IMPORTANT A/N: After coming to terms with the fact that my temporary living situation is not going to be so temporary after all, I've revised my outline some. Chapter updates will be shorter so Hard will be 15ish chapters instead of 12. This makes the task of writing a chapter to get posted seem less daunting and will hopefully make them come more frequently for you guys. Thanks for sticking with me.

This chapter is un-betaed but sadtomato and I screwed around in here a bunch so it should be good. MeteorMuse is on yet another vacation. ;)

Thanks so much to Rae_Cullen, Anntastic23, and TippyL for helping me understand what postpartum depression truly is and for encouraging me to get the help I need. xox

ooOOoo

Kissing Garrett is like … I almost can't even explain how good it is. It's everything I never realized I wanted - friendship, desire, need, compassion … maybe even love. And it's all rolled up into one kiss. His lips. My lips. It's perfect.

We kiss for what feels like hours, lazily letting our lips explore, but pulling back some each time one of us seems to be getting carried away. Eventually though, my nose starts to run, and I begin coughing. Talk about ruining the mood.

"I might get you sick," I whisper, leaning my forehead against his with my eyes closed tightly.

"I don't think I care." When I open my eyes, he's looking straight at me, caressing my cheek with his thumb. "How's your throat?"

"It's sore, but it's getting better I think." Right then, I cough harshly, and he hands me a cough drop from a bag on his nightstand.

"Start using these. They help a lot - trust me."

I look down at the small wrapper in my hand. Ricola. Gross. I grin anyway and tease, "Okay, Gramps. Thanks."

He makes a face and grins back, but as I open the wrapper and place the cough drop in my mouth, we both become suddenly silent. I'm less nervous about having this talk now, after our kiss. It feels like he's ready to seriously discuss what happened and move on - hopefully together. Garrett sits up on his side of the bed, so I try to sit as well but he pushes me back down.

"Oh, no you don't. You can talk from lying down. I think you still need rest. I'm going to get you some more juice unless you'd rather have Gatorade? Do you feel up to eating anything yet?" He stands and waits for my response.

"Umm, Gatorade would be good, but I don't think I'm ready to try to eat anything unless it's really soft. Should I come down?" I sniffle and look around the room for a tissue, but don't find anything.

"No," he says firmly. "Don't get up, or I'll handcuff you to the bed." A stern look crosses his face before he turns and leaves the room. As I listen to his footsteps retreat down the hallway and stairs, I can't help but daydream a bit about him having his way with me while I'm cuffed to his bed, unable to use my hands. Fuck. Not what I need to be thinking about right now.

It takes Garrett a while to return, but when he finally does, a delicious aroma precedes him.

"That smells amazing," I call, just as he turns the corner into the bedroom, balancing a loaded-down … laundry basket.

"Umm, whatcha got there, G?" He's walking so carefully, I can't help but smile. He grins in return and sits the basket on his side of the bed.

"Well, college boys don't have fancy serving trays, so I had to improvise. But I did have a can of chicken noodle soup and some chocolate pudding." He looks so proud of himself as he slowly lifts the bowl from the basket and hands it to me that I thank him quietly.

As I begin to stir the soup with my spoon and blow on it a little to cool it, I realize the noodles are actually Sponge Bobs. Even though it hurts, I throw back my head and laugh.

"What? What did I do?" Garrett looks confused.

"Sponge Bob? Really, Garr? I took you more for a Thomas the Train kinda guy." I dissolve into another fit of giggles, but stop short when I see the serious determination on his face. "Hey … I was kidding. It's a joke."

"You better take it back. You have no idea how strongly I feel about Sponge Bob." He tries to say it with a straight face, but he can't quite do it and cracks up laughing before sitting next to me on the bed. "My mom sends me care packages … she thinks I'm still a kid or something. I don't have the heart to make her stop. So you get Sponge Bob." He reaches over and ruffles my hair, then leans back against the headboard. "Now eat."

Bossy Garrett never gets old, I think, as I spoon soup into my mouth and swallow. It's good - Sponge Bob or not - and I tell him so, draining the bowl quickly and moving on to the Gatorade.

"Okay, so I guess we should talk, huh?" Garrett's eyes are trained on my throat as I take long gulps of the liquid. I finish it off and nod my head in agreement before lying back down on my side facing him.

"Can I go first?"

I'm surprised he's asking, and suddenly very interested in what he has to say, so I gesture for him to begin. After a deep breath, he dives in.

