After Edward had shut her in the bathroom, Bella hadn't waited very long until Alice came to her rescue. She threw the door open with a flourish and a smile devoured her face.
"False alarm, Bella. Care to come out and play?"
She held her hand out, and Bella took it. She expected to return to to a packed living room, but when they entered the room, it was practically empty. The only figure left was Jasper's lanky form, sprawled out on the couch like a cat stretching in the sun. He must have sensed Alice's return, because he shot up to a sitting position and whirled his head around, reminding Bella of some sort of owl. She giggled to herself, and watched with delight as Jasper's eyes widened in surprise, only heightening the image. His mouth curled up at the edges.
"I see someone's settling in."
Was she? Maybe it was because she had- eaten, or maybe it was just this family. In any case, she was getting used to her surroundings. She just wished she knew what was going on. She wanted to know where Edward and Carlisle went, why the distant howls had broken up the 'party' they were having. She shrugged in response to Jasper, forgoing the furniture in the room and sitting instead on the floor, crossing her legs underneath her. Alice curled up next to Jasper, nestling into his side.
Bella heard distant voices outside, matching the cadences in her head to Carlisle and Edward. She glanced up at Jasper and Alice, who seemed to be unbothered by the earlier upset. She cleared her throat.
"So— what was that?"
Alice leaned forward, causing Jasper's arm to fall off of her shoulders. He took this opportunity to stroke her back, fingers touching the fabric of her dress so lightly and quickly it looked like it could have been a gentle breeze blowing. Alice had a look on her face of silent contemplation; probably trying to decide what to divulge.
"Well, you already know certain myths, like us, are actually based in truth. As much as I wish it were true, vampires are not the only supernatural beings humans have turned a blind eye to."
Bella found herself clutching her knees, looking up at Alice like a kid during story time. Jasper had stopped touching Alice as she spoke, folding his hands in his lap in a sort of reverence; taking in every word as if he were the one who had been clueless about the obvious threat. He noted Bella's gaze and lifted an eyebrow. Her shoulders relaxed slightly, and he winked. His power was slowly becoming her favorite. Alice continued, choosing her words carefully.
"There are many, of course, but the ones we concern ourselves with most are the shape shifters."
Bella's eyes widened, considering this. Images flashed in her mind of a humanoid figure, devoid of features, changing before her eyes into a girl she recognized. A girl she had once been. She gulped.
"Shape shifters?"
Jasper chimed in, his voice a low rumble.
"I think they might be closer to what you would have called werewolves."
Alice nodded, grateful for Jasper's help.
"It's not the way you think, though. They're two completely different beings, and to be honest, I think 'werewolves' may actually be the myth based on these tribes. I'm sure you're thinking of full moons, catching the contagion from a bite, and furry little men that walk on two legs. Our shape shifters are human through and through. Somewhere down their bloodline, a Quileute chief bonded his soul with that of a wolf, and the genes sleep inside his descendants; waking only when that spirit feels that the tribe needs to be protected."
A name stuck out in Bella's mind, bringing back the memory of the long-haired boy who had been her childhood friend, who she had been introduced to all over again after Charlie bought a truck for her from the boy's mother. Did Alice mean the tribe on the reservation?
"You said Quileute?"
Alice gave a wan smile.
"I wasn't sure if you'd recognize the name."
Jacob and his family had been close with Charlie for a very long time. Bella would probably wager that Billy Black was Charlie's best friend. Could it be that he had been hiding such a huge secret from them? How could Charlie not know such a crucial part of Billy's life? Alice broke into her reverie.
"You should know, not every member of the Quileute tribe get the gene. Even if they do, not every person shifts. The family that you know could very well have been skipped."
Pieces were falling together, but Bella was still confused.
"So, are they dangerous?"
Alice shook her head, running her fingers through her spiky locks.
"Not really, no. Not in the way we are dangerous."
She grinned, baring her teeth, then stuck her tongue out, ruining the image. She winked at Bella as she continued.
"Others like us live off of human blood. Those that aren't drained completely may be left to become one of us. The Quileutes treat both of these infractions as murder, because even the ones who get to see another day have lost their soul, or so they believe."
Bella could barely think straight. She had felt less herself than ever, and she had begun to fear the same thing, but hearing it out loud scared her more than she could comprehend. Jasper was studying her, eyes calm but mouth tight. She whispered, afraid to hear the answer that might follow.
"What do you believe?"
Alice's eyes softened then, presumably picking up on her fear. She rose from her place beside Jasper only to sink back down again in front of Bella in one fluid, graceful motion. She grabbed Bella's hands and held them tight, looking deep in her eyes.
