Chapter 22

It had done nothing but rain for the last two days. The storm system that was stalled out over the Tahoe area was finally moving out according to the radar but it had left everyone feeling chilled to the bone and everything sodden. If it wasn't in a downpour with high winds that made the rain come at you sideways, it was that light drizzle that seeped water into everything.

Matt's mood seemed to emulate the weather and the Rangers had been avoiding him to the best of their abilities. It was if they were almost afraid to breathe around him for fear he'd turn his heated glare upon them. No one had full details about what had happened but they had managed to piece together that something had happened between him and Clara.

What exactly? No one had a clue. And to top it off, the night he'd come back from her place, he'd been attacked outside Papa Murphy's when he'd gone to pick up their pizza order. They still had no idea what that had been all about. He'd been blindsided and roughed up before the guy took off, leaving Matt with a bloody lip and a lump on the back of his head. This had darkened his mood even further to the point it was like walking on egg shells around the station.

Night was slowly closing in as the Rangers settled in and finished up their chores, fixing supper and relaxing. Matt was shut up in his office where most of the team hoped he'd stay for a little while longer as they went about their evening routine. Avila fiddled with the weather radar computer, checking the status of the system that had been dumping the rain on them for the past two days. Robin washed up the last of the dishes from supper before she left for the night while Izzy mopped up the kitchen floor. Hart and Jimmy took turns doing a quick clean up of the rest of the station and once they were done, Jimmy settled down on the couch to turn on the TV to watch whatever might be on that caught his fancy. Hart wandered over to the pool table, preparing to set up a game with Avila when the pilot was done with the weather readouts.

Jim flipped through the channels till he came to the MTV station and he watched a couple of the videos while the others milled about, watching what was on or doing other things. Jim's attention was on his own thoughts when the last video came to an end and the MTV news came on. He was always interested in the news about who's who in the entertainment world and so he brought his attention back to the television.

'Mystery continues to surround the disappearance of Rock Star sensation Shandra Lee, lead vocalist of the group 'Red Sky'. Her long time manager, Kurt Randall, still claims that she is on a sabbatical to relax and recuperate after their last world tour but her friends and band members have other thoughts on the matter.'

As the reporter spoke, several pictures flashed across the screen of the beautiful woman known as Shandra Lee posing for the cameras, by herself, one with her band and several of her on stage. One caught Jimmy's attention immediately, making his heart feel like it suddenly slammed to a stop in his chest. As the reporter went on to interview one of the band members about her, Jimmy worked to get his mouth open to say something, his hand raising up to point at the television.

"Guys! It's…It's Clara! MATT! Jesus…It's Clara!" he babbled as he kept his eyes glued to the television set as the band member went on explaining about how Shandra Lee had made no mention of going on a sabbatical and didn't even seem like she needed one, how she was laid back, easy going and never seemed stressed out. The fact that her manager wouldn't let them even know where she was or how to get in contact with her made them all suspicious and that no one had seen her in over six months had them all worried.

Jim heard the shuffling of hurried footsteps coming up behind him as people crowding around the TV, questions being whispered amongst themselves as Jim grabbed the remote and increased the volume on the TV. The manager, Kurt Randall was being interviewed now. 'Shandra wanted some down time after her last tour before going into the studio to record the band's next album. She likes her privacy and just because she hasn't been seen doesn't mean she's missing. When she's ready to come back, she'll be back and when I've spoken to her, she has assured me that she'll be back with a vengeance and ready for another tour after the next album is cut.' The smile the man gave the camera looked perfectly relaxed, calm and cool.

Several more pictures flashed on the screen. 'Shandra Lee is the former actress that played young 'Felicia Jones' in the popular series 'Crash Point' that ran for five seasons. A year after the series ended Shandra Lee burst onto the music scene with a hit album 'Crank It Up' that went platinum last year. 'Red Sky' finished their first world tour eight months ago and was preparing to head back into the studios to record a new album when Shandra Lee seemingly dropped off the map. So the question is….just where is Shandra Lee? Missing or on sabbatical?'

When the news reporter went onto the next story, Jimmy flipped the television off and turned to find five sets of eyes looking at him from disbelieving to skeptical. "What? Don't you believe me?" he asked incredulously.

