A/N Yes, I'm back, and it will stay that way until this story is finished! Thank you for those who stayed with me this long, and I assure you this story will be over soon. I hope it was worth the wait. The next chapter will come out in a month or so.. and that's pretty much it. Please Read and Review!

I rest my head against the cool glass window of my room. My head throbbed with the effort to direct my thoughts; hoping that being alone could somehow suppress the arguing voices in my mind.

What have I done? How could I have been so naïve as to think that marrying Jacob was the right thing to do? What made me think that getting married would make all my problems just vanish? What if he were to find out that I didn't love him the same way?

I could imagine the pain on his face, flashing through those dark brown eyes. My heart twisted into knots.

Then that would crush us both. No, he must never know. I have to lock up these feelings for good. He looked so happy when I said yes... I'm in this too deep to back out now. Isn't this for the best though? After all, even if I didn't marry him, wouldn't I have to marry someone else someday?

Isn't it better for me to marry a friend, someone I already know will treat me right rather than a stranger whom I have never met? Since none of them would ever be Edward, and I know I could never learn to love any of them, wouldn't someone I already know who loves me more than anyone else be the best for me? Jacob was good to me. He could take good care of me like he has already had to do. He would be a good husband, wouldn't he?

At the same moment, another little voice piped up from within my head. Edward would be a good one, too. I just know that he would always make his wife laugh and she would be the only person to see that delightful smile of his…

Just the thought of Edward marrying someone other than me made me want to cry. Why was I not good enough for him? What did I have to do to get him to notice me? The thought of the blonde haired, blue-eyed lady holding Edward made me writhe with jealousy. Oh Edward, if only you would tell me not to marry, I wouldn't. Just a little 'no' would give me enough courage to call off the whole wedding.

But why would he care? Reminded the voice. You were nothing more than a friend to him, weren't you? No, maybe not even that; a little girl. That is all he can see you as. You, the little girl who was so clumsy he had to stand close enough to catch her before falling; the one who refused to let go of his hand during a thunderstorm.

Maybe all this was also for the best.

Sooner or later I would have to think of Edward as just that. The servant boy who used to play with me until Lady Jane taught me otherwise. No more Edward who taught me to trust others, or Edward who taught me to love. The person who taught me how to forgive my parents could not have a name or face anymore. He had to become the servant I never really saw him as. I had to gather all my feelings for him, lock them up and throw them away. They were never to be. They shouldn't have existed in the first place.

A gentle knock on the door made me jump, pulling me out of my inner turmoil.

"Excuse me, Princess? I'm here to fix your hair," Alice murmured quietly as she stood at the edge of my door. She carefully avoided my gaze and it took me a while to register why she was there. I nodded slightly to give her permission to come in. She looked so sad, as if she could understand my predicament. I stood up and she rushed to my side, sitting me down in front of my mirror. Grabbing a lock of my hair, she carefully brushed it back, leaving the curls at the end. Her skilled fingers weaving through my mussed hair before pinning the strands at the side of my head.

Moments passed and I simply watched her put the rest of my hair up in an elegant twist. Finally, she pinned the crown veil on top of my head, and unfurled it so that it flowed all the way down to the floor. Slowly, she took a step back at to view her masterpiece. I studied my reflection in the mirror with silent awe. The girl I saw before me was barely recognizable. Her dark chocolate eyes were large and captivating, a stark contrast against her porcelain skin. Her cheeks were flushed with a delicate shade of pink. Her silky hair dangled loosely in front of her ears, framing her face. The intricately woven braids on her head made her look so elegant. Alice truly outdid herself.

"There…I'm… I'm finished Princess", she said, finally looking at my eyes through the reflection. She blinked and suddenly warm tears were flowing down her cheeks. She quickly tried to brush them away, but as soon as she did, a new drop began to form.

Surprised and shaken, I spurned around. "Alice? Wh-what's the matter? Why are you crying?"

"It's just that… you look so beautiful Princess, I can't believe you are getting married today. And to Prince Jacob of all people," she explained brokenly through hiccups, a hint of poison lacing her voice when she said Jacob's name. The way she said it and her reasoning… they were both flawless. If I hadn't known Alice, I would have smiled and believed her. But Alice was the one person outside Edward whom I was able to really trust, and in return, I was able to see pass her half-truths and comforting lies. Right now, the way she was looking at me was not with joy, or even sadness, but with pity.