"When you told me what had been going on with Jasper and Riley, I didn't want to believe it. I didn't want to think about you doing those things with them. Both of them. They always seem so lovey dovey, that I just couldn't imagine anything with a third person in the picture being okay. At first, I wanted to scream at them. They had to be taking advantage of you, right? But then once I calmed down some, I wanted to hate you. You had kept this … I don't know … dirty secret from me, and I wanted to think you were some horrible person that was into things I wasn't and we could never be together. Then, after a few days of hurt and anger, I just wanted to know why. Why you did it. Why you didn't tell me. Why I couldn't be with you anyway. I did a lot of thinking in a few short days before I knew I wanted to try to be with you still. I just didn't know how.

"So, I need you to explain it to me. Explain to me why you did it, why you kept it from me, and how we can get past it and try whatever this is between us. Please. I want it more than anything." Garrett's eyes are pleading with me, telling me to make it all better so that we can move on. I don't think it's going to be that easy, but I'm going to try my hardest to make him understand.

"Well, first, why I did it. Imagine you're me. You're relatively new in town, your family is far away, you don't have a significant other. You're lonely. Constantly lonely. And there's this pair of cute guys working at the coffee shop you frequent who seem to be into you. Then one night, they invite you out, and it becomes evident that they're together. Bummer, right? But, things change … they're inviting you to be part of what they share. No strings. No love. Just sex. Lots of s-"

"I don't need to know that stuff!" Garrett interrupts me forcefully, and I grimace. I've got to work on my verbal filter and tone down the details.

"Sorry. So, anyway, you're lonely, and they're cute, and they want you. What do you do?"

Garrett looks at me a second before realizing I'm waiting for his response. "You go play basketball at the rec, Edward. You don't fuck them. Jesus!" He puts his head in his hands, so I pause, uncertain if I should continue or not.

"Go on," he mumbles through his hands. "Get it over with."

"Okay. Well, that's why I did it. As far as continuing it for as long as I did, I don't know. Jasper is very persuasive, and it felt good to be … desired, I guess. They guys I was with in high school weren't exactly out, so being a small part of a relationship that was so comfortably out made me feel good. It was an all-around ego boost. Until you came along. Once I realized I wanted to try something with you, I felt guilty and confused as all hell. We had never really declared anything, so I never knew if what I was doing was wrong or if maybe you were off seeing other people too. And like I already told you, after Thanksgiving I was determined to see what happened with you. No more Jazz and Ri. No more threesomes. But then I didn't hear from you for over a week. Jazz was his charming self. I was lonely ... I know it's no excuse. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I should have never gone over there that night. Please believe me when I say how sorry I am, G." I reach a hand over to his chin and pull his face up to meet my gaze. I want him to see how sincere I am. See how much I care about how this turns out.

"I know, E. I know. I just, I needed time. I might still. You've got to know that this is a shock for me, right? Like, that's not how I would have acted at all in your shoes. We're so different, but I want to forgive you. I need to, you know? I feel so drawn to you. It's like my heart is telling me to search you out at all times. I have a need to know you, to be with you. Does that make sense?"

"Perfect sense." My voice cracks on the phrase, and my shoulders sag with relief. He wants to forgive me. That's all I could hope for and all I need to know right now. My eyelids droop a bit, and I clear my throat.

"You need more rest. Let me get you some water, and then you can go to bed."

"But, we aren't done talking," I protest, even as I burrow under his comforter.

"Trust me. We have all the time in the world for talking, E. Loads of time." Before he's even returned with water, I'm dreaming.

ooOOoo

I wake again in the warm cocoon of Garrett's bed and have lost all sense of time. I'm not even positive what day it is. I'm facing the wall on the edge of the bed so I scoot backward some, hoping to find his warm body next to mine. I'm disappointed when I meet sheets and a pillow.

After a few stretches and yawns, I realize I'm feeling much better, so I swing my legs over the side of the bed and slowly stand up. Still a little weak, I take tentative steps around the bed, scanning the room for my clothes. When I don't find them, I grab a pair of pajama pants off the chair and pull them on before turning out the doorway and using the bathroom in the hall.

When I open the bathroom door, I nearly jump out of my skin. Garrett is waiting, leaning against the wall with a glass of orange juice in his hand.

"How are you feeling, babe?"

I clear my throat as he hands me the juice. "A lot better actually. What time is it? I'm so confused."

"E, stop worrying so much about the time. It's Tuesday. It's late morning. You've been sick, and you have every right to have slept it off, okay?" He grins at me and pulls me back into the bathroom. "Now. As soon as you finish that juice, you're going to take a long hot shower. And after your shower, I'll make you something for breakfast. Sound good?"

I blush and look down as he turns the faucet on and grabs a towel for me from the linen closet. He's trying so hard to take care of me. It's almost as if all the bad has been forgotten. Almost.

