Thanks to everyone who has read and reviewed my new one-shots, Dirty Words and I Slapped a Brat (And I Liked It). If you haven't, they are on my profile. DW is E/B but ISaBaILI is CARLISLE/RILEY. Yummy.

Thanks to the usual suspects, and a special thanks to PigSooooie for the rush beta job since MeteorMuse is on the beach. Whore. ;)

Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I own grand gestures and eskimo kisses.

ooOOoo

Please let me explain. I want to be with YOU, G. I'm being completely honest here.

12:08 a.m. The clock tells me it's already a new day. Saturday. He hasn't been gone long, but I've texted him three times already. Maybe that's overkill. I throw the phone on my nightstand so I won't be tempted again.

I already miss him. We didn't even know each other that long, but I miss the newness of getting to know him, how relaxed and confident he is, the way he kissed me. I already miss what could have been.

ooOOoo

5:12 a.m. I've gone from missing him to hating myself. That didn't take long. I punch the pillow and roll over, throwing my phone from the nightstand to the floor so I'll stop staring at it. Willing him to reply clearly isn't going to make it so.

ooOOoo

9:33 a.m. I finally got some sleep, and things seem brighter this morning. He hasn't responded, but he just needs some time, right? I guess I'll shower. There's no use wallowing.

ooOOoo

Well, I spent the entire weekend wallowing. Mostly in my own self-loathing. Most of it in Garrett's sweatshirt. I'm such a sad sap right now.

It's 8:00 on Monday morning, and it's not so bright as Saturday seemed. There's a drizzle coming down, and I couldn't find my umbrella this morning so I grabbed a gray hoodie and threw it on between my polo and my black pea coat. On the way out the door, I pulled the hood up and threw on some Ray Bans as an afterthought. My eyes have huge dark circles from the lack of sleep this weekend, and no one wants to see that.

I'm on my way to class alone in the cold, without even a cup of coffee for warmth. I was too embarrassed to go to the coffee shop this morning. Who knows what Jasper and Riley think about me after Friday night. After Alice interrupted things, and I realized just how much I want to be with Garrett. After I poured my heart out to him. And now, after he ran away. They have to know. If Garrett didn't go to them looking for answers, I'm sure he went to Alice, who in turn went to them.

I can't stop thinking about him. I wonder where he is, if he's going to class today, if he's thinking about me, wondering what I'm doing. I hope he still cares.

I care. I care so much it physically hurts. I go back and forth between dreaming up scenarios in which I make it better somehow, and he comes running back to my arms, and simply hating myself for the mess I've created. Who gets involved sexually with one happy couple, and then decides he probably really likes someone else? Who does that? I'm an idiot. If I would have just been up front with everyone involved, I'd probably be happily with Garrett right now. I might be on my way to campus with him after a night full of cuddles and sweet sex. I could even be looking forward to the possibility of some sexy fun with all three of them. But I'm not. I'm alone.

ooOOoo

Minutes turn to hours, and then hours to days, before I stop wondering what time he'll come back to me. Now I wonder if he'll even come back at all. I haven't heard a peep from him all week. I've texted, I've called, I've left desperate voicemails. I'm not sure what other things I can do. Is it time for a grand gesture? Does he even want that? Fuck.

It's around dusk on Thursday evening. I've stopped paying attention to the clock. The minutes ticking by without him were agonizing. I sprawl on my bed with a sigh and stare at the ceiling. I really thought I would run into him on campus this week, but I never saw so much as a glimpse. Closing my eyes, the many faces of this long week flash through my mind in quick still frames.

My face in the mirror Monday morning when I realized I only slept five hours all weekend. Disgust.

Jasper's face when I finally showed at the coffee shop on Wednesday morning. Pity.

My history professor when I gave her a lame excuse for not having an answer when she called on me in class. Surprise. (I'm a good student, what can I say?)

The girl at the liquor store when I bought a bottle of whiskey instead of a six pack. Cautious.

And back to myself last night when I tried to chug said whiskey. Bad idea. I wanted to forget it all and sleep, not puke and pass out.

At some point I drift off for a bit, and I wake in semi-darkness to the sound of my phone. As I have all week, I fly from the bed in a panic, hoping against all hopes that it's Garrett.