"Well you must have seen something to make you think that it was Clara but what little of the pictures we saw went by so fast it was hard to tell if that was really her or not," said Avila, trying to not make fun of Jimmy but wondering what Jimmy thought he'd seen and what had made him think Clara was some famous rock star.

Blinking, Jim looked at them. "I swear. They showed a photo of this Shandra Lee. She had her hair pulled back and half covered. The face in that picture was Clara. I swear."

"Why would a famous rock and television star come all the way up here, live off next to nothing, spend her days chopping wood and try to live off the land? Shandra Lee must have millions, especially if her first album went platinum already," said Robin as she stood there with her arms crossed, looking as if she wasn't buying one word of it.

Matt had remained silent but it was obvious that something was going on inside his head. "Wait right here…," said Jimmy as he dodged around the couch and headed towards the stairs.

"Where you going?" yelled Izzy.

"To prove to you I'm not crazy!" called back Jimmy.

The sound of feet pounding up the stairs left them all in silence as they looked at each other in that awkward moment as everyone tried to figure out if one of their fellow Rangers had just lost his mind. After a few minutes, the sound of feet pounding back down the stairs heralded Jimmy's return. In his hands he held an issue of People Magazine. He made a quick detour to Matt's office and came back out with the picture Cody had taken of Clara.

He brought both over to Matt and flipped the magazine open to a large photo with the title across and down the side, 'TV Star to Rock Star – The Shandra Lee Story'. The photo was the face of a young woman, her head tilted up a little as she smiled for the camera, with blonde curly hair tossed over one shoulder. Jimmy handed Clara's photo to Matt then folded the magazine in half so that only the face of the woman in the picture was visible. Holding the magazine against his chest so that the picture faced everyone else, he covered up her blonde hair with his hands. The look of shock and recognition from the others was instantaneous, none more so than Matt's.

"I told you!" crowed Jimmy. "It's Clara!"

There was silence in the room for a few heartbeats until Izzy broke it with a simple question. "Why is she here then? I've never heard of anyone taking a sabbatical like that."

Matt took the magazine from Jimmy and put it on top of the picture frame. He was still silent as he flipped through the pages of the article. He finally looked up at the others and saw they were all watching him. "Lisa Elliot was in town two days ago. I saw her at the gas station and she let it slip that she was here helping Cody out with something. Since I know Cody isn't in any legal trouble or Dad would have said something, I put two and two together and realized it must have something to do with Clara. I confronted Cody about it but he was as tight lipped about things as my dad, maybe even more so. Dad didn't even know what was going on. So I went to see Clara and she told me it was none of my business…"

Avila whistled softly, "No wonder you came back hotter than 4th of July fireworks."

Matt frowned a little but looked down at the magazine. "If her band is saying she's missing while her manager is saying she's on sabbatical…and Lisa Elliot is up here to see her for some reason, I'd say she's either in trouble or hiding from someone or something and it's big enough to get the attention of one of the top ten lawyers in California."

Silence settled amongst the Rangers for a few moments as the implications of what Jimmy had just uncovered began to sink in.

Matt sat in his office, looking out the window at the blackness beyond, his mind elsewhere. The picture of Clara and the magazine article on Shandra Lee sat on his desk, ignored for the moment. He had spent the last two days trying to forget about the argument he'd had with Clara but the revelations of this evening had brought everything rushing back to the forefront of his brain.

Rain splatters hit the window panes and trickled down in slow runnels. He'd sent his Rangers off to bed early. The rain had taken its toll on everyone and he knew that as soon as it stopped, people would be out in force, trying to get in the last few days of activity before the first snow of the season. As he sat there and listened to the silence of the station, his brain kept slamming to a stop at that one big question, 'Why hadn't she wanted to tell him who she really was?'

He reached to the side and picked up the magazine and pulled it into his lap, looking down at it. Slowly, he turned the pages to the article inside and re-read it for the third time. As he did, the little pieces of a larger puzzle began to click into place. His mind kept playing over little snippets of conversation he'd had with her, things she'd said to him over the last few months as he thought about some of the facts and where they fit into the whole picture.

"I was forced to grow up too quickly. They wanted a perfect miniature replica of themselves to fit their perfect life at the time." According to the article, she'd been in commercials since the age of eight and then doing bit parts in movies and TV shows by the time she was eleven. Hell, at age fourteen, she'd landed a major role in a TV series that had lasted for five seasons. Perhaps her parents forced her into this when all she wanted to be was a kid. He couldn't imagine having to have such responsibilities by the time he was eight. His only concern when he was that young was playing with his little brother and riding his horse. At age fourteen, he was playing Junior High football and getting ready to head into High School.

