Chapter 23
Dol Amroth, 16th November 3019.
The next few days brought havoc to Lothíriel's mind. She couldn't think, she couldn't eat, she couldn't sleep... Even breathing was painful now, for the burden was great. That cold hand gripping her heart inside her chest...
And soon days turn it to weeks. She felt herself slipping away. She couldn't postpone it any longer. It was time. She knew eventually this day would come. She could keep this no longer... Her heart was tired of the lie... Her family had the right to know. And, besides, soon it would start to show...
Lothíriel dreaded her father's reaction the most. How would he take it? She knew she would no longer be his baby girl. If only she could spare him this pain... If only things were different... this could be the happiest day in her life, the day she would walk though her father's door, hand in hand with the man she loved... And he would ask for her hand in marriage. And it would be magical, beautiful, just like a dream... If only that could be true... If only... The saddest words in any language... If only...
Standing near the door she uttered a prayer. "Sweet Elbereth, guide me through this. Give me strength..."
Pushing the door of the library, she called to her family.
"Ada... Brothers... I must speak with you."
Imrahil raised his eyes to his daughter in surprise. Lothíriel had been acting strange for days. As if her joy was missing... He wasn't sure what to think of it. And now, here she was, looking at the floor. Breathing hard as if the air around wasn't enough to fill her lungs. Fists clenching. He had never seen her so solemn.
"Of course, ninniach nîn. Come." he said to her, crossing the room. "We are in need of a break from state affairs, anyway. A weary mind is never good when it comes to make decisions. I say, we go outside and seat for a while, enjoying the fresh air."
She took the hand her father offered and let herself be guided to the balcony, her brothers close in toe.
It was a clear blue day and the gulls were singing in the sky above. The waves were lightly kissing the shore below and in the horizon you could see the ships of large sails. It never seized to amaze her how beautiful was her beloved land.
"Take a seat."
Lothíriel was silent at first and Imrahil did not press her on. He knew his daughter and knew she would say what she had come to say in her due time.
I can't do this! her mind screamed.
Yes, you can. It's the lie you can't take anymore. Enough is enough. It's time. Face your destiny.
Finally, taking a deep breath, she said.
"Ada...I'm with child..."
It took two seconds for Elphir to jump from his seat. "WHAT?"
Amrothos simply sat, dumbstruck, his mouth agape. It couldn't manage to say a word.
And Erchirion simply stared at her as he placed a hand on his father's shoulder.
Imrahil had sensed something was wrong with his daughter in the last few weeks. He knew her. He knew she couldn't fake or conceal what she felt. She was a pure spirit. But he couldn't have guess something of this nature. Not his Lothíriel.
For a heartbeat, the world seemed to stand still.
Imrahil tried to look deep in her eyes. "Lothíriel..." but he too was lost for words.
Her brother, on the other hands, had plenty of words to say.
"Have you lost your mind? You are a princess of royal blood!" Elphir was all rage and no sense. "You gave yourself to some... some... I want his name! You will tell us this instant who the bastard his! He will pay for this! For shaming you and our family in such a way!"
Erchirion got a hold of her hand as she began to cry.
"I will have his..."
"Elphir!" his father said, interrupting his tirade. "You're not helping matters!"
"Father, don't you realize? This is a disgrace! This is shame upon our house."
"A disgrace?" It was Lothíriel who spoke. "Maybe... But shame? I am not ashamed of what I did..."
"Well, you should... You should be ashamed, Lothíriel..."
"It was an act of love..."
"Love?" he shouted. "Love, you say? This has nothing to do with love! This was nothing more than lust, little sister! A concealed encounter in the dead of night, out of wedlock!" The veins in his neck were throbbing. "What where you thinking! You should know better!"
"Elphir, calm yourself. Let Thíri explain!" Erchirion tried.
Elphir turned to his brother.
"Calm! How can YOU remain calm! It's utter disgrace!"
"I'll not be ashamed of it..." she whispered.
"Thíri... I would never thought..." Amrothos tried.
They were disappointed, she knew. She had disappointed them. She felt the pain of it but also because they hadn't said a word about what she was going through. How she was hurting with it all.
I wish it could all go back to what we had...
