Chapter 20
Edoras, 22nd August 3019
The next couple of days went by fast, totally occupied between meetings and gatherings and though doubt still haunted Éomer's heart, it's initial force had started to fade as he watched from afar how Lothíriel interacted with others. The children of Edoras, in particular, all adored her.
He had been a fool to doubt...
Alas, time waits for no one and Éomer and Lothíriel did not have a single private moment for themselves. And tomorrow she would leave.
Lothíriel stood outside of the Great Hall of Meduseld, under a starlit sky. She could see Éomer as he moved across the room, smiling and hailing friends, left and right.
She found herself smiling at how beloved he was. She heard that was what his people called him... Éadig... Beloved...
She was so distracted by her thoughts that she didn't even heard Legolas approaching her, moving silently. He came to stand by her and as he follow her gaze, he smiled lightly.
"He fits the place, doesn't he?"
Lothíriel smiled and simply nodded.
"Indeed, he was was born to lead. He has the strong will and courage but also the sense to hear his people. They love him."
Again she nodded silently.
"And so do you..."
Lothíriel's eyes dropped to her feet.
"I do..." There was no point denying. "Is it that obvious?"
Legolas felt sorrow in her voice.
"No... you hide it well, both of you. But I've been around far too many days to recognised two people in love. It comes with the passing of the years."
Then he turned to her and asked in a low tone.
"Will you not tell him?"
"I..." she hesitated. "He has so much to do... So much to think about."
"True. But he is king now. There will always be something to deal with."
"I don't think it would be the right time for something as foolish as love."
Legolas sighed as he heard her words.
"Love is never foolish, mellon nín." he cupped her face and made her look into his eyes. Eyes that held the knowledge of countless years.
"Do not be foolish as to think that such feelings are common. Don't be afraid to take a risk with what you feel. And above all don't make a choice you will bitterly regret in years to come."
"I can't..." her voice faulted. She swallowed pass the lump in her throat. "I can't tell him..."
"Lothíriel,..."
"Don't, mellon nín." Closing her eyes, she continued. "He has to think of Rohan now... His Kingdom was ravished... His people in pain... He has so much to fulfill, Legolas... Do you think his people would accept a foreigner for a Queen? No... They wouldn't... He would be attacked by everyone who could have a shot at taking his seat in the throne. They would ask him to chose and I can't do that to him. He has a noble heart, he doesn't deserve that. I can't burden him with...this..."
"This?" Legolas asked. "This is something most people would die for."
"I've made my choice..."
"And sealed both your destinies."
Tears came to her eyes. Lothíriel felt her knees buckle and Legolas had to embrace her to help her stand.
"Lothíriel." she heard calling. "Where are you, sister?"
Loosening her embrace, she responded to her brother as she whipped the trail of tears of her face.
"I'm here, Elphir."
Turning to Legolas, she added. "I know you don't understand why I have to let him go but, please,... Don't say anything. I'm counting on your friendship, Legolas."
Smiling sadly, the elf replied. "And you have it, my lady."
"Hannon le..."
She entered the hall again and took her place by her family's side. Several couples were dancing to a lively tune. How she would miss their songs and dances. She was never too fond of the rigid and strict court dances, with music more fitted for a funeral than a dance.
She would miss these people, their open manner, their happiness and friendship that they shared kindly. It was so different here. In the South, neighbours helped one another, to be sure, but not with the same open heart. Here, they gave without expecting anything in return.
"Should we retire as well?" She heard her father ask."We have a long day ahead of us tomorrow."
"What time is it?" she said, distracted.
"Late."
Really? How easy time goes by when one is among friends and loved ones. Wasn't it just yesterday they had entered this city?
But it was late and the crowd was beginning to disperse.
Her brothers were a little too happy, to say the least, by the party spirits. Amrothos had actually fell asleep at the King's table and Elphir and Erchirion had to carry him to their quarters.
Lothíriel and Éowyn walked each other to their rooms.
"Well, goodnight then." Éowyn said.
"Thank you, Éowyn. I bid you goodnight as well."
But here they were, finding it hard to part.