His mind kept jumping from one connection to another. Thinking of football made him think about how his coach had made them take dance lessons. That thought brought images back about when he'd danced with her that day after they'd finished unloading the trucks and trailers up at her place. He'd been the one rather rusty and having to make up things on the fly while she was obviously the one professionally trained to 'go with the flow' and improvise. Her movements had spoken of someone who knew what they were doing.

The thought of the music they'd danced to led his mind to suddenly latch onto the words on that 'poem' she'd scribbled on a scrap of paper on her kitchen table. At the time he'd even thought it might make a good song. Dead inside, my heart is so flat lined, put your mouth on mine, and breathe me back to life. It suddenly felt like he'd been hit between the eyes since that's exactly what it had been…the lyrics to a song. He could still picture how she'd blushed and quickly snatched it out of his fingers to go hide it away from view.

But thoughts of those blushes and that day up at the cabin brought memories of another kind. He'd wanted to get to know her better, to be closer to her but she'd kept him at arms length, even that night they'd sat by the fire after supper, "I don't trust myself. I've trusted people I thought had my best interest at heart, people very close to me and I've been hurt and betrayed by them. I can't…bring myself to trust myself to … trust anyone right now. The wounds are too fresh. They still hurt too much." It had to have been someone close that had hurt her, but who? The article talked about the couple of relationships she'd had in the past few years and one thing stuck out as he re-read some of it. She was never the one to leave the relationship. The other person was the one to always leave her. Was this what she was talking about? He sat there for awhile and mulled it over. It didn't seem to feel right. Maybe a little part of it, yes but not all of it.

That would leave just her manager, her parents and her band to have had close enough ties to her to have possibly caused her to have a sense of betrayal. But from what they'd seen on the TV that night, he just couldn't see it being the band. They seemed genuinely worried. There was no news of them breaking up or having stress amongst them. They'd been together since the beginning though she was the youngest of the group.

Then Matt's mind remembered something about the interview with her manager. 'Shandra wanted some down time after her last tour before going into the studio to record the band's next album. She likes her privacy and just because she hasn't been seen doesn't mean she's missing. When she's ready to come back, she'll be back and when I've spoken to her, she has assured me that she'll be back with a vengeance and ready for another tour after the next album is cut.'

Since coming up here, she hadn't received any phone calls to be sent to her over the radio. They kept logs of such things and nothing had ever come through. If that was so, then how was he contacting her? As far as he knew, she'd only been to town twice since coming to live here. Both times she had been in the company of Jesse and Cody. Granted, he didn't know if she'd made any phone calls while with them but if she had, they might have heard something being said sooner, cluing them in on who she really was. Jesse had never given any indication that anything was out of the ordinary with those two trips to town and he'd been in the dark about Clara just as much as Matt had been when he'd been up at his dad's cabin two days ago.

So assuming that she hadn't made any phone calls, how was her manager speaking to her? This began to make his gut twist and he knew that there was something wrong with that situation. Was this the answer as to why she was running or had disappeared? Or was there something else that he was missing completely? Without talking to her, he had no idea and wouldn't until he went up to see her tomorrow. But if it was, then it might explain some things.

Running a hand through his hair, he thought back about their argument only a few days earlier as he'd accused her of telling Cody everything. It was then that he suddenly remembered her response to that accusation and at the time it had confused him. But now…now it made perfect sense. "I didn't 'tell' him anything if you must know. He figured it out on his own and confronted me about it." He thought about that for a few moments and then it dawned on him. Cody had come down a few months ago, just after they'd gotten cable TV. It had been the day that Cody had shown up then left after Izzy had shown him how to work things using the remote. Izzy said he'd watched MTV for awhile and then shut it off before leaving. His dad had mentioned something later about Cody having gone to the library to do some research on photo journalism instead of waiting around.

Matt smirked at that and then almost laughed. The little brat had figured it out. He must have seen something on MTV, either a music video of 'Red Sky' or a news blip about her missing and recognized her. He took off and went to the library to do some research and then confronted her about who she was. Out of all of them, he'd put it all together. No wonder he'd promised to keep her secret.