But that wasn't possible anymore. We can never go back. It was done.
Rising, she said. "Well, if it makes you all feel better, neither did I! You think this was planned, that I wanted to do this to you? To myself?" she paused trying to calm herself. "You think I wanted this for me? For this child? Well, think again! I know I have disappointed you all but I stand my ground! It was an act of love in a desperate hour. I'm true to my heart. And I will have this child, with your blessings or not!"
Elphirs' rage was by now blinding him "You acted like a common whore!"
"Elphir!" Amrothos said.
Lothíriel gasped and slapped him fully in the face.
"Enough!" her father's voice was heard. "Enough of this... All of you!"
Silence fell on the balcony.
"Sit down you two!" After a brief pause, he continued. "Lothíriel, what you did was wrong and I'm very disappointed at you! You are a princess of this land! Descendant of royal lineage of the Houses of Men and Elves. This sort of behavior is not what I expected from you. It is not what I taught you." Imrahil looked around trying to gather his thoughts. In this moment, how he wished he could have his wife by his side. She would know what to do and the right things to said. She always did. "But... we are family and will remain as such. That goes for all! We don't leave our family behind at an hour of need. So, we will start with you," he said to Elphir. "apologizing to your sister!"
"Ada!"
"Now, Elphir!"
Again, a pause.
"Elphir!" Imrahil repeated.
"All right, I'm sorry!" Elphir said.
Tears now fell freely in Lothíriel's face. It pained her so much to hear her father's disappointment in his voice...
Imrahil's mind was racing. He felt as if he was in a dream. A nightmare, actually. He had to calm down and act rationally. This matter could destroy his family. He had to think of the positive aspects. No one was dead or hurt. They could surpass this. This could be resolved.
Still... He could not believe... His daughter...his precious Lothíriel...
"You are old enough to decide for your own...and to deal with the consequences of the life you chose... As your family, we will stand by you. All of us."
The gulls above were the only noise.
"What will you do...?" Erchirion asked.
A few calming breaths gave her the strength to answer. The worst was over.
"I thought I could go to Imladris... have my child there... "
"What? Away from us!" Amrothros said. "Surely, that's not necessary! We could find a way to explain this. We could say that you were secretly married with one of our war heroes and that he died in the March at the Black Gates or..."
"Please, brother, no lies."
"But... Imladris? So far away?"
"Amrothros, please..."
"No, you can't..."
"My son, I think Lothíriel's mind is made up..." The Prince of Dol Amroth rose and came to his daughter side. "This is her wish and we will respect it."
He drew is arms around her in a tight embrace and in a whispered voice, he asked as he held her.
"How long have you suffered in silence, child...?"
Unable to control her self, Lothíriel finally let her control go and sobbed in her father's arms.
.
Edoras, 16th November 3019.
It was everywhere. In the royal quarters, in the Hall and even in the kitchen. Packages and parcels from everyone and everywhere in Middle Earth. More and more everyday. Presents for a bride. And Éowyn, still the head of the Royal House of Rohan, the mighty shield-maiden, the slayer of the Witch-King of Angbar, a true war hero, was acting like any other woman getting ready for her wedding day. Could anyone believe in it?
Her room was the worst. The floor was covered in boxes and wrapping papper and Éowyn, sitting on the floor was feeling like a child around the kitchen on Yule day.
"Look at this!" she said to her brother. "This is beautiful! All this smells! I love it. It can be used to make perfumes, and soaps or if you burn it, it gives such a wonderful smell!"
She had received a great wooden case with flasks of every shape, colour and size and they too were spread across her bedroom floor. Along with the flasks came a smaller wooden box with cards explaining all the properties and uses of its contents.
Éomer sat on her bed, watching silently as she went through her gift.
"Who sent you all this!" he finally asked.
"Melian, Elphir's wife, do you remember her?
Éomer simply nodded as she continued her findings.
"Here!" she said, handing him a tall flask with dry herbs inside. "Smell this."
He inhaled deeply and gave it back to her.
"It's good."
"Rosemary!" she said. "It says here that it could be used in food such as roasts or in little bags to scatter among our clothes in order to keep them perfumed. Oh, how clever!"