"Must you leave tomorrow?" Éowyn finally said.
"I must."
"You leave when I will need you the most. I shall miss you."
"As will I..."
Éowyn embraced Lothíriel and went her way. Lothíriel entered her room and closed the door behind her. She immediately took of her shoes, her feet were pleading for it. She stripped of her gown and dressed her night shift and then her robe. Although the fire were lit and the room was cosy, she was used to a warmer climate and at night, across Edoras, the cold wind blew wildly.
She had everything always packed, except for a few personal items. Her riding outfit was already on a chair for tomorrow. Her boots by the window.
She laid in bed but sleep would not come. She would be leaving tomorrow and it would be a long time before she and Éomer were to met again. It pained her. Her heart shrank only at the thought. She tossed once more in her soft bed.
Was she making the right decision? Was Legolas right? Was she throwing her happiness away? His hapiness, as well?
Hard times were on the way. He would be busy. He would forget. Don't men forget all? It is women who linger in memories, lost feelings preying upon them. Men forget... He would forget her... This was the right path. He would eventually find a pretty girl, hair the colour of the sun as it should be. He would have his family. A beautiful family, she was sure of it.
But what about you? Her nagging inner voice pleaded. Could you ever be happy without him? Could you hope to ever find a man to evoke such feelings? Could you expect to be so lucky twice in this lifetime?
She knew the answer to that. It was her price to pay.
He will be happy and that is all that matters. I... I will be content. Content with my memories.
Suddenly her thoughts were interrupted by a light tap on the door.
Nooran... She thought.
Lothíriel went to opened it and came face to face with Éomer.
"Éomer! What are you doing here?" she whispered.
He entered the room quickly and closed the door behind him. The corridor was now deserted but he couldn't risk to be seen at this late hour at a lady's door.
"You're leaving tomorrow..." He said seriously. "I came to say my goodbye... properly."
He reached for her and closed his arms tightly around him. He kissed her forehead and muttered. "Stay..."
She smiled sadly. It was all she wanted, it was her greatest wish. If only...
"I can't..."
"Why?" he looked into her eyes. "You know how I feel about you. I'm in love with you..."
Sweet elation... How wonderful it was to hear it.
"Stay with me..." he whispered.
She shut her eyes. It was difficult enough without looking into his.
"Éomer..."
"Stay with me..." he asked again as he bent down to cover her mouth with his. He reached for her hips and drew her closer. "Stay and marry me."
She couldn't think. All her previous thoughts scattered and all she could do was feel.
As he drove his hands in her hair, cupped her nape and kissed her lips, her hands grasped the back of his shirt.
Her body lost all will as Éomer spread kisses in her brow, her cheek bone, kissing his away to the lobe of her ear and down her throat.
"I..." she tried but as she felt the tips of his fingers brushing over the soft skin of her shoulder she was immediately silent. "What is it you do to me?"
"You have the softest skin..." he said as his hands continued to move across her arm. She should be embarased. Shy. But she wasn't... She only felt the heat that coursed through her veins, humming.
"I can't have enough of your kisses..." she whispered into his lips as she swept her hands across his chest.
He looked intensely at her. A deep guttural sound came out of him as he felt her hand slipping underneath his shirt. Her skin on his.
"I can't have enough of your touch..."
"Thíri..."
"Hush..." she said, pulling his shirt over his head. What a vision he was, standing there in her room. She pulled the straps of her nightgown over her shoulder. The fabric fell to the floor with a soft whoosh. She was standing naked in front of him but somehow she didn't felt self-conscious. This would be her memory to hold on to in the days to come. This was their last moment.
"You're so beautiful... ..." he gasped as he took in the view.
She blushed lightly as she stepped forward to place another kiss in his lips. And she could all but sighed as she heard him say, tenderly into her mouth, I love you.
It was way into the night, when laying in bed together, they watched the fire burn.
Éomer hold her closer as he took a deep breath, taking in her sweet smell. He could get used to this... Making love to her and then falling asleep in her arms.
"See?" he said, breaking the silence. "This is why you can't leave. You belong here... with me."
