Sterile.
Vast.
Empty.
The monitor was beeping its life, indicating that there was still a heart thrumming in her chest cavity.
Unlike his own, which barely pressed on, lackluster and yet erratic.
"Loki."
"Go away."
"You need to eat, son."
"I need for you to leave."
Frigga entered the room of the hospital, and touched his shoulder.
He winced.
"It's not your fault, you know…"
He swallowed.
It was his fault…
Jane had insisted that they wait to leave the party, the roads were getting bad…ice was falling now, covering the snow…
And he lost control of the car.
He lost the car.
He hadn't been to work in a month, he'd likely lose his job.
Their house…
He had become an expert at losing….
The art of losing isn't hard to master; so many things seem filled with the intent to be lost that their loss is no disaster.
But to lose her. His wife…how could he live with that?
He couldn't, especially since it was his fault she was laying there, barely alive.
Yet these trivial things: house. Car. Job. They were all laughable, ridiculous, and expendable.
How…how could he live without his wife?
"You cannot love me, Jane. No one does."
"I guess I'm just a rebel, then."
"There is not a single thing which is rebellious about you…didn't you start talking to me to get close to my brother?" he added weakly.
"Well, yeah…but I fell in love with you…"
"Loki…"
"Go away, mother! No one can help me! And nothing you can say will make me feel any better!" he shook his words. "It should have been me…Jane could live without me…I…"
"She will live, son."
"She won't…"
But Jane Odinson held on for weeks…
And Loki sweated his pain in the hospital room.
He swore and barely ate.
And he decided that this was no way to live…his wife of ten beautiful years dying in the hospital while he sat in mad vigil…
He thought about procuring a gun.
"Jane…" and he held her hand. "I'm so sorry…" and tears fell. "And I am a loathsome, wretched mess of a man…" his voice cracked. "…and I…I just can't watch you die…"
But his mind did writhe with chance, with hope, with want…but to stay there and watch her…how could he? He was guilty…and even if she woke, she would never forgive him. Nor should he desire it…
…..
Frigga entered the room to find it empty…
And Jane was smiling at her.
"Loki!" Frigga cried.
"He just left, mother," said Thor, entering the room.
"Get him this instant…"