I frowned. "Alice, How long do you think I've known you for? You may say that but I know it's not fully true. Now tell me the real reason you are crying." I added firmly. To be honest, I was frightened. Alice never cried. She looked at me for a long time, then shook her head as if she was ashamed of talking to me,

"Princess, why are you doing this? Why are you getting married when you know the one you love is still alive? How could you do this to yourself? You don't really love the Prince, do you? You can't marry him. Edward would be-"

"That's enough. I don't understand the nonsense you are spouting," I said, a mask slipping over my features, my words harsher than I intended. "I plan to marry Jacob this afternoon because I love him."

"Yes, perhaps as a sibling, or maybe even as a friend, but definitely not as a lover. I know you still love Edward. Please don't do this to yourself. Have you not always been truthful to yourself?" Alice looked at me with such intensity that I was not able to lie to her.

"I can't...love … him though. How can I continue loving him when he doesn't love me? What would e the point of that?" My mind swirled with the arguments that I've gone through a thousand times. My heart wrenching in pain as each word pierced me with their truth. "If he were to know how much I cared about him, how do you think he would react? Happy? No, he would be furious. He doesn't want or need me to
love him. He has never once loved me."

"But he-"

"Please, Alice don't do this to me. Don't you dare do this to me," I snarled. "Jacob will make me his wife this afternoon, and this body will belong to him…" my voice broke, "But I will always love Edward." I whispered. "Surely I will learn to love Jacob that way too, but these feelings for Edward will be with me even when I die."

"So you've only ever loved Edward?"

"Forever and always." I swore.

The door creaked and our attention shifted to the person behind it. Jacob. His hands were covering his eyes as he walked toward me. My heart stopped for a moment. Was he there the whole time? How much had he heard?

"Jacob, I-"

"I know, I know, it's bad luck for the groom to see the bride before the wedding, but come on! My eyes are closed, so I'm not really seeing you, see?" his tone was playful, but his voice cracked when he was laughing, and a glisten of moisture ran out from under his hand.

He had heard.

I panicked. Oh Lord, how could I… why did I… Jacob…. He had heard! In my fear, I started to stutter as the image of Jacob, hurt and sad flashed through my mind.

"Jacob… I'm so sor-"

"Anyways," his voice cutting through my mumbling. "I cannot wait to see you, even more to marry you!"

"You… still want to marry me?" I asked, the shock finding its way into my voice, as much as I tried to hide it.

"Of course I do, why wouldn't I?"

"I don't…I don't understand. Didn't you just-"

"Pardon me for interrupting, your Highnesses, but if you don't mind, it's already three in the afternoon and I still need to get the Princess ready for the wedding," Alice said with a polite tone, and glared at me, warning me not to speak.

"Ah, I'm afraid the girl is right," Jacob nodded. "Then until we wed, my love," he said, his smile returning full force to his face. He turned around and left the room before I could even open my mouth. I stared at the door long after he was gone. I did it again. Why did it have to be like this? Why was it that I kept causing him more and more pain? The guilt I felt for hurting him again was enough to want to crawl under a rock. I should never have been allowed to exist.

"He heard, Alice, he heard. What am I going to do? Oh, of all people," I sobbed, my voice cracking with the strain. I was a horrible human being, a monster. My cruelty had flunked to rock bottom. I was the lowest of the low. I might as well have taken a knife and killed Jacob myself. That pain would probably hurt less. The betrayal would be better than what I had done. I would know. Because I would have preferred death than the man I love betraying me the way I did Jacob.

"Hush now, Princess. Everything will be okay as soon as you stop hurting yourself more than you already have. This is not your fault. Even Jacob knows that you can't help who you fall in love with. He still chooses to marry you. Now it's your turn to do as you wish."

It was noon when we arrived at the venue. The sun shone so brightly behind the clouds that sweat shone our foreheads. I could feel the beads of moisture running down the back of my neck. In spite of the glaring sunlight, it was hard for me to register the fact that this wedding was for Bella. Or maybe I just didn't want to acknowledge it, because that would make it real. Because that would make me realize that I was losing the one woman whom I love. I made sure to keep myself busy so I wouldn't end up sulking in the corner or worse- murdering the prince while he was still getting dressed, and taking his place at the altar.

