in the cafeteria, each with their nose in a book. They had a World Civilizations CAT that afternoon. History – Wally hated history with a passion. He kept flipping through the pages so that he could count them down as he read a chapter. There was silence at the table except for when the Aussie would turn the never ending pages with irritation. Nigel was writing short notes in his notebook as he read the content of his course text. Hoagie's mind wasn't even there at all. He was looking at his book, but saw nothing. His mind went back to his conversation with Abby the previous day when they got home from Pasty's.

…

"So that guy is Kuki's cousin."

Abby nodded.

"And he says he wants you?"

She nodded again.

"O-kay," Hoagie said slowly. "But what's the big deal? Guys hit on you every other day."

Abby bit her lip before responding. "He makes me uncomfortable."

"Yeah, I can see that. But why?"

"He…he…scares me…a little bit," Abby stammered. When Hoagie furrowed his brow and tilted his head, she continued, "Um…" she let out a prolonged sigh, "…this is really embarrassing and shameful. I've …never told anyone…before." Her eyes were downcast.

He gently raised her chin with his fingers, and she slowly looked into his eyes. "You know you can tell me anything, right?"

She shifted slightly as she made herself more comfortable where she lay on the couch, her thighs draped across Hoagie's as she rested her head against the armrest. "I know," Abby said as she held his hand to her face. "When we were kids, Kuki and I would play at her house. We were…about four or five, I guess. And uh, Kensei used to live with the Sanbans. He was about twelve or thirteen at the time. He used to drink a lot then, and smoke and stuff."

Hoagie whistled. "He started early, huh?"

"Yeah. So sometimes when I'd go over to Kuki's, Kensei would be there; like he was the one left in charge when the folks were at work."

Hoagie raised his brow, giving an incredulous look and Abby rolled her eyes. "I know, right? Leave the drunk in charge. But maybe his mom and Kuki's parents didn't know about his extra curriculars. Anyway, every time I went over to Kuki's and it was just us and Kensei, he was always drunk. He would reek of alcohol. And he'd smoke up the house too. I don't think ever really saw him sober. He would come to the room where Kuki and I were playing, and sit down to watch us.

Sometimes he'd send Kuki to go get something from some other room, and when we were alone he'd…" Abby stopped talking. She felt her cheeks burn with embarrassment. She averted her eyes from Hoagie's for a while before looking back at him as she continued, "…he'd pick me up and put me in his laps as he sat down again. And…" her voice cracked and she bit her lip as she looked up at the ceiling, "…he…I could feel it…and he would rub…he would hold me and push me against it…he practically made me grind on him…and I could feel it as I sat…it was hard…"

Abby looked back at Hoagie, and he could see fear in her eyes. Fear of reproach; fear that he would judge her. He tenderly caressed her cheek as she continued to hold on to his hand, and he wiped away a stray tear that betrayed her. He held her gaze, and she only saw love in his blue eyes – no judgement.

She found her voice again. "…I was curious…so I just sat there as he made me grind…and I knew what it was… but still I thought 'what's that?'…but I never told him to stop, coz I was afraid…he only stopped when Kuki came back…I never told her…coz I was ashamed. I knew what he did was wrong…bad manners…but I let him…I was ashamed. He went away with his mom…but now his back…and if he could do stuff like that then, as a kid…what could he do now…as a man? And he says he wants me…and he won't quit until he has me…it's what he said to me today." Abby sighed deeply, feeling as though she had just thrown away a heavy burden.

Hoagie felt so sorry for her. He pulled her up so that she was in a sitting position, and he held her to him. "You were just a child, Abs. It wasn't your fault," he said quietly into her ear.

"Sometimes I can't help but feel like it was my fault. I had too curious a nature." She chuckled humorlessly, "I spent my childhood as…a paedophile magnet..."