"I don't remember much of who I was before the transformation. I don't know if I was kind, if I preferred cities to nature, or if I enjoyed soup. What I do know is when I woke up, I saw this family, and I knew that their compassion and their individual consciences were what would save me. I won't pretend to be well versed in religion, but I do wonder if a 'soul' is a strictly human aspect. I'm not really sure that's what you lose when the venom overtakes you. You lose part of yourself, yes. That's undeniable. But Bella, if you think about the gifts we all have; the things we brought into this life that we can use for a force of good- it's hard to imagine that we don't keep a scrap of the human who once was. You're going to have to come to your own conclusion and find a way to live with what you decide. Carlisle practices medicine for that very reason. Do you look at him and think 'soulless monster'?
Bella shook her head, her eyes watering. They were some of the kindest people she had ever met. After all, they had saved her life, taken her into their home, and even threw her a welcome party, and most of them had never even met her before today. From what she had learned about them tonight, they were trying their best to blend in and serve the community around them. They feasted on animals that would be hunted or eaten either way. She replied to Alice's query with force.
"No."
Alice squeezed her hands, grinning.
"Well, I think it was Carlisle who really sold the Quileute tribe on making peace. Jasper and I hadn't found them yet, and-"
The front door swung open, and Edward and Carlisle strode back in to the living room. Edward glanced at Bella, who was holding hands with Alice and looking at him like they had been caught talking about him. He rubbed the back of his neck and groaned. Carlisle chuckled.
"You know you can't leave your sister alone for too long. She likes to chatter."
Alice smiled brightly and released Bella's hands. She hugged her brother, and Bella watched as his posture changed. Alice hadn't spoken, but his eyebrows flitted up in surprise and he snuck a peek at her out of the corner of his eye. She knew then that Alice had thought something that she knew only Edward would be able to hear. She expected her neck to grow warm with embarrassment, not knowing what she could have told him, but as she stayed cool she remembered that the splotchy blush that had once made her face light up like a Christmas tree was a reaction she would never have again.
Edward hadn't meant to look at her, but when Alice had played back their conversation for him in her mind, he instantly wanted to gauge her reaction. He wanted to know if the reality was finally sinking in for her; if she knew what he had taken away. He found her studying him, and he cut his eyes quickly away. He registered the hurt in her regardless. He didn't have to read her mind to see that. Alice released him, and Bella stood up.
"I think I'm gonna go to my room."
Bella felt stupid after announcing her intention; feeling like a kindergartner asking to go to the bathroom. She just wanted to be alone so badly right now, and she felt it rude to just slip away. Edward opened his mouth, but Alice was quicker.
"I'm sure you need your privacy. Let us know if you need anything, okay? Edward, Jasper, and I are on your floor. Esme, Carlilse, Emmett, and Rosalie are on the third floor. We're only a shout away."
Bella nodded, a little dazed. She had thought the house was only two stories tall, but when she reached the second landing, she noticed a set of stairs leading up into uninterrupted darkness. She wasn't sure why she had missed it before, but it wasn't important now. She entered her room and wanted nothing more than to lay down on the couch that Esme had so lovingly made up to look like a day bed. She wished she felt tired. She wasn't sure what would happen if she closed her eyes and tried to erase her thoughts. Maybe a sort of meditation would be possible? She sighed, looking around at her unfamiliar surroundings. She wandered over to the vanity, sitting down on the accompanying stool. She looked into the mirror with hesitation. She nearly gasped when her eyes met her own reflection.
Her skin had lost any of the peachy tint that Phoenix had tried to burn into her cells, but she didn't look sallow or grey. She was the color of porcelain, and as she reached up to touch her own cheek, she was amazed by the smoothness of it. It was like touching a satin sheet. Years of life, of chicken pox scars, of breakouts, of moles, were gone. Her eyes were a soft red; the color of sunbleached crimson. She leaned in to get a better look at them, and her black irises widened in the effort. She could see touches of gold spreading out amongst the red like rays of sun. It was almost beautiful. A thought struck her then, and she pulled out the single drawer under the vanity's mirror.
It was empty, and she wasn't surprised. These pieces were haphazardly put together; taken from other people's rooms. Of course they would empty their belongings out. She bit her lip, wondering where she might get the supplies she wanted. She thought of the welcome banner then, and of Alice. She ventured out into the hallway, tiptoeing.
"Alice?"
Her voice was barely above a whisper, but she knew Alice would be able to hear her. In fact, Bella almost wondered if she would know she was coming. She felt incredibly uncomfortable walking around this house, so she planted herself in the hallway and waited for Alice to come to her. Eventually she did, eyes dancing with glee, hands packed with supplies.
"Oh, you poor thing. We skipped the tour! I'd offer to take you around right now, but-"
She gestured at her full arms, grinning. Bella agreed.
"Later. Maybe tomorrow."
They padded back to Bella's room, and Alice dumped her haul on the vanity's marble top. There was a leather bound journal, loose bristol paper, a handful of pens, pencils, and fine tipped markers, and some graphite sticks. Alice shrugged.
"I wasn't really sure what you needed. I keep a lot of art supplies near pretty much constantly because I like to draw out my visions. I'm always afraid that I'll lose important details."