We need to talk, man. Wanna go to dinner? Just you and me?

Not Garrett. It's Riley. I wonder what he needs to talk about. Has he heard from Garrett? Does Alice have a message to relay? I can't type my response quickly enough.

When and where? Have you heard from him?

Not exactly … but Jazz talks to Alice a lot. Meet me at Bangkok Garden at 8.

I look at the clock on my phone. 7:41. I rush to the bathroom to make a hasty attempt at appearing normal: brush my teeth, rub some wax through my hair, and wash the sleep from my eyes.

I wonder what he'll have to say as I grab my coat, leave my house and head downtown.

ooOOoo

I enter the restaurant and nervously look around. A small part of me hopes this was a set up and that I'll see Garrett sitting alone waiting for me. As I glance to my left though, my hopes are dashed when I see Riley sitting alone with a glass of water. He motions me over, so I go to the chair across from him and sit.

"What's going on, Ri? Why'd you want to see me so suddenly?" I rub my sweaty palms across my thighs a few times and ask for a water from the waitress.

"It wasn't really sudden. Sorry if it seemed that way. We just felt like you've been avoiding us all week, and the only way to convince you to see me had to seem spur of the moment. Jazz would be here too, but he's been picking up some second shifts to help cover Christmas presents."

"I'm sorry, man. I've just been so … I don't know. Embarrassed? Sad? Mad at myself? All of the above, really. I completely screwed everything up. I mean, I could have had a great friendship with you and Jazz, and I definitely wanted a relationship with Garrett, and now … it's all fucked, man." I look up from the table and search his eyes for signs that I'm wrong. Somehow, I find exactly what I was hoping for.

"Could have had? Wanted? Who says you can't still have a great friendship with us? I'm game, and I can't speak for J, but I'm sure he still wants to hang out with you. As for a relationship with Garrett, well, that's between the two of you, but don't sound so defeated already. Have you even talked to him since your argument? Alice told us there was a big dramatic to-do that ended in Garrett calling her for a ride home last Friday, so I'm assuming there was an argument, right? Have you tried to contact him since then? Did you even get to explain how you feel?"

I inhale deeply, trying to process all that Riley has just said before I reply. "Well, if you guys want a friendship with an idiot like me, I guess … thank you. I really want to be friends, but is it going to be weird, after all we've done? I mean, I've kind of had your cock in my mouth and vice versa."

Riley shakes his head. "Edward. Never. We liked you before all of that, E. We were interested in you as a person, as someone we cared about. We still do." Riley orders only a beer from the waitress, and I second it, knowing I probably can't stomach a spicy meal during this conversation. I forge ahead.

"Okay. I appreciate that. Really. I appreciate you guys for sticking by me. It means a lot. As far as Garrett … yes, I guess you could say we had a falling out. We went to dinner and back to my place, and he mistook it as an invitation to fool around. Somehow, I found the will power to stop and just told him. Everything. It came out all wrong, and I stumbled over the details, but he knows it all. Instead of letting me explain further, he ran out the door. I don't know how many times I pleaded with him - begged him - to believe me, to believe that I want to be with him. It didn't matter. It probably never will to him. I fucked up, and I hate myself for it."

We both take long pulls from our beers and let the silence settle for a few seconds. The restaurant is nearly empty, which is perfect for this kind of discussion, but I can't help but think I would be more at ease in a crowd.

"So. You think you fucked it all up. And you told him everything. What have you done about it since then?"

"Well." I clear my throat. "I've called him every day and left voicemails. I text him a lot. I just … I guess I'm afraid to just show up, knowing how he left things." Riley is chuckling to himself. "What, man? It's not funny."

"Edward. Listen to yourself. Didn't you spend half your short 'relationship' with Garrett texting and calling and wondering why he wasn't responding?" He gives me a pointed look, eyebrow arched, and it hits me. Miscommunication by phone has played a role in our entire month of getting to know each other, and here I am trying to solve our problems by calling and texting. What a douchebag.

I roll my eyes at him and take another drink of my beer. "Wow. I really am an idiot. What should I do? Tell me. I'll do anything if it makes this better," I plead with him.