…

As Hoagie thought about Kensei and what he did to Abby, he felt a wave of anger wash over him. The pencil he had in his hand snapped and broke onto two pieces, one of which fell to the ground. Nigel and Wally both turned to look at him in alarm. "You ok, man?" the Briton asked nervously as he saw the unfamiliar scowl on his friend's face.

Hoagie's eyes were murderous as he looked at Nigel, but the shock registered in the European's face prompted him to take a deep breath in an attempt to calm his nerves. "I'm…fine," Hoagie replied curtly, and he bent over to pick up the piece of pencil. That son-of-a-bitch had better stay the hell away from Abby.

xxx

Nigel finished his World Civilisations paper with plenty of time to spare. He handed his exam booklet to the balding lecturer and left the classroom as he put his pen into his pocket. Walking along the path to the dorms, he spotted two girls seated on the benches at the smoking section of campus, commonly referred to as 'Smokers'. He changed his bearings and headed toward them.

"Hey Nigel," Kuki called happily as she waved enthusiastically at him. Abby, who was seated beside her, smiled and waved at him too as he approached.

"Hey girls," he said as he dropped himself between them. Abby rubbed her thumb around a certain spot on his bald head. He looked tired. She furrowed her brow as she asked how his paper was. He sighed. "It was pretty good actually. But talk about writing intensive – I'm right handed but I wrote so much my left hand hurts."

"Oh, poor boy," Kuki said with a cute little pout as she rested her head on his shoulder and rubbed his arm.

Just then a slightly chubby girl with a red French braid walked up to the trio. She cleared her throat before speaking, "Can I talk to you, Nigie?"

He looked at her with slight annoyance. "You might not have noticed my friends here," he said as he held her gaze.

She gnawed on her lip in irritation. But suddenly her face appeared apologetic for just an instant before it became unreadable. "Hello Kuki, Abby."

"Hey," Kuki said quietly as she sat up straight. Abby just nodded in greeting.

Turning back to her boyfriend, Lizzie again asked if they could talk. They hadn't spoken in nearly two weeks. They were both equally stubborn, but this time Lizzie cracked first. Nigel was still pissed off about her walking out on him the other time. Instead of replying he just looked at her as he contemplated what to do. He wasn't sure he was ready to talk to her yet. He felt that Lizzie took him for granted. And quite frankly, he was getting sick of it. He had even thought about just breaking up with her once for all. Their relationship was just an emotional roller coaster. One day she was hot, the next cold. His patience was wearing thin. When he failed to reply, she turned away in disgust.

She had gone about forty metres away before Nigel got up and sighed. "I'll see you guys later," he said quietly as he jogged after his girlfriend. He had seen the sadness in her eyes as Lizzie turned away and with that disgust-laden face.

"Lizzie," he called. She stopped and turned her head to look at him. "Wait up," he said, as he got closer to her, and began to walk in stride with her.

As they walked away together, the two girls watching them turned to each other, Kuki shrugging her shoulders. "What's up with them?"

"What's not up with them?" Abby replied with a question of her own. "Those two are like oil and water. I don't even know how they've been together this long. And Lizzie, she's just so…you know…"

"Yeah," Kuki said with understanding.

xxx

Nigel sat on Lizzie's bed, one leg crossed over the other. "So, what did you wanna talk about?"

Lizzie stood by the headboard of her bed. "I'm sorry…for walking out on you the other day," she said with heartfelt sorrow.

"Yeah," he replied with a slight roll of the eyes. "I was giving you a chance; a chance to help me understand…you. Then you just up and left." He sighed. "I dunno what you want. You know I love you, but am I the only one in this relationship who's interested in trying to make it work?"

Lizzie removed her glasses, laying them on the dresser. She hid her face in her hands before looking back up at him. "I do wanna make this work."

He scoffed, "Could'a fooled me. Seems like I'm the only one bringing anything to the table. Meet me halfway." She sat down on the bed next to him, looking defeated. "Lizzie, baby…talk to me," Nigel pleaded as he reached for her hand, his gaze softening.

"Your friends don't like me," she said flatly.

