Just as an FYI, these chapters seem to be going up faster on AO3 than FFnet.

Broken Wings
N.W. 5
Too Late To Turn Back

"...Lloyd?"

He didn't turn. Couldn't force himself to look away from his exsphere. He'd moved it to just below his collarbone, in an attempt to hide it from the public eye, but he hadn't intended to keep it forever; he just hadn't been ready to let it go yet.

Not that he could, now.

"Bud, you're gonna make yourself sick just standing out here."

Heh, count on Zelos to come bug him at a time like this. Still...

"This, from the guy who's always complaining about the cold. My coat's warm." And...he wanted... no. He needed to feel the cold. Needed to feel the snow, the wind... Because the last few days had been terrifying.

He could admit, though, that he did have it easier than Colette had. Her transformation into an Angel had been long, drawn out, and had spanned months. Months of fear, months of confusion...

Months of trying to hide everything to keep him, Raine, and Genis from worrying.

He closed his eyes, arms wrapped around himself. Three years to the day Colette had given her necklace back... and suddenly Lloyd wasn't going to be growing old and dying on her after all. It... scared him. He'd only seen her once or twice since then, never spoken to her. She was keeping her distance from him, from Iselia... All of them, really.

"Just because your coat's warmer, doesn't mean you're not going to make yourself sick," Zelos argued, stepping up next to him. Lloyd didn't reply, and the sigh Zelos let out next was tinged with sorrow. "Lloyd... The time I'll have with you is short enough already. I really don't want you to go and die on me 'cause you had to stand around in Flanoir all night and get sick."

He snorted. It wasn't a nice sound. A sound of derision, or spite maybe. And he hadn't meant to make it. But...

"...Lloyd? What's wrong?" The worry in Zelos' voice could no longer be mistaken for anything else, and Lloyd took a deep breath. That air was let out in a sigh, and then he opened his eyes, glancing over at the redhead.

Zelos wouldn't run away. Hadn't. Even though Colette had, even though Lloyd suddenly wanted to...

Zelos wouldn't run away.

Another deep breath, and Lloyd looked up at the sky, watching the snow falling lightly over the city like it always seemed to do. "Colette's not handling her agelessness well." Wow, that was bad. But... he didn't know where else to start.

"No, she's not," Zelos agreed, the undertones telling Lloyd just what he thought about some of Colette's decisions over the last few years. "Has she even stopped by to visit you since...?"

"No. I've only seen her in passing, and never in Iselia. Frank told me a few months ago that she's only dropping in to visit him and Phaidra when she's sure I'm out of town. Though, her last visit was met by Paul throwing a tomato at her when she was leaving."

"I'd tell you to teach that kid not to use tomatoes as ammunition, but..."

"Might as well use them for something. I can't eat them because they burn the inside of my mouth," Lloyd pointed out, amusement starting to force away the dark feelings of fear and pain.

"Yeah, had a feeling you'd say something like that." A moment's silence, then... "You deflected me." The surprise in Zelos' voice had Lloyd giving him an unamused look.

"Like I've never done that before."

Zelos rolled his eyes. "Yeah, but I usually catch it when you say it. Not half a conversation later." And then the warm blue cooled, not quite frozen, but hardened. "Lloyd. What's really the matter?"

Lloyd sighed. "No reason to hide it. You'd figure it out within a couple months, anyway..." A final deep breath, and then he focused on his exsphere... his Cruxis Crystal.

Blue light brightened the area around them, the same large, bird-like wings he'd had only briefly five years ago sprouting from his back. A thought had them shifting, folding up like a real bird's wings, and though they took up much less space while folded as such, their light was no less bright.

"...Oh, Lloyd..."

He pulled the mana back in, his wings vanishing again and leaving just a few pale feathers to drift to the ground and disappear.

"How long...?"

"About a week from start to finish," Lloyd murmured. Better than Colette's transformation, easier, but... Zelos, Kratos, Yuan, even Mithos and Martel... theirs had been near instantaneous.

"Your mother's exsphere," Zelos realized. Lloyd nodded.

"Yeah. Which... I was planning on burying it with Mom when I got back to Iselia this round. I haven't found any exspheres on the last two runs, Paul's getting to the age where sword training actually means training and not playing, Lilia..." He stopped and closed his eyes again, shaking his head. "I guess that's going to be my next stop. There's really no reason for me to keep wandering right now."

"You realize..."

"I know," Lloyd whispered.

The entire reason Colette had left him was now something he had to worry about with Lilia... Assuming he stuck around.

She'd been so supportive of him these past three years. Her and Paul both, really, and he felt bad every time he showed up unannounced for dinner. He'd tried to refuse food a few times when that had happened, but Lilia hadn't had a word of it, and had sat him right down and fed him.

And he hadn't missed Paul asking her if she minded him calling Lloyd 'dad' the last time he'd been packing up for another exsphere run. While the boy hadn't actually said it yet, it was clear the sentiment was there, and Lilia had seemed more amused than anything else...

He wished he'd known, three years ago, that this was going to happen. He wished he'd had the choice between Colette and Lilia, wished he'd had the choice between living an eternity... or just a human lifetime.

"I'm going to talk to Lilia about it," he said. "Let her choose. Because... I can't. I'm still reeling from Colette's rejection years ago."

"You've fallen in love with her." Zelos didn't sound mad, or even surprised. Just... like Lloyd had just confirmed something he'd been wondering for a while.

Lloyd nodded. "I have. But... it's not just about me and Lilia, either. I'm worried about Paul, and how he'll handle it. And... I don't know how to tell Colette." A rough, not-quite laugh."If I can even catch up to her long enough to tell her."

Zelos put an arm around his shoulders, and Lloyd leaned into the other man, worn out emotionally. "Let me worry about Colette, after you've had your talk with Lilia. Once you two know what you're going to do, we can figure out what to say to her."

Lloyd nodded. "...Thanks."