Éomer was grateful for her chatting. He wasn't in a good mood today. He wasn't in a good mood for most of his days since... well... But he didn't want Éowyn to take full knowledge of that. Not only because it would ensue a great deal of questions he wasn't neither ready nor wanted to answer but also because he had very little time left with his sister and he wanted to fill that time with good memories.
Another flask followed.
"This is almond oil!" she inhaled it. "Hum, it is so good! Melian says that it could be use for the bath or to rub on the body to keep your skin from drying. And it has healing properties, imagine that!"
She handed him yet another flask, smaller and with a translucid liquid.
"And this one? This is..." she said looking for its matching card as Éomer opened the small bottle and inhaled it's perfume.
"Lavender." he muttered quickly.
"What?" There was something in his voice that made her turn to him.
"This is lavender..." he said sealing the flask and handling it back to her. Without another word, he rose from the bed and headed out.
"Wait... Éomer!" she called out.
Without another word, he left, leaving a confused Éowyn staring blindingly at the door.
What in Mordor just happened? She thought.
She got up and meant to follow him but as she left the room, she came face to face with Éothain.
"Béma, girl, you almost ran me over!" He said laughing but upon watching concern on her face, he asked. "Something amiss? It looks like you have seen a ghost or something."
"No... Not me... But Éomer..." She looked at Éothain and a thought came to her. "Come inside."
"What?"
"Don't just stand there. Come!" She said, dragging him into her room. She closed the door and continued. "Éothain, I'm concerned about my brother. Very concerned. Have you seen his mood lately?"
"Éowyn, it's your brother, he always has a mood!"
"Ah, ah. Very funny." She said sarcastically. "Yes, I know he has a temper... But it's not that. He's not the same anymore. I know him. Even with all that has happened and with all the great responsibility that now rests upon him, there is always a kind word or a smile but now... I don't know... It's just this sadness all the time... Actually, it looks more like despair!"
Many had noticed the change in the King but Éothain, unlike Éowyn, knew the reason.
"Éowyn, there are somethings in the life of a man that have the ability to change him."
"Yes, I know but..."
"And I do not speak just of war." he added. "Give him time, girl. All will be in place."
Éowyn paused and regarded Éothain with care. She realized then he knew more than he was saying.
"You know what afflicts him..."
Although she wanted badly to know, she decided not to push. Éothain remained silent. He was a true friend and he would never betray her brother's trust.
"You are a good friend, Éothain...And I'm just worried about my brother. He may be pigheaded sometimes but he's the only one I have."
"Time, my lady... Wounds take their time to heal. I must be on my away."
Éowyn nodded in agreement and resume her activities as Éothain left.
However, hours later, she was still thinking about that morning. She couldn't help to think of the sadness she had seen on her brother's face and it grieved her. Even if these were the happiest days of her life.
"You are awfully pensive today, Éowyn." Gael said to her, as the sun set on the horizon. "Is everything alright?"
"I don't know..."
Lothíriel had been right about Gael. Éowyn had been friends with Gael from the start. And she trusted her...and she need an opinion from another woman. So she told her of what had happened that morning with Éomer.
"I have never seen my brother act so weird regarding such a little thing..."
"Maybe it triggered a bad memory of some sort..." Gael said. "Maybe something from your childhood."
"I don't think so... Nothing comes to my mind..."
"But he is older than you."
"Well, yes. Still..." she said shaking her head.
"What smell was it?"
"Lavender."
"Lavender? How odd... It is such a pleasant smell... I couldn't think of anything bad regarding lavender." Gael said as she got up from her seat by the window. "In fact, for me, lavender always brings a smile to my face."
"How so?"
"It reminds me of Lothíriel. She wears it as a fragrance." she said, distractingly as she gather some towels and set them in the trunk.
For Éowyn, it was as if time stood still. Thoughts and images came swiftly to her mind, racing. A smile, a touch, a word. Could it be?
Her voice didn't actually seemed her own when finally she was able to speak.
"What did you say...?"
.
.
A|N Well, here it is.
This wasn't easy to write and I must say I'm still not entirely happy with it but the story needs to go forward... Maybe someday I'll come back to it and rewrite it.
See you soon.