He scoffed again. "What do you expect? You don't like them either."

His words hurt her. She expected him to reassure her that his friends didn't really hate her. "The girls…Kuki and Abby…they're so beautiful."

Nigel looked at his girl with confusion. What does that have to do with anything? He did not voice his thoughts though. He tilted his head as he waited for her to continue.

"They make me uncomfortable," Lizzie said quietly.

"Why?" Nigel asked incredulously.

"I'm not like them…I'm not as beautiful as they are. I just think…I feel like they look down on me coz I'm not as pretty." Her eyes were downcast.

"What the hell? Lizzie…" Nigel said with frustration, his brows furrowed. He got off the bed and knelt before her. He looked into her glassy eyes, and for the first time he saw the very insecurities she was revealing to him. He held both her hands in his. "Lizzie, that's ridiculous. They would never look down on you. And what's this about not being beautiful? I see a beautiful girl right here. I've told you you're beautiful."

She laughed humorlessly. "You're my boyfriend. You're supposed to say such things."

"But I mean it," he stressed.

"I was a fat kid, you know that. My cousins…they always laughed at me coz I wasn't beautiful, or thin. They were beautiful, and they had great bodies. They still do. And I…I'm still this - ugly," she said as she turned her head away from him. She didn't want him to see her cry. That was weakness; she was pathetic enough as it was without bawling in front of him. She drew one hand away from his so that she could wipe away her tears. "Even my friends at school would make fun of me. I was fat, and ugly, and wore glasses. I was just…crap." She turned to look at her boyfriend. "I tried Nigel. I tried to lose weight. I tried everything, but no matter what I did, I just stayed fat." She hiccoughed before continuing, "No one likes a fat girl.

You complained that I never give you compliments. I really am sorry," she said honestly. "But I don't know how to say something nice about someone. I've never received a compliment in my life. I guess it's coz of the way I am. There's nothing nice that could be said about someone like me."

Nigel felt a huge lump in his throat. Tears stung his eyes. He couldn't believe his girl had such low self esteem. Kids can be rough, but even her own cousins? What kinda crap is that? "Lizzie, you are beautiful. To me, you are beautiful," he said sincerely as he looked into her grey-green eyes. "And I love your body. You've got beautiful curves." He stretched and gave her a chaste kiss on the lips. He then rested his forehead against hers. "I love you as you are, Lizzie."

She sniffed. "Really?"

"Really," he said with a smile.

"But your friends…?"

"My friends are not like you're phony school friends. They will see you for who you are if you give them a chance to really get to know you."

"But–"

Nigel interjected. "Look, I get it. You've been kinda…bitchy (he said that word with obvious distaste) towards people coz it was like your defense mechanism. You've been doing it all your life. But my friends will love you, as long as you are the real you. Don't worry about them. They are not as shallow as you think," he said with a smirk as he kissed her again.

He got up and brought his girl to her feet as well. "Come with me," he commanded as he led her by the hand.

"Where are we going?" Lizzie asked as she wiped the last of her tears away.

"Just trust me and come on," he said eagerly as he reached for the door handle.

Lizzie hesitated, and he stopped in his tracks. She looked up into his hazel eyes as she felt fresh tears prick her eyes. "Thanks for not giving up on me…for not quitting on us, Nigie. I love you." Her boyfriend smiled sweetly at her, and he swallowed another lump in his throat as he felt his eyes sting too. He pulled her to him and draped his arm on her shoulder as they walked out of the room.

xxx

"Ok, seriously, what are we doing here?"

Nigel had driven them up to the carnival. He led Lizzie through the crowds. It was getting late but there were still many people arriving. He put his index finger to her mouth to silence her. "Just come with me," he said as he used his body to clear the way for her. Finally they got to the building he had been looking for. Lizzie looked up at the building – The House of Mirrors.