"Well, the way I see it, you have a few options. You can wallow and cry about how bad you screwed up, you can try to find out from his friends or Alice how he's doing and give him a little more time, or ... you can go talk to him."

The look on his face says the third option is the obvious choice, but part of me is way too scared to show up on his doorstep. What if he blows me off, slams the door in my face? What if he's there with another guy, and my heart is crushed? What if …

"Edward? You don't have to go see him right now. You need a plan, anyway. Calm down. I'm just trying to get you thinking about what you should do besides feel sorry for yourself, okay?"

"Yeah. Okay. Thanks. So, are we eating dinner? Or just boozing? Cuz I haven't eaten all day, so you might be carrying me home." I try to make light of the situation, and Riley responds by opening his menu and telling me what's good here.

ooOOoo

I'm halfway through some deliciously spicy chicken and veggie dish, and I've learned more about Riley than I ever thought I would know. Apparently, if you get him alone (and not in a sexual way), he's really quite a talker. He's intelligent and interesting … and he loves Jazz every bit as much as J loves him.

"I just feel like no one really gets us. We love each other so much. He was my first … everything, you know? And as our relationship grew, I knew that he was it for me. Now Jazz. He'll tell you that he knew the second he laid eyes on me." Riley blushes as he talks about his love, but then he grows more determined. He wants to explain and for me to understand fully. "But it wasn't always enough. I mean, it was enough to be with him, but I had all these thoughts. What would it be like to watch J fuck that guy over there, or what would it be like to suck that dude's cock while J fucked me. I dunno. Maybe I'm just a deviant." He leans back and shakes his head.

"Go on. I want to know," I urge him.

"Well, for the longest time, I didn't say a word. But one day, we were talking about fantasies, and I mentioned maybe having a threesome, and Jazz was so turned on, I thought he was going to come just from talking about it. I never knew he'd be interested in trying it, and we both got really excited about it and started planning. We wanted the first time to be with someone we really trusted, just in case. And it was. I won't share all the details, because it's pretty private, but it was great. As we've grown as a couple, and as we've had various different partners, it's gotten easier to know who will fit with us and who won't, know what I mean? Well, you probably don't know what I mean. I don't think most people do." He sighs and tosses his napkin on the table next to his plate. "It's so hard to explain to people that have never been in a relationship like ours."

"No, I think I get it. You love him. He clearly loves you. But you have a sexual side that wants more. It makes sense. And don't forget. I was on the opposite end of that for awhile. Being the person you trusted. It was amazing. I'm not sure what I believe, but I definitely don't believe what we did - what you've done - is wrong. I would never think that or I wouldn't have done it. I just don't know that I'll be in a relationship like that myself. I mean, the thought of someone else doing intimate things with Garrett both angers me and turns me on, so I guess it's not out of the realm of possibility. It would just have to be a one hundred percent mutual decision and always together. Does that help?" I'm trying to make sense without sticking my foot in my mouth.

"Yes. That definitely helps me to see where you stand. Thanks for being honest, E. I want you to know, we would never tell anyone you had been involved with us without your permission. I hope you realize that. It's hard. Even in the gay community, we face a lot of close-minded people. But we're totally happy, and we want that for you, too. Whether it includes us somehow or not."

"Thank you, Riley. Seriously. You guys presented me with an opportunity that I may never get again. It was amazing, like I said, and I'll always be grateful." I look Riley in the eye to make sure he knows I'm being sincere, and we ask for the check.

As we walk out the door, and I turn left while Ri turns right, he calls out over his shoulder. "Three choices, Edward. Which one you gonna pick?"

Shit.

ooOOoo

I chickened out. I had walked all the way home, gotten in my car and driven halfway to Garrett's house after dinner with Riley, but I couldn't do it. Instead, I turned the car around, drove back home and wallowed some more. I didn't go to classes on Friday, I didn't watch TV, I didn't even shower.

Now it's Sunday afternoon, and there's a persistent banging on my front door. Sometime this morning, I had moved from the bed to the couch, so I throw a shoe at the door and yell at whoever it is to go away. I've long since given up hope that it could be Garrett, and I'm proven right when the yelling starts.