Here it comes...
"Éomer..." she pulled lightly away from his embraced and turned to face him. "You know there are hard times ahead for you. For Rohan. You are new to this all but I know how leadership can be difficult in the beggining... There will be a great deal of opponents to your ruling. And you have to stay strong and battle for your people and rebuild your land. They have suffered to much and it is their time now. Their time to be taken care of..."
Éomer leaned on the headboard, shaking his head.
"I know that. We have a lot to face but I'm not afraid of hard work. What I don't understand is why couldn't you be by my side?"
Again, the tales and stories of the last queen born outside of Rohan intruded her mind. Morwen of Lossarnach had been both respected and feared. At the very begining, she had been hated...
And for the start of a new age, she knew that was the last thing Éomer needed.
"I... It isn't the time for us... I..."
"It isn't the time..." he repetead mindlessly.
"Éomer..." She disengadged from his arms and looked at him.
It hurts... She thought. It hurts too much... So much more than she had anticipated. It hurted badly but she had to leave him to his duties.
Looking at her, Éomer could see her insecurity. Althought at the time he hadn't believed, Lilith's words had come back to haunt him.
Ask her if you are so certain... No self respecting gondorian princess will ever leave her stable condition and social status for such a kingdom...or such a king...
"Tell me then, why it isn't the time for us, Lothíriel." His words were harsh. "Explain to me why you can't stay."
Her tongue was bound. She could not tell him the truth.
Words failed her. But then... Were there words strong enough to say to him what she needed to say? That she loved him will all the fibers of her being but that she had to give it away for his sake? His future?
All Lothíriel could do was lower her eyes to hide her anguish, an anguish Éomer couldn't see.
He had the answer to his question. Her silence was self explanatory. She didn't felt for him as he did for her. He had been blind. He believed her in love with him but had she even said it? And now that he asked her to prove it, she could not.
"I see... I think I finally see. How foolish of me..." he uttered as he climbed out of her bed.
Fear griped her heart. This wasn't good...
"What do you mean?"
"Well, it's obvious, isn't it?" he said as he pulled his pants. "How could I, a barbarian from the North, even expect that a fine Princess of Gondor would make such a sacrifice?"
He started pacing the room, gathering his shirt and his boots.
"How could she ever love me? Or even think of marrying me? What was I thinking, right?"
Lothíriel gathered her sheet around her and came to him. "Please, don't say that... Éomer, it's not that... You don't understand..."
"Really? Tell me then, what exactly don't I understand!" he said marking each one of his words, with such a tone that would scare the bravest of men, his famous temper starting to rise.
She could hear all the voices of her insecurities and doubts in her head. She couldn't think.
"Or perhaps it is so sort of tradition... Huh? Amongst you, court women of the South? To choose around men to warm your beds?"
Clarity came to her mind as he uttered those words. She tensed, grasping her sheet tightly to herself.
"You are offending me..."
"Is that what it was when we first came together?" he continued, wanting to return the hurt. The hurt she had made him feel. "Curiosity to know how it felt to have a real man between your thighs?"
Now it was her own temper that rose.
"Éomer Éomundson, you better think before you speak! Because some words when spoken can never be taken back!"
"Or perhaps, I wasn't the first..."
Slap.
She was shaking but her hand still hit him dead across his face.
"Get out of my room."
She felt the tears threatening to fall but held them down.
"Oh, now you want me out! How appropriate..."
"Get out!"
"Fine! And don't worry, come tomorrow you will not have to see my face again... Believe I never want to see yours."
Just before closing the door, Éomer turned to her and said.
"I thought you were different, Lothíriel..."
"And I can say the same about you!"
The door was closed with a bang. Enraged, she through a pillow at it.
Reality came crashing down. Numb, she sat on the bed. This was it... Tomorrow she would leave this land, never to see Éomer again... She would go back to her city and her life. A life that seem so empty now.
She lay on the bed and tears fell freely... It seemed the sanest thing to do.
A|N Well, here it is... Another chapter. I know I'm not making it easy on them but who said love was easy...? =) Hope to see you soon.