There was no reason for me to be like this. Bella was alive and happy, and that should have been enough for me, right? Wrong. I wanted more. I wanted to be the one tucking that loose lock of hair behind her ear. That should be me pulling her in close, hugging her and not wanting to let her go. I yearned to be the one she looked at with those chocolate eyes, knowing I was the only thing she needed, the only one she wanted. More than that, I wanted to be able to tell her that the one who loves her the most is me. I should be the one she marries, not that Prince of hers. He could never love her like I did.

The wedding started in two hours and though I didn't say it out loud, I had given up. I wasn't really in the mood to talk about it, when someone on a horse came up from behind me and smacked me in the back of my head. I turned; disgruntled when I saw Jeluby, and downright sad when I realized it was Jasper on him. What was I expecting? That Bella would show up, gown and all, and run away from her own wedding, with me on a horse?

"What was that for?" I growled, letting my annoyance seep into my voice.

"Come with me," he demanded, "I need to talk to you. Not here though." He hoisted me up the horse and we rode away. I let him take me away, hoping I wouldn't be there when the bride and groom exchanged vows. After a while of riding in silence, I decided to speak first, as curiosity overcame my foul mood.

"Where are you taking me?" I asked. Instead of giving me a straight reply, he completely ignored me question. He continued riding, his back straight, refusing to glace back at me.

"How can you do it?" His voice was shaking and there was an almost a snarl of anger to his words. "Do you know how many people truly fall in love with another person? And do you know how many of them are loved back? And yet here you are, so calm about letting her go. How can you stand here, and watch her get married when you know you love her? When deep down, you know she loves you too?" His voice started to rise heatedly, as we rode further away from the crowd. "Why won't you tell her? How could you throw it, throw her, throw your love, all away? Because you're too scared she might not love you back? It's disgraceful. I can hardly believe that I once considered you my brother."

"What are you talking about, Jasper? Bella has never in her life told me that she loved me. How are you so sure she does? Proof?" I spat. "You have none. But I can tell you how I know she doesn't." I clenched my fist in the futile hopes that the next words would not tear my heart to shreds. "Today, she weds a prince and not me."

"Of course she's marrying a prince;" He snapped. "she doesn't know you love her! Did you ever tell her? No! And you call yourself a man. Edward, when you left she was a mess. She didn't eat, she didn't sleep, and I doubt she even cried. She just sat there, dead; as if she was paralyzed from shock." Jasper's voice softened slightly. "She loved you, and knowing you were still alive was probably the only reason she stayed alive; to meet you again."

"And you think I had something to do with it?" I felt the anger rising in my chest. "Now I know you're crazy! I feel rather stupid because I believed you for a second." I hissed. Bella, was sad about me going away? Bella caring that I left in the first place? Hah! All lies.

Jasper sighed. "How do I know this? I don't, I just feel it, Edward. And you know, you're right, you are stupid. Stupid for not realizing that she loved you with everything she had. Stupid for…for… stupid for giving up." A small swell of light seemed to shine through the darkness of my mind. I tried to stop the spread of hope that blossomed, but the seed was already planted.

"Well let's say, for the sake of argument that she did love me. What do you suppose I do now? She's still getting married to that Prince of hers."

"Oh, quit complaining!" Jasper exclaimed frustratedly. "This is your fault because she still doesn't know you love her! Idiot! Fool! Oh of all the times…ugh…okay… maybe you're right, Maybe it is too late, but if you don't try, won't you regret it for the rest of your life? Won't it kill you as you grow older to know that you lost each other even though you were both in love? What is a life without someone you love, Edward? Is it really a life at all?"

And that's when I heard her. "Please Edward…" her voice whispered softly in my head. It had been a while since I heard my mother. Though I had very few memories of her, this time I could hear her voice clearly. It took me back to the time I was kneeling at the side of her bed, praying that she'd get better. It was her dying wish."...if I could ask of you, sometimes, you have to tell someone how you feel. Please, let someone inside of you."

I looked at Jasper and knew he was right. I had to stop this damned wedding, whether she loved me or not.

For the first time since the proposal, I felt somewhat alive again. I glanced around me.

"Where are you taking me again?" I asked.

"Nowhere, really. I just needed to rub your stupidity in your face before the wedding."

"If that's the case, bring me back," I commanded.

"What exactly do you plan to do now? Have you been plotting while I was talking?" There was an amused hint to his voice now. I smiled back at him.

"I've got a wedding to stop."