"E! We know you're in there. Dude, come on. Open the door! We aren't leaving."

I roll back into the couch and groan. Riley. And I'm assuming Jasper since he said 'we'. Fuck. I throw my legs over the side of the couch and use all of my energy to stand, walk the two steps to the door and turn the lock.

"S'open!" I call, as I slump back down on the couch, scrubbing my face with my hands.

The door flies open, and in a flurry of activity, in walk Riley and … Alice. She waltzes in like she owns the place and sits on the coffee table directly in front of me, before placing the toe of her high heel against my bare chest.

"Alice? What the fuck?"

"Shut it, Edward. I've been patient. I've been waiting ever so patiently for you to figure your shit out and make a move. But, apparently, you need a push. So I'm here. Pushing you." She stands and pulls on my arm, jerking me up from the couch and turning me toward the hallway. I cast a glare over my shoulder at Riley, but he just shrugs and shakes his head, a smirk on his face.

Alice shoves me down the hall and into my bedroom. "God, you're disgusting. Here's what you're going to do, Edward. You're going to take a long shower and put on your best polo. Then you're going to brush your teeth, because, shit, your breath stinks. And then, you're driving your ass over to Garrett's where you're going to beg for forgiveness until he lets you in and lets you explain again." As she talks, she's rummaging through my closet and turning on the faucet in my shower. I stand there speechlessly for a few seconds before she turns to me, arms crossed over her chest. "Well? Do you understand or what?"

"Umm, y-yes? I think so? Wait, Alice. Is this what he wants? I just want him to be happy, so I don't want to ruin anything by-"

"Edward. He's miserable. He's moping around his duplex worse than you are. But, like any good gay, he needs a grand gesture, Edward. He needs hearts and flowers and a boombox raised above your head. He needs to know you'd do anything for a second chance." Her eyes are pleading with me, and my heart leaps in my chest. He's moping. He wants me. God, I've wasted so much time and energy this week.

Without another word, I pull off my boxer briefs and jump in the shower, scrubbing my hair and face as quickly as possible, while Alice shrieks something about her eyes and not being able to take back what she's just seen. I don't even care. All I can think about is him.

"We're gonna go, E. Unless you're gonna chicken out again," Riley calls from my bedroom.

"Nah, man." I stick my head out of the shower curtain. "Thank you guys. I mean, seriously, thank you. I'm such a fool. All I want is him, you know? I was just too scared to be rejected. I don't know …" I trail off, watching the suds drip from my hair onto the rug.

"We know, man. Go get your boy, okay?" Riley grins at me and Alice waves before they turn and leave the room.

I get ready so fast, I'm only three minutes behind them.

ooOOoo

That little shit. I guess I should have known Alice wouldn't make it easy for me. She had to have known he wasn't home when she flew into my house, demanding I go over there right that second and declare my love.

It's nearly 8:30, and I'm sitting on Garrett's front porch. Waiting. I got here at a few minutes past three, and after several long minutes knocking on the front door with sweaty palms and a nauseous stomach, I realized his car wasn't there. No cars were there. So I sat down to wait.

Sometime around six o'clock, Riley brought me a burger and some fries with a smirk on his face. He seemed both surprised and excited that I was still sitting there, but he didn't say a word and he didn't stick around. He just dropped the bag of fast food next to me, smiled at me as I asked him ten different questions about where G could be, and left.

Then, about an hour after he left, it started to drizzle. Duplexes don't have awnings. I've been sitting in the mother fucking rain for over an hour in December. It's okay. Garrett can come visit me in the hospital when I get pneumonia. I shiver and hunch into my coat a bit more. If it wasn't quite so cold, I could probably drift off. Popping the collar on both my polo and my pea coat helps some, and I turn my face into the warmth. Yeah, I could just … nod off … for a few minutes.

ooOOoo

"Edward? Jesus … Edward. Come on. Wake up. Fuck."

So cold. Freezing fucking cold. I don't know if I can feel my feet. Wait. Was that Garrett's voice? Garrett? I struggle to open my eyes but it's pitch dark out, and I don't hear the voice anymore.