Nigel walked in first, his hands behind him as he still held on to Lizzie's hands. "Ok, here we are," he said as he brought his girlfriend to stand in front of him. He held her by the waist as they looked into the first mirror they encountered. Lizzie lifted her brow as she looked at their reflection. Their faces were disproportionally huge. She couldn't help but laugh. She looked back and up over her shoulder to see Nigel looking down at her with a smile on his face. She returned his smile and looked back at the mirror.

He then gently pushed Lizzie forward, past the first mirror toward the next one, as he shuffled after her. This time their faces were the right size, but their eyes looked like something out of a sci-fi movie. Their eyes looked like they belonged on an alien's face. They laughed as they squinted at the mirror.

They went past that mirror, toward several others, each of which did random things to their reflections, until they found a normal plane mirror. They stared at their reflections. They looked just as they were supposed to. Nigel hunched over and rested his head on Lizzie's shoulder as he wrapped his arms around her waist and held her close. Lizzie smiled and whispered, "We look perfect."

"Exactly. That's what I see every time I look at you, an incredibly beautiful woman." He kissed her shoulder as he looked into the mirror. "All the other reflections we saw, they weren't us. That's what you're cousins and the other kids saw. But the truth is you looked like this the whole time," he said as he nodded at their reflection.

She smiled and tears welled in her eyes as she turned to look him in the eye. She held his face in her hands and ran her finger along his jaw. "You are incredibly handsome, Nigie, and I'm sorry I never told you this often. I love you," she said and tiptoed to kiss him long and deep.

Xxx

Hoagie put down his piece of chicken and licked his fingers as he removed his ringing cell phone from his pocket. Who could be interrupting his ever so tasty dinner? He smiled as he looked at the caller ID – Abby.

"Hey babe," he answered happily, and she could easily hear the smile in his voice.

"Hey," she said with a hearty laugh. "How are you?"

"I'm better now that you called."

She rolled her eyes and smirked. "Didn't see you after your paper. How'd it go?"

"It was o-kay. But I had to write a lot!"

"Yeah, Nigel said the same thing. So I guess you're tired after all the writing you did."

"Um, not so much. I may go to bed early though, coz I–" Hoagie was interrupted by a knock on the door. "Hmm, someone's at the door," he spoke into the receiver as he got up off the couch. He opened the door and had an incredibly surprised look on his face. His visitor couldn't help but laugh. "Uh, I'm gonna have to call you back," Hoagie said into the phone as he held his hand out to his visitor. "There's an uber hot babe in front of me, and I just can't multi task. So…bye," he said as he hang up.

His visitor hugged him and gave him a kiss on the chin. "I just had to see you. I missed you," she said in reply to his unasked question.

"I'm glad. This is waaaay better than a phone call," he said as his girlfriend walked into their apartment. "But actually, what are you doing here? You should be in class," he said as he looked at his wrist watch.

"Yeah, well, the lecturer cancelled class – the better for us," she said with a sly smile as she hid one hand behind her back.

"Awesome, I think I like your lecturer," Hoagie said as he held her by the waist. "And what are you hiding?" he asked as he tried to see what was behind her back, but she moved away from him so that he couldn't see it.

Finally she held it out to him. It was a brown teddy bear with a red tie. He looked at it and smiled. "Are you trying to ruin my rep? I'm a grown man. I don't play with dollies."

"Hmph, please," Abby said with an exaggerated roll of the eyes. "You forget, I've been in your room back at your mom's. I saw your Winnie the Pooh bear."

She saw his cheeks flush red. "Yeah, well, I…I do own a teddy bear," he finally admitted, the smile still on his face.

"So it won't hurt you to own another," she said as she gave it to him. "It's my favourite teddy. And you're my favourite person. It's only fitting that you have it," she said sincerely.

Hoagie took the teddy bear and gave his girlfriend a warm hug. "You're sweet, you know that? Thank you." He sat down and brought his girl down with him. "I love it," he said as he kissed her. He picked up his dinner and looked at her. "Chicken?" he offered.