"Sounds great. Thank you, Garrett. I mean it."

"Hey." He looks over at me standing in the doorway. "It's the least I could do after you waited in the freezing rain for me all night Sunday. Talk about romantic gestures. That was the ultimate, E." He adjusts the shower temperature once more before walking over and kissing me gently on the forehead. "I'll be downstairs when you're done. Oh, and wear anything in my bedroom that you feel comfortable in."

With a grin, I shut the door behind him and strip before stepping into the shower. The bathroom mirror is already fogging over, and the steam feels great on the remnants of scratchiness in my throat and ear. I can't help but think about Garrett as I take my time washing up, and my cock grows hard at the thought of his lips brushing over my own. Suddenly in a hurry to be close to him, I rinse quickly, turn off the water and dry myself off in front of the steamy mirror.

I wrap the towel around my waist before opening the door and peeking out into the hallway. Hoping not to meet up with any mystery roommates, I make a dash for the bedroom and close the door behind me. Now, what to wear? There's a pile of laundry on the chair in the corner, but it looks like mostly sweats and basketball shorts, so I turn to his closet. Bingo. A row of polos on top and a row of jeans below. My kind of boy. I pull a blue polo and a pair of jeans out, then open a few dresser drawers to try and find some boxer briefs. Talk about skipping over several dates worth of intimacy - I'm about to wear the boy's underwear. When I find the right drawer, I snicker. Probably twenty pair of stark white Calvin Klein briefs are folded into tidy rows. I should have known. I quickly opt for commando and pull on the jeans and polo so I can hurry downstairs.

ooOOoo

"Fuuuuuck. This is amazing, Garr." My moan is slightly muffled around a mouthful.

"I'm so glad you approve, Edward. Really. Glad." Garrett gazes over the bar at me as he sucks one of his fingers clean.

The boy made me pancakes. Real, homemade pancakes on a griddle with butter and warmed maple syrup. I've already had three, and now I'm eating two more. The pancakes are delicious, but so is Garrett. He's been making sexually suggestive gestures and comments all through my breakfast.

As he sticks his finger back in the syrup on my plate once more, I finally go for it. I grab his finger, look him in the eye and say, "Huh uh. My turn." Then, I slowly pull his sticky finger toward my mouth, wrap my lips around it and let my tongue swirl across the sweet surface, never breaking eye contact.

"Shit." Garrett's eyes roll closed, and he moans so quietly I know he thinks I didn't hear it. Before he can open his eyes, I reach out and pull him gently by the neck toward me, leaning over the bar to kiss him.

"Fuck, Edward," he whispers, reluctantly breaking contact. His gaze hardens slightly. "Eat," he chides and turns away to clean up the mess at the sink.

I sigh but finish my plate along with the glasses of orange juice and milk he put in front of me earlier, then carry the dishes around the bar to the kitchen sink, leaning against the counter at his side.

"Thank you so much for breakfast. It was outstanding. You're a pretty good cook, G." He's staring at the dishes as he rinses them and fills the dishwasher, and the silence stretches into awkwardness. I soften my tone. "Hey … sorry about that. I didn't mean to be so forward. You were just … I mean, you were teasing me with the syrup and the …" I drift off, not even sure what I'm apologizing for and turn toward the refrigerator to put away the juice, when a strong hand grips my shoulder, and I'm whirled around and pressed into the refrigerator door.

"What the -"

"Don't apologize, E. I'm tired of trying to stay away from you." With that, Garrett leans in and kisses me hard. His lips meet my own mere seconds before his mouth opens, warm and wet, inviting me in. I kiss back, letting my tongue gently explore his own while reaching out to pull him tightly against me. The refrigerator is hard and cold against my back, and Garrett is warm and molding to every crevice of my body in the front. I'm easily lost in sensation and groan loudly.

"What happened to taking this slow? Needing some time?" I whisper, but he continues to kiss me, moving along my jaw to my neck. I try to gently ease him back and say, "Garrett, wait."

He presses his head into my shoulder before lifting it and opening his eyes. "Edward, I want to know everything about you. But all I do is think, and I'm tired of thinking. Second guessing. Wondering. Right now, I want you. Period." He goes back to the kisses along my neck and jaw, but I give him one more chance to change his mind.

"Are you sure, G? Maybe we should just … I don't know … make out or something. I can't believe I'm saying this, but I don't think sex is the answer just yet." I gulp and close my eyes, willing my erection to subside, when Garrett starts whispering into my ear, rubbing his hands from my shoulders down my arms and settling around my waist.