"Garr?" I squeak out. My voice is hoarse, and my lips are frosty over chattering teeth. I try again. "Garrett?"

"Jesus, Edward. C'mere." A strong arm wraps around my waist and helps me stand, but my knees buckle, and my head is a hazy cloud.

"Garrett, is that you? I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, baby. I-"

"Shhhhh. Hush. You're going to be so sick. Jesus, Edward." It is Garrett. I try to smile, but my teeth are still chattering. Right as I realize he's carrying me, he sits me on something soft and warm and walks away.

"No! Garrett, don't leave. I'm sorry." He reappears in my line of sight, and I struggle to keep him in focus.

"Shh, Edward. I'm right here. I'm going to get a towel and some more blankets. And maybe some orange juice. Do you think you could drink some juice?"

I nod my head, but my eyes are already closing again.

ooOOoo

I wake with a start and have no idea where I am for a few seconds. There's a clock in the corner of the room announcing the time as 3:43, but I can't quite place the decor around me.

I try to turn on my side and groan. My entire body aches, and my throat is on fire. As I turn, I realize that I'm in a bed, and I'm not alone. Garrett's arm is thrown over me. His grip on my side tells me everything I need to know.

ooOOoo

His voice sounds so far away. I try to sit up, but my body protests, so I settle for an attempt at calling out to him. It's barely a whisper.

"No, he's not okay. I need to get him to a doctor, I think. I can't believe this happened." Who is he talking to? I try to clear the haze from my brain and clear my throat again to call his name, but I wince at the pain shooting down my throat and into my ears. Shit.

"I've gotta go, Alice. I think he's finally awake." The edge of the bed dips next to my thighs, and a warm hand touches my arm. I struggle to open my eyes again and focus on his face leaning over my own.

"Edward? Hey." The right corner of his mouth lifts, and his hand twitches like he's stopping himself from reaching out to me. "I have so many questions for you. But first, how are you feeling?" He finally lets himself reach out to my forehead, but I'm not sure what he thinks he'll find.

"I-I'm okay, I guess." The fire in my ears races down my throat as I try to speak, and my voice is a disaster, screeching and high-pitched on one syllable and barely a whisper on the next.

"Jesus. Here." He reaches to the dresser beside him and hands me a glass of what must be orange juice with a straw in it. "Try to drink this. It might help your throat."

I take the juice from him and drink, wincing at the pain as it goes down. After a few gulps, I rest the glass on the bed at my side, but Garrett shakes his head and lifts it back up to my lips. "Huh uh, drink more. I'm gonna go try to find a thermometer. I think you might have a fever. What on earth were you doing out there, Edward?" His question seems hypothetical, but as I look in his eyes, I see pain and fear, hurt and what feels like longing. Just as I begin to attempt an answer though, he turns and walks out the door.

I lean my head back against the headboard, resting my eyes and taking long, slow pulls from the straw. Now that it's coated my throat, it actually does taste good. A chill runs through my body from the cold juice, but I finish it all and sit the glass on the floor next to the bed.

I'm about to drift off again when Garrett re-enters the room, already speaking. "Okay, finally found it. I knew one of Mom's care packages would come in handy. Open." He's hunched over me, aiming the thermometer at my mouth, and I barely have time to part my lips before he's placing it under my tongue and telling me to close. Jesus. He's every bit as bossy as I remember. If I didn't feel like complete shit, I'm sure my dick would be getting hard.

"E, I know we have a lot to discuss, and believe me, I'm still hurt and upset, but seeing you on the porch last night … well, it was probably the stupidest thing you've ever done. Alice told me she thought you came over at 4:00? You waited for six hours on my porch? In the rain?" He's searching my eyes for an answer, but with a thermometer shoved in my mouth, the only thing I can do is nod my head yes.

After a moment, he speaks again. "That's the sweetest thing that's ever been done for me. Fuck, I'm so glad you're here." The hand that isn't holding the thermometer in place reaches up from his lap and moves a lock of hair from where it has fallen on my forehead. "Thank you."

The thermometer beeps, and we both startle a bit. He pulls back and looks at the face of the thermometer to read my temperature. "100.1. Could be worse. Let me get you some Tylenol. How does your throat feel?"

