Her absence is like the sky, spread over everything…
The sun was slipping slowly into the crease of horizon.
The clock ticked its time.
Loki sat at the table, wringing his hands in agitation.
He sighed, and thought about the expanse of the atmosphere and how it pervaded the scene before his eyes.
He got up and left the small space…
His vision was distracted, taking in this bit of earth, that cloud, this cactus…
He despised New Mexico's mocking raw emptiness.
Emptiness…
Jane had left him…and her absence is like the sky, spread over everything…
Not a single thing could make up for this hollow singe in his gut.
The heat of the furnace of air made him heady and nauseous, and he hated his weakness.
Just what had she reduced him to?
Simpering, quaking, hateful mess of a man.
This was not to be born, as he began to pace.
This…this state of uncertainty, this quagmire of empty interludes of loneliness…
If this was what love had to offer, he thought she should keep her wares.
And he loved her, despite himself.
How amusing her smile.
How pithy her observations on everything from the sky to the state of affairs in current politics.
How lovely her lips…and he winced.
She had abandoned him, just like all the rest.
And why shouldn't she?
What had he to offer, really?
Broken, sordid, inept husband…
Why she had agreed to marry him, he still couldn't fathom.
But she had, one morning nine months ago now…
"Jane, I know that you are hesitant to agree to marriage, but I have been giving this a lot of thought…"
"You always do, Loki…too much, I'd say."
"Yes, well. At any rate, I honestly think that we should, you know, make things official…Mother does love you so."
"I should marry you because your mother loves me?" she asked him with a crooked smile.
"Well, call it an incentive."
"Why should I marry you, Loki?"
He swallowed. "Because, Jane Foster, you are my everything…and without you, I break."
She smiled, and leaned in, and kissed him softly. "Yes."
"Yes?" he pulled away.
"Yes, I'll marry you."
And in that moment, everything seemed lighter, everything was more than fine…everything would be alright from then on.
Until now.
Until today.
She had left him…and wouldn't be back.
He went into their modest house and slammed the door.
His hands formed fists in agitation.
And he honestly did feel the bile creeping up his insides…
"Hey, Loki," came her voice.
"Jane," he breathed.
"Can you help me with this stuff?" she was holding bags and was experiencing some difficulty managing them.
"You're here," and he went to her to help.
"Um, yeah. I went grocery shopping."
"You were gone so long," and he followed her to the kitchen. "You didn't tell me where you were going…"
"Lines, Loki. And you were busy…" she observed his face. "Were you worried?"
"Ah…well, no. Not exactly."
"You need to calm down, sweetie. I can go shopping, you know…" and she pecked his cheek.
He ran his hands through his hair and laughed.
He needed to stop reading quotes by C.S. Lewis on the internet…