Blaine woke up feeling very much the same, though he's unsure if "woke up" would be the correct phrasing of drifting into a light sleep for a few minutes at a time for the entirety of the night. He was exhausted, and he couldn't sleep, no matter how hard he tried. To make matters worse, the hand splayed lovingly across his chest, beneath their shirt, did nothing to ignite that familiar burst of colour behind his eyes. Instead, a dull ache settled deep inside his chest, followed by the feeling of absolute guilt that he couldn't even manage to smile for the one person he loved more than anything.

It was with that thought that he decided he had to try. He had to, for Kurt's sake. Maybe if he pretended everything was okay, it would be. It was with that decision in mind that he dragged his heavy body out of bed, being careful not to wake the man sleeping next to him. He dragged his heavy limbs to the bathroom, a haphazardly chosen outfit tucked under his arm, and started the shower. He didn't spare himself a glance in the mirror, he knew he looked like a mess.

The relief washed over him the moment he stepped under the too hot stream of water, relief as the water stung his skin that he could feel something. Maybe he wasn't broken. Maybe he would be okay.

He spent much longer than normal in the shower than he usually would, but when he left he looked slightly more human, his dry, red eyes slightly less so, and his face had a little more colour to it than it had when he dragged himself in there. He got through shaving, though it took so much energy for him to do such a minor task that his hair never stood a chance. After twenty minutes trying to work himself up, he knew it was a lost cause and left the bathroom, his unruly curls a mess on his head.

Kurt was still asleep, so he made his way into the kitchen, looking for food as his stomach was protesting to the last 24 hours without food. The most he could bring himself to make was a bowl of cereal, a second bowl laid out for Kurt, knowing it wouldn't be long until he emerged from their room.

Blaine had barely managed a mouthful in the ten minutes or so it took Kurt to wake and leave their room, spending most of his time pushing the cereal down into the milk and watching it, unsure why this was more interesting than actually eating the food his body was telling him he needed. He didn't even notice Kurt was there until he felt soft hands on his shoulders and a kiss on his cheek.

"Feeling better?" Kurt asked as he walked around the table to sit in front of Blaine, pouring himself a bowl with a small smile.

"Yeah, must have just been a bug." Blaine managed to get out softly, forcing his lips to turn up in what he hoped was a smile, albeit a small one. It felt foreign on his face.

If kurt noticed something was still wrong with Blaine, he never let on, he just reached across the table and took his hand, rubbing his thumb over the back of it with a gentle smile. And Blaine felt awful about it. His heart didn't speed up like it usually did when Kurt looked at him like that, his eyes didn't light up with love, and he could barely bring himself to squeeze the hand in his gently. This wasn't right.

"I think this is the longest you've gone without hiding those curls from me." Kurt had a slight teasing look in his eyes, and that dull ache in his chest made itself known again.

"Yeah, I just didn't want to waste energy on things that don't matter today, I'd rather put all my energy into you, and school." He was proud of himself, the ease of which the words came from his mouth, even though he didn't want to speak at all. He brought Kurt's hand to his lips and placed a tender kiss on the back of his hand.

Blaine managed a few more mouthfuls of food before he had to throw out the rest and put his dishes in the sink, annoyed with himself for being unable to do something as simple as eating a meal. He was getting frustrated with himself. All he wanted to do was have a nice Saturday with the love of his life, maybe go shopping in those places he knows Kurt loves, but he doesn't want to leave the house.

They gravitate towards the couch, Kurt leaning against his side as some show played on the TV that Blaine just didn't care enough to really watch, instead staring blankly at the screen.

He wasn't sure how long they had been there before he felt Kurt's hand on his cheek, turning his head to look at him, and soft lips pressing against his own. He closed his eyes, leaning into the kiss, and he could almost pretend he was okay in that moment. That was, until he felt Kurt's hands tugging at his shirt.

He knew he let it go too far when he found himself suddenly on his back, shirt half way up his chest and Kurt's hands caressing every piece of skin they could. And he felt nothing. He waited for the familiar buzz to spread throughout his body and desperately tried to will his body to react to Kurt's touch on his skin. But nothing happened.

He breathed a sigh of relief when he heard the door slide open and Sam walked in, frustrations with his own inability to be a good partner to his fiance pooling in his stomach. That was his turning point. That was the first day he really started to hate himself.

He couldn't look Kurt in the eyes for the rest of that day, ashamed of himself and his own bodies inability to function as it should. He ate as much as he could at lunch and dinner without causing Kurt to get suspicious, his appetite practically non-existent, and made sure he was in bed long before Kurt. He felt so guilty that he feigned sleep when Kurt came in, so ashamed that he couldn't give his fiance what he wanted, and so frustrated at himself. He felt like he would never be happy again.