"Sore? My body hurts. What the hell happened? I was sitting there in the rain, and I nodded off, and …" I'm not sure where I'm going with this, and my throat is screaming at me, so I drift off and look at him quizzically.

He takes a deep breath and starts in. "Well … I was so behind on homework from the days I missed, and I'd spent most of the week moping around here about us, so yesterday I forced myself to go to library, shut off my phone and study for several hours. I finally called it a night around 10:00, because people around me were talking about how the roads were starting to freeze, and when I pulled up, you were slumped over on my front porch, covered in a layer of frozen rain. Jesus, Edward. If I hadn't come home, you might have gotten frostbite or something." He closes his eyes, squeezing them tight. "I practically had to carry you inside, got you up the stairs somehow and onto my bed, but when I came back from getting some supplies, you were out cold. I had to, um, undress you to get all the wet clothes off and rub you down with towels to try and warm you up. Finally, I just pulled back the covers, piled extra blankets on the bed and got in with you, hoping and praying you would be alright this morning." His cheeks flush slightly when he talks about how he took care of me, and I'm sure mine do as well.

"I am. I mean, I'm going to be okay. My body hurts and my throat and ears are burning, but I think I'll be fine. Garrett … thank you. There's so much I want to say." I clear my throat and nearly cry out from the pain. "So many things to tell you. I'm so sorry, G."

"Shhh. Not right now. You need rest and medicine. We'll talk later, believe me. I'll be right back." He pats my thigh over the blankets and rushes out of the room but returns only a second later with Tylenol and more juice to wash it down. I take the tablets and slide lower into the bed.

"I'm so fucking tired, and my muscles are so sore. Garrett? I'm sorry." My eyelids drift closed again, but I don't fall asleep before hearing him whisper, "I know."

ooOOoo

I wake in the dimly lit room and search for the clock, but it's disappeared from its place on the desk.

Garrett clears his throat, and I turn toward him, surprised that he's in the bed with me.

"Hi," I whisper, not sure I should trust my voice yet.

"Hey." He has one arm over my waist, and I feel him squeeze my hip as he pulls himself closer to me. "How are you feeling now?"

I swallow hard to test my throat and flex my muscles to see how sore they might still be, but things don't feel nearly as bad as they did before.

"Not as bad. What time is it? How long was I out?"

He grins - a real and true Garrett smile - before speaking. "Does it matter? You slept like a log, you're feeling better, and you're here … with me."

The sleep begins clearing from my brain, and I'm suddenly very aware of him: his hand gripping my hip under the mountain of blankets, warm breath falling softly on my cheek, the length and shine of his eyelashes as they fall each time he blinks.

"I am." I'm still whispering, but I'm more confident now. "There's nowhere else I want to be, G. Nowhere."

I pull one hand out from where it's become tangled in the sheet and bring it up to his shoulder, gently squeezing it and trying to pull him closer. He moves easily toward me, either unwilling or unable to stay away any longer.

As his face approaches my own, I close my eyes and take a deep breath. This is it. The boy is going to let me kiss him again. My stomach clenches in anticipation.

I'm taken completely by surprise, however, when I feel soft lips on my eyelids first. Then I feel them brush each cheek, his warm nose rubbing against my cold one on the path between them. I open my eyes again just in time to see his head move down to place a firm close-mouthed kiss on my chin, then all the way up to place the same on my forehead.

"Garrett," I whisper. "I'm so sorry."

"Edward." His response is even softer than my own, and he brings his eyes level with mine, noses touching. "I know. We need to talk about it all, and I'm ready to listen this time. But right now, I just want to be with you. Together."

Finally, ever so slowly, our lips meet, gentle as a feather and sweet as candy. The kiss, the one I thought would always and forever be just a memory, is here again, so I melt into his arms and just be. With him.

ooOOoo

Sooooo, there will still be talking. Rest assured. But there will also be SMUT. *the crowd goes wild*

I go to Seattle on vacation this week, so I'm not sure when I will post Chapter 9.

Sorry for no review replies to Chapter 7. I was … in a super emo space last week. Please still let me know what you think! If I have a teaser to give, I'll give one! :)