"Edward, Edward, Edward. Who said anything about sex? Sure, I'm going to fuck you one day. Probably one day soon. But right now, there are so many other ways I want to explore you, get to know your body, make you come. Just relax." He reaches both hands around and gently squeezes my ass cheeks, forcing a deep moan to escape my lips.

"Fuck, G. Okay. I trust you." We make eye contact once more before Garrett turns and pulls me by the hand into the living room.

"Sit," he commands, after stopping in front of the couch. I sit, but not without first pulling his polo over my head and dropping it on the coffee table. As I look up at him, I watch his eyes glaze with desire, lingering on my chest and then lower.

"Lean back," he says, voice husky and low, as he slowly drops to his knees in front of me, spreading my legs apart and settling in between them. I lie back against the cushions and reach out a hand to his cheek.

"You know how much I care about you now, right?" I want to make this clear one more time before we do anything physical. I'm not just in this for a quick jizz.

"I do. And I care about you as well. Now hush." He rises up from the floor, rubbing both hands along my thighs and leaning forward to kiss me. "You're so warm," he whispers. "Are you sure you're feeling better?" I see the hesitation in his eyes, and my heart melts knowing it's only because he thinks I might be sick.

"I'm fine. Now you hush." I grin and pull him in for a deeper kiss. His hands move from my thighs up to my bare sides, and I shiver at his light touch, so he grips more firmly and massages against my ribs as we kiss, long and deep.

"Fuck, you taste amazing. Your kisses are the best, E." He shifts down my body and licks first one nipple, then the other, so lightly I almost think I imagined it, but then he returns to the first nipple and nibbles. I flinch, surprised. Definitely didn't imagine that. He chuckles softly and takes turns teasing each nipple, alternating between soft licks and fairly hard bites. My dick has been hard since the first kiss in the kitchen, but now it's painfully so, pressing against the scratchy denim of his jeans. I want to reach down and touch myself, but I settle for pulling Garrett closer so I can gently grind against his chest as he leans over me. Slowly, his lips make a path from my nipples back up to my lips. We kiss deeply for several minutes, grinding gently against each other and making soft moaning noises in the silence.

"Your roommates aren't going to walk in, are they?" I ask.

"Nope. Class," he replies and kisses back down my chest.

"Alice?" I squeak out as he inches lower and lower.

"Huh uh. No more unannounced visits." His tongue dips below my navel and traces a path to the button of the jeans I have on.

"Fuck, Garrett." I can't believe we're alone. I'm completely alone with the boy and so fucking lucky to be here again that I lie back and absorb every sensation.

He pulls the button open with his hand and unzips the jeans, then stops short. When I open my eyes, he's staring at my dick and palming himself.

"I wasn't expecting no underwear," he confesses, "but fuck if it isn't hot as hell." I smirk at him and pull him up for one more long hard kiss, but he doesn't let it last long. He pulls away and moves back down my body, settling between my legs and reaching to free me from the denim.

"Shit," I cry out, bucking my hips as he firmly grips me in his warm palm.

"Oh, Edward. Has anyone ever told you how perfect your cock is?" He looks up at me and his eyes narrow slightly. "Wait. Don't answer that. Your dick is perfect. And I'm about to replace every image you've ever had of someone sucking it."

Fucking hell with the dirty talk. He leans forward and takes the tip in his lips gently at first, then swirls his tongue around the head, adding more and more pressure until I think I might come before he's even taken me all the way in.

"Fuck. That's … I'm … fuck!" I'm a bumbling mess as he suddenly takes me all the way down then backs completely away. The air hits the warm trace of saliva left in his mouth's absence and it feels almost tingly. I look down, and Garrett's is resting back on his heels, grinning up at me.

"Is there a problem, Edward? Were you trying to say something?" Oh, the little cock tease. I let out a shaky breath and whisper, "Don't make me beg," but he's already licking down the side of my length, grasping the base of my dick firmly in his hand. He licks and sucks, slow and gentle, hard and frantic, and too soon I'm rising up off the couch to thrust with his rhythm, nearing my climax.

"Shit. Garrett, I'm gonna come. I mean … fuck … I can't hold it," I try to warn him, but he just takes me deeper and sucks harder, if that's even possible. I let go and let myself unravel, hands tangled in the hair at the nape of his neck and pulsing hot and hard in his mouth. After what feels like ages, I collapse back against the sofa and breathe out one long sigh.

"Oh my God. Oh. My. God." I open my eyes and pull Garrett up from his knees to sit next to me, leaning over so I can look at him. "Garrett … that was … I can't even describe how fucking amazing that was. You're incredible."

"No, we're incredible. I told you we could be great together," he whispers.

ooOOoo

Thanks again for reading and reviewing.