Bella thought back to nights such as these where she would be deep asleep by now.
"Like with dreams."
Alice shrugged again.
"Maybe. I don't really remember. Anyway, I know you want to be by yourself for awhile. If you need anything, I'm the second door on the right, okay? My door's always open."
With a turn of her heel, she was gone in a flash. Bella straightened out the mess on the vanity and put all but a pencil and one sheet of bristol paper inside the drawer. She began to write, and lost herself in her memories.
Bella Swan:
My mother is Renee Dwyer.
My father is Charlie Swan.
I was born September 13th.
I like to read.
My favorite food is pizza.
My favorite color is a golden honey yellow.
The hairs on the back of her neck stood up, and she whirled around, pencil raised like a knife. Edward stood behind her, and he gently grabbed her hand and lowered it.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you. I just wanted to- check up on you, I guess."
Edward watched as her eyes lowered, and she apologized.
"I shouldn't have reacted like that, I just wasn't thinking."
Edward glanced over her shoulder, trying to read the paper she had been writing on. She caught him looking and she scrunched up her nose.
"Please don't make fun of me."
His heart broke at that sentence, especially after taking in the few lines that she had written down. He couldn't read her mind but he felt incredibly close to her in this moment. He crouched next to her, touching her back lightly. She leaned into his touch ever so slightly.
"I would never, not for something like this. I wish I had thought to do the same thing when I was turned. I can't even remember what my favorite food was, or how any of it tasted. Anything that I have to pick at to keep appearances up at school tastes like a mouthful of dirt. Quite disappointing, really. I don't think you have to worry about losing your parents' names though. I would never forget my mother. Not in a million years."
She nodded, eyes shining with unshed tears.
"I just don't want to lose myself."
The unbridled fear on her face made Edward throw caution to the wind. He pulled her gently to the floor with him, and leaned in close.
"I want to try something, okay?"
When she nodded, he bent in close, bringing his nose to her neck. He inhaled, tracing his way up her throat and to her chin. She raised her face to allow him access, and he could make out traces of her sweet scent clinging to her. It took a few days for the poison to swallow the blood entirely, and he was glad to see he could say what he wanted to say with confidence. He pulled away, looking into her face.
"You're still you, Bella. Yes, years, decades, and centuries will pass, and things that seemed so important this morning will drift away from you like messages in a bottle; never to be seen again. You will still grow, and learn, and change; just not physically. You will have the strength of this whole family behind you, if you accept it, and you'll never have to go through anything alone. If you need to try it, don't hesitate. I did, and that life wasn't made for me, but that's a story for another time. I'm rambling, and I'm not making any sense, I know, but what I'm trying to say is-"
Edward's words were muffled by a set of lips on his. His hands went to Bella's shoulders instinctively, at first wanting to push her back. She grabbed his face and tugged at his hair, begging and pleading for contact, for reassurance. He relented and kissed her back, feeling his chest explode with a mixture of heartache, longing, and exuberance. The fireworks shooting off within him escaped his mouth in a low purr, and he felt the warm summer air on his back as Bella began to slide her hands up his shirt, tracing his spine with nimble fingers. He stood up before she could react, and fixed his clothing. She looked mortified, and he had to suppress a smile.
"That was- unexpected."
She stood as well, and he could tell she was just about to apologize, so he leaned in to kiss her cheek. She touched the spot with her hand, and it seemed as though they were both at a loss for words.
"Can I show you something?"
Bella nodded, and he crossed to one of the large windows in the room. He opened it, holding out his hand for Bella to take. She did, and they leapt to the ground. He pointed to a tall, towering pine tree. She looked at him, confused. He smiled, and took to the branches, swinging from side to side like some sort of primate, and he held out his hand once more. She ignored it, and climbed to his side in an instant. They raced to the top, and once they had arrived, Bella looked out onto the horizon. The sun was rising far off into the distance, and the dark night sky was bleeding orange, red, and pink. She looked at Edward, who had never been watching the sky at all. He was studying her face, trying to figure her out. The branch she was holding onto snapped in two. Before she could even cry out, Edward was there, holding onto her waist. He grinned at her, and she grinned back.
"I guess I am still me."
He laughed then, a musical and heartwarming sound.
"Who would have thought that you'd be the Wile E. Coyote of vampires."
She snorted, wriggling out of his grasp and moving to the other side of the tree. They traded banter until the sun had covered the land in a yellow glow, and Bella caught a shine out of the corner of her eye. She saw Edward then, skin glittering like morning dew. He was a sight to behold; iridescent and unbelievable. She reached out to touch his smooth skin, wanting to assure herself he hadn't become faceted like a gem, and when she did, she saw her skin sparkling in kind. She gasped, beholding the sight with an open mouth.
"What is this?"
Edward took her hand and squeezed it.
"I have so much to tell you."