Matt turned in his chair to hunch over his desk as he sighed and rubbed his eyes. He had to be proud of Cody for that much. He had kept his word to her. It must have been a pretty big secret to carry around and if she'd apparently needed help, he'd found a way to get it to her without anyone being the wiser until he'd run into Lisa. If it hadn't been for that little slip, none of this would have ever happened.

He winced then at another little memory at the last time they'd met when he'd finally confronted her, wanting to know what the hell was going on. "Every time I've trusted someone it's ended up with me being the one hurt. I'm tired of being the one getting dumped on and torn apart." He sighed and ran his hands down his face then winced as he bumped his sore lip where he'd been slugged. Damn, it still hurt.

He would have to make it up to her somehow. He was embarrassed to admit it but he'd been a real jerk towards her and he had no idea if anything he said now would ever fix what he'd said or done. He planted his elbows on the desk and buried his head in his hands, silently cursing himself for saying the things he had to her.

A knock came at Matt's door a few minutes later and before Matt could call out Jimmy opened the door and looked inside. He saw Matt lift his head from his hands to stare at him, a silent question as to why he was there written on his face.

"You doing ok?" said Jimmy as he stepped into the office.

"Honestly, I don't know Jimmy. I probably just screwed this up so badly that there's no unscrewing it," said Matt as he closed the magazine and put it on the edge of the desk in front of Jimmy.

Flopping down in the chair in front of the desk, Jimmy picked up the magazine and looked at his commanding officer. "How so?"

With a sigh, Matt sat back in his chair. "I said some things that I probably shouldn't have. She's told me a couple of times that she doesn't trust others. She's been hurt and doesn't trust herself to trust anyone to get close. I was just starting to see some cracks in that armor and then…," Matt spread his hands a little. "I saw it all slam shut in my face."

Blue eyes watched him for a minute. "Listen, go up tomorrow and talk to her. Take this with you. Confront her about it. See what she has to say. But don't push her."

There was a sound of frustration from Matt, "I don't know. I guess what gets me is why she wouldn't just tell me about all of this. Why wouldn't she just tell me who…what she was? It's not like it would have changed anything between us."

Jimmy raised a black eyebrow, "Oh? Tell me something Matt and be honest. Would you have been willing to get to know her if you knew from the start she was some big Rock Star? Would you have taken the time out of your schedule to show her how to fix her ceiling or go up and help her cut wood? Or do you think she'd be too stuck up for you and not even make an attempt to get to know her?"

Matt was silent as he thought it through. "I don't know Jimmy. I wouldn't know how I'd be until I'm in that situation. I'd like to think it wouldn't matter. But once I confronted her, why didn't she just tell me?"

The other man shrugged, "Perhaps it was a matter of pride by then. Who knows with women? I know I read a lot of romances but seriously, it doesn't mean I understand how they think. Maybe she was just scared it would change things between the two of you, make you think of her differently. Maybe she was afraid you wouldn't want to be around her any more. Personally, I get the sense she's scared, period. She's out here, all alone without any safety net and away from all that she grew up knowing. She's had to learn how to do things all over again, how to live a life so different in most respects to what she was used to and that maybe she was just starting to finally feel like she was getting a handle on things. Maybe she wanted to prove to herself and to everyone else who she really was before she came out and said 'This is who I used to be.' It's really hard to say."

Matt mulled these things over for a few quiet moments, his eyes unfocused as he thought things through. With a sigh, he looked up at Jimmy. "I'll go talk to her tomorrow morning. Right now I need sleep."

Jimmy stood up and looked at Matt with sober blue eyes. "Let me just give you this one piece of advice. Before you go up there, you better be sure of your feelings for her. Not about what she is or who she used to be or what she's kept from you or why. You need to be sure of your feelings about who she is now, who Clara 'is'. If you go up there and you're not sure of yourself and what you feel for her, she'll sense it. It's your one shot to make things truly right with her…if that's what you want."

Blinking, Matt looked up at his fellow Ranger in surprise. There was no look of mirth or joking on his friends face and for once, he knew his friend was serious about his advice. Matt nodded hesitantly and sighed. "Yeah, I guess you're right. Thanks Jimmy."

To Be Continued... Will Matt be able to come to grips with his true feelings for Clara now that he knows the truth? Stay tuned...